Foo - My SO is always tired, has no interests

Does your SO have any hobbies/interests? My SO is always too tired (please, no jokes, grow up). She works hard, fair enough, but I dont think she undersands there's more to life than just working. I work my ass off too but not only do I have a bunch of energy all the time, on the weekends I do as little work as possible to take a break and do something non-work-related. I even stay away from the bike :twitchy: since I started commuting on it.

Could she be depressed?

Yup, sounds like a bit of depression.

My SO doesn't respond well to activities unless they are planned well ahead of time. Schedule a camping trip, weekend getaway, even just a dinner/movie. It might be hard to give the whole plan, but maybe getting her to a dance lesson will reignite interest.

All the above has to be negotiated LONG ahead of time. Plant the seed and keep at her.

Why not just have a weekend of romance?
Maybe you can have a really nice meal prepared for when she gets home on Friday. Maybe steak and a really nice red wine? Rent some chic flicks, and watch them with her? A nice bath together? Maybe cheesy, but worth a try....a warm bath with rose pedals floating in the tub and a bunch of candles all around?
Just to show her that you care, and that she's your focus.

^ Um... are you free tomorrow night? ha

go away. i mean together.

I once was interested in bicycling.

Now, I don't have the energy anymore.

^ Um... are you free tomorrow night? ha

no...but the next night maybe.:innocent:

Good luck on pepping her up. Even if it is curable depression or a medical issue, the hardest thing to do is often getting the other person open to the idea of letting a professional take a look at the problem.

It is also possible that she is having trouble figuring out what she wants out of life. A mind blowing number of people are totally addicted to work -- even when they hate their jobs. As a society, we do an excellent job of brainwashing people to believe that one way to assert your independence is to subjugate your personal life to your career.

Especially if she is having trouble in that department, it might not be helping if you have your act together. Crazy as it sounds, some people deal better with failure in others than success. I have no advice if you think you may be in this boat.

You may have to accept that you simply have a higher energy level than she does and adjust your plans accordingly. Having significantly more energy than the people around you can be a curse. You'll just be cranking up about the time they want to crash, or you might be ready to move forward when they still want to lay around.

Does your SO have any hobbies/interests? My SO is always too tired (please, no jokes, grow up). She works hard, fair enough, but I dont think she undersands there's more to life than just working. I work my ass off too but not only do I have a bunch of energy all the time, on the weekends I do as little work as possible to take a break and do something non-work-related. I even stay away from the bike :twitchy: since I started commuting on it.

Mine is the same way, and she doesn't work, we recently discovered she just hates everything I like and vice versa. The few things we both love are our kids, each other, and vacations.

Some illegal drugs might do the trick... just saying

My soon to be ex has that issue. Divorce is how I dealt with it.

My soon to be ex has that issue. Divorce is how I dealt with it.

RubenX (in the middle of a divorce at the moment) approves this message.

Does your SO exercise at all? Exercise can make you feel invigorated as well as reduce stress.

My older sister would come home from work and fall asleep on the couch from exhaustion. She started taking Jazzercise classes and she was no longer tired and had 100% more energy.

Might be a time for just a change, even if its driving to a nearby small town, checking into a hotel, and browsing the streets. Something to change the same old, same old.

Are you doing a full share of the housework, childrearing, etc.?

Firstly you have to understand that not everyone has the same ideas about what constitutes a "great life." Yours, obviously, involves exercise and sports activities. Hers, not so much. Perhaps that is because she is a cerebral person whereas you are more physical oriented.

However, I would suggest you TALK TO HER rather than a buncha numbnutz like us on the interwebz. You're more likely to get a fix on her ideas & thinking that way. If that doesn't work, professional intervention is your next step.




Some illegal drugs might do the trick... just saying

Well, just QUIT saying. This is a family forum full of folks who try to be athletes (even if not pros). Not a bunch of kiddies who think messing around with illegal pharmacopia is "the thing to do" for attention or peer respect.

I think your post was too vague to give any valid advice. All I can say is you should really talk to her about your concerns. Sounds like you two aren't on the same page (or in the same book...).

perhaps library?

I think your post was too vague to give any valid advice. All I can say is you should really talk to her about your concerns. Sounds like you two aren't on the same page (or in the same book...).
Maybe, but almost everything you need can be found on the internet, and they probably use the same one...

Shud up. I'm watchin' my stories.

Really it only matters if you're in the same town these days. Globalization and all.

dump her.. lifes too short

Does your SO exercise at all? Exercise can make you feel invigorated as well as reduce stress.

My older sister would come home from work and fall asleep on the couch from exhaustion. She started taking Jazzercise classes and she was no longer tired and had 100% more energy.

+1 The exercise is a great energy booster, however it's also about getting out and socializing with people.

Are you doing a full share of the housework, childrearing, etc.?

Good question we all need ask ourselves in this particular situation.... Still. Boredom is depression.

Does your SO exercise at all? Exercise can make you feel invigorated as well as reduce stress.

My older sister would come home from work and fall asleep on the couch from exhaustion. She started taking Jazzercise classes and she was no longer tired and had 100% more energy.

Yup, thats what I did (but with cycling, not Jazzercize! :lol:) but when I mention it to my wife she says,"I'm not you!"

Wondering who does the majority of household chores, like previous poster mentioned.

Is her job super stressful? That'll suck the life right outta ya.

Does your SO have any hobbies/interests? My SO is always too tired (please, no jokes, grow up). She works hard, fair enough, but I dont think she undersands there's more to life than just working. I work my ass off too but not only do I have a bunch of energy all the time, on the weekends I do as little work as possible to take a break and do something non-work-related. I even stay away from the bike :twitchy: since I started commuting on it.

You need to talk to her and find out what's up. We could all give you a million suggestions, but none of them might address the issue at hand, if there even is one.

I mean, there should be a reason why you chose her in the first place. Hopefully, you didn't just let your tool do the talking (no offense)...

Could she be depressed?

Yeah she could be depressed coz she's not a millionaire. No wait, if she was a millioanaire then she'd be depressed that she's not a billionaire. Or something like that :)

But seriously, I think she just keeps herself busy all the time, morning till night, doesn't stop working. Expects me to work like she does, non-stop. I tend to manage my work load, she doesn't. I think it's her upbringing, when she was younger her family had to make ends meet, maybe she's scared of not-working coz she thinks it'll turn out to be bad. So she's doing the best she can.

One thing we learn as cyclists, to perform better, you have to take a break. Know when to give it a rest. It's not being lazy, it's being constructive. Well, something like. :thumb:

Why not just have a weekend of romance?
Maybe you can have a really nice meal prepared for when she gets home on Friday. Maybe steak and a really nice red wine? Rent some chic flicks, and watch them with her? A nice bath together? Maybe cheesy, but worth a try....a warm bath with rose pedals floating in the tub and a bunch of candles all around?
Just to show her that you care, and that she's your focus.

I've cooked in the past, she doesn't want to eat my food. Doesn't even want to taste it. Others tasted my food and loved it (really, I they weren't being nice either). Films, yeah maybe, she just watches a couple of shows on tv, doesn't like to rest to watch movies. We used to watch a ton of movies, but no more.

I was thinking of getting her one of those relaxing massage/peticure weekends. The thing is, it'll be fine on the weekend, the next day she'll be back to normal. If I get her more of those, she'll just get accustomed to it and want more.

go away. i mean together.

Yeah you're right. I'm looking into this place that her friend suggested, just a quick weekend away. Later we can go on vacation for a week but not now coz we have to attend her various friend's wedding functions, we have about 12 functions to attend over the next 2 months. That'll make her even more tired as she will be expected to "keep up appearances".

I once was interested in bicycling.

Now, I don't have the energy anymore.

Life changes, we go thru phases. Sometimes we have one interest, sometimes another. Life events make us change. What changed with you?

How old is she? Might be worth going to the doc and having some bloodwork done. Low iron/thyroid/B levels are all common in women and all lead to a lack of energy. I also had low magnesium (about 70% of people in the US are deficient) and taking magnesium has helped my energy significantly. It could just be depression or too much work, but rule out medical stuff first.

She had a routine checkup, she's fine. It's not that she has a lack of energy, it's just all the energy she does have is focused on "the life routine"... keeping things tidy (even though we have a cleaner), doing the ironing (even though we have someone who does the ironing), cooking dinner (even though her mom cooks it) - she just always finds something to do.

Good luck on pepping her up. Even if it is curable depression or a medical issue, the hardest thing to do is often getting the other person open to the idea of letting a professional take a look at the problem.

It is also possible that she is having trouble figuring out what she wants out of life. A mind blowing number of people are totally addicted to work -- even when they hate their jobs. As a society, we do an excellent job of brainwashing people to believe that one way to assert your independence is to subjugate your personal life to your career.

Especially if she is having trouble in that department, it might not be helping if you have your act together. Crazy as it sounds, some people deal better with failure in others than success. I have no advice if you think you may be in this boat.

You may have to accept that you simply have a higher energy level than she does and adjust your plans accordingly. Having significantly more energy than the people around you can be a curse. You'll just be cranking up about the time they want to crash, or you might be ready to move forward when they still want to lay around.

Ah Banerjek.. long time... how you been?

She has one heck of a lot of energy, but it's all diverted to work-activities. My energy mon-fri is work, weekends is relaxing or working if required, but not over doing it. When I'm not 'over-doing it', she descirbes me as lazy :twitchy: and curses that she has to do everything. She always sends me emails about what needs to be done on the weekend, only half of it gets done (if that). My plans are a lot more realistic, I have much greater appreciation of what can be achieved in a given time frame. She doesnt and is always running late, and never ticking all the boxes for what she wanted to get done.

Accepting that I have higher energy levels... well, like I mentioned, she is also energetic, just always focused on one-thing: work or advancement type activities. With me, my interest also happens to be my job (computers), my other interest keeps me fit (cycling), and my other interest helps me keep memories (photography) so it seems well rounded. My wife's only interest really is, well, talking. And talking repetitively when there's nothing new to talk about.

try this http://9gag.com/gag/3619/

pic something

Mine is the same way, and she doesn't work, we recently discovered she just hates everything I like and vice versa. The few things we both love are our kids, each other, and vacations.

That's funny, even in a psycho-humanistic way. My SO doesn't even know that I'm still cycling. Instead of training rides, I'm commuting to work and using that as my training ride, just so she doesn't feel like I'm pursuiing my interest. If she asks how my work is going, I tone it down and make out as if it's 'just ok'. Quite frankly, my work is brilliant!

Some illegal drugs might do the trick... just saying

PM me some recommendations would you?

My soon to be ex has that issue. Divorce is how I dealt with it.

The last few arguments we had, we kept hinting to each other that we should go our own separate ways. The truth is, I dont want to. Mainly because I love my daughter to bits and will always stay with her. The truth also is that I love my wife and all that she is trying to achieve for our daughter, it's not like I dont appreciate what she's doing. But she needs to learn to occasionally let things go, it's for her own good.

RubenX (in the middle of a divorce at the moment) approves this message.

Hi Ruben, I read some of your posts over the last few months. I hope it works out for you and your SO to mutual satisfaction.

Remind your wife that play is just as important as work and that you'd like to be her playmate.

:)

Does your SO exercise at all? Exercise can make you feel invigorated as well as reduce stress.

My older sister would come home from work and fall asleep on the couch from exhaustion. She started taking Jazzercise classes and she was no longer tired and had 100% more energy.

Nope, no exercise. She used to do yoga, but I dont think she was fully committed to it and I think (due to her nature) she spent a lot of time just checking out other women and comparing herself. The only activity she does is when we go swimming, but she doesn't swim, she just stays in one place and looks after our daughter (so do I, neither of us swim, we go to the pool so my daughter can swim, we stick around to keep an eye on her.... I told her she could go and swim, but she doesn't want to... and she spends a fair amount of time checking other people out... it's uncanny).

Might be a time for just a change, even if its driving to a nearby small town, checking into a hotel, and browsing the streets. Something to change the same old, same old.

Yeah I know what you mean... it's something I'm looking into now in fact. Of course, she'll still have to touch base with headquarters (her mum). :roflmao2:

Are you doing a full share of the housework, childrearing, etc.?

With my daughter, yes absolutely. I'll take her out to parks, on the trains, buses, museums, shopping, whatever her interests are, any new places I can think of, for walks, on her bike (I bought her a Specialized HotRock but she wants a bike with pedals so I'm looking again :thumb:))

With cooking and other housework, no I do not. I used to clean up the house, but she didn't like that, and always cleaned up after me. I used to do the shopping, but then she wanted to take that over again. I cooked a few times but she didn't want to eat what I cooked. We now have someone to do the cleaning, window cleaning, ironing, diy... she still feels the need to do that whenever the cleaners are not here (they come once/week). Lately, she has been getting angry at the cleaner as well and when I talk to the cleaner, SO says I'm just being nice/friendly and I need to show more authority. :crash:

Firstly you have to understand that not everyone has the same ideas about what constitutes a "great life." Yours, obviously, involves exercise and sports activities. Hers, not so much. Perhaps that is because she is a cerebral person whereas you are more physical oriented.

However, I would suggest you TALK TO HER rather than a buncha numbnutz like us on the interwebz. You're more likely to get a fix on her ideas & thinking that way. If that doesn't work, professional intervention is your next step.

Actually I'm a very cerebral person. The only physical activity I do is cycling and that's it. I'm the kind of person who loves to plan things in advance, I dont like talking much about 'dumb stuff' and I hate repetitiveness. I'm also very accurate (er mostly) and my wife accuses me of not being human. But that's just work. I've learnt to chill out on weekends and after hours. In fact, after hours I'm a pretty sociable person. My SO said I should be friends with her friends and family, so I became so friendly with them that we swapped numbers and chatted on a regular basis. My SO then despised that. I think maybe I'm just perfect. :eek:



Well, just QUIT saying. This is a family forum full of folks who try to be athletes (even if not pros). Not a bunch of kiddies who think messing around with illegal pharmacopia is "the thing to do" for attention or peer respect.[/QUOTE]

I think your post was too vague to give any valid advice. All I can say is you should really talk to her about your concerns. Sounds like you two aren't on the same page (or in the same book...).

Nah, I dont want to talk to her about problems anymore, done enough of that. I just wanna move forward with our relationship. Ok, I'll let you into a little secret... I like to enjoy her company several times a day, but she thinks it's better to do it once a month, sometimes as little as once every 2 or 3 months (i'm not kidding - she thinks that's normal!). Ok everyone, let the comments rip!

dump her.. lifes too short

Nah, I love her and care for her. I guess life just gets in the way (life = work + her family).

+1 The exercise is a great energy booster, however it's also about getting out and socializing with people.

ah yes, the great socializer. In the past, she has told me how to talk, how to behave, who to say hello to, who I wasn't supposed to say hello to, who I have to ignore, and she even told me how I'm supposed to dance. Let me repeat that for you, she was telling me how I'm supposed to dance.

I guess she figured out that although she's a control freak, she has a pretty hard time controlling me. She's a little less freaky now though.

Wondering who does the majority of household chores, like previous poster mentioned.

Is her job super stressful? That'll suck the life right outta ya.

Yes, her job is very stressful.

You need to talk to her and find out what's up. We could all give you a million suggestions, but none of them might address the issue at hand, if there even is one.

I mean, there should be a reason why you chose her in the first place. Hopefully, you didn't just let your tool do the talking (no offense)...

Here is a short conversation I had with her:
Me: Wassup?
Her: Nothing.
Me: Come on you can tell me... wassup?
Her: Nothing.
Me: You sure... something must be up?
Her: Look I said nothing's up ok?
Me: Sure ok

Here's a long conversation I had with her:
Me: You ok?
Her: Yes
Me: Sure:
Her: Yup
Me: work ok?
Her: yes
Me: Family?
Her: Uh huh
Me: So wassup?
Her: Nothing
Me: You're acting kinda wierd.
Her: No I'm not.
Me: Come on hun, tell me what's bugging you.
Her: Nothing is bugging me.
Me: So you're just quiet?
Her: Yes, just quiet.
Me: Ok [but thinks... I should have pursued that woman who was flirting with me earlier :))

Remind your wife that play is just as important as work and that you'd like to be her playmate.

:)

These kinda things just dont work with her