Foo - A moment of Clarity

Foosters,


As you all know, your friend Couch is a thinker and a dreamer. These last few weeks I have been searching for a sentence that defines who I am. I was looking for a statement so simple and eloquent it would simply role off the tongue with grace and ease. A statement everyone could live by and use as a grounding rod. Yes, I asked myself to fulfill a very big task indeed. However, I felt I had to find this simple answer for mankind and that so you may understand me a little more.

Earlier today I found my answer. I decided to take a smoke break, even though I do not smoke. While sitting outside and talking to my co-worker Bob, a beautiful creature walked passed us. I presume she is a college student, as there are several colleges around the Pittsburgh area. When she walked passed I had to catch my breath and relax. My heart was pounding and my hands couldn’t stop shacking. I was besides myself and could almost feel my soul leaving my body. It was a very intense situation and I will never forget it. (By the way, Bob didn’t notice my moment of Clarity. He was too busy explaining to me why he just purchased a coupon book. He’s all about saving money folks and not finding his soul)

I really thank the cute girl that walked past. I didn’t need to attend a self help training class to find my sentence. No hack science fiction writers to worship or send money too as well. The answer was always there with her. The sentence that now defines Couch_Incident is simple and contains such simple grace. The sentence is, “Me so horny!”

Fin

Couch

"Wow that was disappointing"

There is only one word to describe you: ding-dong.

Well couch, I can understand. But it's not really an epiphany; I've known this about myself and every other man I know for a long, long time.

It's also much more common in women than society is willing to admit.

The real task is to build the oh-so-badly-needed bridge between the two.

If you make any progress on that let me know, will ya?

Why are you all mocking me about my deep spiritual experience? I really thought you would all understand. Guess not.

Couch

Now that you know what defines you, what's your goal?

Now that you know what defines you, what's your goal?

My plan is to start my own religion. I'll make billions.

Couch

Why are you all mocking me about my deep spiritual experience? I really thought you would all understand. Guess not.

Couch

Sorry. We're pretty slow. :p

Here is a hint for next time: Draw us a cartoon with stick figures and crayons. That will get your point across. ;)

My plan is to start my own religion. I'll make billions.

Couch

I tried that in high school. It was a miserable failure. I hope you do better.

:thumb:

I tried that in high school. It was a miserable failure. I hope you do better.

:thumb:

If I figure it out, you can be my 4th in charge. I've allready lined up a few ahead of you. However, you will be richly rewarded. Now go spread the word of Horninessness.

Couch

My moment of clarity came a while back. BTW, this is a true story...

I had followed Morrissey around to several different locals. I saw him in for the first time in my life in Columbus. I was floored. My life was forever changed. After Columbus, I followed him to the God-Awful city of Ann Arbor. Thank God I was able to escape Michigan and spend the night in luxurious Toledo! Then, while visiting my brother, I went to see Morrissey in Norfolk, Virginia.

I watched the show in awe. I really did not think I would ever see Morrissey live again. Much too soon, the encore begins. I look around and figure let's do it. I was going to be a stage invader.

I fight my way to the front of the stage. Another person goes up - the 300+pound guard goes after him. It's finally my chance. I get on the stage and run towards Morrissey. He reaches out his hand and I shake it.

"You saved my life."

No sooner than I got the words out the 300+ pound guard tackled me. My head hit the wooden floor with a thud. I rolled off the stage.

I spent most of the night vomiting from the concussion.

Since then, my attitude about life has gotten better.

My moment of clarity came a while back. BTW, this is a true story...

I had followed Morrissey around to several different locals. I saw him in for the first time in my life in Columbus. I was floored. My life was forever changed. After Columbus, I followed him to the God-Awful city of Ann Arbor. Thank God I was able to escape Michigan and spend the night in luxurious Toledo! Then, while visiting my brother, I went to see Morrissey in Norfolk, Virginia.

I watched the show in awe. I really did not think I would ever see Morrissey live again. Much too soon, the encore begins. I look around and figure let's do it. I was going to be a stage invader.

I fight my way to the front of the stage. Another person goes up - the 300+pound guard goes after him. It's finally my chance. I get on the stage and run towards Morrissey. He reaches out his hand and I shake it.

"You saved my life."

No sooner than I got the words out the 300+ pound guard tackled me. My head hit the wooden floor with a thud. I rolled off the stage.

I spent most of the night vomiting from the concussion.

Since then, my attitude about life has gotten better.

So, are you are saying you are horny for Morrissey? Damn dude, you are a ****.

Couch

That wasn't an epiphany couch...it was all the blood rushing away from your brain to nether regions....just sayin'.

That wasn't an epiphany couch...it was all the blood rushing away from your brain to nether regions....just sayin'.

I never stated it was an epiphany Wordbiker, I said it was a Moment of Clarity.

Couch

I never stated it was an epiphany Wordbiker, I said it was a Moment of Cialis.

Couch

Enhanced that for ya.

The only sure cure for your Moment of Clarity is to get married. That will take away all those feelings and squeeze them into a tight little bitter ball.

I cant take it anymore, which coupon book?

Your epiphany was duly noted, horny is good ... and not so good - so keep thinking there sir - I'm sure you'll discover an answer to that age old question.

And 'scuse me whilst I take my bath now (water's been running for nearly an hours, stupid pipe)

I tried that in high school. It was a miserable failure. I hope you do better.

:thumb:

It worked for L.Ron (no please don't move this to P&R!):lol:

Couch:

Me love you long time

Jsharr

PS: My defining statement is: "Don't put your lips on it"

YouTube - Hardmaps What the hell is that!

MAY BE NSFW!

Your epiphany was duly noted, horny is good ... and not so good - so keep thinking there sir - I'm sure you'll discover an answer to that age old question.

And 'scuse me whilst I take my bath now (water's been running for nearly an hours, stupid pipe)

Pix of you in the bath or it didn't happen.

Couch

Couch:

Me love you long time

Jsharr

PS: My defining statement is: "Don't put your lips on it"

YouTube - Hardmaps What the hell is that! (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=73Q94lkHKZQ)

MAY BE NSFW!

ROFLLL:roflmao2::roflmao2::roflmao2:

My plan is to start my own religion. I'll make billions.

Couch

You should get that book by L. Ron Hubbard. I forget the name of it, but before he ever started Scientology he had, I think, one of his Sci-Fi books as a story about a man who becomes rich by starting a fake religion.

you should get that book by l. Ron hubbard. I forget the name of it, but before he ever started scientology he had, i think, one of his sci-fi books as a story about a man who becomes rich by starting a fake religion.

^^

;)

¡ʎuɹoɥ os əɯ

Can I have my moment of clarity back Couch?
Honestly, everyone here knows that's about me.

My plan is to start my own religion. I'll make billions.

Couch

Does your new religion have a rule that I don't have to wear a helmet, so I don't get a ticket for not wearing one???

Does your new religion have a rule that I don't have to wear a helmet, so I don't get a ticket for not wearing one???

No. I haven't made it all up yet, I've been pretty busy with work. However the 1st commandment states, "You have to be horny at all times!"

Couch

Well, I'm horny at least 90% of the time, is that sufficient?

I'll only join if you make a commandment that I don't have to wear a helmet. Oh and that I'm allowed to watch porn.

Well, I'm horny at least 90% of the time, is that sufficient?



In Couchology, we offer classes to raise you yup to 100% horniness level. It's a nominal fee of 200 dollars an hour. Once you reach 100% you will reach the state of "Hornist".

Couch

Is the $200 p/h for the "Fluffer?"

:innocent:

Is the $200 p/h for the "Fluffer?"

:innocent:

I can't tell you any more about it. These spiritual classes have copy writes. You will find out more once you pay the money. Oh, and a minimum purchase requires five hours.

Couch

Can I have my moment of clarity back Couch?
Honestly, everyone here knows that's about me.

What are you asking me here man? I'm a Couchologist, not a mind reader.

Couch

LOL. So who is the Deity? The Spaghetti Monster?

LOL. So who is the Deity? The Spaghetti Monster?

Again, copy write material here Luddite and I haven't made it up yet.

Couch

Well, I'm horny at least 90% of the time, is that sufficient?

I'll only join if you make a commandment that I don't have to wear a helmet. Oh and that I'm allowed to watch porn.
How about I start a religion where you get to make your own porn? I'll satiate both desires at once. :)

I cant take it anymore, which coupon book?

I honestly don't remember. When Bob talks, noone listens.

Couch

WHEW - this thread took a turn!!!

Whats the second rule, oh Grand Master Couch?

WHEW - this thread took a turn!!!

Whats the second rule, oh Grand Master Couch?

Funk Music must be played during religious holidays I make up.

Couch

WHEW - this thread took a turn!!!:D :o:innocent:

bow chicka bow bow?

bow chicka bow bow?

You aren't calling Luddite a bow wow chicka are you? :mad:

Okay, let's get away from the P0rn descriptions, please.

Okay, let's get away from the P0rn descriptions, please.

I agree....ban those preverts!!! :p

I see that the topic has changed a bit so what I was going to post is no longer kosher.

I see that the topic has changed a bit so what I was going to post is no longer kosher.

Reminds me of that one crank yankers call......the girl called a synagogue to ask if sperm was kosher. :innocent:

you were going to post a jar of pickles?

KingTermite: it's better if they think I'm a total dog, I think, less desperate, depraved nerds annoying me, eh? I already had to deal with the annoying postal guy at work bothering me.

actually it was a milkshake. looks like strawberry to me. what flavor did it look like to you KT?

you were going to post a jar of pickles?

KingTermite: it's better if they think I'm a total dog, I think, less desperate, depraved nerds annoying me, eh? I already had to deal with the annoying postal guy at work bothering me.

Next time postal guy annoys you, make sure you get a big booger hanging right before you see him. Keep doing that every time you are around him until he thinks its habitual. :D

actually it was a milkshake. looks like strawberry to me. what flavor did it look like to you KT?

Is clear wax a flavor?