Bikeforums.net is a forum about nothing but bikes. Our community can help you find information about hard-to-find and localized information like bicycle tours, specialties like where in your area to have your recumbent bike serviced, or what are the best bicycle tires and seats for the activities you use your bike for.wpbusc
07-12-04, 09:44 AM
Hammer Tool – This type of tool usually proclaims to be an expert time trial and / or flatland rider. This tool can be identified during rides by one or more of the following characteristics 1) usually starts a 4 hour ride in the 53x11 w/o a warm up and hits the wall ˝ of the way through the ride 2) always accelerates and gaps the group while on the front off the paceline 3) takes tremendous pulls at the front of the group, but for some odd reason cannot get back on the group after his/her pull 4) enjoys telling his/her time from last years local time trial “yeah, 40km in 1:06 I was averaging like 27 mph” 5) isn’t good with math.
Climbing Tool – This type of tool proclaims to be the local version of Heras/Pantani/Virenque. This tool can be identified during rides by one or more of the following characteristics 1) a polka dotted jersey 2) prefers to climb in the big ring no matter the cadence, speed or steepness of the climb ( a very rare climbing tool will not have a small chain ring ) 3) will only push the pace on a climb until the top of the climb is in sight 4) prefers to coast on the descents 5) will often intimidate other riders by giving them “ The Look” 6) watches in dismay as another more educated/talented rider spins past and ignores “The Look”.
Sprint Tool – This type of tool usually surfaces during the TDF and has watched more sprints than they have actually participated in and can be identified by the following characteristics 1) may have a nickname like “quadzilla” 2) thinks that “jump” is a basketball term 3) lots of road rash 4) ripped/torn shorts, shoes, jersey 5) will always attempt to sprint in a 53x11 6) will sprint for any sign including a STOP sign.
Annoying Speed Tool – This type of tool usually shows up for workout specific rides and can be characterized by one or more of the following traits 1) will always ride at a speed (intensity) that does not allow them to improve or recover 2) will push the pace on recovery rides and proclaim that they feel great and are amazed by how easy they are dropping the group 3) will not be able to complete a “hard” workout with the group and proclaim that they cannot believe how easily the group is dropping them.
The Techno Tool – This type of tool is usually found hanging around bike shops and can be identified by one of the following characteristics 1) will insist upon a price reduction on any cycling equipment not deemed “legal” by the UCI 2) has never competed in a UCI event 3) actually does very little riding 4) can recite the technical specs of any tubing manufacturer
The Shimano / Campy Tool – This type of tool can be found almost anywhere people pedal a bike. This tool can be identified by the following characteristics 1) believes that their particular brand of components is the best hands down, period 2) is willing to spend countless hours extolling the virtues of the preferred group 3) believes a jihad is necessary to purge the planet of the other component group 4) bleeding eyes – this only applies to the Campy Tool. They believe that seeing an Italian frame w/o Campy parts will cause their eyes to bleed!!! The Campy Tool will spend hours photo shopping a Colnago frame with Shimano parts and replacing them with Campy parts. They hate the Rabobank team.
Authors note: This is meant to be taken lightheartedly, i.e. as a joke / humorous commentary. These are my observations from many years of participating, competing and working in the cycling industry. I know I have been a “tool”.
Buddy B
Climbing Tool – This type of tool proclaims to be the local version of Heras/Pantani/Virenque. This tool can be identified during rides by one or more of the following characteristics 1) a polka dotted jersey 2) prefers to climb in the big ring no matter the cadence, speed or steepness of the climb ( a very rare climbing tool will not have a small chain ring ) 3) will only push the pace on a climb until the top of the climb is in sight 4) prefers to coast on the descents 5) will often intimidate other riders by giving them “ The Look” 6) watches in dismay as another more educated/talented rider spins past and ignores “The Look”.
Sprint Tool – This type of tool usually surfaces during the TDF and has watched more sprints than they have actually participated in and can be identified by the following characteristics 1) may have a nickname like “quadzilla” 2) thinks that “jump” is a basketball term 3) lots of road rash 4) ripped/torn shorts, shoes, jersey 5) will always attempt to sprint in a 53x11 6) will sprint for any sign including a STOP sign.
Annoying Speed Tool – This type of tool usually shows up for workout specific rides and can be characterized by one or more of the following traits 1) will always ride at a speed (intensity) that does not allow them to improve or recover 2) will push the pace on recovery rides and proclaim that they feel great and are amazed by how easy they are dropping the group 3) will not be able to complete a “hard” workout with the group and proclaim that they cannot believe how easily the group is dropping them.
The Techno Tool – This type of tool is usually found hanging around bike shops and can be identified by one of the following characteristics 1) will insist upon a price reduction on any cycling equipment not deemed “legal” by the UCI 2) has never competed in a UCI event 3) actually does very little riding 4) can recite the technical specs of any tubing manufacturer
The Shimano / Campy Tool – This type of tool can be found almost anywhere people pedal a bike. This tool can be identified by the following characteristics 1) believes that their particular brand of components is the best hands down, period 2) is willing to spend countless hours extolling the virtues of the preferred group 3) believes a jihad is necessary to purge the planet of the other component group 4) bleeding eyes – this only applies to the Campy Tool. They believe that seeing an Italian frame w/o Campy parts will cause their eyes to bleed!!! The Campy Tool will spend hours photo shopping a Colnago frame with Shimano parts and replacing them with Campy parts. They hate the Rabobank team.
Authors note: This is meant to be taken lightheartedly, i.e. as a joke / humorous commentary. These are my observations from many years of participating, competing and working in the cycling industry. I know I have been a “tool”.
Buddy B