Clydesdales/Athenas (200+ lb / 91+ kg) - An unbelievable question: Do you drop your friends?

I can't believe that I'm actually asking the question. I don't recall ever actually dropping anyone...

Here's the situation: I commute daily but am what I consider to be uber-slow at an average of about 13 mph. My husband is far faster than I, but diabetic thus needs the exercise, but can only ride on the weekends. We have a friend, husband of friend to be exact, that likes to ride with us. The trouble is, the slower we go so that he can keep up, the slower he goes. If we let him set the pace, we'll go about 7mph.

My frustration with this is... when I'm riding with someone faster than me, I keep "pedal to the metal" at all times. I push myself harder so that I don't slow down the other riders. This friend of ours doesn't do that--he does, in fact, the opposite!

After repeated discussions with them about the importance of exercise for type two diabetics, we gave up and dropped them on the last ride (new years day). Now we haven't heard from them since and they stopped showing up for the LBS ride on Saturdays too.

I keep telling myself that we did the right thing. My question for input of more experienced riders: what do y'all do? Do you drop your friends?

no, i don't. If my pace is too fast for them, I just slow down a bit.

I think I would not have dropped him. However, I would also have made it clear that it was the last ride he'd be invited on if he didn't step it up just a little. Heck, my 7yo rides faster than 7mph!

You did the right thing.
7 mph is way to slow for a regular rider.
I have 7 y/os that race me on my street.
They hit 17 mph.
I have a guy who I gave 4 bikes to.
He won't ever go faster then 7 mph.
But he is happy and that is his speed.

Yeah...tough situation. There is a bit of responsibility on both sides. You should ride a bit slower, and your friend should try harder to not slow you down. (For those that don't actually know, going too slow can hurt when you're accustomed to a different speed.) I tried to impress this upon my 12-yr old when he started riding, how it is rude to force the group to wait for him, especially if he's not giving it his all. In your case, your friend appears to not be upholding their end of this "unspoken" agreement.

A couple ideas:

You set the pace where they can still keep up.
You "drop" him (them?) when going up a hill, and then wait for them at the top.
You ask somebody else (who is even slower than your friend) to accompany you and your friend. Use this opportunity to encourage your friend that in some cycling circles, it is polite to slow down. Unfortunately, if it's too slow, the ride becomes unenjoyable for you. Maybe he'll get the hint.
You talk to him and try "coaching" them on other riding skills and cycling etiquette, eventually getting around to this topic.
If none of these seem to work, you should just be frank. Let him know that you're really not getting much exercise at the slower pace and you enjoy going a bit faster. Make sure you don't say anything like, "You don't go fast enough" or similar where your blaming him. You want to try and still encourage him to continue riding and get better/more fit. In the end, you might need to decrease the frequency of your rides with him.


I'm sure there are others.

I have a non-clyde friend who got me started in cycling and he went really slow with me for a while, but he was training for a 109-mile event and he needed to step it up more than I could.

He started dropping me more and more, but it was fine with me because we had talked about and I understood he needed to train for himself. He would always wait for me to catch up here and there. I would also meet him 60-miles into his ride. He would work hard and then relax with me.

I think communication is the key. Tell him what you need him to do and try to come to an agreement.

The other issue is, does he even know what it means to be dropped? maybe he just thinks you ditched him because you didn't want to be with him and not that you wanted to ride faster.

Again.... just call and talk to him.

It seems to me this is a problem of friendship rather than cycling. You either want to spend time with folks riding or you don't. If you do, you do what it takes to make it happen. That either means discussing ahead of time 'dropping' someone or simply not riding with them.

One, and perhaps the only, reason I've been able to remain friends and occasionally ride with Bike Forums posters far faster than me - Uncadan, Bautieri, vXhanz, Spinnaker, to name a few - is that we knew ahead of time what pace I could keep, and what that meant for us. In the case of my rides with Uncadan, we only rode on days he was riding recovery. With Spinnaker, we 'leapfrogged' each other on the Montour Trail, he pulling ahead with a friend and waiting for me, or waiting behind and then catching up. In the case of Bau and vXhanz, they simply dropped me, but we both knew it would happen - they had a century to ride, and we had a nice victory dinner afterward.

But this view could be exclusively my own. If I had to choose between friendship and cycling, I know which one I would pick. I'd rather be a real friend and a wantabee cyclist.

After a couple of 2 hour 5 mile rides, I won't ride with riders that aren't somewhat close to our level. Just not enjoyable and I ride for the enjoyment. This way none of the others are dropped and we don't have to worry about a dragging ride. If it's Gina that's lagging on a mtn climb, I'll hang back with her. But I will take it upon myself to inform the others she's having a bad day and to ride on ahead! Even if she isn't having a bad day, she's not a climber!:p

Do the majority of your ride first, then meet the slow person for that portion of the ride. That way you have your work out in, then you can ride with your friends.

I would not "drop" a friend, or anyone I had met to ride with. I would talk it over with them and come to a mutual understanding about excercise needs and goals though. This is assuming it was a regular rode that happened often. If it was just an every now and then thing, I would just ride as slow as need be.

After a couple of 2 hour 5 mile rides, I won't ride with riders that aren't somewhat close to our level. Just not enjoyable and I ride for the enjoyment. This way none of the others are dropped and we don't have to worry about a dragging ride. If it's Gina that's lagging on a mtn climb, I'll hang back with her. But I will take it upon myself to inform the others she's having a bad day and to ride on ahead! Even if she isn't having a bad day, she's not a climber!:p

Not a bad solution, and I respect you for saying you won't ride with riders who are not close to your strength. It reminds me of some good chess advice I got back in my playing days: don't play with folks weaker/lower rated than yourself. All the stronger player does is get used to winning against poor play.

I think you just need to communicate more with the individual who was dropped. As already mentioned they may not know about "dropping" and may feel slighted. Before I got into this, had someone "dropped" me I would have been ticked off because I didn't know the rules of the road per se.

Just like The Historian mentioned already, Bau and I went on ahead, but we did meet up at the end as was part of our pre-planning. Even on shorter rides Bau and I would drop each other, but we would wait up ahead. Bau's a much better climber than I am, always dropped me on the hills, other times I would drop him, and others we would just coast along. Rather than have him lag back with me on hills I tell him it's ok with head up without me, same with him when we're on a descent. No point in holding each other back due to an off day, though mechanical failure or illness is a whole different matter... then we stick together.


V

Cycling is probably the toughest sport to keep riding regularly with a friend. Everybody's fitness level is a personal thing. Some progress rapidly, while others do not. I've never really dropped a friend I met for a ride, but I have put a hurting on them occasionally. Oh, and it has happened to me in reverse as well. No hard feelings, we'll see each other back at the cars when it's over.

If the differences in ability are small I would think that one should avoid dropping a friend if at all possible. You have a very big difference there and need to come to an agreement or quit riding together.

I can't comment on cycling because I normally ride solo, but I like txvintage's suggestion to do the majority of your ride beforehand. Or afterwards. I used to run with a guy who hung with me (and pushed me) for 4 or 5 miles until I was finished, then he'd take off at his own pace. Other times I would start a few minutes ahead and he'd try to catch me (which he always did). We finished together on those runs.

By no means am I an experienced rider, but I will take it upon myself to interject some thoughts anyway.

I am a beginner, raw and unskilled. I just bought a used bike in September. I have less total mileage than some of you do in a given week. But I refuse to ride in an organized group ride, even a no drop ride, until I can sustain at least a 12mph average over 20 or more miles. And I refuse to do so until I can ride it without putting someone in a ditch or into the path of an oncoming vehicle.

There are many group rides in my area, some are leisurely "no drop" rides, others are fast paced push and go rides. But I have enough pride not to want to drag the group down and make the experience painful and unenjoyable for others. I recognize that for me this is going to be a fun hobby as well as exercise. And just like all my hobbies I intend to try and be the best. And I recognize that others feel the same, but they are far more advanced than I.

It sounds to me that your friend is more interested in beach cruising and park riding than he is exercising and pushing the limits. You shouldn't have dropped him. But you should have made it clear that since you need a faster pace to enjoy it you would have to schedule a different time and different ride to spend with him.

I do weekend rides with a group of 4 or 5 guys. On any given weekend some are inevitably faster and ride up front or get away altogether. The good thing about having more than just 2 is usually we end up paired up and are able to ride with someone the whole time and we generally always wait for each other at a few pre-agreed / known spots to keep the separation from getting too big.

No one is super killer, but we do push each other -- that's kind of the point I suppose.

On a more personal note -- no one has had to wait for me in the last couple months!!!!

Well I lead most of my clubs All Levels Ride. I post that we move at a D to C pace and that no one and I mean NO ONE ever gets dropped. What does that mean? That means that on my club rides I am the Lanterne Rouge....the sweep! I have found myself walking with people who were just wiped out with the slightest exertion.

I guess the best thing is to talk to folks up front about what kind of riding they want or expect to do. My rides are on a fixed circuit which repeats. We essentially do laps. We have small rollers you can do as peoples skills progress. The folks you are with may take a long time to progress but if your expectation or need in a ride is different from theirs then maybe it is best not to ride together.

I remember getting dropped on some of my club rides and it is humiliating and depressing. They all had cool bikes and I had my Miyata "tank" with platforms. It was not long after that that I started doing the D/C no drops with the club. I generally do two a week in the warm weather and a Sunday Morning Polar Bear Ride in the Winter.

I am very specific about what kind of ride I will be holding. The faster riders go ahead and I stay with the slower ones. Granted it is not a rocket ride but the people on my rides come for fun as well as exercise and I just want to encourage the heck out of them to continue in the sport.

I make no judgments of the OP as I am not familiar with all the ins and outs but I drop no one, ever! If I were a diabetic I would do multiple slow miles and spend hours in the saddle for slow fat burn. Aerobic for them may be very slow paced. Just something to think about!;):)

By no means am I an experienced rider, but I will take it upon myself to interject some thoughts anyway.

I am a beginner, raw and unskilled. I just bought a used bike in September. I have less total mileage than some of you do in a given week. But I refuse to ride in an organized group ride, even a no drop ride, until I can sustain at least a 12mph average over 20 or more miles. And I refuse to do so until I can ride it without putting someone in a ditch or into the path of an oncoming vehicle.

There are many group rides in my area, some are leisurely "no drop" rides, others are fast paced push and go rides. But I have enough pride not to want to drag the group down and make the experience painful and unenjoyable for others. I recognize that for me this is going to be a fun hobby as well as exercise. And just like all my hobbies I intend to try and be the best. And I recognize that others feel the same, but they are far more advanced than I.

It sounds to me that your friend is more interested in beach cruising and park riding than he is exercising and pushing the limits. You shouldn't have dropped him. But you should have made it clear that since you need a faster pace to enjoy it you would have to schedule a different time and different ride to spend with him.

Brilliant. +1000!

Much has been said, but I'll echo, you need to set expectations before the ride or else someone will leave with hurt feelings. Either you go into it expecting and accepting a slower pace (believe me, I know it can be tough), or you don't. I'll also echo that you should have communicated, instead of dropping.

At the same time, your friend should communicate that they accept/expect dropping to occur. I will say if I'm on a group ride, and know I'm not up for a pace - go ahead, I'll catch up. Or I'll communicate with someone slower.

Communication - it's the key. I think there was just a tad breakdown of such a thing in this situation.

I don't like to drop anyone so I'll just adjust my gearing and spin a higher cadance when riding with a slower group. One gruop I ride with maintains a speed around 23km/h which is a little slow for me but it's my favorite group to ride with. A lot of the time I'll take off on the hills for some climbing training and just wait for them on th eother side. I will however sometimes just split off and meet the group at designated stop.

Was this a no drop weekday/weekend social ride with the LBS or other group or just the three of you?

If my wife and I invited/met someone for a ride or a couple for a ride I think I'd complete the ride with them and only do short rides with them or ride first then meet with them for a cool down or recovery ride as others have mentioned.

Hopefully they knew how to get home from where you dropped them!

I could not be friends with anybody so pathetically slow that *I* could drop them. Seriously, if I can drop you, you suck. The only people I ever drop are riding in the opposite direction.

We had a no drop rule with the group I used to ride with, over the last couple of years younger riders have been joining us, one day coming back against a heavy wind we started to drop an older rider in his late sixties no one seemed to look back or care. I dropped back and rode the rest of the way in with him breaking the wind for him. Last time him or I rode with that group I now ride with one or two other riders who feel the same as me drop no one.

I find it difficult to adjust to someone else's pace. I consider this my failing, this is why I tend to ride solo.

My wife has been more enthusiastic about riding lately, and I have little choice but to adjust to her pace. I'm considering picking up a townie or a cruiser, so I'll ride in a more upright, relaxed position in the hopes that this will remind me to slow down.

Oh Boy..This has a deja vu ring to it.
After pretty much being the B group leader on morning club rides for several years, I underwent bypass surgery and came out a lot stronger.
What I didn't take into consideration was " the main body of the B group was older than I and was slowing down year by year"
About july of last season it became apparent I was unintentionally dropping the group. I'd ease into a cadence I felt comfortable with and all of a sudden I was at 15 and the rest were struggling at 13.
The situation got heated. I caught more than a bit of the heat.(and no one else really wanted to lead the slow group)
This year the club is switching over to dedicated morning rides. Monday will be one of 4 routes
Tuesday one of four,etc. etc.
That way everyone (A riders, the riders between the A and B and the B riders) will now all know where everyone is going on a regular basis.

As for dropping folks. I built up a 81 Schwinn LeTour Tourist with single front chainring and 14-28 oem rear freewheel. This IS a casual ride bike,and as of late last season,it was working perfectly as a 13mph ride.

That said: There ARE folks who-the slower you go the slower they go- and at some point you have to take the lead and set a pace they can do and must do if they want to ride with the group. No pain no gain.

If I'm out riding with friends and I organized the ride, then I've informed people ahead of time what the distance and speed will be like. If someone's struggling on a hill, I'll slow down and pace with them.
I try as best I can to do no-drop rides with my friends. Sometimes this means the pace is 16mph, sometimes it's 12mph. All depends on the terrain and the group. If I feel I need more miles and more speed, I'll usually pile it on before heading to meet up with everyone.

Two answers: If it's an agreed ride... i.e. a friend and I decide to do some ride, I would never think of dropping the friend (and hopefully vice versa). Although there are times we won't be together. I am slower than most of my friends up hills, but faster going down. We eventually meet back up.

If I am on a club ride, and at times I am riding with friends, but feel frisky, I will take off. Everyone does it. No one thinks it rude.

I could not be friends with anybody so pathetically slow that *I* could drop them. Seriously, if I can drop you, you suck. The only people I ever drop are riding in the opposite direction.

Bummer you're three states away. We could ride together! I have had a guy on a MTB pass me on the LBS weekly ride.... :innocent:

To fill in the blanks... I was specifically referring to a t-shirt ride. When we do the LBS ride, he makes an effort and keeps about 12 to 13 mph. No problem. My best guess would be because we don't go with the slowest group, there is a minimum speed expectation.

But on a ride where there is no "organization" setting expectations, he just goes slower and slower. I guess I find it completely baffling since I also am a slow rider so I always work doubly hard so that the faster riders don't have to wait for me.

We hadn't actually considered the idea that he might not understand the ediquette. I will do my best to make him aware. Let's see how that goes. :thumb:

If I've invited someone less experienced along on a ride, I take for granted that they're not going to be able to keep up. The purpose on those rides is to help them participate in our great sport. I will choose one of my slower bikes so the slower pace is uncomfortable, and I stay with them. I save the big workout for another day.

On the other hand, if this is your only opportunity to get a good workout, then you need to be honest with your friends, and explain the situation.

Have you apologized to your friend yet? I would start with that.

Dropping vs. not dropping is matter of communication. If your both ok with it then go ahead. Just make sure that if you stop and wait for the person you give them a minute to rest too once they catch up. If it's not a race don't treat it like one, your friend might be enjoying the scenery.

You could also bring a riding crop or a willow switch with you, crack your friend in the rear when he starts riding at 7mph.

Have you apologized to your friend yet? I would start with that.

Dropping vs. not dropping is matter of communication. If your both ok with it then go ahead. Just make sure that if you stop and wait for the person you give them a minute to rest too once they catch up. If it's not a race don't treat it like one, your friend might be enjoying the scenery.

You could also bring a riding crop or a willow switch with you, crack your friend in the rear when he starts riding at 7mph.


Don't you dare try the willow switch with me, little boy. :notamused:

Don't you dare try the willow switch with me, little boy. :notamused:

Don't lie to yourself, it gives you pleasure :lol:

Thank you sir may I have another!

I'm going to face a like problem this weekend. I'm going on a 'hike' run by Bicycle Club of Philadelphia. It's the club's annual walking tour of historical houses of worship (100 churches and a synagogue, in other words) in Philadelphia's historic district. A five to seven mile hike on pavement is brutal for me, and even if I can get through it, I might not be able to keep pace with the walking peleton. Here's the email I sent the organizers:

"I'm happy to try this again. But last time, two years ago, I had a hard time keeping up with you. I don't want the group to slow for me, so don't be surprised if I cut it short at some point and meet you fast folks at the end."

In other words, I've advised them I expect to be dropped.

I have to admit that I would have a problem riding with someone that stays at 7 mph. I would totally freak out. One of the things that draws me to cycling is that "Whoosh" feeling. I love going fast downhills especially, and would never get up over 30 mph if I was going that slow before the descent begins.

I enjoy riding with slower riders, though. I consider any ride that I'm on to be a "no drop" ride. I got dropped HARD by some hard-core roadies when i started back a few years ago, and after that, I either ride in an organized "no drop" ride (take my turns riding sweep), or run sweep-up myself when I'm riding with friends. People are really good about waiting for the slower riders at key points in the ride, the faster riders add longer detours to the route and meet-up at a certain intersection, etc.

One thing that I do when riding with my wife or non-cycling friends, is to be on a slower bike. Say...I'm on my old mountain bike with knobby tires and tire liners, while they are on zippy road bikes. It usually works out about right. I get a hard workout, and they don't get angry about how hard it is to keep up with me.

But...I WOULD have a problem riding with someone that rode THAT much slower than I do. I COULD NOT ride for very long at 7mph on rolling or flat ground and have any fun at all. If they are friends of yours, then you may need to find something else to do with them besides riding. Hope you work it out with them. Take care.

I wonder if 7 MPH is hyperbole. Even as an absolute beginner, I could manage more than seven MPH on a ride. Also, 7MPH is not that much more than the minimum speed an inexperienced rider needs to stay upright.

I have for years been involved in "newbie" rides for my bike club. Generally we get about 10 - 15 people. The skill level goes from experienced, fast to oh by gosh I have trouble going that slow. The last ride I did we had two people who over the 15 mile route (with a coffee stop in between) did less than 5 miles per hour. If I use my road bike, I sometimes have trouble staying upright. I have to stop; put a foot down. I usually take my hardtail, with wider tires, so I don't feel bad going really slow.

BTW that 15 mile ride took 3 hours!!!! (OK we stopped for coffee but still!!!). Tack on 1 1/2 for skills lecture - it makes for a long day with little benefit.

Anyway, bottom line, didn't people have different abilities. Generally if I don't know someone's skill, I will agree to go out with them and do something short and easy. I promise to stay close. Nothing more disheartening for a newbie then to be immediately dropped (been there!).

Historian:

FYI - while climbing I have dropped to a low of 2.3 miles per hour and still stayed upright. Amazing but true! (so sad I was that slow however! :().

Historian:

FYI - while climbing I have dropped to a low of 2.3 miles per hour and still stayed upright. Amazing but true! (so sad I was that slow however! :().

Were you a 'new' cyclist? I have no doubt experienced riders can safely ride at slow speeds.

hmmm, wow, here is what I do. ****Raises Hand ****, looks at group leader, I call sweep. Ok, seriously, if this is what he does, I think he needs to find another ride unless there is someone that would volunteer to ride with them. 7 mph is pathetic in my opinion, that is something you do when you are riding with young kids, 4 or 5 years old, not a group.

I was riding with a group last summer and about the 30-35 mile mark, I would in enviably slow about 2 mph off the leaders pace and start to fall back off the group. Before the ride, I ID'd anyone that was going to be in that speed range and would become the defacto sweep to make sure everyone got home safe. It worked for the ride leaders and for the other riders. We did have one rider that that was about 5 mph slower than the lead pace and we asked them to join a different ride more in line with his pace.

Short answer, is yes, but not intentionally. I felt really bad. But for some reason I have become the unofficial flight attendant for our group of friends that ride together. I send out the emails for the weekend rides and I usually drive. I’m thinking my roof rack that holds four bikes is the reason for my unofficial status.

Anyway, some of us ride more than others and with different goals. So it was bound to happen eventually. I’ve been dropped before myself so I know it sucks. I’m working to pair people up so we don’t have this happening again. Either that or I’ll just slow down on the few rides where friends attend that don’t ride that often. I guess I don’t need to go like a bat outta he!! on EVERY ride. :)

if you said its a no drop ride then NEVER drop him
If you explained the pace and that if he cant keep up he will be dropped then he needs
to HTFU as long as the expectations were very clear at the start
no worries

I wonder if 7 MPH is hyperbole. Even as an absolute beginner, I could manage more than seven MPH on a ride. Also, 7MPH is not that much more than the minimum speed an inexperienced rider needs to stay upright.

Unfortunately, it's not. When I finally gave up and dropped them, I literally dropped them doing 12 (downhill). He outweighs me by quite a bit, so I can only guess he was riding the brake.

We haven't called them yet. Because of schedule differences we only get the chance to see them on weekends. Thanks for all the great advice. I will let y'all know what happens this weekend.

HI,
I am trying real hard to improve my speed and power of my motor.
I watch my heart rate if it drops to low say 110-120 I pick it up alittle if that means going 18-19 mph thats what I do.
I found the group tend to speed up to a impossiable speed and then coast back down below their normal after about three of those type of events I will usally spin up and take off.
I know its not nice but hey I am riding for health reasons not to have warm and fuzzy mins.
So after ridding with my group for about 12 miles, I took off, never to be seen again.
I was a slow (C) now I am almost a fast (B) you can't improve that fast in 6 mos without working at it.
Most of the regulars lately are only ridding once a week if that and they can't keep that kind of pace for long.
So I now start early by myself and wave at them on the way back as they are heading around the bend.
I am not anti-social but I will never be this healthy and young again, in 2 years I 'll be 60 so I want to reach my peak and see how it goes.
Doug