Commuting - What are your best one-liner come-backs?

We've all heard it before... "get on the sidewalk!". Does anyone have some great one-liners to share to use as a response to that or some of the other common set-ups motorists provide us? I like using "the side-WHAT?', since a) it's not too inflammatory and b) might actually cause the guy to think when he shouts out the punchline. But I bet there are some other gems out there! What motorist complaints do you commonly hear (after HONK!)? What good come-backs do you know? What do you say to the guy with his window down who's passing way to close? Or did you once blurt out something totally hilarious in a situation that will probably never ever crop up again?

I plan to be prepared to take (or pretend to take) a photo and call police if I'm ever feeling really threatened, but I know I'll at least be THINKING what I'd really like to say out loud, instead of feeling totally flustered. One of my other favourites that I saw somewhere else on this forum, but will never (I hope) say out loud, was "I'm trying to see your point of view, but I CAN'T GET MY HEAD THAT FAR UP MY ASS!"

I let my Ka-Bar do the talking.

Silence.

Smile and wave, boys. Smile and wave.

Yeah. Besides, drivers around here tend to be considerate.

Blow em a kiss

Somebody here said "Smile and wave as if they were a friend you'd not seen in years" . I personally haven't taken that advice but really need to..Most here have been great..

Kill them with kindness.
Smile and wave!

I whip out my AK-47 and blow them away. (that only happens in my mind, I just lower my head and keep pedaling)

Once I was at an Issac Hayes concert with an aisle seat and a woman asked me "Is this 'U'?" I responded "This is so me, baby..."

I turn into VC (Vehicular Cycling) Man and move further out into the road. I've taken the whole lane for almost 200 feet before a turn before cause I get tired of getting over taken and buzzed, which has been happening more and more frequently lately.
I hate people.
(You all are cool, though)
-Gene-

I called a guy a big baby and asked if he needed his diaper changed. Besides that one my comebacks always come an hour later.

If you were really that important, the city would give you lights and a siren for your car.

I like to look confused and point at my ear, as though I can't hear them. They'll usually repeat whatever they said louder. I do the same thing, and eventually they'll either get bored and drive off, or realize they're being played and drive off in a huff. Either way, I win - I've avoided stooping to the level of a shouting match on the street, and they've left.

I read on these forums about somebody who had an interesting approach. Apparently a car pulls up beside him and starts lambasting him with the usual. He just gave the peace sign and yelled,"Jesus loves you man". I liked it so much I've used it several times. Really tends to completely throw them off their game. If that doesn't work, I'll ask them to pull over so we can discuss things further.

I like to look confused and point at my ear, as though I can't hear them. This is almost as good as waving like an idiot. I think I'll try it. People that honk at me from behind always get a wave.

Yelling doesn't work unless you are going the same speed. Does happen sometimes, but it's pretty rare.

Maybe the next time someone honks at me from behind I'll just start pedaling with one leg.

A friend told me that he was riding his bike and a motorist yelled, "get on the sidewalk!" So my friend replied, "I'm not allowed!"

I always go with "jerk store".

It's called a sideWALK for a reason, Einstein.

I had a mid 30's woman in an SUV come up to a right turn at the same time and she wasn't going to slow dowm for the turn..she had her windows down and said something like "you need to watch the crosswalk sign" or something to that effect. I didn't make any gestures, shake my head, or say anything. I just made the turn behind her then kept riding. Next light up the street and I caught up again. Pulled up next to her again and I could see her a lot better looking in from the passenger side. This time I leaned down and told her I bet she's look smokin' hot as hell in some tight cycling clothes and should come out and ride with us sometime if she had a bike. She started blushing and looking real embarrased. She also apologized and said she'd look out for me next time. .. and then asked about where I ride and gave me a number. :)

and then asked about where I ride and gave me a number. :)

Video or it didn't happen.

I called a guy a big baby and asked if he needed his diaper changed. Besides that one my comebacks always come an hour later.

Me too. I had a guy pull up to me, roll down his window and in a thick latino accent he said, "The sidewalk is over there" as he scowled angrily. I was out of breath and couldn't really come up with anything. About a 1/4 mile later he's still in sight when it hit me - "The bus back to your country is over there!!!" I pedaled like crazy to catch him but his light turned green and all I could manage was a one-finger salute!

MM

MikeM21, we're all immigrants.

MikeM21, we're all immigrants.

Nope, sorry, I was born here. As were my parents and their parents.

I'll follow you....

Nice driving Danica!

I. . . .This time I leaned down and told her I bet she's look smokin' hot as hell in some tight cycling clothes and should come out and ride with us sometime . . .. )I tried that once and it did NOT work!

Guy tried to beat the crap out of me.

MikeM21, we're all immigrants.

In a way, yes, but not all of us feel the need to tell a cyclist to ride on the sidewalk!:thumb:

I tell them the last time I rode on the sidewalk it was because his mother was working there.

Nope, sorry, I was born here. As were my parents and their parents.

P&R's the place for that.

Some holdin' on, so damn gone, their whole lives livin' with the TV on
Radio play the same ten songs, set your clock by which one's on
Watch the news, try to see what's wrong, find somebody else to blame it on
Hope they never come and research you 'cause your grandmother was an immigrant too

Look! I didn't mean to crash on this planet... my warp drive thingemmy just broke... so don't start calling me names!" ;p

Motorist: "You're not a car"
Cyclist: "You're not a pot roast"

Motorist: "You're not a car"
Cyclist: "Who says our public education system is failing?"

Nice driving Danica!

Nice. I once called a jerk driver "Dale Jr." at a light. I think I'll start using Danica.

It does not happen that often here anymore. I usually just shrug it off. If they slow down and make eye-contact, I look them in the eye to make sure that they know that I heard them, and maybe wave. I don't smile, though.

The only time that I say anything, is when the person is pushing for a confrontation, and won't go away. Then, my smart mouth usually takes over and says something that makes things worse for me then, and potentially for other riders in the future. Some things that I remember saying in such situations include:


"I'm sorry that me being here, minding my own g@d damn business, inconvenienced you THAT MUCH!"

"You figured out that I have a large ass all by your little self, did you? You should be proud."

"If it really makes you feel better, you should find somebody else to yell at like a big f#cking bully.

The above statements made things worse. Which is why I try to just keep my mouth closed, and be polite these days. Life is too short to spend too much time arguing with idiots...or becoming one myself.

I had a mid 30's woman in an SUV come up to a right turn at the same time and she wasn't going to slow dowm for the turn..she had her windows down and said something like "you need to watch the crosswalk sign" or something to that effect. I didn't make any gestures, shake my head, or say anything. I just made the turn behind her then kept riding. Next light up the street and I caught up again. Pulled up next to her again and I could see her a lot better looking in from the passenger side. This time I leaned down and told her I bet she's look smokin' hot as hell in some tight cycling clothes and should come out and ride with us sometime if she had a bike. She started blushing and looking real embarrased. She also apologized and said she'd look out for me next time. .. and then asked about where I ride and gave me a number. :)


ahahah!! that was brilliant! I think I'm going to try that if the event ever occurs. And if it's another girl, I'm not going to waste the opportunity and say it anyways.

Motorist: "You're not a car"
Cyclist: "You're not a pot roast"

Motorist: "You're not a car"
Cyclist: "Who says our public education system is failing?"
Ok, that was pretty funny. I also submit:

Motorist:"You're not a car"
Me: "Neither are you"

Nice. I once called a jerk driver "Dale Jr." at a light. I think I'll start using Danica.

Who is Danica?

If you do a google image search, she seems to be a swimsuit model who occasionally races a car.

Who is Danica?

Beats me... I wrote "Danica" in the Google window... and well, um, ah, oh, uh... best you try it yourself! ;)

Indy car driver.

If you do a google image search, she seems to be a swimsuit model who occasionally races a car.

Ahh, I see.

I pledge to give the middle finger to all drivers behaving badly. I also pledge to be environmental only when it benefits me directly.

I always try to use something that includes the words "your mama".

I did have a small suv zip around me and almost hit me. I got to the red light where she was waiting and gave her the "what's up" gesture. She rolled down her passenger window and said "get on the sidewalk". For some reason, that set me off. I went around to the driver's side where the window was up and she wouldn't even look at me. I got so mad that I hit the window twice. Now she's screaming "your crazy". No shti bicth!

I tried that once and it did NOT work!

Guy tried to beat the crap out of me.

:lol::roflmao2:

Beats me... I wrote "Danica" in the Google window... and well, um, ah, oh, uh... best you try it yourself! ;)

Now I'm intrigued. I'll have to wait until I get home though - my company's firewall blocks image searches...........................................................

F U seems to work. Gets right to the point.

The one I'm proudest of:

Driver's passenger: "I hate bleepin' cyclists!"

Me: "Then stop [I]bleepin[I]them, mate, it's not obligatory"

P&R's the place for that.


Hope they never come and research you 'cause your grandmother was an immigrant too



my grandmother was comanche......:D

Some of these are real funny. I'll have to use some of them on my next ride home.