Fifty Plus (50+) - OT: Business-speak

This has nothing to do with cycling, and everything to do with jargon. I posted an article on my leadership blog today that is a (hopefully) humorous take on business-speak. If you're interested in such a thing, take a look. Business-speak (http://garywinters.com/?p=548) Feel free to add a comment if you'd like with more examples.

Now I'm going to go for a ride and keep my eye on the prize while maintaining the status quo, even as I reinvent myself and develop my skill sets to be able to offer a compelling vision to those who follow.

Cheers!

Back in my lawyer days, I used to marvel at the lawyers who were overly fond of legalese. In negotiations taking place in the courthouse hallways, they would explain an offer to their client, using all the legalspeak they could muster. You could tell the client had no idea what was said, but, on the attorneys advice, they would agree. I always figured you had to explain it in plain english. Just an odd idea that I had. bk

Looks like you have touched base with most of the players, but are you sure you have all the stakeholders (or is that just social service speak?) involved?

Looks like you have touched base with most of the players, but are you sure you have all the stakeholders (or is that just social service speak?) involved?

How could I forget the stakeholders? They are always a value-add to the bottom line. I'll have to shift my paradigm. My bad. :lol:

Glad someone stepped up. Now we need a path forward to quantify the value added...

Argh. No! No! I won't! It takes me to a dark and frightening place. Bad things happen there, you can't imagine. ("Two by two, ties of blue...") :twitchy:

The worst I ever heard was once when a company was going through layoffs. The top manager said that people "would be given a chance to explore opportunities elsewhere". F--king coward couldn't even use the "L" word.

This sounds way too much like work, to me.
My corporate leadership spent two years tearing down the silos so they could replace them with towers. I mean, dare I say... WTF???

What do words mean when they no longer mean anything at all?

Oy... how far we have fallen.

Layoffs?

We used to say "fired"

I just returned from my annual Home Office visit. I asked the manager who led the training we had to forward a key to understanding what the heck he was talking about. Key words:

enterprise
granular
weeds
parking lot
synergy
metrics

Actually DG he sounded alot like your Blog... I was in a fog the whole week. What happened to just speaking "normal"? :(

That blog has a lot of synergy, DG.

There's always Buzzword Bingo (http://lurkertech.com/buzzword-bingo/) for boring meetings.

Oh, and don't forget Action Item Man comics (http://professionalsuperhero.com/).

Layoffs?

We used to say "fired"

I think there is a legal distinction between the two: "laid off" means it's a result of management cocking things up, so the poor b-astards tossed on the street may get unemployment benefits. "Fired" means the employee cocked things up, or management won't accept responsibility.

So we can blame that one on lawyers? ;)

I just returned from my annual Home Office visit. I asked the manager who led the training we had to forward a key to understanding what the heck he was talking about. Key words:

enterprise
granular
weeds
parking lot
synergy
metrics

Actually DG he sounded alot like your Blog... I was in a fog the whole week. What happened to just speaking "normal"? :(

That's the one I wanted.....metrics.....:love:

When our quality department demanded more metrics we responded by designing a metric laser system for European use. When we explained that we had done their bidding, the informed us that our thinking was below the line.......:roflmao2:

Layoffs?

We used to say "fired"

Fired means you screwed up. Layoff means the company screwed up.

It makes a lot of difference in how you are treated at the unemployment office.

Fired means you screwed up. Layoff means the company screwed up.

It makes a lot of difference in how you are treated at the unemployment office.

Layoffs? Firings? Nope. RIF: Reduction in Force.

From the world of venture capital....here is some VC speak.

I am not sure that I have enough bandwidth or even any cycles left for this project. I have 10 business plans on my desk similar to yours. What makes you different? We like to see a best of breed value chain and first mover status plus significant IP, customer traction and a break even company. Before I will even consider taking a meeting, we need a blue chip management team with a proven track record of success, 15% EBITDA margins and an exit strategy that will yield my 10X return requirements.

Now I'm going to go for a ride and keep my eye on the prize while maintaining the status quo, even as I reinvent myself and develop my skill sets to be able to offer a compelling vision to those who follow.

Cheers!

Glad you are executing your strategic focus. :)

Ahhhhhhhhggggg! Good gosh it's like I am back in Home Office all over again!!!!! :eek:

You guys are over the top!

Huh?

What did they say?

Damn glad I didn't go to college, I think. :D

We're all proactively leveraging our synergies for the inevitable win-win.

I actually used the term value-added in a legitimate sense, once.

[QUOTE=Digital Gee;9324783]This has nothing to do with cycling, and everything to do with jargon. I posted an article on my leadership blog today that is a (hopefully) humorous take on business-speak. If you're interested in such a thing, take a look.

That's a front-of-curve personal contribution and an all-singing all-dancing statement, good of you to run it up the flagpole to see who salutes it.

Uggh, need a disinfectant handwash after typing those words.

And on reflection, rather than adding to the list of jargon that we've all been irritated by, but considering the origin of some of these phrases

A good few of them were pretty good metaphors at first, striking analogies in a simple phrase for subtle conditions

But by repetition and over-application, they become irritating substitutes for clear thinking, slogans and cliches

I guess I'm more irritated by the borrowing and repetition of these phrases by un-original thinkers, than by the phrases themselves

And, maybe more bike forums-related, what are the bike-related equivalent to some of the sport-related cliches?

"Hit it out of the ballpark" - "Solo breakaway"

Any offerings?

I've done enough interfacing today, the ball is now in your park.

I better stop reading this before I get rightsized.

I better stop reading this before I get rightsized.

Hopefully, not supersized.

My job used to include supervising people who wrote technical reports for our clients. I worked very hard with my staff people to get them to write using simple words and short sentences. I took the approach that if you needed to use complicated terms you probably didn't fully understand the concept yourself. I still think that's true.

Guess what happened? The jargon lovers were able to convince our home office manager that they were smart. I used to marvel at their ability to make beautiful presentations that contained absolutely no meat. None. That was the first company that I thought was too big to fail which actually did.

Layoffs?

We used to say "fired"
Is that kind of like "involuntary termination?"

Business/cycling cross over.

In describing a woman I was talking with during a feed stop on a ride, I said that she was dressed in "full business kit". Seemed to strike a chord with the guys I was with.

This should not be confused with a "full Cleveland". ;)

Is that kind of like "involuntary termination?"

It's the lead parachute.

Let's dialogue.

EXCELLENT!
Man, you really said a mouthful, or not.

True Story; many years ago, working for a mid-size company, part of a large company...
We got a new company president. Mr. New Company President wrote all of us underlings a nice one page memo to acquaint us with him.

I'm standing their reading this one-pager. I read it the first time. Thinking that I must have not been paying attention, I read it a second time, this time a bit more carefully.

Then, I asked one of my co-workers if our new company President just took one entire page, to in effect say nothing.

My co-worker agreed.

Jeff, still fat

EXCELLENT!
Man, you really said a mouthful, or not.

True Story; many years ago, working for a mid-size company, part of a large company...
We got a new company president. Mr. New Company President wrote all of us underlings a nice one page memo to acquaint us with him.

I'm standing their reading this one-pager. I read it the first time. Thinking that I must have not been paying attention, I read it a second time, this time a bit more carefully.

Then, I asked one of my co-workers if our new company President just took one entire page, to in effect say nothing.

My co-worker agreed.

Jeff, still fat

Years ago I taught business writing seminars from time to time. To do so, I collected examples of poor writing in memos and such. I can still remember word for word how one of them started:

"In order to redress certain span of control anomalies, "John Doe" has been promoted to Supervisor, blah, blah, blah."

Translation? The department had gotten larger, and was being split into two, each with it's own supervisor. In order to redress certain span of control anomalies indeed. :lol:

An antidote can be found at: http://www.despair.com