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08-30-09, 03:16 AM
I found the "Urban Cycling Vocabulary" on a message board about bike 9 years ago. It still is fun even today. It was posted on the main forum at this link (http://www.bikeforums.net/showthread.php?t=125653&highlight=urban+cycling+vocabulary), but I'll re-paste it here:
This is transcribed from a print copy. Since it is old, so it misses problems like cell phone drivers, yet it is humorous and helpful in identifying common problems on the road. It was written by Nate Briggs (Salt Lake City).
Urban Cycling Vocabulary
Ballerina Barge -Massive SUV with an 85-pound former dancer at the wheel. She is the fifth wife of a prominent orthodontist, who purchaced this fuel-intensive landmark for his young spouse because she feels insecure in traffic. They make great "Companions" (see below)
BubbaBouncer Four huge tires, to which have been attached to a cab of some type to protect the occupants from bad weather. Comes in small, medium and large sizes. Drivers of larger sizes usually have an extensive list of social grievances this is the most likely MV (motor vehicle) in the urban landscape to have a loaded gun on board. Handle with care.
Busboy Special -Pre-1980 ten speed with the under-curved handlebars tilted up, so the rider can sit bolt upright. Best ridden wearing a baseball cap; after dark (without lights); on the left hand side of the the street; with the pedals turning about 10 rpm
Clot Urban traffic lights (the great equalizers) divide MV's in to groups called Clots. They travel so closely spaced that it's often difficult to distinguish them in a rear view mirror. Therefore, when you see one MV, assume, two or three and so on.
Companion An MV whose position serves to protect the cyclist from the misjudgements of motorists. The most common example: a MV which traverses an intersection at the same time, in the same direction as the cyclists. Oncoming traffic, ambitious to turn left, will see the oncoming MV and wait for it to clear the intersection. Thus the cyclist is protected.
DMZ The area of a street barricaded for repair work, before repairs have begun. The cyclist can slip between the barricades and- in this traffic free zone- suspend Rampant Paranoia (see below) for a moment.
Donna- Term originally used on the radio show CARTALK to refer to female motorists. Now applicable to both sexes. Drives a Camaro or Firebird. Has a cigarette dangling from one side of the mouth or is popping gum. Or both. Usually in a terrible hurry to get home to catch the contestant introductions on WHEEL OF FORTUNE. Capable of any unbelievable thing in traffic.
Eternal Triangle - A positioning device formed at the corners of an intersection. Passing cars push gravel and glass and hardware in to the shape of a triangle , w/ one crescent shaped side on the right. The curved edge shows the common path of vehicles turning right. The straight side on the left shows the common path of motorists just going straight through the intersection. Since the desire of a motorist to turn right cannot be impeded in any way, the correct position for a cyclist is just to the left of this formation.
Fairy Dust -The granulated windshield glass found at poorly designed intersections or on infrequently cleaned streets.
Flyboy -Consists of an an all-terrain bike that hasn't seen soap in years; a mailbag draped over one shoulder; an upraised middle finger; and a solid determination not to slow down or stop for any reason.
Foreplay The efforts of a cyclist to locate and trigger buried sensors under the pavement that will cause the traffic light at an intersection to turn green. Like the real thing, occasionally there is no result from this activity, despite most sincere efforts.
Hat Man A motorist, 80 years old or above. He had his last full driving test in 1968, and he's gained a lot in experience and unpredictability since then. Often remarks how hurried people are now, an capable of any unbelievable thing in traffic.
High A lateral position on a street more toward the center line. As in: If you look like you are leading a funeral procession of slow moving cars, you are probably positioned too "high."
Kid Ender A trailer which holds 1+ children. Being children, they are not as terrified as they should be.
Low A lateral position on the road more close to the shoulder. As in: if you find yourself dodging sewer grates lying next to the curb, you are probably positioned too low.
MV Motor vehicle. The acronym PIU (Personal Isolation Unit) is more accurate and descriptive. But too cumbersome.
Parenthesis - An evasive move in the shape of a closing parenthesis mark. Made as the cyclist is traversing an intersection where there are oncoming MV's waiting to turn left. The cyclist, by making a gentle arc to the right, is trying to diminish any impact which would result from the the MV turning left too early.
Percolator A parked car with the engine running on a warm day, when no vapor can be seen. For further explanation, see "Smoker."
Slot, The The best single lateral position for a cyclist on a city street. Not too "high" or too "low"
Varies according to the street, time of day, and rider's level of assertiveness
Smoker A parked car with the engine running (producing vapor clouds) on a cold day. For the cyclist, the Atkinson's Law of Contrariety applies. If you anticipate the car will move out, it probably won't. If you predict that it won't, it probably will.
Spandex Warrior Very similar to the FlyBoy, except equipped with an expensive road bike, and very colorful attire. Slightly less irritating, since he does seem to regard traffic signals and signs as possible suggestions for behavior.
Veil - Windows tinted very dark, because the occupants are too beautiful to be looked upon by the naked eye. Tough to make eye contact. Tough to gauge intentions. Tough to describe occupants to the police should they wack you.
Here is another tidbit that was attached to this webpage written by a different author
Symptoms that a bike commuter is going over the edge
1) You realize you have no idea how much gas costs and even though you been going to work along the same route for the past two years or more, you can't seem to recall a single gas station along the way.
2) The sentence, "Americans are too dependent upon their cars." makes perfect sense to you.
3) The sentence, "A bicycle is an efficient and practical means of transit" makes perfect sense to you.
4) You really couldn't care less that you have a full knapsack, brown socks, and are riding a mountain bike on paved roads.
5) While doing #4 above, you find that you are leaving sprinting wannabes in the dust and loving it.
6) You brace for potholes- even when you are in a car.
7) YOu think of all roads in terms of their "hilliness."
8) You refused to join your local bike club because they have never heard of "Effective Cycling."
and most telling of all...
9) You become anti-social and distrustful of everyone you meet and secretly wonder how they treat cyclists on the road. You re-read Spike Bike (http://www.chiark.greenend.org.uk/~mjh/spike.html) stories every night and really identify with Spike, and you begin to wonder if your family, friends, neighbors, church members and co-workers wouldn't run over you in a heartbeat if they didn't happen to recognize it was you on the bicycle.
This is transcribed from a print copy. Since it is old, so it misses problems like cell phone drivers, yet it is humorous and helpful in identifying common problems on the road. It was written by Nate Briggs (Salt Lake City).
Urban Cycling Vocabulary
Ballerina Barge -Massive SUV with an 85-pound former dancer at the wheel. She is the fifth wife of a prominent orthodontist, who purchaced this fuel-intensive landmark for his young spouse because she feels insecure in traffic. They make great "Companions" (see below)
BubbaBouncer Four huge tires, to which have been attached to a cab of some type to protect the occupants from bad weather. Comes in small, medium and large sizes. Drivers of larger sizes usually have an extensive list of social grievances this is the most likely MV (motor vehicle) in the urban landscape to have a loaded gun on board. Handle with care.
Busboy Special -Pre-1980 ten speed with the under-curved handlebars tilted up, so the rider can sit bolt upright. Best ridden wearing a baseball cap; after dark (without lights); on the left hand side of the the street; with the pedals turning about 10 rpm
Clot Urban traffic lights (the great equalizers) divide MV's in to groups called Clots. They travel so closely spaced that it's often difficult to distinguish them in a rear view mirror. Therefore, when you see one MV, assume, two or three and so on.
Companion An MV whose position serves to protect the cyclist from the misjudgements of motorists. The most common example: a MV which traverses an intersection at the same time, in the same direction as the cyclists. Oncoming traffic, ambitious to turn left, will see the oncoming MV and wait for it to clear the intersection. Thus the cyclist is protected.
DMZ The area of a street barricaded for repair work, before repairs have begun. The cyclist can slip between the barricades and- in this traffic free zone- suspend Rampant Paranoia (see below) for a moment.
Donna- Term originally used on the radio show CARTALK to refer to female motorists. Now applicable to both sexes. Drives a Camaro or Firebird. Has a cigarette dangling from one side of the mouth or is popping gum. Or both. Usually in a terrible hurry to get home to catch the contestant introductions on WHEEL OF FORTUNE. Capable of any unbelievable thing in traffic.
Eternal Triangle - A positioning device formed at the corners of an intersection. Passing cars push gravel and glass and hardware in to the shape of a triangle , w/ one crescent shaped side on the right. The curved edge shows the common path of vehicles turning right. The straight side on the left shows the common path of motorists just going straight through the intersection. Since the desire of a motorist to turn right cannot be impeded in any way, the correct position for a cyclist is just to the left of this formation.
Fairy Dust -The granulated windshield glass found at poorly designed intersections or on infrequently cleaned streets.
Flyboy -Consists of an an all-terrain bike that hasn't seen soap in years; a mailbag draped over one shoulder; an upraised middle finger; and a solid determination not to slow down or stop for any reason.
Foreplay The efforts of a cyclist to locate and trigger buried sensors under the pavement that will cause the traffic light at an intersection to turn green. Like the real thing, occasionally there is no result from this activity, despite most sincere efforts.
Hat Man A motorist, 80 years old or above. He had his last full driving test in 1968, and he's gained a lot in experience and unpredictability since then. Often remarks how hurried people are now, an capable of any unbelievable thing in traffic.
High A lateral position on a street more toward the center line. As in: If you look like you are leading a funeral procession of slow moving cars, you are probably positioned too "high."
Kid Ender A trailer which holds 1+ children. Being children, they are not as terrified as they should be.
Low A lateral position on the road more close to the shoulder. As in: if you find yourself dodging sewer grates lying next to the curb, you are probably positioned too low.
MV Motor vehicle. The acronym PIU (Personal Isolation Unit) is more accurate and descriptive. But too cumbersome.
Parenthesis - An evasive move in the shape of a closing parenthesis mark. Made as the cyclist is traversing an intersection where there are oncoming MV's waiting to turn left. The cyclist, by making a gentle arc to the right, is trying to diminish any impact which would result from the the MV turning left too early.
Percolator A parked car with the engine running on a warm day, when no vapor can be seen. For further explanation, see "Smoker."
Slot, The The best single lateral position for a cyclist on a city street. Not too "high" or too "low"
Varies according to the street, time of day, and rider's level of assertiveness
Smoker A parked car with the engine running (producing vapor clouds) on a cold day. For the cyclist, the Atkinson's Law of Contrariety applies. If you anticipate the car will move out, it probably won't. If you predict that it won't, it probably will.
Spandex Warrior Very similar to the FlyBoy, except equipped with an expensive road bike, and very colorful attire. Slightly less irritating, since he does seem to regard traffic signals and signs as possible suggestions for behavior.
Veil - Windows tinted very dark, because the occupants are too beautiful to be looked upon by the naked eye. Tough to make eye contact. Tough to gauge intentions. Tough to describe occupants to the police should they wack you.
Here is another tidbit that was attached to this webpage written by a different author
Symptoms that a bike commuter is going over the edge
1) You realize you have no idea how much gas costs and even though you been going to work along the same route for the past two years or more, you can't seem to recall a single gas station along the way.
2) The sentence, "Americans are too dependent upon their cars." makes perfect sense to you.
3) The sentence, "A bicycle is an efficient and practical means of transit" makes perfect sense to you.
4) You really couldn't care less that you have a full knapsack, brown socks, and are riding a mountain bike on paved roads.
5) While doing #4 above, you find that you are leaving sprinting wannabes in the dust and loving it.
6) You brace for potholes- even when you are in a car.
7) YOu think of all roads in terms of their "hilliness."
8) You refused to join your local bike club because they have never heard of "Effective Cycling."
and most telling of all...
9) You become anti-social and distrustful of everyone you meet and secretly wonder how they treat cyclists on the road. You re-read Spike Bike (http://www.chiark.greenend.org.uk/~mjh/spike.html) stories every night and really identify with Spike, and you begin to wonder if your family, friends, neighbors, church members and co-workers wouldn't run over you in a heartbeat if they didn't happen to recognize it was you on the bicycle.