Little Johnny

[Chris L]

Little Johnny

Little Johnny's next door neighbor had a baby. Unfortunately, the little baby was born with no ears. When they arrived home from the hospital, the parents invited Little Johnny's family to come over and see their new baby.

Little Johnny's parents were very afraid their son would have a wise crack to say about the baby. So, Little Johnny's dad had a long talk with Little Johnny before going to the neighbors.

He said, "Now, son...that poor baby was born without any ears. I want you to be on your best behavior and not say one word about his ears, or I'm really going to spank your butt when we get back home."

"I promise not to mention his ears at all," said Little Johnny...At the neighbor's home, Little Johnny leaned over the crib and touched the baby's hand. He looked at it's mother and said, "Oh, what a beautiful little baby!"

The mother, who had braced herself for Johnny's comment, was pleasantly surprised and said, "Thank you very much, Little Johnny."

He then said, "This baby has perfect little hands and perfect little feet. Why, just look at his pretty little eyes! Did his doctor say he can see good?"

The mother said a bit bewildered, hesitantly replies "Why, yes ... his doctor said he has 20/20 vision, why do you ask?"

Little Johnny said, "Well, it's a good thing, cause he sure as s**t can't wear glasses "

[MsVicki]

I think I have him in my class!

:roflmao:

[Gojohnnygo.]

A father came home from a long business trip to find his son riding a new 21 speed mountain bike. "Where did you get the money for the bike? It must have cost $300."

"Easy, Dad," little Johnny replied. "I earned it hiking."

"Come on Johnny," the father said. "Tell me the truth."

"That is the truth," Johnny replied. "Every night you were gone, Mom's boss, Mr. Reynolds, would come over to see Mom. He'd give me a $20 bill and tell me to take a hike!

[eubi]

Little Johnny was a good kid and was smart, but he had a terribly filthy mouth.

One day the principal came in to observe Jimmy's new teacher. This was her first teaching job and she wanted to show the principal what a good job she had been doing with her class.

"Can anyone tell me a word that starts with 'A'?"

Little Johnny's hand was up in a second.

Hmm, thought the teacher. He'll probably say @$$hole. I better call on Suzi.

"Suzi?"

"A is for apple", said Suzi.

"Very good! Now what starts with 'B'?"

Again Johnny's hand goes up.

Hmmm, thought the teacher, he's going to say b***h or *******...I'd better call on Tommy.

"Tommy?"

"B is for ball!"

"Very good! What starts with C"?

"Johnny's hand is the first one up again."

Hmmm. He's going to say crap or c**k or c**t. I'll call on Betty.

"Betty?"

"C is for cat."

"Very good. How about "D"?"

Again, Johnny waves his hand in the air.

Hmmm. He's going to say dammit or dumbs**t. I'll call on Billy.

"Billy?"

"D is for dog!"

"Very good. How about "E"?"

Johnny's had is the only one that goes up. The teacher racks her brain. She can't think of any embarassing words that start with "E", and she sure doesn't want to get to get stuck with Johnny at "F". I have to call on him some time.

"OK, Johnny..."

"Johnny jumps to his feet and says "E is for 'elf'!"

"Why, that's very good! Can you tell the principal what an elf is?

"I SURE CAN!, says Johnny, turning to the principal and holding his fingers about three inches apart.

"HE'S A LITTLE MOTHERF***** 'BOUT THIS BIG!

We missed you Ms. Vicki. Hope you had a nice vacation.

[matt swindell]

eubi- i was just wondering if you realized that you started with little johnny and ended with jimmy, this had me quite confused trying to figure out if johnny was gunna like pop in or someting.

[eubi]

Ooops. My version of jokes with this kid are "Little Jimmy".

[Mr_Super_Socks]

Alan takes his two sons, aged 4 and 6 to a diner for lunch. The waitress comes to the table and asks the 6-year old, "Aw, aren't you cute! What would you like to eat for lunch?" the kid says, "I'll take a f***in' cheese burger served on those sweet buns of yours with extra cheese!" The waitress is stunned and the father is furious. He slaps the kid across the top of his head and sends the kid spinning to the ground. "you'll get nothing!" Trying to salvage the situation, the waitress turns to the four-year old and asks him, "okay, sweetheart, what would you like?" the 4-year old says, "I sure as hell ain't orderin a god-da** cheeseburger!"