im puting togeter the doughman triathalon where fat people run swim (and co-incidentally sink) and bike

Sounds good. I may suggest having the swim in the Great Salt Lake for added bouyancy.

Gentle suggestion no. 1: when you have the t-shirts printed up, remember that there's only one "a" in triathlon.

Gentle suggestion no. 2: defibrillators at each water station.