Foo - The Gym Membership Argument!

I just don't see the point of keeping an $89 monthly membership for a gym that my wife only attends once every 2 weeks.

And the trail is only .4mi away.

During the last 3 weeks she has spent over $150 in fast food. Granted, was for herself and the 2 children. But still, the kitchen is fully stocked and there was no need.

Wife - "I was to tired to cook" :notamused:

Yeah right... always too tired or with some pain when it comes to work in the house, but no problems at all to work the gym?

Bah... this is gonna end bad either way... I'll take my drugs and claim that spending approval discussions make my herniated disk cry...

hydrocodone here I go!

Muting wife in 3....2.....1....

Hmm...around here several of the community centers have gyms that are only $5 a visit to use. The equipment probably isn't as nice as a club gym, but the basic stuff is all there. Anything like that in your area? Could be an easy way to save $79 a month.

Does the gym have a day-use fee? Mine does. For $10 you can get a day pass and use all of the facilities. It might be something to check into.

I'm not a fan of fast food. It's just as easy to get an entire roasted chicken at the market if I don't want to cook and a lot cheaper.

Okay hold on wait. You said she's too tired/in pain to do stuff around the house but not to go to the gym? Once every two weeks is only twice a month! Does she have a regular job besides raising two young kids? Why is she in pain? Has she checked that out?

Pain is not a happy feeling. :(

Don't intend on this to come off the wrong way...

IS there even any point to having a gym membership if you only go twice a month? Yet spend $150 this past month on fast food? Doesn't sound like a healthy lifestyle there.

Don't intend on this to come off the wrong way...

IS there even any point to having a gym membership if you only go twice a month?

That's pretty much what I was thinking. Working out once twice a month is not frequent enough to produce benefits.

However, I did go through a period when I did not use my gym membership for longer than I'd like to admit. Ironically, I got out of the habit one summer when the Tour de France was on nightly for 3 weeks. :rolleyes: It took me at least several months before I started to go to the gym regularly again. I did not cancel my membership during that hiatus, because I knew that if I canceled it, I'd probably not sign up again. Fortunately I am back in a routine of a few times a week now, in addition to riding. Had I canceled my membership at the time, I'm pretty sure that I would have never gone back since I would have viewed the previous experience as a failure.

Some gyms do allow you to "freeze" the membership for a small fee. Maybe that would help, without making the commitment to ending the membership?

What does she do at the gym? Weight lifting, aerobic work, or some kind of class?

Don't intend on this to come off the wrong way...

IS there even any point to having a gym membership if you only go twice a month? Yet spend $150 this past month on fast food? Doesn't sound like a healthy lifestyle there.
(That's his point, Danililili8tor)

Siu, she is not working and she is having high blood presure issues. She's overweight (by a lot) and almost diabetic. I found her a few gym options that were more tuned with our budget, but she's hard headed.

At home IMHO she has workaroundthehoutis. And I think the gym membership is more of a phycological thing, to be able to say "I'm a member...". I no longer think she has any real intentions of taking the gym seriously. You just need to see her at an All-You-Can-Eat Chinese Buffet to realize that she won't lose any significant weight any time soon.

I paid the darn thing for a few months hoping she would go every other day at least. Nah... first couple of weeks maybe... then bah... back to mile zero.

And back to her "pains"... is weird. She could be laying on the couch feeling mierable. Then I give her a $100 bucks to go shopping on whatever she needs and all of the suden she jumps from the couch, dress the kids, and leave the house jumping and running with a smile on her face. Very energetic, awesome.

Sounds like she's clinically depressed or close to it. When you gave her money it was something that made her feel good about herself and she responded. She goes to the gym and probably feels bad about herself, which than carrys over to overeating. Pain could be the source or it could be separate because it allows her to feel good about giving in to not doing anything.

Sounds like my ex. She gave me the boot but I think I got the better end of the deal.

Sounds like she's clinically depressed or close to it. When you gave her money it was something that made her feel good about herself and she responded. She goes to the gym and probably feels bad about herself, which than carrys over to overeating. Pain could be the source or it could be separate because it allows her to feel good about giving in to not doing anything.

I have a theory... I've been examining this for some time... I have a few related threads. See, she watches a lot of TV... and I really mean A LOOOOOOOOOT. That is a fact. When you add that up with this (http://www.storyofstuff.com/)...it makes sense. The TV is telling her "you suck!" so many times...

Um, would she notice if you canceled it? When was the last time she went?

Somewhat on topic WRT fast food. We need good easy to fix meal ideas, sometimes its just easier to get fast food as we run out of ideas of meals to make. At least easy meals that don't take longer to cook than to eat. My son is almost 3 so its getting easier as he sometimes has an opinion on what to eat. So we do the "what do you want for lunch", "I dunno, what do you want", "I dunno, what do you want", "<3 year old> what do you want", "Mac and cheese".
It gets hard deciding sometimes.

I know you work at nights so you are home during the day. Perhaps when you get home you can convince her to take a nice walk with you around the neighborhood...That might get her started in the morning. Little projects...suggest she plant some pretty flowers in the yard come spring. That might get her out of the house, the kids can run around in the yard and she can be creative...and see her results which might make her feel good about herself. In the evenings after dinner a nice walk might do as well.

Start slow. When I went to the gym, I felt I had to be with someone. I would never go by myself.

I'm beginning to think there should be a 'Relationships' subforum. It's easy to see that this goes deeper tha a gym membership. Maybe it's just me but don't you think it's disrespectful to air spousal problems on a public forum.

We do the walk around the neighborhood thing, put the kids in the stroller and walk, met other families that way.

I'm beginning to think there should be a 'Relationships' subforum. It's easy to see that this goes deeper tha a gym membership. Maybe it's just me but don't you think it's disrespectful to air spousal problems on a public forum.

The OP has posted before about his wife's problems. It does go way beyond a gym membership.
She needs to embrace a lifestyle of health and well being. It will probably take intensive professional
help to achieve that.

It is tragic that she is practically choosing to become a diabetic. In her case and many others (not all of course) this is a self-inflicted illness. If she is borderline, then there is a chance to heal.

We do the walk around the neighborhood thing, put the kids in the stroller and walk, met other families that way.

Yep!! She can start off like that!! It's easy and it's fun too! :)

The OP has posted before about his wife's problems. It does go way beyond a gym membership.
She needs to embrace a lifestyle of health and well being. It will probably take intensive professional
help to achieve that.

It is tragic that she is practically choosing to become a diabetic. In her case and many others (not all of course) this is a self-inflicted illness. If she is borderline, then there is a chance to heal.

Yup. She is in need of professional help, and perhaps medication.

Does she know what she actually weighs? I stepped on the scale last April for the first time in about 20 years and was shocked. Shocked enough to do something about it. I'm down 53 pounds now to 152 from 205.

Siu, she is not working and she is having high blood presure issues. She's overweight (by a lot) and almost diabetic. I found her a few gym options that were more tuned with our budget, but she's hard headed.

At home IMHO she has workaroundthehoutis. And I think the gym membership is more of a phycological thing, to be able to say "I'm a member...". I no longer think she has any real intentions of taking the gym seriously. You just need to see her at an All-You-Can-Eat Chinese Buffet to realize that she won't lose any significant weight any time soon.

I paid the darn thing for a few months hoping she would go every other day at least. Nah... first couple of weeks maybe... then bah... back to mile zero.

And back to her "pains"... is weird. She could be laying on the couch feeling mierable. Then I give her a $100 bucks to go shopping on whatever she needs and all of the suden she jumps from the couch, dress the kids, and leave the house jumping and running with a smile on her face. Very energetic, awesome.

Maybe you need an over-the-counter medication I call divorce. Lay down the rules and give her an ultimatum. There are all kinds of great chicks out there.

Maybe you need an over-the-counter medication I call divorce. Lay down the rules and give her an ultimatum. There are all kinds of great chicks out there.

There are kids to consider.

Somewhat on topic WRT fast food. We need good easy to fix meal ideas, sometimes its just easier to get fast food as we run out of ideas of meals to make. At least easy meals that don't take longer to cook than to eat. My son is almost 3 so its getting easier as he sometimes has an opinion on what to eat. So we do the "what do you want for lunch", "I dunno, what do you want", "I dunno, what do you want", "<3 year old> what do you want", "Mac and cheese".
It gets hard deciding sometimes.

A mistake I made when my kids were young was asking them what they wanted to eat. Parents should choose dinner and kids will learn to like it.

There are kids to consider.

They will benefit from the ultimatum in the long run. Kids need good role models that don't slide into sedentary, depressed lifestyles.

Maybe you need an over-the-counter medication I call divorce. Lay down the rules and give her an ultimatum. There are all kinds of great chicks out there.

IMNTBHO that seems harsh. Maybe the OP doesn't want to divorce his wife, maybe he loves her and despairs of seeing her commit suicide by food (indeed a symptom of a deeper problem).

It's very difficult to watch someone self-destruct before your very eyes. Sadly, she has to want to change before any improvement to her health is seen. Some people respond to a "come to Jesus" talk, others need a near-death experience before they wake up and smell the coffee.

I feel for you, OP.

My fiancee is cancelling her gym membership for precisely the reason OP mentioned: She was only going 2 or 3 times per month. For her, it was a work-scheduling conflict. She couldn't get to the 'open pool' hours except for a very few times. She's found other things to make up for it instead, though.

On the issue of fast food, oh geez... I fell into that trap a few years back when I wrestled with a bout of depression after losing my job while going through a rough divorce. Rather than even going out for fast food, my vice was frozen pizzas; and even though I knew they were horrible for me, that was all I could convince myself to put the "effort" into. 2 minutes to open a box and throw it in the oven.

OP, sorry that things are this rough for you. I think most everyone is right in saying that there's probably something more to it than just being "too tired", and that a root cause needs to be discovered before things will get better.

I know you work at nights so you are home during the day. Perhaps when you get home you can convince her to take a nice walk with you around the neighborhood...That might get her started in the morning. Little projects...suggest she plant some pretty flowers in the yard come spring. That might get her out of the house, the kids can run around in the yard and she can be creative...and see her results which might make her feel good about herself. In the evenings after dinner a nice walk might do as well.

Start slow. When I went to the gym, I felt I had to be with someone. I would never go by myself.
Siu, I think you are onto something. My mom has mentioned before (when I lived in MN and would invite her on my buddy passes) "no, you need to be skinny to go there" - only half-joking. I belonged to a pretty prestigious gym (kinda intimidating, I guess), but I'd see people of all shapes and sizes taking an interest in their health.

She did end up joining curves with some of her lady friends, and really enjoyed it.

I have another friend who is not good at being self-motivated, and goes to an inexpensive gym but pays for a personal trainer.

I think finding the root of why she's not going is important. maybe she needs company? maybe she's not feeling good about herself? maybe despite her insistence that she will go, she's not comfortable at that gym? most gyms will give you a free day, week, month... might be good if she tried a few.

I know it is very frustrating to see someone you love not taking care of themselves. Yes, you are frustrated by behavior that doesn't make sense to you but I think the root of it is that you do care. how do you let her know that?

IMNTBHO that seems harsh. Maybe the OP doesn't want to divorce his wife, maybe he loves her and despairs of seeing her commit suicide by food (indeed a symptom of a deeper problem).

It's very difficult to watch someone self-destruct before your very eyes. Sadly, she has to want to change before any improvement to her health is seen. Some people respond to a "come to Jesus" talk, others need a near-death experience before they wake up and smell the coffee.

I feel for you, OP.

Yeah, you're probably right. I guess I just wanted to point out the "tough love" option.

I have a theory... I've been examining this for some time... I have a few related threads. See, she watches a lot of TV... and I really mean A LOOOOOOOOOT. That is a fact. When you add that up with this (http://www.storyofstuff.com/)...it makes sense. The TV is telling her "you suck!" so many times...

Didn't you just buy a new tv?

Siu, I think you are onto something. My mom has mentioned before (when I lived in MN and would invite her on my buddy passes) "no, you need to be skinny to go there" - only half-joking. I belonged to a pretty prestigious gym (kinda intimidating, I guess), but I'd see people of all shapes and sizes taking an interest in their health.

She did end up joining curves with some of her lady friends, and really enjoyed it.

I have another friend who is not good at being self-motivated, and goes to an inexpensive gym but pays for a personal trainer.

I think finding the root of why she's not going is important. maybe she needs company? maybe she's not feeling good about herself? maybe despite her insistence that she will go, she's not comfortable at that gym? most gyms will give you a free day, week, month... might be good if she tried a few.

I know it is very frustrating to see someone you love not taking care of themselves. Yes, you are frustrated by behavior that doesn't make sense to you but I think the root of it is that you do care. how do you let her know that?

Yeah. For me it was a confidence thing. The gym I was at was "private"...it belonged the the police dept. The people that went there were all law enforcement. Try working out with a bunch of built up cops all around you. All muscles.. all buff...all in tip top shape...all strong and glistening and sweaty and....and.....

*ahem*

Yeah. It was a confidence thing.

From my own personal experience I think there is more to it than her just being lazy. If I may be frank I think there may be other issues within the marriage that are preventing her from going. Her self esteem also seems way low and a by-product of that is the weight gain.

And although you are using this forum to just vent I question your support of your wife's workout endeavors. Do you go with her? Do you rag on her to go? I know with my wife if I try to force her to exercise she just rebels. I learned the hard way that she has to "want" to go, it's something inside that has to drive her to go, NOT you. And you ragging on her lack of going and wasting $$ is not helping the situation. You really need to be more supportive.

When was the last time you told her you loved her for who she is and how beautiful she looked? Or is your ideal mate a skinny/fit cycling chick that she'll never be? After a couple kids it ain't so easy, especially if your wife was naturally skinny growing up and not like me, where I had to work at losing weight. (still do!!) You need to do what you have to do to help build her self esteem. Otherwise she will continue to spiral downward and eventually blame you for her fall from grace.

Offer to go with her to the gym, take walks, etc. Better yet, find a baby sitter and "take her on a date". Make her feel loved again like when you first met. (Speaking of which I need to do that again soon myself!)

I hope you take this as constructive criticism as I do not know the full extent of your relationship. I'm just trying to give you an outsider's perspective.

My only additional advice is before you go home today, get your wife some flowers. And when she asks you what they are for just tell her: "Just because I love you".

My best to you and your wife.

I have a theory... I've been examining this for some time... I have a few related threads. See, she watches a lot of TV... and I really mean A LOOOOOOOOOT. That is a fact. When you add that up with this (http://www.storyofstuff.com/)...it makes sense. The TV is telling her "you suck!" so many times...

It's deeper than that. All of these are stemming from one place and it's not just watching TV - that's a result and then cause but not a cause off the bat. Check out some of the motivation links in my Clyde sig (or do a search for depressed or depression in the Clydes area), read all the stories about people who were on that path - they'll sound really familiar.

Good luck, this will be a long journey. You can do some things like do activities together but she'll revert back when you're not around - she'll need to want to help herself and you'll have to find some good help for her.

Sidenote, on gyms is there a Curves by you?

Siu, she is not working and she is having high blood presure issues. She's overweight (by a lot) and almost diabetic. I found her a few gym options that were more tuned with our budget, but she's hard headed.

At home IMHO she has workaroundthehoutis. And I think the gym membership is more of a phycological thing, to be able to say "I'm a member...". I no longer think she has any real intentions of taking the gym seriously. You just need to see her at an All-You-Can-Eat Chinese Buffet to realize that she won't lose any significant weight any time soon.

I paid the darn thing for a few months hoping she would go every other day at least. Nah... first couple of weeks maybe... then bah... back to mile zero.

And back to her "pains"... is weird. She could be laying on the couch feeling mierable. Then I give her a $100 bucks to go shopping on whatever she needs and all of the suden she jumps from the couch, dress the kids, and leave the house jumping and running with a smile on her face. Very energetic, awesome.
If you tried to get her to go to the gym with you, would she go?

I'm not a fan of fast food. It's just as easy to get an entire roasted chicken at the market if I don't want to cook and a lot cheaper.

It's healthier too and you'd likely end up with leftovers for another meal.

Yeah. For me it was a confidence thing. The gym I was at was "private"...it belonged the the police dept. The people that went there were all law enforcement. Try working out with a bunch of built up cops all around you. All muscles.. all buff...all in tip top shape...all strong and glistening and sweaty and....and.....

*ahem*

Yeah. It was a confidence thing.

Yeah... I didn't wanted to go there but on my own but... yeah... I also suspect about that confidence thing...:notamused:

And to the others... THX for all the replies. Going with her to the gym could have been nice but atm I have a serious spinal injury and I'm not doing anything till I get to see the doc.

The argument ended with me paying one more month of membership. But I told her this was going to be the last one unless she starts to really use it at least 3 days a week.

About my wife issues... don't worry too much foosters... a quick search among my threads will reveal that my wife is just nuts. But I fell in-love with this nut case and I'll have to deal with it till I die (or till she kicks me out). I just vent in here every now and then.

Hmmm...I was just going to suggest going to the gym with her, but I guess someone else beat me to it. Your injury is such that you can't even do an exercise bike with her?

The same mutual thing applies for diet. If she's struggling with a diet and you're eating cheeseburgers in front of her...it doesn't make it any easier for her.

Also, if she's not working, does she stay busy? Even if financially only one of you needs to work, a part time job could be a lot of mainly positive mental stimulation and perhaps even get her moving about more and distract her from food (eating is an easy temptation when you're bored). But no matter how nice you put it, I could see any out-of-the-blue suggestions to get a job coming across as critical, so if you do, I'd phrase it as an incentive: "Hon, I was thinking, if you took a part time job we could save enough money to do more stuff together. How about an Alaskan cruise?"

Oh yeah, and don't forget to thank her whenever she makes an extra effort to due something nice for you. Nothing is better for someone's ego and more motivating than genuine appreciation.

Hmmm...I was just going to suggest going to the gym with her, but I guess someone else beat me to it. Your injury is such that you can't even do an exercise bike with her?

The same mutual thing applies for diet. If she's struggling with a diet and you're eating cheeseburgers in front of her...it doesn't make it any easier for her.

Also, if she's not working, does she stay busy? Even if financially only one of you needs to work, a part time job could be a lot of mainly positive mental stimulation and perhaps even get her moving about more and distract her from food (eating is an easy temptation when you're bored). But no matter how nice you put it, I could see any out-of-the-blue suggestions to get a job coming across as critical, so if you do, I'd phrase it as an incentive: "Hon, I was thinking, if you took a part time job we could save enough money to do more stuff together. How about an Alaskan cruise?"

Oh yeah, and don't forget to thank her whenever she makes an extra effort to due something nice for you. Nothing is better for someone's ego and more motivating than genuine appreciation.

a) Yes
b) I don't eat cheeseburgers and I lost 80 pounds since march this year.
c) Yes, she watches TV.
d) Been there, done that
e) Impossible
f) Can't save... she has to spend every penny.
g) Too cold
h) Usually she doesn't expect thx... she expects money.

THX for the help attempt tho. :)

I just don't see the point of keeping an $89 monthly membership for a gym that my wife only attends once every 2 weeks.

And the trail is only .4mi away.

During the last 3 weeks she has spent over $150 in fast food. Granted, was for herself and the 2 children. But still, the kitchen is fully stocked and there was no need.

Wife - "I was to tired to cook" :notamused:

Yeah right... always too tired or with some pain when it comes to work in the house, but no problems at all to work the gym?

Bah... this is gonna end bad either way... I'll take my drugs and claim that spending approval discussions make my herniated disk cry...

hydrocodone here I go!

Muting wife in 3....2.....1....
is this what her personal trainer looks like at the gym?
squat for me baby, once more, oh yeah, flex those abs
bend over and pick up those weights yeah yeah!
so, you're married? don't worry, just keep lifting those weights, yeah, push for me

http://i35.tinypic.com/i2pyzr.jpg
http://i34.tinypic.com/flvg5y.jpg

My wife used to say this constantly, I want to join a gym, she would go about 10 times and would never darken the door again. I finally said screw it, I'm not going to pay for any more gym memberships she will not use. She finally hit bottom and realized she had to do something about her weight and try to get healthier.

She was very uncomfortable about going and working out with all the "little skinny women" and I told her she needed to get over that and she was going to become one of the "little skinny women". She finally got over the initial stress and now goes on her own if she gets off work early or if I am too slow to get dress. She is down 41 lbs. We have really cleaned up our diet and I am very proud of her for all of her hard effort.

Self Esteem is a huge factor with women and we are bombed each day with pics of size -9 women that are 6 ft and weigh less than my dog. Everyday she gets stronger and I can see the self esteem rebuilding in her when she can buy clothes in the next size down. She has reduce 4 sizes so far and is looking great and feels great. Find a place she can be comfortable going to, we joined the YMCA here and they have a great staff that worked with her and set her up a workout plan. She has more energy, gets better sleep and has a much better disposition.

Focusing on just the gym question, the time you go makes a diff., at least at the gym I went to. In the morning is mostly mom's like her or older people doing rehab. It's the early evening and weekends that all the buff and mostly young people showed up. :)

a) Yes
b) I don't eat cheeseburgers and I lost 80 pounds since march this year.
c) Yes, she watches TV.
d) Been there, done that
e) Impossible
f) Can't save... she has to spend every penny.
g) Too cold
h) Usually she doesn't expect thx... she expects money.

THX for the help attempt tho. :)

I figured I wasn't suggesting anything terribly novel, but couldn't hurt to mention it. :)

Siu and Arti, your analytic senses are well tuned! I was only making the thread to state the fact that it is a waste of money to pay for something you don't use (the gym on this case). And you have read trough the lines and discover a whole lot of additional issues that are going on in my household.

The thing about my wife not living healty is an old one... linky (http://www.bikeforums.net/showthread.php?t=435133&highlight=health).

I've tried everything. Then I tried everything again. But IMHO she is just nuts...linky (http://www.bikeforums.net/showthread.php?t=445273&highlight=dad+wife+cia).

But looking at the bright side, I DO love my wife so, I AM living with the woman I love (even tho is hard to say why). And even tho she is overweight, she looks fine to me, I love that piece of ... :innocent: and I get to play with my children every day instead of every other week.