Jokes & Humor - If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...does that mean that one enjoys it?

Some new some old. Enjoy :D

1. Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE

2. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?

3. OK.... so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags" and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs," what does that make the Tennessee Titans?

4. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...does that mean that one enjoys it?

5. There are three religious truths:
a. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
b. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith.
c. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or at Hooters.

6. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

7. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

8. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

9. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with?

10. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racecar is not called a racist?

11. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?

12. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted,cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?

13. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?

14. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?

15. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

16. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me ....they're cramming for their final exam.

17. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks , so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? toothpicks?

18. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?

19. If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?

20. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

21. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?

If the 7-11 is open 365 days a year, 24 hours a day, why are there locks on the doors?

Some new some old. Enjoy :D

1. Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE

2. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?

3. OK.... so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags" and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs," what does that make the Tennessee Titans?

4. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...does that mean that one enjoys it?

5. There are three religious truths:
a. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
b. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith.
c. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or at Hooters.

6. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

7. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

8. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

9. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with?

10. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racecar is not called a racist?

11. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?

12. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted,cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?

13. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?

14. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?

15. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

16. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me ....they're cramming for their final exam.

17. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks , so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? toothpicks?

18. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?

19. If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?

20. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

21. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?

Food for thought!

Some new some old. Enjoy :D

1. Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE

Now that piece of knowledge was a real bottler!


2. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?

Just how do you like a cigarette under water?



3. OK.... so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags" and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs," what does that make the Tennessee Titans?

"Losers".



4. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...does that mean that one enjoys it?

Is this the confessional? Ok. How many "hail-marys" do I have to say for that one?



5. There are three religious truths:
a. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
b. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith.
c. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or at Hooters.


d. Chris L doesn't post in the jokes forum. Doh!


6. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

You mean they're not called "dykes"?


7. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

Oh it's even better for the infants, they have all the fun. Make something illegal, and look what happens...


8. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

I would be.


9. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with?

Oh, and just how do you propose to keep the staleness?


10. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racecar is not called a racist?





11. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?

It isn't? That's it, I'm putting out a contract for my primary school maths teacher.


12. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted,cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?

I'm not sure which is a more depressing thought -- a depressed dry-cleaner or a de-frocked clergyman. :eek:


13. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?

Depends, are they going to opt for truth in advertising?


14. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?

No, they're tea drinkers!


15. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

Would blonde be regarded as an insult?


16. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me ....they're cramming for their final exam.

Then they are fools. Everybody knows you don't pass exams by cramming at the last minute.



17. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks , so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? toothpicks?

Do toothpicks come in plastic?


18. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?

Better still, put a picture of the criminal's dog on the stamp. That way the postman can look for it and avoid it.


19. If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?

I've often wondered this myself.


20. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

That's not true. I had a lawn-mower once...


21. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?

Would it still get to it's destination if it didn't go around the obstacles?