Foo - What would you do if cheated on?

Not my case ATM thanks God. It happened on previous relationships tho... so the options are

1) Kill him/her
2) End relationship quietly
3) End relationship with a bang
4) Cheat back.
5) Ask permission to join in
6) Ignore it

What would you do?
(multiple choices are possible)

Kick the slitch to the kerb.

I wouldn't so much ask permission to join in, I just would.

Let me start by saying that I KNOW this will cause a flame war of me against, well, everyone. I'm also assuming marriage as the type of relationship.

I vote "Figure out what I did to drive her away and reconcile"

The truth of what I'm saying is that my wife's response to me and our marriage is directly causal to my response to her and our marriage. If I love her well (love here is a verb, not a noun) then she will not fill her needs elsewhere. That may be a need for compassion, attention, being valued, being desired, etc.

However, if I ignore her, take her for granted, and become increasing more isolated and detached from her, she will respond in kind.

Please note that this doesn't work unless she has the same perspective. She must also love me well, but that should be her natural response to me. It is also my duty to take the higher road and if she isn't loving me well not to respond in kind and instead love her even better.

Hmmmmmm after admitting that I ended and restarted my relationship with my ex-husband at least 8 times - and finding him with Boobette a couple times and the other Bimbo one or more times, I ended quietly --- and other times I ... blew up. Yes, Mr. Bar Owner - I'm the wild blond who just tossed a couple motorcycle helmets across the street, may have body slammed a motorcycle into a wall and perhaps done the watusi on a cell phone on the sidewalk. Ahhhh alcohol ... not a good mix into a bad relationship ... and with each start/end it seemed to escalate. Till I said No more.

Join in, then end it with a bang. :p

It isn't cheating if he tells me about it beforehand, and if he can't follow that simple rule his ass deserves to be on the curb.

It depends, but I don't think ignoring it is an option. Generally though, cheating will lead to a dissolution of the relationship. It did with my first *serious* relationship (engaged).

If you think that it is an affair, beware.
If it turns out that there were numerous times with multiple partners, get out. Get checked out.

In any event, the cheater disrespected the victim. More importantly, they broke their trust, which is awfully hard to regain.

Join in, then end it with a bang. :p

It isn't cheating if he tells me about it beforehand, and if he can't follow that simple rule his ass deserves to be on the curb.

:love:
What are you doing this friday night? :p

walk...

I voted for "end it quietly" and "end it with a bang". It's possible to do both, because the impact of that "bang" doesn't need to be a public spectacle.

My ex did cheat on me; one of many reasons why she's the ex now. I didn't yell, I didn't throw things, I didn't demand to know who he was. None of that. I took a day off from work, found a new apartment, and told her when I was moving out.
I left her all the mismatched furniture, the stereo and TV, and her cats (which I never wanted in the first place.) I packed my things into a van and moved quietly with the help of some friends, and even then, the ex didn't see the repercussions: She had no job. The lease was ending on the apartment. I wasn't going to be paying for everything anymore.
She quickly came to realize that I wasn't such a bad guy to have around, but I had no interest in going back. Aside from communication through my lawyer, she got an old fashioned Amish shunning. I took her off all my instant messenger and social network contact lists, blocked her number on my phone, returned mail which wasn't sent through my lawyer, and found out that w/o my asking, many of my friends did the same.
In the course of drawing up the final papers, she got nothing besides what I left her with when I moved out. A friend of mine told me the impact was drastic. She can't hold a job, has a horrible apartment in a terrible part of town, and has seen a string of failed relationships (both romantic, and in driving away those who used to be her friends.)

Huge "bang", but I didn't make a public spectacle of it. Quietly letting someone's life collapse is effective enough.

well, seeing as that I woulnd't be in a relationshipp....

Let me start by saying that I KNOW this will cause a flame war of me against, well, everyone. I'm also assuming marriage as the type of relationship.

I vote "Figure out what I did to drive her away and reconcile"

The truth of what I'm saying is that my wife's response to me and our marriage is directly causal to my response to her and our marriage. If I love her well (love here is a verb, not a noun) then she will not fill her needs elsewhere. That may be a need for compassion, attention, being valued, being desired, etc.

However, if I ignore her, take her for granted, and become increasing more isolated and detached from her, she will respond in kind.

Please note that this doesn't work unless she has the same perspective. She must also love me well, but that should be her natural response to me. It is also my duty to take the higher road and if she isn't loving me well not to respond in kind and instead love her even better.

Agreed. No flames from me.

I've never cheated and I dont *think* I've been cheated on... but I voted "end quietly". You only make yourself look like a jackass when you throw a tantrum, IMO. I'd totally pull a move like Clifton... just quietly but effectively remove myself from their life and cut all ties. I can't ever imagine myself taking back someone who cheated on me; I'd never forget what he did and it'd end up ruining the relationship anyway.

I vote "Figure out what I did to drive her away and reconcile"

+1

9/10 times it'll have to end in a split, but it's nice to get the chance to learn and grow from it.

i'd settle for a sham marriage... one of convenience where we can sleep with whomever we want and we both know what's going on.

:love:
What are you doing this friday night? :p

No plans yet. :p

Not my case ATM thanks God. It happened on previous relationships tho... so the options are

1) Kill him/her
2) End relationship quietly
3) End relationship with a bang
4) Cheat back.
5) Ask permission to join in
6) Ignore it

What would you do?
(multiple choices are possible)

It's really, really sad that you didn't even think to include any options like "talk to SO about it" or anything of that nature. Maybe you need to look at what drove the past SO's to cheat then.

You have to remember this is RubenX we are talking about.

First Id be very, very, sad, and I wouldn't want to know why it happened either, not ever! I'd end the relationship quietly, wish her the best, and start my new life. :)

Who wants to see RubenX in prison? Vote to kill! Woo hoo!

Who wants to see RubenX in prison? Vote to kill! Woo hoo!

Why do you hate me so much? Why do you want to see me dead? :rolleyes:

Why do you hate me so much? Why do you want to see me dead? :rolleyes:

Oops. Dont, tell, Ruben.

If you think that it is an affair, beware.
If it turns out that there were numerous times with multiple partners, get out. Get checked out.



Even if it's one extracurricular partner, get checked out. :mad:

"Figure out what I did to drive her away and reconcile"


Thats like saying,"I forgive you, please go out and do it again!" :rolleyes: I figure I'll "grow" and "learn from it" the very moment I find out shes cheating :thumb: Next time (if there is a next time) Ill try to find a person that REALLY loves me and is willing to except me as I am, not a person that finds lame ass excuses to cheat :thumb:

depends on the circumstances.
if it were a one time things got out of control I could sorta deal with it.
If it were a long term relationship (and it was) I'd leave (again).
no bang but not exactly quiet.

Agreed. No flames from me.

Suprising. Usually on this kind of response there is at least one person that lashes back saying, "My spouse cheated on me and don't say it was my fault!"

First Id be very, very, sad, and I wouldn't want to know why it happened either, not ever! I'd end the relationship quietly, wish her the best, and start my new life. :)

Why?

Even if it's one extracurricular partner, get checked out. :mad:

Yeah, people forget when you have sex with one person your having sex with every other person they ever had sex with! :twitchy: So dont be silly, wrap your willy! :lol:

depends on the circumstances.
if it were a one time things got out of control I could sorta deal with it.If it were a long term relationship (and it was) I'd leave (again).
no bang but not exactly quiet.


That's great for you, but cheating doesn't cut it for me. Once a cheater, ALWAYS A CHEATER! For me it might as well be written in stone.

Why?

Because she's a FANTASTIC mother to my children (and I love her for that) and although some people don't know (or refuse to admit it) love is forever, you don't have to like the person, but no matter what you will love them forever. Those of you thats say you no longer love the person you were with? Well I have bad news for you, if it is true that you no longer love them, you never did. :(

See, oddly enough, the idea of cheating doesn't really bother me. I'd feel hurt about the lying part, but the sleeping with other people part does not bother me at all as long as my partner was being careful about it. So, my solution would be to reevaluate our relationship and decide to end, go on as before minus cheating, have an open relationship, etc.

I cut off all communication and walked away, but I was only 24 and had simple circumstances (no kids, not living together). I think if a relationship isn't working, its your duty to let the other person know before you start looking elsewhere.

Ask if they would prefer an open relationship.

Yes? Great. But admonish for not being up front in the first place and hold it over them when new bikes come up in discussion.

No? Kick to curb.

i cut off all communication and walked away, but i was only 24 and had simple circumstances (no kids, not living together). I think if a relationship isn't working, its your duty to let the other person know before you start looking elsewhere.

+1

Why?

Well, if a marriage is ending over it, it really pays to be civil. Both financially and emotionally. Having recently gone through a very civil divorce (not involving cheating by either of us), which was traumatic enough, I can't begin to imagine going through an all-out thermonuclear divorce. The cost in time, money and emotional mayhem - ouch.

So I guess wishing the offending party well as things are ending is an exercise in enlightened self-interest, where the "nice" thing to do is also the smart, self-interested thing to do.

LOL, I'm fine, wifey is doing great lately... I'm just making some conversation here. Joining in could be fun tho... better than being left out... LOL But I don't know if I could handle it without ending in jail @ some point.

I've always admired Loreena Bobbitt's style.

I've never been cheated on that I know of.

It's just time to reassess everything, look backwards and see what you can learn from it. It's time to see where it all took a left turn against traffic. It's time to scrap yourself off the bumper of the bus that just ran over you and see how many people around you saw the bus before you did.
Many of those who cheat become chronic at it, many of those who get cheated on set themselves up for it again. It's at this level one needs the microscope. the why level.
I was pretty upset that a friend of mine's wife was messing around and struggled for a long time until I finally decided to tell him and then he didn't want to know.
There is a tremendous level of guilt involved with cheating [except for the serial predator] and guilt is the mafia of the mind. But it still becomes a case by case decision of how you deal with it.

First Id be very, very, sad, and I wouldn't want to know why it happened either, not ever! I'd end the relationship quietly, wish her the best, and start my new life. :)

OK, you have GOT to get rid of that pic of Kaotik...I can't focus on anything else and I always think you are her.

It's really, really sad that you didn't even think to include any options like "talk to SO about it" or anything of that nature.

+1

One of the reasons I would be in a relationship is because I’ve found someone who feels the same way I do about honest and open communication and trust. That communication and trust should also allow you to be secure enough to let a partner have sex with someone else without you feeling threatened. In context of always being honest about what one is feeling, talking about it and showing respect for your partners thoughts on it...I've never "cheated" on someone and never been "cheated" on...that I know of.


kwrides.....i find it confusing cuz I think I've posted something :)

I would burn down Manitoba.

The whole thing.

I'd see if I can find some definite evidence of the cheating that is photograph-able, send a physical letter with the pictures included, add one more line to my E-mail, Facebook, and MySpace block lists, go mope for a bit, then find someone who actually has more fidelity than an 8Hz MP3 track ripped from an analog cellphone ringtone.

don't know, it has happened several times in the past where I have been cheated on, don't remember the circumstances.

Since I try to measure every girl by the same ruler I measure myself.. and I have extremely high standards for myself.....except for that. I can't really hold it against as long as she doesn't bring home a disease. On that same note recently I was speaking to my ex and she brought up the one girl I cheated with, every girl i was even friends, and i think even my bicycle as part of her defense.

Which is funny to me, because every female friend I have is jealous of her for some reason or another, and she has been used as leverage in arguments by at least 2 maybe three other women. one of which I wasn't dating.

Cheating is unacceptable, but definitions of cheating vary.

To me, if someone cheats on you, they didn't respect you enough to talk about what they were feeling and what they thought was wrong. They just took your trust and feelings and walked all over them. Thats not the kind of person i would want to be with and one who doesn't deserve my affection or attention. So, i hold to my statement..i would walk. The flip side of the coin...Iwould never, and have never cheated on any girl i've been with, so i don't understand the concept. If i don't feel happy in a relationship, and I try to work it out, but it just won't take, I have the decency to end it before I go looking elsewhere.

I've been on every side of this. I've been cheated on, I've cheated, I've been the other guy... There are so many reasons that people cheat that it's impossible to lump everyone into a single category, as much as we'd like to.

I've been on every side of this. I've been cheated on, I've cheated, I've been the other guy... There are so many reasons that people cheat that it's impossible to lump everyone into a single category, as much as we'd like to.

And yet you say cheating is unacceptable.

I don't see it as being something that is justifiable.

And yet you say cheating is unacceptable.

I don't see it as being something that is justifiable.

Oh it is unacceptable. I have to learn from my own mistakes. I'm just saying it can be done on purpose, or in a moment of passion, or for whatever reason.

Oh, I also was dating a girl that was having sex with other guys, but it wasn't cheating.

I've always admired Loreena Bobbitt's style.



To me, if someone cheats on you, they didn't respect you enough to talk about what they were feeling and what they thought was wrong. They just took your trust and feelings and walked all over them. Thats not the kind of person i would want to be with and one who doesn't deserve my affection or attention. So, i hold to my statement..i would walk. The flip side of the coin...Iwould never, and have never cheated on any girl i've been with, so i don't understand the concept. If i don't feel happy in a relationship, and I try to work it out, but it just won't take, I have the decency to end it before I go looking elsewhere.

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:twitchy: