Foo - And divorce is finally here....

Separated at the moment... she took the kids and left. First offer of terms was unreasonable and unacceptable. Trying to agree on something that will work for everybody (specially for the kids).

Timing sucks lots... it's only 5 days before my finals @ college. I'll most probably fail the curses because I don't have time to study for the finals nor finish the final projects. And to think that 2 weeks ago I had near perfect grades on all 3 curses... sucks lots.

Missing my kids, but nothing I could do at this time. I know is gonna get better. But it's gonna get a lot worst before it gets any better.

This one is final... enough is enough... it was about time.

PS: I slept like a baby today, no whining, no yelling, nobody waking me up to fight... just silence and peace.

Wish me luck... wish happiness for my children.

Separated at the moment... she took the kids and left. First offer of terms was unreasonable and unacceptable. Trying to agree on something that will work for everybody (specially for the kids).

Timing sucks lots... it's only 5 days before my finals @ college. I'll most probably fail the curses because I don't have time to study for the finals nor finish the final projects. And to think that 2 weeks ago I had near perfect grades on all 3 curses... sucks lots.

Missing my kids, but nothing I could do at this time. I know is gonna get better. But it's gonna get a lot worst before it gets any better.

This one is final... enough is enough... it was about time.

PS: I slept like a baby today, no whining, no yelling, nobody waking me up to fight... just silence and peace.

Wish me luck... wish happiness for my children.

I wish total happiness for your children, but there are two sides to every story my friend, till I hear your wifes side your on your own.

I wish total happiness for your children, but there are two sides to every story my friend, till I hear your wifes side your on your own.

There is no story. She just don't love me. Actually I have not heard an "I love you" in more than a decade... and I've asked. But that's irrelevant now, what's important at this time is my kids stability. This can get real messy real easy.

Dude... I can't say I'm surprised, but I'm sorry to hear about it. You'll figure something out with the kids. Kids are tough, they'll survive.

As far as school, can you talk to your professors? Sometimes they'll be able to work something out. If not, study for the classes you think you may have trouble with when you get any free time, and just do your best.

Good luck Ruben. Let us know if we can do anything.

Yup I'm gonna try talking to the professors on Monday... see if I can get an extension (an incomplete?) or something. I'm not surprised either, I knew divorce was coming. The only questions were when and how.

...Looking forward to get out of this mess.

PS: and by "mess" a meant the marriage... but I'm sure you all got that one.

sorry to hear this. do what's best for the kids and yourself.

sorry!

If you can't get an extension, try to put the emotional blinders one - only a little while and you'll be done and can deal fully with the divorce.


I don't know what her side is but unless something catastrophic occurred, that was pretty crappy to up and leave right before your semester ended.

Sorry to hear it.
Best wishes for you and the kids.

Thx Foo.... still dealing here with the terms, seeing apartments (don't want a 4 bedroom house all by myself). Many variables at play... like for example, if I get a small 2 bedroom apt, will a judge deny my the visitation days because I don't have a room for the girl and a 2nd room for the boy? Where is she going to live? how far away from her I'm I allowed to be? This and all kinds of questions must be answered but is getting really expensive to get the answers....

See ya later Foo, is gonna be a bussy day today.

Do what's best for the kids, always. When you do get to spend some time with them, don't unwittingly use them as allies against her. Take the high road, even if she won't. You'll thank yourself later on, and so will the little ones. Above all, keep your head above water. Kids first!

Expensive is right. In our local Bar Association newsletter, there was a recent article about many local divorce attorneys seeing a big drop in business. In the current Seattle economy, many couples simply cannot afford to get divorced or set up a new household.

Best of luck to you, and try your best to minimize the impact upon your kids.

Thx Foo.... still dealing here with the terms, seeing apartments (don't want a 4 bedroom house all by myself). Many variables at play... like for example, if I get a small 2 bedroom apt, will a judge deny my the visitation days because I don't have a room for the girl and a 2nd room for the boy? Where is she going to live? how far away from her I'm I allowed to be? This and all kinds of questions must be answered but is getting really expensive to get the answers....

See ya later Foo, is gonna be a bussy day today.

One thing at a time, man. Hang in there.

Divorce does not have to be expensive or involve slinging mud at each other.
It is what we make of it. I have no hard feelings anymore. It is what it is.
Life is easier for the children if the parents aren't acting like idiots and treating each other like crap.

My 2 cents. Take with a large grain of salt since I am all of 3 weeks into mine. :p

it was not expensive for me either time. no lawyers...did it ourselves both times. of course, it helps tremendously, if you can remain on friendly terms...mine will be final next friday.

Divorce does not have to be expensive or involve slinging mud at each other.
It is what we make of it. I have no hard feelings anymore. It is what it is.
Life is easier for the children if the parents aren't acting like idiots and treating each other like crap.

My 2 cents. Take with a large grain of salt since I am all of 3 weeks into mine. :p

+1

I'm sorry that you have to go through this Ruben. This is a very stressful time and you need to be compassionate to yourself. Do what you need to do to take care of yourself and the kiddos. Make the choice to be the bigger person and not argue in front of the kiddos. I've been reading and using a really great book to help me figure it all out.

"Mom's house, Dad's house" by Isolina Ricci

It talks about that stages of healing and how to make the process and outcome liveable for everyone and how to create a happy life for you and your children afterward. I highly recommend it.

Frankly, Ruben, I wish you'd done this yourself a while ago. Her leaving puts you at a disadvantage.

Here are some ground rules to live by for at least the next two weeks from my own personal experience:

1. FINISH SCHOOL. Don't let this get in the way of that. Tell her if she is going to expect alimony, you getting through college is going to make that easier to accomplish, and will in the long run be better for your kids.

2. DO NOT TRUST MUTUAL FRIENDS. You don't have to stop hanging out with them, but don't share A-N-Y-T-H-I-N-G you worry could be a negative in the proceedings. You're better doing it here semi-anonymously unless she knows you post here. If you have couple friends, the guy might be on your side, but if he tells his wife something, it'll get back to yours.

3. IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE EXPENSIVE. It sounds like she's the type to make it that way. But look for a dissolution option if your home state has it. It's a little more time consuming, but can save several thousand dollars.

4. ANYTHING FEDERAL WILL MOSTLY IGNORE THE DIVORCE. If you filed taxes together, even if the divorce has the tax bill being assigned to one partner, unless the other partner is eligible for innocent spouse protection, you're both tied to that tax bill no matter what. Better to either not list it in the decree, or have it listed as equal responsibility and who pays how much until its gone (if theres a bill that is)
4. REMEMBER IT WILL PASS. You will find someone else, you, her, and the kids will all be happier later.

...4. REMEMBER IT WILL PASS. You will find someone else, you, her, and the kids will all be happier later.

one of my very good friends, Vega Vixen, has told me this too many times over the past year, as i was going through the separation/divorce.

very good advice...."and, this too, shall pass". remember it...it will get better...

Congrats! (not sarcastic)

:(

Sorry you're going through all this. I'm sure it's tough. I've been blessed and fortunate to be going through and extremely smooth divorce and can't imagine what it would be like if it went foul.

Seems to have been a rash of divorces lately. Lets blame the economy.

Gosh y'all. I kinda hate it for everyone who has to go through one. I really don't want to. I love my wife but sometimes it seems like she's not happy no matter what I do. She's unhappy with herself and I think that's the center of our problems. I don't want to lose her.

But I hope the best for you all. Really. You guys are in my heart.

About friggin time!

Seen a lot of your posts, and the reason why we have divorce is for relationships like this!

Divorce probably sucks, but can't be worse than living in a loveless marriage.

My divorce = 600 dollars

Lost my shirt on it ... but it was worth it.

+1 on about time.:thumb:

You and that substructure dude- I don't know if he is divorced yet, but all he seems to have is problems.

Ruben, I'm glad it's finally under way. Sure, the timing sucks. But it's finally happening! Congrats!

Thx Foo.... still dealing here with the terms, seeing apartments (don't want a 4 bedroom house all by myself). Many variables at play... like for example, if I get a small 2 bedroom apt, will a judge deny my the visitation days because I don't have a room for the girl and a 2nd room for the boy? Where is she going to live? how far away from her I'm I allowed to be? This and all kinds of questions must be answered but is getting really expensive to get the answers....

See ya later Foo, is gonna be a bussy day today.

Some observations/answers (though I'm neither a legal expert nor have I gone through a divorce personally):

-ATTITUDE- You're coming across as already given up. She took the kids with her, big deal. When my wife left her ex, she took the kids with her, too. He went down to the courthouse and filed for temporary custody (which he got) and put a restraining order on my (now) wife.

-BEDROOMS- HUD code mandates one bedroom for every 2 people, so you + 2 kids = 2 bedrooms. Depending on their ages, the kids can share a room, or you and the boy are bunking together, or one of you gets the couch.

-"Where is she going to live?"- Doesn't really matter, does it? Unless she's planning on moving cross country, it's no big deal. If she is though, and you know that you can provide a better environment for the kids (and convince a judge of that), then you have to fight to be the primary.

And finally to answer your question of "how far away from her am I allowed to be?", unless she claims (and proves) abuse towards her or the kids, you two could live across the hall from each other.

... don't forget about the sex life.

Regained!

Hey Ruben, I'm sorry to here that. I second Suzie Green on taking the high road. Being a kid when my parents divorced, I learned a lot from my parents on how to treat people like human beings. I felt like this was a crucial part of my childhood, as it affected me mentally for many years. So be careful with your kids, and good luck, I wish you all the best.
And m advice would be to study your absolute hardest for your exams and projects. pull all nighters, whatever it takes. Because getting your education will teach your kids of the importance of one. It will also help you find a good job, especially in times like these.

Be strong for your family.


Seems to have been a rash of divorces lately. Lets blame the economy.

I wouldn't doubt that for a second actually. People these says are bombarded with so much crap and so much flak just so they can stay afloat. Back in the olden days it would only be the man that would go out to work, now both parties are stressing out. On top of that there's less money flowing because of the economy. I guess I'm just saying, there's a reason why Christmas is the most stressful time of the year.

-"Where is she going to live?"- Doesn't really matter, does it? Unless she's planning on moving cross country, it's no big deal. If she is though, and you know that you can provide a better environment for the kids (and convince a judge of that), then you have to fight to be the primary.

And finally to answer your question of "how far away from her am I allowed to be?", unless she claims (and proves) abuse towards her or the kids, you two could live across the hall from each other.

Do keep in mind that most judges favor women pretty strongly, so make sure to have a good lawyer or a really good case.

There is no story. She just don't love me. Actually I have not heard an "I love you" in more than a decade... and I've asked. But that's irrelevant now, what's important at this time is my kids stability. This can get real messy real easy.

I'm sorry dude but I don't believe in the "she just don't love me" thing, if she left you and took the kids its because of something you, she, or both of you did, as soon as you mentioned "there is no story" I knew she has something on you, I'm not trying to get you to tell us the story, I'm just trying to get you to realize that there is ALWAYS two sides of a story, and your side doesn't sound kosher, so you'll get no sympathy from me, for all I know your the one that did wrong, but I have nothing but good thoughts for your children as they are always the ones that suffer most when the parents get divorced, and although most parents say the kids are fine and doing good they never are, they always end up scarred for life. Sorry dude, but thats the truth of it.

I agree with the above. I don't believe any story people tell me on face until I hear the other side.

Now, the other side could lie and fluff a story, but it's better to at least hear both sides of the coin than take one at face-value and find out undesirable things later...

Be careful what you post here about the situation. This stuff is public and I am sure she knows you post here. Her attorneys would love to read anything you have posted here.

sniped

You know what guys? I've been thinking a lot on some of your posts. Specially the comments from ilikebikes, and he's right... is my effing fault. Why? Because if the relationship was not working, I should have done one of 2 things: Either bail the heck out, or work hard to make it better. I did neither. I know, I know... you all told me so. I have to stop whining and grow a pair.

Later guys... the night is young and I'm bored beyond belief. I shall go visit some friends or something. C ya