Foo - The dating game. Maybe you guys can explain.

So, I took all the great BF advice and dumped the boyfriend of many years. (Don't feel guilty, anyone, since it was just time for that to happen anyway.)

I'm at the point where I am seeking casual, no-pressure kind of dates/ friendships. I'm not seeking my soul-mate or anything. I just want to hang out with men who like the same things that I do, but not entirely in a platonic way. But the platonic part has to be there, too.

However, I am meeting guys on the extreme. They either want just one thing, or they want some deep longlasting love in their lives. I met one guy who seemed to have a lot of common interests, but he was about one thing, and one thing only. Not that that thing was bad :rolleyes: :D, but I am am seeking casual companionship. There is another one who is all ready to dive into some big romance after a couple of dates, and I'm not feeling it at all with him. He's all ready to "take care of" some "little woman," and that's definitely not where I'm at. It's just one crazy extreme or the other.

I've been seeking relatively "normal" people who have their own lives, but have some time and interest for recreation.

So guys, tell me what is going on here. How do I find regular, decent people who want to ride bikes, and engage in a variety of other recreational activities? (I'm in a singles group already. All they want to do is drink right now.)

Match.com.

Just like "it was just time for that break up to happen" this to will happen too, stop trying so hard, when the time comes it will come. :)

So you are saying you just want a FWB?

Pictures please

Where are you at? I can promise you I don't really give a crap about either of those things. :innocent:

Pictures please

+1
:thumb:

I have no idea but I am planning on taking the same route in a few months.
After 13 years of marriage (the last 6 being terrible) I do not want anything serious. Just to play around and meet people. I hope I do not experience the same issue.

So, I took all the great BF advice and dumped the boyfriend of many years. (Don't feel guilty, anyone, since it was just time for that to happen anyway.)

I'm at the point where I am seeking casual, no-pressure kind of dates/ friendships. I'm not seeking my soul-mate or anything. I just want to hang out with men who like the same things that I do, but not entirely in a platonic way. But the platonic part has to be there, too.

However, I am meeting guys on the extreme. They either want just one thing, or they want some deep longlasting love in their lives. I met one guy who seemed to have a lot of common interests, but he was about one thing, and one thing only. Not that that thing was bad :rolleyes: :D, but I am am seeking casual companionship. There is another one who is all ready to dive into some big romance after a couple of dates, and I'm not feeling it at all with him. He's all ready to "take care of" some "little woman," and that's definitely not where I'm at. It's just one crazy extreme or the other.

I've been seeking relatively "normal" people who have their own lives, but have some time and interest for recreation.

So guys, tell me what is going on here. How do I find regular, decent people who want to ride bikes, and engage in a variety of other recreational activities? (I'm in a singles group already. All they want to do is drink right now.)
Move to Tucson...

Oh come on! It had to be said! :D

You can beat around the bush and say you're "not looking for anything serious" but EVERY girl says that meaning something totally different. I met a girl who said that, and emphasised it, and within 2 weeks she wanted to be in commited relationship.

Don't blame guys, blame all your female friends before you for screwing with the male mind.

You'll have to go back to college.

I wonder - would age matter here? I am guessing the extremely young would only want the one thing or the lovey dovey stuff, and the older one gets the more companionship is important. I am speaking in tremendously general terms here of course, but wondering if that is something to consider when dating....

I was gonna ask "which desert are you in?" :D

I'm in the SAME situation... and have had the same type of situations. Maybe we should all wear a sign :o

I've been banned by five states and half of Canada for giving advice on relationships so take what I say with a grain of salt. With that said, just PM CrackerJab and your troubles will be over. I rest my case!

Couch

I've been banned by five states and half of Canada for giving advice on relationships so take what I say with a grain of salt. With that said, just PM CrackerJab and your troubles will be over. I rest my case!

Couch

I second this. :D

I've been banned by five states and half of Canada for giving advice on relationships so take what I say with a grain of salt. With that said, just PM CrackerJab and your troubles will be over. I rest my case!

Couch

:lol:

I was gonna ask "which desert are you in?" :D

I'm in the SAME situation... and have had the same type of situations. Maybe we should all wear a sign :o

"Here's your sign...."

(Sorry, but it had to be said).:lol:

Go to bike races and hit on the riders. Just remember, if a rider has a really expensive bike, only two possibilities exist:

he makes a lot of money or he spends every penny on his bike.

Either way, they'd be happy to give you your space, if you wanted it.

Met my wife on the web 8 years ago. Married 16 months later after meeting and I had moved from the west coast to the Southeast for 9 months after 7 months of online chat and phone calls. We did not live together during our dating period with me living out here by her for 9 months. Neither of us had been married before and don't have any children. I was 48, she was 42 when we wed. Still doing good.

Online dating? I went through similar problems when I did online dating and I did it for a long time.

Don't mention in any way that you want sex. Not in any way shape or form. If you do you'll get more players than you can shake a stick at.

Also don't go with the traditional sappy long walks on the beach, likes and dislikes, etc.....

Your best bet is to say you want an "activity partner" to ride bikes and such things with. You may still have to weed some out, but hopefully you'll get closer to what you are looking for.

Good luck.

Online dating? I went through similar problems when I did online dating and I did it for a long time.

Don't mention in any way that you want sex. Not in any way shape or form. If you do you'll get more players than you can shake a stick at.

Also don't go with the traditional sappy long walks on the beach, likes and dislikes, etc.....

Your best bet is to say you want an "activity partner" to ride bikes and such things with. You may still have to weed some out, but hopefully you'll get closer to what you are looking for.

Good luck.

Exactly what I did. We were both looking for lifelong commitments, as well as bike partners. Location was never an issue. She brought up sex. We left nothing undiscussed. Nothing. I wish the OP success in her endeavors.

I learned something long ago. If you want to meet a cop, go to the police station. Want to meet a librarian, go to the library. Want to meet a drunk, hang out at the bar. The math is simple. My wife is a Pharm D. "Met her on the web."

As a guy reading the original post coupled with others' inferences, and it really confuses me.

You want to be friends, but more than friends, but not more than friends. As someone else said, are you just looking to be "friends with benefits" with someone? If so, just say so. Plenty of people are into that. In fact, I find the whole "friends with benefits" thing to be pretty unattractive and I had a hard time finding people who were NOT into that when I was dating. Or you are willing to have sex with someone but you are confused when all they want is casual sex when it sounds like that is what you want, too?

I find this so confusing. :twitchy:

As someone else said, are you just looking to be "friends with benefits" with someone? If so, just say so. No. That doesn't work.

She clearly stated she really wanted a friend....benefits may or may not come, depends on the attraction. It seems clear to me she's looking for someone to casually hang out and be friends with. A little intimacy on the side doesn't hurt.

However, if you state you want FWB, you get the dogs who want the B, but don't give a rats azz about the F part. Players who just want to "hit and run". That is what she's trying to avoid.

You are likely right, KT, but I totally got a different impression when I read parts of the OP.

You are likely right, KT, but I totally got a different impression when I read parts of the OP.

I'm very sympathetic because I was in this "predicament" for a long time myself. And its much more difficult for a guy because if you are friends with a girl and try to take the "benefits" step, they are much more suspicious of you. You most likely instantly look like sex perv with one thing on his mind who played the game in order to get in her pants.

Match.com.

If I may make a plug, I'd recommend okcupid. Seems to be more nice, interesting, intelligent people there than on any other dating site, and I've had lots of luck with the people on there. Plus it has lots of fun widgets to play with! Plus it's FREE.

/shameless plug*


*I'm not part of the okcupid team, just a happy user.

auction yourself on bike forums

If I may make a plug, I'd recommend okcupid. Seems to be more nice, interesting, intelligent people there than on any other dating site, and I've had lots of luck with the people on there. Plus it has lots of fun widgets to play with! Plus it's FREE.

/shameless plug*


*I'm not part of the okcupid team, just a happy user.
I don't know OKCupid, but I agree that Match.com wasn't the nicest dating site. I found much more superficial people on there.

I don't know OKCupid, but I agree that Match.com wasn't the nicest dating site. I found much more superficial people on there.

what's wrong with superficial. you feel like a genius on the date

I used to be on Fitness Singles and they had a "just looking for a friend" option. I met a couple of cycling guys that way and all we did was hang out and ride bikes.

Have you tried joining a group or club for something you like to do and meeting people that way? Something like the Sierra Club that would have a large group of people who might be more interested in social acivity rather than dating.

what's wrong with superficial. you feel like a genius on the date

Yeah...you have to get the date in the first place....and/or be willing to date them. When they start asking for multiple photos (one isn't enough), I start getting the red flags.

I haven't tried fitness singles, but that's probably a good idea. I've used plenty of fish (free), yahoo personals, and match. I'd try them in that order, but agree that match seemed more superficial.

So guys, tell me what is going on here. How do I find regular, decent people who want to ride bikes, and engage in a variety of other recreational activities? (I'm in a singles group already. All they want to do is drink right now.)

Stop looking. I mean, keep looking, but don't expect to find what you're looking for right away.

Three years after I broke up with my former girlfriend, I'm still have yet to find a woman I really, truly want to go crazy after. It kind of sucks, but I think that's just the way it is.

Whatever happened to hanging out at interesting places, going up to people and asking their name?




Worked for me.

Look for friends instead of dates.

Whatever happened to hanging out at interesting places, going up to people and asking their name?




Worked for me.

that never works unless you are stunning.

I agree with Couch. He has a good idea there.

stop looking. I mean, keep looking, but don't expect to find what you're looking for right away.

Three years after i broke up with my former girlfriend, i'm still have yet to find a woman i really, truly want to go crazy after. It kind of sucks, but i think that's just the way it is.

+1

that never works unless you are stunning.


Nonsense. I only had to deploy the taser once....she said she liked it "rough".

that never works unless you are stunning.

Or you believe that you are and letting others see it.

Whatever happened to hanging out at interesting places, going up to people and asking their name?

Worked for me.That's sooooo last century! :rolleyes:


that never works unless you are stunning.+1


Or you believe that you are and letting others see it.You watch too much Dr. Phil, me thinks!

Whatever happened to hanging out at interesting places, going up to people and asking their name?

Worked for me.

+1 Sometimes just striking up a casual conversation can lead to better things.

Internet dating: to find your prince you have to kiss a lot of frogs.

The biggest problems I found with Internet dating is that when you meet then face-to-face, you realize the photos they were showing you were taken 5 years, and 50 pounds earlier.:mad:

So you need to ask them for a full-length photo taken with today's newspaper, just like negotiating with a kidnapper.:lol:

The biggest problems I found with Internet dating is that when you meet then face-to-face, you realize the photos they were showing you were taken 5 years, and 50 pounds earlier.:mad:

So you need to ask them for a full-length photo taken with today's newspaper, just like negotiating with a kidnapper.:lol:
:lol: thats not a bad idea, I've met a couple old girls with old photos before...

I've been banned by five states and half of Canada for giving advice on relationships so take what I say with a grain of salt. With that said, just PM CrackerJab and your troubles will be over. I rest my case!

Couch

What am I a piece of meat?

... I am meeting guys on the extreme. They either want just one thing, or they want some deep longlasting love in their lives. .... It's just one crazy extreme or the other.

I've been seeking relatively "normal" people who have their own lives, but have some time and interest for recreation.

So guys, tell me what is going on here. How do I find regular, decent people who want to ride bikes, and engage in a variety of other recreational activities? (I'm in a singles group already. All they want to do is drink right now.)
Here's the thing. Once you pass a certain age, all the normal guys and women find each other and pull themselves out of the availability pool leaving only the wackos. The odds of the few normal guys and women left finding each other are astronomical.

In short, you may be screwed. Stop looking and maybe something will fall into your lap.

Look for friends instead of dates.

^^This. You can't have a friend that you are intimate with unless you are friends first.

Here's the thing. Once you pass a certain age, all the normal guys and women find each other and pull themselves out of the availability pool leaving only the wackos. The odds of the few normal guys and women left finding each other are astronomical.

In short, you may be screwed. Stop looking and maybe something will fall into your lap.


ouch

ouch
Not intended that way. A huge percentage of us passed that age long ago.