Foo - A call for dating help! My online profile.

So I'm starting to check out Plentyoffish and such after a long time of not using it. To my dismay, I found that craiglist ultimately drowned in the ocean of spam and crap, so that's mostly out of the picture. Additionally, since I'm going out a lot more and attending more mass-function events (i.e. events with lots of people), I'm not serious enough to pay for a dating service (ala Match.com, eHarmony, etc.).

I've experimented with lots of variations on my profile, and nothing seems to be working. In the beginning, I was getting responses relatively regularly, though the message itself was somewhat long (two paragraphs). However, after I started trimming the length of the message, and even after using the same message (and variations of it), I've been getting nothing.

Additionally, I have ratings turned on for my main pic, and they are quite low. I know for sure that I'm not a bad looking guy, so I'm wondering if I just chose a bad pic or if people there hold "higher" standards...

Either way, take a look for yourselves and tell me what you guys think. I'm not taking this too seriously, as I've only logged in a few times in the last few weeks, so criticize away!

Link: http://www.plentyoffish.com/member13433025.htm

Lose the "As dorky as they come".

Profession
Spatula dealer

criticize away!



Threads like this is like finding a $50 in a pair of old jeans.:D

Profession
Spatula dealer

Explanation:

I initially put what I really do (IT), but talking about office jobs is as exciting as watching paint dry. So I figured I'd allude to a song I like, which is really a snippet of a movie I haven't watched yet.

I guess I'll just change it to IT, as I'll eventually have to explain what I do.

Threads like this is like finding a $50 in a pair of old jeans.:D

I figured I'd give BF Christmas in July

I agree with oakback. Too wordy. Too much info. You gotta leave some for chatting with someone.

Also the impression that I got from your ad is that you're a geek with a quirky sense of humor who can't cook. Try revealing other interesting things about you (what's the most exciting thing you've done? Don't say fix computers... How many scars do you have?, Do you dance naked under the pale moonlight?, Can you jump your bicycle over a ravine? What's the worst wipe-out that happened to you?), and not so much what you do for a living. That part will come up later when someone is interested in you.

And drop the "I would say that I'm the world's most interesting man, but I can't speak French in Russian". I was like wtf is he talking about. Also drop the "pure and true geek" paragraph. A simple, I'm in IT works if you have to list it (you're lookng for a date/relationship, not interviewing at a company). Drop the whole bit about not being able to cook. This is your personal ad, not a disclaimer statement.

So yeah, shorten it up, throw some exciting info in there. Everyone wants someone fun to hang with, so if you do fun stuff, show it in your ad. Anyways, I'm not trying to be mean, just trying to help. God knows I've been thru eharmony, match, and craigslist. Finally found a great girl on CL. Good luck to you!

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URL:


http://www.plentyoffish.com/member13433025.htm

Change it to:

I have an erection that won't go away no matter how many times I do it

Work in some bold text for effect. :thumb:

I agree with oakback. Too wordy. Too much info. You gotta leave some for chatting with someone.

Also the impression that I got from your ad is that you're a geek with a quirky sense of humor who can't cook. Try revealing other interesting things about you (what's the most exciting thing you've done? Don't say fix computers... How many scars do you have?, Do you dance naked under the pale moonlight?, Can you jump your bicycle over a ravine? What's the worst wipe-out that happened to you?), and not so much what you do for a living. That part will come up later when someone is interested in you.

And drop the "I would say that I'm the world's most interesting man, but I can't speak French in Russian". I was like wtf is he talking about. Also drop the "pure and true geek" paragraph. A simple, I'm in IT works if you have to list it (you're lookng for a date/relationship, not interviewing at a company). Drop the whole bit about not being able to cook. This is your personal ad, not a disclaimer statement.

So yeah, shorten it up, throw some exciting info in there. Everyone wants someone fun to hang with, so if you do fun stuff, show it in your ad. Anyways, I'm not trying to be mean, just trying to help. God knows I've been thru eharmony, match, and craigslist. Finally found a great girl on CL. Good luck to you!

Thanks for the feedback. Considering that I've changed my profile a few times since I've started, I guess it shows that this edition of the profile was something of a retraction.

I tried to emphasize geekiness because I really hate coming forward about the stuff that I do. While it's certainly not boring to me, it's definitely not something unusual and totally out there.

And I must have thrown the completely wrong impression because I can definitely cook. With that said, I'm fixing it now...

You need to post a picture that emphasizes your cleavage.

Also, you need to move out of Sausage County. the "Last 10 people to check their mail, within 50 miles of crassic" are all dudes.

Okay, so I updated it. After reading what I had and the recommendations offered here, I agree that I trapped myself in "trying too hard." So I chilled out a bit.

I do have a couple of questions, though. I added a small blurb at the top so that the transition to the other paragraphs is smoother, but is it too plain? That's something I tried very hard to avoid.

Also, I've read that replies to other profiles are best kept short and to her profile only. The reasoning behind this was that talking about stuff in her profile implies that her profile was read, and that the reply is really a pull to get her to the profile. However, I've been lacking success since trying this out. Could it be that longer, more thought-out replies are just more favorable?

I really appreciate the help (again).

You need to post a picture that emphasizes your cleavage.

Also, you need to move out of Sausage County. the "Last 10 people to check their mail, within 50 miles of crassic" are all dudes.

I'm in Brooklyn, near almost ALL of the trendy, hip areas. Need I say more?

I'm in Brooklyn, near almost ALL of the trendy, hip areas. Need I say more?Yep, definitely time to move.

Try revealing other interesting things about you . . . Do you dance naked under the pale moonlight?

Do women fall for this?

I think you are smiling too much in your pic. Could be it's just me, seems like you
are trying too hard.

When you describe yourself, think onion. Say what you feel when you do it.
Like... I love riding my bike, I like going to new places and trying new things.
Share the adventure with me.

I agree with Late. You are attractive but your picture shows too much grill. You look a bit like Bill Cosby in the 70's. I think you need to not emphasize on the fact that you are what you consider a geek and just be a man. I find when people emphasize on their style or way of life, they are trying too hard. Just let when know that you are into cycling, school, engineering, computers, Star Wars, Spice Girls and all of that jazz. The simple profiles probably get more positive attention than those with too many words. I am sure they are forwarded more than the poster realizes.

I agree with Late. You are attractive but your picture shows too much grill. You look a bit like Bill Cosby in the 70's. I think you need to not emphasize on the fact that you are what you consider a geek and just be a man. I find when people emphasize on their style or way of life, they are trying too hard. Just let when know that you are into cycling, school, engineering, computers, Star Wars, Spice Girls and all of that jazz. The simple profiles probably get more positive attention than those with too many words. I am sure they are forwarded more than the poster realizes.

I was thinking of doing that, but I really wanted to avoid sounding like every other profile, which also happen to be simple and extremely general. It also never really worked out for me when I tried this way before, though I don't think I was as active or as "cultured" back then.

I'm in Brooklyn, near almost ALL of the trendy, hip areas. Need I say more?

move to queens - can't get any less trendy or hip than that;)

You should use this picture:
http://www.bikeforums.net/showpost.php?p=9331901&postcount=291

With apologies to Dilbert say (if true) I am highly intelligent, I have a good paying job and I do no live with my Mother. Its a Darwinian thing. Barring that learn to dance.

I was thinking of doing that, but I really wanted to avoid sounding like every other profile, which also happen to be simple and extremely general. It also never really worked out for me when I tried this way before, though I don't think I was as active or as "cultured" back then.

Sorry, but I didn't even want to bother to finish reading your profile.

move to queens - can't get any less trendy or hip than that;)

Because Brooklyn Heights is aspiring to be the next Astoria...Sorry, man. :)


You should use this picture:
http://www.bikeforums.net/showpost.php?p=9331901&postcount=291

I thought about putting that up, but I think most people would think the bibs are kind of doofy. Plus, I like hiding the goods. :)


With apologies to Dilbert say (if true) I am highly intelligent, I have a good paying job and I do no live with my Mother. Its a Darwinian thing. Barring that learn to dance.

LOL, Dilbert gets all the chicks man

Sorry, but I didn't even want to bother to finish reading your profile.

But you don't offer any suggestions, hence the thread...

I think the suggestion is "It's too long."

Even if it isn't, keep in mind that your audience is internet users. They don't exactly have the longest att--hey look at that dog!

You need to do a spell check. You misspelled "better".

I sent you a rose.

You need to do a spell check. You misspelled "better".

Thanks for the catch!

Change the religion to Pantheistic Hedonism ;)

Threads like this is like finding a $50 in a pair of old jeans.:D

more.

Mr. Crassic,
I just came back from a wedding in your neck of the woods. My cousin got married at Empire St. Park in DUMBO. If you want to meet people, go for a ride, and arrange to be in the parks there on a Sat evening while all the weddings are going on (we saw 9 weddings in that park!), talk to some bridesmaids and there you go! They see your massive guads, package etc. and you can't miss. You are the outsider, and the only people who will talk to you are fitness minded anyway (since we all look like freaks in spandex! :innocent:) so you have something in common. Just a thought.

Hmm. I'm not finding a lot wrong with it. The picture makes you look pretty cute. (I've always imagined you looking like your avatar. LOL.) The fact that you have no car may be off-putting to a lot of women, but not necessarily to the cyclist gals. :thumb:

The only other thing might be to list some activities beside work and cycling that you do. Maybe describe what you do to "chill," instead of saying that you want to chill with someone. ("Chill" is an overused and vague expression. I get very tired of reading about people who like to "chill" in their ads.)

Other than that, your ad is pretty direct and specific. That is a good thing. You don't want every desperate woman seeking you just because you're there. You want to target women with similar intersts and likes as you. That might be why you have fewer responses. Trust me. Sometimes less is more.

Change it to:

I have an erection that won't go away no matter how many times I do it

Work in some bold text for effect. :thumb:

Didn't I see you on CL?

You should use this picture:
http://www.bikeforums.net/showpost.php?p=9331901&postcount=291

I like the face pic he's got right now. I hate when guys post ads showing off their bodies. To me, it implies "egomaniac...seeking barbie doll."

Mr. Crassic,
I just came back from a wedding in your neck of the woods. My cousin got married at Empire St. Park in DUMBO. If you want to meet people, go for a ride, and arrange to be in the parks there on a Sat evening while all the weddings are going on (we saw 9 weddings in that park!), talk to some bridesmaids and there you go! They see your massive guads, package etc. and you can't miss. You are the outsider, and the only people who will talk to you are fitness minded anyway (since we all look like freaks in spandex! :innocent:) so you have something in common. Just a thought.

I was trying to reply that I would have loved to do this, but after a pretty bad networking event I went to today, I wished I would've listened to you.

Oh well.

An update: I took a quick self-portrait before I left the house. It was really good, so I changed the main image and added a couple of others. Does anyone have any suggestions on good photos I should put up?

I really, really appreciate all of the feedback here. You guys are great.

Didn't I see you on CL?

Did he look like this? (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jekyll_and_Hyde..._Together_Again)

http://i56.photobucket.com/albums/g190/beedubelhue/hyde2.jpg

The way I see it the entire profile from top to bottom reeks of geekitude, nerdiness, and you trying way too hard. When I read the profile it seems like you almost try to describe everything about you, but not in a way that seems appealing don't get me wrong its great to be a nerd, or whatever. But what you want to do is make yourself look good even if you embellish a little, and keep out boring boyscout crap like "I love helping people", once again is a good trait to have but not something I'd list on a profile. Also, look at each picture, you have descriptions such as "at a family function", now you look like a mamas boy, and a picture of you with a whole kit on which looks mildly dorky. All of these things.. not anything wrong with them, and are good, but they are all things I wouldn't show on a profile for dating. You need to make yourself seem elusive, catch someone's attention, make them want more. Then let them find all those other things about you. You're going about it the wrong way.

The way I see it the entire profile from top to bottom reeks of geekitude, nerdiness, and you trying way too hard. When I read the profile it seems like you almost try to describe everything about you, but not in a way that seems appealing don't get me wrong its great to be a nerd, or whatever. But what you want to do is make yourself look good even if you embellish a little, and keep out boring boyscout crap like "I love helping people", once again is a good trait to have but not something I'd list on a profile. Also, look at each picture, you have descriptions such as "at a family function", now you look like a mamas boy, and a picture of you with a whole kit on which looks mildly dorky. All of these things.. not anything wrong with them, and are good, but they are all things I wouldn't show on a profile for dating. You need to make yourself seem elusive, catch someone's attention, make them want more. Then let them find all those other things about you. You're going about it the wrong way.

I gave some thought to this post. While I'm not in a position to argue advice, it's said that arguing is how you get good. so...

How exactly do I come off nerdy? the previous version of the profile is understandable, as that reeked of try hard. However, I condensed everything enough so that it's not short enough to be vague, but not long enough to be a bore. I could condense practically everything to a paragraph, but I feel that it might not be substansive enough.

Also, how does a picture suggesting that i actually hang with my family show that i'm a momma's boy? i feel that this viewpoint is very biased, though I could be wrong. Plus, aren't women more interested in guys that are somewhat family oriented?

I'm not gonna lie here; it kind of sucks that women can get away with so much more then we can as men. I understand that it's life and the power of choice at work, though.

"Independently wealthy single male seeks companion for travel and adventure... "

That should do it.

But you don't offer any suggestions, hence the thread...

Yes, sorry about that. It was too long but the white space you added helps a lot.

Just realize most people only read a fraction of the words on the screen. Put the important stuff up front.
(HINT: your job is not the important stuff.)

Basically, you want a personal elevator speech (http://www.resume-resource.com/article34.html).

I'd help you out, but I'm afraid that just as soon as I clicked the link, my GF would look over my shoulder and wonder why I was on that site, looking at your profile.

:lol:




edit: not that there is anything wrong with that.

Yes, sorry about that. It was too long but the white space you added helps a lot.

Just realize most people only read a fraction of the words on the screen. Put the important stuff up front.
(HINT: your job is not the important stuff.)

Basically, you want a personal elevator speech (http://www.resume-resource.com/article34.html).

I will update it, as I figured it out two days ago.

I'd help you out, but I'm afraid that just as soon as I clicked the link, my GF would look over my shoulder and wonder why I was on that site, looking at your profile.

:lol:




edit: not that there is anything wrong with that.

I AM OKAY WITH IT, IT JUST ISN'T FOR ME. SERIOUSLY.




Anyway, if you really want to get a lady you are going to have to throw on some lycra and take a direct shot of your groin.

Okay, I updated my profile information, in trying to be less verbose and revealing about who I am and what I do. I can see how shorter profiles are more successful in sites like that.

Please read and tell me your thoughts, and, as always, thank you very much. :)

Okay, I updated my profile information, in trying to be less verbose and revealing about who I am and what I do. I can see how shorter profiles are more successful in sites like that.

Please read and tell me your thoughts, and, as always, thank you very much. :)

Much better. :thumb:

Remove the "sometimes" after drawing.

It sounds like you're unsure.

Remove the "sometimes" after drawing.

It sounds like you're unsure.Maybe he likes to draw, and "sometimes" is the theme or content of the drawings.

Maybe he likes to draw, and "sometimes" is the theme or content of the drawings.

Dude...you are so deep.

remove the bike pics. actually remove all pics.

The way I see it the entire profile from top to bottom reeks of geekitude, nerdiness, and you trying way too hard. When I read the profile it seems like you almost try to describe everything about you, but not in a way that seems appealing don't get me wrong its great to be a nerd, or whatever. But what you want to do is make yourself look good even if you embellish a little, and keep out boring boyscout crap like "I love helping people", once again is a good trait to have but not something I'd list on a profile. Also, look at each picture, you have descriptions such as "at a family function", now you look like a mamas boy, and a picture of you with a whole kit on which looks mildly dorky. All of these things.. not anything wrong with them, and are good, but they are all things I wouldn't show on a profile for dating. You need to make yourself seem elusive, catch someone's attention, make them want more. Then let them find all those other things about you. You're going about it the wrong way.

I disagree. I think putting as much correct and detailed information up front is the best policy. The whole "mystique" business is for people who have something to hide. ...And by the way, some of us women absolutely love geeky guys! They are much more fun to talk with, and they know how to figure things out, if ya know what I mean.

I never respond to a bunch of cool sounding, elusive $h!^.

...From the desk of a single female.

P.S. Are you a troll, or what?