Road Cycling - What is everyones pre & post ride routine?

Hi everyone,
I'm kinda new to cycling and was just wondering what everyone checked on their bike before going out for each ride and also what you did regarding cleaning the bike and checking when the ride was finished. I was also curious how often you should fully clean the chain etc. and regrease it. I really have no idea how to look after my bike and am getting a bit concerned in case i am wrecking it or putting myself at risk by not taking good care of it. Any help or advice would really be appreciated.
Thanks

On major rides (100km+): Only do this once a month
LBS work
Chain: degrease, clean, relube
Der-Rollers: Clean, regrease
Wheels: check if true
Tires: check for damage
Brakes: check for wearing,
Cables: lube

My pre ride check:
Tires: pressure
Wallet
Celphone
Water
Tools
Brakes

Regular rides (20-80kms)
LBS work:
None

My checklist
Tires: pressure
Wallet
Celphone
Water
Tools

Before a ride:
Pump tires
fill bottles
Check that pump and CO2 inflater is there

After:
Brief cleaning if it's a little dirty
remove and empty bottles
Check seatpost for slipping

Every month or so:
Clean and relube chain
more thorough cleaning
remove cranks and clean chainrings
clean cassette
lube up everthing that needs it
check wheels

Pre ride just quick check that all gear is present( pump, tools, patches, phone,wallet) then check tyre pressure, brakes and lights if night ride. Whoops, fogot the water bottle.

Post ride clean bike, tyres, chain, sprockets. Wash chain and relube (triflow) as required, adjust deraillier end points if any problems noticed on ride, check wheels still true. Put light batteries on charger every second night during winter.
Probably OTT but I ride everyday.
Post ride done in lounge so wife doesn't get toey about dissapearing all night :)

Pre:

My little seat pack (3 tubes, 3 patch kits, chain tool, couple extra links, tire change kit) is filled and ready, phone, water, tire pressure, brakes.

pre:
tire pressure (always pump them up)
fill water bottle
make sure i have my tools
helmet
i usually check the brakes on my way out the door.

post:
walk in the door, put my bike against the wall, or other bikes
grab some water, a snack sit down and reeelax.

maintenance:
i try to lube my chain every week or so.
i give the bikes that i ride regularly a once-over every month:
remove seat posts and regrease the seat tubes.
general wheel checks (spoke tension, true if necessary, check bearings, check freehubs where applicable, clean cassette (where applicable)
check headset.
check brakes (where applicable).
fine-tune derailluers (where applicable).
check chains.

i don't bother cleaning my tires. they don't get very dirty, and the only way they're going to be cleaner than they already are is if i use some sort of tire cleaner, and i don't like to put chemicals (even those designed specifically for cleaning tires) on my tires, or anywhere near my wheels for that matter. to clean the chain and cassette i just use WD-40 and a rag or a toothbrush. if i rode my road bike in the rain more, i supposed i'd lube my cables, but i generally ride a track bike if the weather's going to be foul, and i don't have to worry about cables on either of those.

i do that on my road bike and both track bikes. once a month. i like to take my time on my own stuff, so i usually set aside an afternoon for the road bike, and then a couple hours for each track bike.

i do a complete tear down and re-build of one of my track bikes about once every three months, just because it's getting on in years and i need to check the frame and cranks for cracks.

i do this all myself because a) i can, and b) i think most shops charge way too much for labor, considering that anyone can do it if they take the time to learn.