Foo - Midlife Crisis: How Young is Too Young?

OK, I hate to start a "Poor Me" thread, but I'm wondering if anybody here has experienced anything similar to what I've been experiencing for the last 8-12 months. I'm 38, I have a job that keeps me INCREDIBLY busy too many hours per week (high school band director - and please save your "band camp" jokes), and I'm married with two kids, ages 6 & 8.

I've been having some extremely nihilistic thoughts over the past year or so. For example, I sometimes stuck on the whole "meaning of life" question, and I start to wonder if everything really does cease to exist for us once we die, then what's the point of living in the first place if all we're doing is desperately postponing the inevitable lapse into non existence? So then the only answer I can come up with is, yes, we're all pretty much screwed, so why spend so much time and effort on stuff that will do me/us no good eventually anyway? Furthermore, I begin feeling incredibly guilty over having procreated and bringing into this world two incredibly beautiful souls who will eventually have to be emotionally crushed by my death the way I was by my mother's, and will eventually die themselves. It makes me feel very, very narcissistic and guilty for having helped create them in the first place only to have to hurt them so badly later.

Makes a fellow want to say "to h*ll with it" and spend a bunch of money on the ultimate bike. Anyhow, has anybody else had thoughts even remotely similar to this, and if so, did they happen this young? Would you consider this to be midlife crisis material, or am I just certifiably nuts?

Sounds more like you might be suffering from depression. Maybe you need a chat with a professional? It's helped a lot of people.

I think if it's true that there's nothing more after death, maybe life is just that much sweeter. That means we're not just biding our time waiting for something better. Make your life what you want it to be now, don't hope for something better later. At least that's how I think.

Being a high school band director would make any sane person have nihilistic thoughts! I'm a musician, I know ;)

I think JoelS is right though — you sound depressed. Happens to a lot of people, no shame. But get some help other than Bike Forums!

I had a quarter-life crisis at 29. (1/3rd life crisis?)

I second Joel' s suggestion. Excessive philosophizing is always a cause for concern, but your apparent fixation on negativity could be an indication of depression. Might not be, but better to find out.

My midlife crises (a few years ago) involved playing indoor soccer for a few years, buying a used Miyata, doing a bit of tanning, getting re-interested in vintage bicycles and spending a little too much time wondering what life would be like if I were married to someone else (although I managed to limit myself to wondering).

You're at a stressful time in parenthood, a stressful time in your career, and an age when a few contemporaries have dropped dead. Everything you are thinking about is normal. Trust me, life does get better. Professional counseling may help it get better sooner.

Meanwhile, try to refrain from anything irreversible.

I thought this was going to be a thread about hitting on an 18-year old.

Being a high school band director can be rewarding and frustrating at the same time. Kids nowadays have a different type of respect that they did when you grew up.

Perhaps you feel that you aren't getting anywhere with them? Is it as rewarding as it used to be? As time goes on and kids come and they go, so do their ways of thinking and ways of reacting to a teacher's vision.

You may be looking at the high schoolers and wondering what is in store for your own children.

...................................................

When I was going through my own funk "Is this all there is to life??" I did a job change. Not a career change, I did a simple lateral move within the company. It's amazing how something so small introduced new challenges and rewards. It changed my whole outlook on my future and now I cannot be happier. I made the career move about 6 years ago and am still excited about what I have in store for me.



Perhaps moving to and Intermediate school will provide fresh new minds, untouched by the battling and often confrontational attitudes of the older teen.

I thought this was going to be a thread about hitting on an 18-year old.

:roflmao2:

Does life only have meaning with respect to what we get out of it? I'm not going to tell you what to think, but for me, that would be a self centered philosophy that I couldn't accept. I think it can have meaning if you do things for others. It sounds like you at least have that opportunity with your own kids, and maybe with your students.

I thought this was going to be a thread about hitting on an 18-year old.

That would be one solution...

I think the one thing that can focus on what's important is a close up and personal brush with death. I recommend you rent an H2 and do burnouts in front of an Earth First rally.

You should buy a german motorcycle.

FAST

I've been having some extremely nihilistic thoughts over the past year or so. For example, I sometimes stuck on the whole "meaning of life" question, and I start to wonder if everything really does cease to exist for us once we die, then what's the point of living in the first place if all we're doing is desperately postponing the inevitable lapse into non existence? So then the only answer I can come up with is, yes, we're all pretty much screwed, so why spend so much time and effort on stuff that will do me/us no good eventually anyway?

Here's where the classic 'it's not the destination but the journey' comes in.


Furthermore, I begin feeling incredibly guilty over having procreated and bringing into this world two incredibly beautiful souls who will eventually have to be emotionally crushed by my death the way I was by my mother's, and will eventually die themselves. It makes me feel very, very narcissistic and guilty for having helped create them in the first place only to have to hurt them so badly later.

From my limited perspective, if someone is crushed by someone else's death, it can only be because the other person had such a positive impact on the other person's life. You can't hold yourself responsible for your kids future reactions to your death. You can only hope to impact them positively by your life and leave the rest to them.


Makes a fellow want to say "to h*ll with it" and spend a bunch of money on the ultimate bike. Anyhow, has anybody else had thoughts even remotely similar to this, and if so, did they happen this young? Would you consider this to be midlife crisis material, or am I just certifiably nuts?

I think I've had similar thoughts, though at just over half the age. For me, I just try and put blinders on and not worry about the eventual end of all things me (yeah, thanks for dragging me back to reality :D ) and in the mean time hope to be able to enjoy all things me the best I can (no jokes about that one).

If things continue this way for a while/have been this way for a while, or have been intermittently like this for some time now, seeing someone might be a good way to go.

Hopefully things will ease up a bit when school gets out for you

OK, I hate to start a "Poor Me" thread, but I'm wondering if anybody here has experienced anything similar to what I've been experiencing for the last 8-12 months. I'm 38, I have a job that keeps me INCREDIBLY busy too many hours per week (high school band director - and please save your "band camp" jokes), and I'm married with two kids, ages 6 & 8.

I've been having some extremely nihilistic thoughts over the past year or so. For example, I sometimes stuck on the whole "meaning of life" question, and I start to wonder if everything really does cease to exist for us once we die, then what's the point of living in the first place if all we're doing is desperately postponing the inevitable lapse into non existence? So then the only answer I can come up with is, yes, we're all pretty much screwed, so why spend so much time and effort on stuff that will do me/us no good eventually anyway? Furthermore, I begin feeling incredibly guilty over having procreated and bringing into this world two incredibly beautiful souls who will eventually have to be emotionally crushed by my death the way I was by my mother's, and will eventually die themselves. It makes me feel very, very narcissistic and guilty for having helped create them in the first place only to have to hurt them so badly later.

Makes a fellow want to say "to h*ll with it" and spend a bunch of money on the ultimate bike. Anyhow, has anybody else had thoughts even remotely similar to this, and if so, did they happen this young? Would you consider this to be midlife crisis material, or am I just certifiably nuts?

So my uncle and I discussed my issues with the corporate workplace this evening. He said something quite insightful:

"If you don't wake up looking forward to making life better, then why wake up?"

Life is different from person to person, so everyone's perceived purpose varies as well. I'm pretty sure that these thoughts will pass.

Meanwhile, try to refrain from anything irreversible.

This is absolutely the best advice you could follow right now. You will come out of your negative mind state sooner or later . . . don't do something that will have a negative impact on the rest of your life.


I thought this was going to be a thread about hitting on an 18-year old.

Me too :lol:

^

Like road racing; don't EVER take up road racing.

Sounds like midlife crisis material to me. I'm not sure it's useful/possible to find ultimate meaning in everything. Taken to its logical extreme, there is no point in anything. The sun will eventually burn out, so even if you do your part to make the world a better place, your efforts will be for naught. The best we can do is just work on making the time we have good for ourselves and others.

But don't rule out the ultimate bike, so long as you have reason to believe you'll keep riding year after year.

I like Siu's idea in that it takes you into a new paradigm. Getting that awesome new uber bike is fine if you have the dough, but even a wally world special is great if it gets you out and riding in a new setting, possibly meeting new people to ride with, testing and challenging your body and mind to develop, etc etc,

I have no great wisdom to offer here, so I'll just say you're probably expressing feelings we all have at some point. That doesn't help you much at this moment, but I guess what I am saying is, it will pass - small changes and a day can a huge difference in your outlook.

It sounds like you love your children very much. Don't underestimate the power and resilience of the human spirit. I'll bet that eventually, your kids can handle whatever the mean ol' world throws at them.

Thanks for positive words, everybody. To answer a few posts, in no particular order:

1) Yes, I do need a change. I am on leave next year, and I will be starting an Ed. D at a local university in the fall. That ought to do it. :)

2) I am indeed eschewing the irreversible. Pretty much everything I do is done in the context of, "how will this affect my family?" Keeps me from going to the LBS with the checkbook in my pocket and the frenzy in my eye (and the LBS is only a couple of blocks from the school where I work, which ain't easy...). Plus, I just picked up a 1985 Trek 720 tourer for $75.00 a couple of months ago on Craigslist, which means I've already used up the next ten years' worth of bike purchasing karma in the early spring of this year.

3) Kids have a different level of respect nowadays? Wait, what....? (:lol:)

4) Hitting on an 18 year old? :roflmao2: Well, if there were ever a guy who had an opportunity, it would be me, but man, they're still just kids (with apologies to Sojourneyman). I had a college prof once who gave us "the speech" as we were about to go off and student teach. "If you ever find yourself, uh, 'enamored' with a HS student, have an actual conversation with the kid. Because that's what you'll find. A kid." (I cringed harder than anyone when I saw "Election.")

So, sorry if I made it sound like I'm about to jump off a cliff. It's just the first time that the cosmic and/or the eternal have occurred to me with clarity and urgency. I guess it just comes with the balding and the ear hair (sexy, I know).

I guess it just comes with the balding and the ear hair (sexy, I know).

my biggest arguments against the existence of a kind and loving superior being:crash::mad::cry::cry:

I took one of our customers out to lunch the other day and the conversation turned to midlife crisis. This customer, who is now about 60 years old, went through a midlife crisis in the 80's. He went out and bought a Porsche, got divorced after hooking up with a much younger woman, etc. At 60 years old, when he looks back at those events, he has nothing but regret including getting divorced. The Porsche was a huge drain on his finances, especially when combined with his divorce.

I'm 43 years old and have never been too concerned about the "what is the meaning of life" question, or the "why am I on earth" question. Perhaps I still will one day. I've always wondered if people who experience midlife crisis are going through a chemical / hormonal change, or are they simply thinking about their own death too much. Either way, it can be extremely disruptive to one's life.

The meaning of life is ... a german motorcycle.

German motorcycles are for idiots.

Get a Honda.

No I suggest you make some changes,main thing get the children involved in your extra work and you get involved with them//how about a fun trio/not just a one time deal something you do togeather every week.Your going to get some good feedback and advice/jump into some of it with both feet./Kenneth

My suggestion is don't wait for your midlife crisis to evaluate your life. Make sure you are doing what satisfies you. Life is far too short to be in a rut. There is so much to learn, to experience, to enjoy. Do it with your kids and your spouse.

Relationships are the most valuable thing you have, keep improving them. Everything else really doesn't matter all that much.

... Plus, I just picked up a 1985 Trek 720 tourer for $75.00 a couple of months ago on Craigslist, which means I've already used up the next ten years' worth of bike purchasing karma in the early spring of this year...

Oh contraire. You're on a roll. See what else turns up.

That would be one solution...

I think the one thing that can focus on what's important is a close up and personal brush with death. I recommend you rent an H2 and do burnouts in front of an Earth First rally.

NDE always puts things in perspective. I speak from experience.

German motorcycles are for idiots.

Get a Honda.
Hondas are for people that don't know any better.

Get a Beemer.

Hitting on an 18 year old? Well, if there were ever a guy who had an opportunity, it would be me, but man, they're still just kids (with apologies to Sojourneyman).

Ms. MillCreek, the elementary school teacher, likes to point out there is no quicker way for a teacher to permanently lose their license/credential than to do this. And then how will you make a living?

Not to mention that in response to some incidents of this type, Washington has just passed a law that criminalizes such conduct on the part of the teacher, even if the student is at or above the age of consent, which is 16 in this state.

Stop with the thinking! Just face up to "I don't know ****" and start doing life instead of "thinking life".
Mental ************ is just that........go for a ride, hug your kids, and thank God (whether you believe or not) that you have a here and now......we're ALL gonna die, the trick is to enjoy the moment.
Oh, and if this is some lame cry for a new bike purchase.......it worked!
Now go oompapa (or whatever you guys call it) and GIVE ME FIFTY miles mister!

Get your hormones checked. Maybe you have had a drop in testosterone.
Talking from experience here....

Well? How Did I Get Here? (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o7pVjl4Rrtc&feature=PlayList&p=CA99EC4E0A1DB289&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=23)

Buy a copy of Peace Is Every Step: The Path of Mindfulness in Everyday Life by Thich Nhat Hanh.

Trust me. Seriously.

Since you seem to like your wife, the young girlfriend and a couple of motorcycles is probably out of the question.

I feel like I've been going through something similar (I'm same age as you too). Although our thoughts are completely different.

I've been thinking more about career changes and things along that line.

Can women have a midlife crisis too?

I'd like a boy toy in a silver convertible, please. :)

Can women have a midlife crisis too?

I'd like a boy toy in a silver convertible, please. :)

I had that job once. She was French, and an artist. It's overrated, but the food was good.

Ms. MillCreek, the elementary school teacher, likes to point out there is no quicker way for a teacher to permanently lose their license/credential than to do this. And then how will you make a living?

Not to mention that in response to some incidents of this type, Washington has just passed a law that criminalizes such conduct on the part of the teacher, even if the student is at or above the age of consent, which is 16 in this state.

Umm...yeah...you really seem to have gotten the impression that I was actually thinking about doing it...*SIGH*....

One word: EEEEEEWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!! :twitchy:

Seriously - did I sound like I was saying I wanted to hit on teenage girls? I'm pretty sure what I was saying was that I constantly have the opportunity to hit on high schoolers, much as a bank teller always has the opportunity to shove a wad of bills into his/her pocket, but that I really have no interest in it and therefore do not.

Mr. Shelato12771, the high school band director, likes to point out that it's not a terrific idea to sprint to a judgmental finish line/lecture while skipping a careful discernment of an author's actual intentions (geez, it hurts my very soul to speak of myself in the third person; I don't understand how people do it...). I hope that the kids in your class don't get talked down to/at for doing stuff they didn't actually do. My living is quite safe, thank you. My principal, my students, my students' parents, and my own wife would all certainly agree.

Sorry if I'm being defensive, but really, WOW. Where did this come from?

I thought this was going to be a thread about hitting on an 18-year old.

So did I. That rule is half + 7.

Ex - you're 40, the limit is 27. You're 30, the limit is 22.

I have been surfing on a wave of midlife crisis for years and years now. Don't think of it as a state to be overcome. Embrace it. Cultivate it. Inhabit it. I hope to never not be in a mid-life crisis.

jim

I feel for you man. I've processed many thought cycles similar to yours. I'm currently going through the same thing at the age of 36. However, my friends, family, faith and fellow Fooster's are helping me get through it. If you need any words of encouragement, feel free to PM me.

Couch

I have been surfing on a wave of midlife crisis for years and years now. Don't think of it as a state to be overcome. Embrace it. Cultivate it. Inhabit it. I hope to never not be in a mid-life crisis.

jim

That explains a lot, Batman. :p

OK, I hate to start a "Poor Me" thread, but I'm wondering if anybody here has experienced anything similar to what I've been experiencing for the last 8-12 months. I'm 38, I have a job that keeps me INCREDIBLY busy too many hours per week (high school band director - and please save your "band camp" jokes), and I'm married with two kids, ages 6 & 8.

Yeah, that's the first echo of a mid life crisis.

The wife of the band director at our high school has been popping out a son a year for the last five years now. They plan to have a few more. Yeah, he works hellacious hours too. (Did I mention he's also lead guitarist in one of the more popular local bands?) I don't know how he does it, except that he got married late and already went through his Harley & convertible Mustang phases, so maybe he's already had his fun and realizes it will be nuthin but work for the next 10 or 15 years.

Give it 10 years. When your kids are 16 and 18, then you'll really get a clue what a mid life crisis is.

I don't sound very helpful, do I? But maybe you can take some solace in the thought that you have a lot of company. Hang in there, eventually it gets better. Really.

That explains a lot, Batman. :p

You just now figuring this out about me? You are slower than I thought.

jim

Yeah, that's the first echo of a mid life crisis.

The wife of the band director at our high school has been popping out a son a year for the last five years now. They plan to have a few more. Yeah, he works hellacious hours too. (Did I mention he's also lead guitarist in one of the more popular local bands?) I don't know how he does it, except that he got married late and already went through his Harley & convertible Mustang phases, so maybe he's already had his fun and realizes it will be nuthin but work for the next 10 or 15 years.

Give it 10 years. When your kids are 16 and 18, then you'll really get a clue what a mid life crisis is.

I don't sound very helpful, do I? But maybe you can take some solace in the thought that you have a lot of company. Hang in there, eventually it gets better. Really.

It does. Pondering our existence is normal if you're paying attention. Being surrounded by high school and college students who tend to live for the moment while being part of the group that is wanting them to plan for the future has got to make things harder for you now.

And if you need a motorcycle to help with the waiting for things to make more sense, get a bright red Ducati. German motorcycles are fun, but they don't have the emotional appeal of a duck.

So at 26 with a nice padded savings account, should I just blow it all on a fast car and hot chicks?

Most depressing thread ever.

So did I. That rule is half + 7.

Ex - you're 40, the limit is 27. You're 30, the limit is 22.

Um... no.

Umm...yeah...you really seem to have gotten the impression that I was actually thinking about doing it...*SIGH*....

One word: EEEEEEWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!! :twitchy:

Seriously - did I sound like I was saying I wanted to hit on teenage girls? I'm pretty sure what I was saying was that I constantly have the opportunity to hit on high schoolers, much as a bank teller always has the opportunity to shove a wad of bills into his/her pocket, but that I really have no interest in it and therefore do not.

Mr. Shelato12771, the high school band director, likes to point out that it's not a terrific idea to sprint to a judgmental finish line/lecture while skipping a careful discernment of an author's actual intentions (geez, it hurts my very soul to speak of myself in the third person; I don't understand how people do it...). I hope that the kids in your class don't get talked down to/at for doing stuff they didn't actually do. My living is quite safe, thank you. My principal, my students, my students' parents, and my own wife would all certainly agree.

Sorry if I'm being defensive, but really, WOW. Where did this come from?

Speaking of sprinting to judgment, I am Mr. MillCreek, not Ms. MillCreek. I am not the teacher, she is. I was relaying her comments on the subject based on her 16 years experience teaching. I do not refer to myself in the third person, and yes, you do come across as defensive on this subject. Our son is currently one year away from finishing his music education degree, and hopefully there will be teaching jobs available when he finishes.

Back to the original post: Sounds like it might be a mid-life crisis involving a 'desire' to do something before too much more of life passes you by. But maybe instead of the material things (fast cars, fast bicycles, fast women), is there something you've wanted to do in life? Some experience, event, try to accomplish something?

Example: Since you're a band director, have you ever wanted to start you're own band and make a living as a pro musician? Maybe put the word out and try to find a few others to put together something in some musical genre of your choosing (jazz, blues, heavy metal, whatever . . ). See if you and your bandmates can 'gel' together, then maybe get a few small, local gigs (even unpaid), adjust you're band's style/presentation if things don't work out at first . . . see if you can make a go of it. If it all fails, at least you know you tried to achieve it.

If its something like this, why not talk it over with the spouse, see what you can do and if she'll support the effort. Might be good for the kids, too, if they see dad trying something new; even if it fails, at least they see you trying something new, pushing beyond the normal lifestyle.

Speaking of sprinting to judgment, I am Mr. MillCreek, not Ms. MillCreek. I am not the teacher, she is. I was relaying her comments on the subject based on her 16 years experience teaching. I do not refer to myself in the third person, and yes, you do come across as defensive on this subject. Our son is currently one year away from finishing his music education degree, and hopefully there will be teaching jobs available when he finishes.

OK, this makes me kind of a jerk. Sorry. It still sounded like I was getting a lecture as to why I should stop considering hitting on my students, when I never was in the first place. Nothing makes a teacher, especially a male teacher, quite as defensive as even the SUGGESTION of sexual impropriety. I hope you understand and will accept my apology.

Son's getting a music ed. degree, eh? Is he doing an instrumental specialization? Choral? General? Well, I've been at it for 16 years, as has your wife, and I must say (though maybe I'm a bit biased) that if your son ends up teaching ensemble-based elective music courses, he will most likely get to work with the BEST (and by that, I mean easiest to teach) kids in whatever school hires him. As I posted earlier, I'm on leave next year to start my doctorate. I informed my students of this three weeks ago, but just yesterday I had my first "oh my gosh I'm going to miss them so much" breakdown after school. I get them for three more days this coming week. I will probably be a blubbering idiot on Wednesday afternoon. I hope your son's as fortunate as I have been so far! :thumb:

Back to the original post: Sounds like it might be a mid-life crisis involving a 'desire' to do something before too much more of life passes you by. But maybe instead of the material things (fast cars, fast bicycles, fast women), is there something you've wanted to do in life? Some experience, event, try to accomplish something?

Example: Since you're a band director, have you ever wanted to start you're own band and make a living as a pro musician? Maybe put the word out and try to find a few others to put together something in some musical genre of your choosing (jazz, blues, heavy metal, whatever . . ). See if you and your bandmates can 'gel' together, then maybe get a few small, local gigs (even unpaid), adjust you're band's style/presentation if things don't work out at first . . . see if you can make a go of it. If it all fails, at least you know you tried to achieve it.

If its something like this, why not talk it over with the spouse, see what you can do and if she'll support the effort. Might be good for the kids, too, if they see dad trying something new; even if it fails, at least they see you trying something new, pushing beyond the normal lifestyle.

Been there, done that, bought the t-shirt (actually sold some t-shirts too).

http://susanrockschicago.blogspot.com/2009/02/freedom-not-free-jazz.html

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KBYaYlVDJ2E

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=2805265321112648904&ei=S4YhSsnkFYXW-gH0xdDsBw&q=ear+doctor&emb=1

Yeah, that's me, hidden by the music stand in both videos. As for making a living by it, I'll leave you with a quote:

"Jazz: The Music of Unemployment" - Frank Zappa


(ps - I'm not into fast women, or high school students, or any woman who is not my wife. Anyone who is concerned about me trying to find any other woman [of any age] should read my original post. All I mentioned was a bike. :twitchy: I'm really, really, really, really, really not a lech or a perv. Really.)