General Cycling Discussion - Rave: Your Hummer.

Rave: Your Hummer.

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Reply to: anon-32010873@craigslist.org
Date: Mon May 24 13:48:09 2004


There you were with your red, pouty lips. Gorgeous. Your friend with her long flowing blonde hair. Blasting your thumping system at noon on a Monday. You knew we were all looking at you two in your white, flawless Hummer. You were talking on your phone, laughing as you almost knocked over the messenger as you flew around the corner from Montgomery onto Sacramento. You showed him.

As you both looked around at us peons running around on this busy Monday, throwing your snide I-think-being-head-cheerleader-five-years-ago-still-makes-me-cool looks around, we all looked to you for some guidance as to how we too could actually be *such ****s* without speaking.

You almost killed the 90 year old Asian man as you pulled into the parking garage on Sacramento. We were all shocked at your actions, hoping that someday, a couple of *****es like yourselves would get what was coming.

I guess you were going a little too fast to see the “Maximum Height 7’” sign. Maybe you should have rethought those extra large tires. But, I will say that nothing, and I mean NOTHING in this world sounds as good as the roof of a Hummer being crushed by a huge, concrete overhang.

Please, let me just say “Bravo”.



this is in or around FiDi
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

Poetic justice... :D Awesome.

wow.............sounds classic

Rock!

Reminds me of a picture once posted...

Reminds me of a picture once posted...
<airhead voice> I like my SUV I feel so safe! </airhead voice>

Good ol' reptilian brain kickin in If I'm bigger and higher than you are I'm safer.

Morons

Great picture!

three cheers for irony!

HIP
HIP
HOO_RAY!!

I like, her car is dead.

OMFG U GUYS R LIEK SO CRULE!!!!!1!1!1!ONE!1!

One word: SERVED.

I am eternally amused by that picture. There's more of the Ram in the background left than of the stupid H2.

Isn't the H2 just a glorified Yukon on bigger tires with an ugly body anyway? H2 does not = HMMWV

http://www.javadoc.net/mpvclub/h2mom0.jpg
http://www.javadoc.net/mpvclub/h2mom1.jpg
http://www.javadoc.net/mpvclub/h2mom2.jpg
http://www.javadoc.net/mpvclub/h2mom3.jpg
http://www.javadoc.net/mpvclub/h2mom4.jpg


This woman (not stereotyping here, but yes she was a blonde) took her mom and kids out in their H2, on the college campus. She found this construction site where the university was contructing a new statue with a high concrete protective platform around it.

So, she tears across the construction site, which has a perimeter cable barrier (first picture), which takes her two runs to get through the, and across the dirt, up and over a one-foot high berm (second picture) at a reported 40mph, and then attempts to JUMP the concrete barrier protecting the statue, which looks to be about 3feet high!

Results are obvious. When questioned about why she attempted this, she replied, "I wanted to jump the statue, i saw it on tv." She was not under the influence of drugs or alcohol... just blinded by lack of common sense.

Note. I did not write the description of this accident, as I just copy-n-pasted it from another site.

Funny, eh?

Isn't the H2 just a glorified Yukon on bigger tires with an ugly body anyway? H2 does not = HMMWV


Correct. The H2 is simply a K2500 chassis (same as Suburban) but with body panels that is supposed to make it look like a Wells Fargo bank truck. I think it's odd that people for the longest time made fun of Volvo owners for driving around in what looks like a big boxy refrigerator on wheels and then are so quick to turn around and spend $50k for the same styling.

Note. I did not write the description of this accident, as I just copy-n-pasted it from another site.

Funny, eh?

Obviously that driver learned the concept of approach/breakover/departure angles the hard way. Some people amaze me. Just when I think I've seen the most stupid thing ever, someone somewhere out there will have to go and prove me wrong.

Correct. The H2 is simply a K2500 chassis (same as Suburban) but with body panels that is supposed to make it look like a Wells Fargo bank truck. I think it's odd that people for the longest time made fun of Volvo owners for driving around in what looks like a big boxy refrigerator on wheels and then are so quick to turn around and spend $50k for the same styling.

Actually its a 1500 frontend with a 2500 rearend. Pulling them out with a 15 year old V6 Montero with open diffs is very satisfying, especially since I don't have a lift :D

That second thing proves something to me once again: I hate stupid people.

Wish I could find the video, but it was a Hummer (can't remember if it was an H1 or H2) trying to do some off roading and the front axle completely snapped.

Wish I could find the video, but it was a Hummer (can't remember if it was an H1 or H2) trying to do some off roading and the front axle completely snapped.

Then it wasn't a Hummer (either H1 or H2). H1s use special (read: expensive) offroad designed independent suspension with geared hubs. H2s use a traditional independent front suspension with a live solid rear axle.

BigFloppyLlama, is this the video? http://www.uglypeoplesuck.com/bits/2003/11/13/KilledIT.wmv

That driver deserved everything that (s)he got... What was (s)he thinking? You don't hit the gas in that situation.




~~ Joe "I once owned a '77 Grand Wagoneer with locked up dana 60's front and rear running 44" super swampers" Gardner. ;)

http://www.javadoc.net/mpvclub/h2mom4.jpg
Funny, eh?


:crash: :crash: :crash: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao:

The BIGGER the car/truck, the smaller the brain!!!

BigFloppyLlama, is this the video? http://www.uglypeoplesuck.com/bits/2003/11/13/KilledIT.wmv

That driver deserved everything that (s)he got... What was (s)he thinking? You don't hit the gas in that situation.

Also... gotta love that IFS. I see so much of that. While it's possible to make IS truly offroad capable (see Hummer H1 and Steyr Pinzgauer), it requires a much different design than transferring over the one from a Chevy Impala.

BigFloppyLlama, is this the video? http://www.uglypeoplesuck.com/bits/2003/11/13/KilledIT.wmv

That driver deserved everything that (s)he got... What was (s)he thinking? You don't hit the gas in that situation.

~~ Joe "I once owned a '77 Grand Wagoneer with locked up dana 60's front and rear running 44" super swampers" Gardner. ;)
There it is. I love that video.

around town, there is a yellow Hummer running around with a smaller TOY HUMMER MOUNTED ON ITS ROOF!

holyfuggingegocheck, batman

BigFloppyLlama, is this the video? http://www.uglypeoplesuck.com/bits/2003/11/13/KilledIT.wmv

That driver deserved everything that (s)he got... What was (s)he thinking? You don't hit the gas in that situation.




~~ Joe "I once owned a '77 Grand Wagoneer with locked up dana 60's front and rear running 44" super swampers" Gardner. ;)
I could just hear the JDA (just driving along) whine they'd try to feed the dealer.
http://www.fuh2.com/

Pulled from www.duh2.com
Untitled by Vanilla Bean
Your wallet’s fat, your car is rank
F*** you and your H2!
Each burst of speed costs half a tank
F*** you and your H2!
At each stop sign and traffic light
Regardless if it’s day or night
They’ll mutter a***h***” and they’re right
F*** you and your H2!



You can’t drive mud, you can’t clear rocks
F*** you and your H2!
With Chevy Tahoe frame and shocks
F*** you and your H2!
What illness do you suffer from?
Are your aesthetic senses numb?
How does it feel to be so dumb?
F*** you and your H2!



If I gave you what you deserve
F*** you and your H2!
I’d cut you off and make you swerve
F*** you and your H2!
I’d follow you across the land
I’d top your gas tank off with sand
And flip the bird with my free hand
F*** you and your H2!



It’s true you are the Tax-break winner
F*** you and your H2!
You spent it on ‘roo-bars and Spinners
F*** you and your H2!
Full fifty-grand you can omit,
But what remains to show for it?
A four-point-three-ton pile of s***.
F*** you and your H2!



Despite my venomous complaint
F*** you and your H2!
I’ve got an atom of restraint
F*** you and your H2!
I hope this point you haven’t missed
Your car selection makes me pissed
In spite of that I can resist
F*** you and your H2!



For 3 or more: the carpool lane
F*** you and your H2!
But what if you have half a brain?
F*** you and your H2!
You solo drive each day to work
That’s why your friends all joke and smirk
Come Humm on THIS, you F***ing jerk!
F*** you and your H2!

I have a sticker that one day will find it's way on to a Hummer, but for now it's being displayed near my desk: "Your Hummer won't make up for you pecker". Whenever I see one I give it a thumbs down and a boo, and usually get a confused look in return.

dumb asses in a dumb ass vehicle.

What's worse is the 'dualie' pickup trucks being used as commuters. All shiny with not a scratch in the bed. Redneck conspicuous consumption. I think they get worse MPG than an H2.

check out my favorite H2-related activity:

http://www.fuh2.com/

HUMMER: Named for a blow job; driven by jerkoffs.

check out my favorite H2-related activity:

http://www.fuh2.com/

HUMMER: Named for a blow job; driven by jerkoffs.Already posted above with the poem Thanks

LOL!!! Thank you so much for the pics and links everyone. God, it feels sooo good to see some pics of those dinosaurs getting wrecked!

Gotta throw in some more haha's! I know it's wrong, but I wouldn't hate stupid people if it weren't so fun.

For the slow-connection peons who didn't see the video, it was a tie-rod, not the axle, but it was still great.

That was an H2 in the vid. I could see the rear differential hang down in the back. The original hummer was bad ass off road the H2 however is a piece of chit car my 79 malibu is tougher (lower clearence though). My freinds 89 tercel hatchback however has been over rougher terrain than in that video.

totally made my day seeing this

you ever notice it's those Hummers that can't make space for you if you're riding on the shoulder (no matter that there aren't any other cars in sight and plenty of room to make space)

totally made my day seeing this

you ever notice it's those Hummers that can't make space for you if you're riding on the shoulder (no matter that there aren't any other cars in sight and plenty of room to make space)

They have no spacial abilities or the most basic concept of physics in their frightened pea brains. It's the same reason they bought the thing in the first place. :p

The BIGGER the car/truck, the smaller the brain!!!
Yep.
Another thing I've noticed around these parts is big vehicle = big gut.
Some people HAVE to buy these behemoths because that's all they can get their fat a$$es into. Their stomach is pressed against the steering wheel and the seat is pushed all the way back.

Again the problem of no brains. Get how'd I get so fat. Hmm. Oh well, let's have another double Big Mac and super size the fries.

Yep.
Another thing I've noticed around these parts is big vehicle = big gut.
Some people HAVE to buy these behemoths because that's all they can get their fat a$$es into. Their stomach is pressed against the steering wheel and the seat is pushed all the way back.

Again the problem of no brains. Get how'd I get so fat. Hmm. Oh well, let's have another double Big Mac and super size the fries.
:lol: To true I've seen so many drive and drive around the parking lot so they didn't have to walk 100 extra feet, then they open their door lift one leg out with the help of their arms, turn a little, lift the other leg out, turn some more, then heave their bulk forward only after rocking to and fro to get up enough momentum, then pop out of their car and I see it rise 6 inches. I worked at tacobell a few years ago and the faties would come through the drive through same time each night and order up half the menu, as they were paying I always saw a bunch of donuts and the like open and often times being eaten (I guess our average 65 second serve time wasn't quite fast enough)

Yep.
Another thing I've noticed around these parts is big vehicle = big gut.

Yup, I'd say you've certainly hit on their target demographic. We American's have gotten so fat, that we simply don't fit in what was "standard sized" just a few short years ago. I guess the "low carb" diets aren't working. Who'd of thunk that? :rolleyes:

The NO carb diets do work (not for atheletes) but the low carb diets are a joke cooked up by morons in suvs that follow snippets they get off the boob tube. low carb=high fat= incresed appitite= incresed total calorie intake which is the true determiner of weight gain. For people who don't exerzise a high simple carb(sugar and white bread) diet will also increse apetite as the blood sugar spikes and drops quickly.
Basic day for suburbinite: wake up, sit at breakfast, sit in car, sit in office, sit at lunch, sit in office, sit in car, sit at dinner, sit in front of tv, lay in bed, repeat.

Too little carbohydrates (or fat for that matter) and your brain cells start dying. Well, in the extreme anyways. Makes it easy to gull people into returning to the Low Carb Store. A scam that makes your victims more gullible as they fall for it.

:lol: :roflmao: :lol: :roflmao: :lol: :roflmao: :lol:
Too little carbohydrates (or fat for that matter) and your brain cells start dying. Well, in the extreme anyways. Makes it easy to gull people into returning to the Low Carb Store. A scam that makes your victims more gullible as they fall for it.

I have a thing against stupid people. I know they can't help it but it dosen't change the fact that they are the catalysts for all the major problems in the world.