Foo - Smoking and loved ones
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09-21-09, 03:55 PM
I got a clarification from my cousin's wife who has been taking my mom to her therapy and doctor appointments about the type of cancer she has.
Its small cell lung cancer.
That is very very VERY bad.
Even with treatment, once its outside the lung - 6-12 months typically with treatment; 6% survival rate beyond five years.
And its caused by smoking. And she's smoked for years.
She has Stage IV, but the oncologist is hopeful they can put it into remission. But curing it doesn't appear to be in the cards.
I lost my father June 19th to complications following a stroke caused by years of heart disease. He was 75. My mom is 73.
I don't care how much they kick, scream, and call you awful names... in retrospect, my late father and I should have made her life miserable when she refused to quit.
It goes without saying that I'm just crushed.
09-21-09, 04:01 PM
I'm really sorry to hear this my friend. Just last week I found out that a school mate of mine has lung cancer from smoking. He's 36. I smoked for years and quit on Febuary 4th and I'm so happy I did. You and your family will be in my prayers.
09-21-09, 04:31 PM
very sorry to hear this bv. :hug:
You and your family will be in my prayers.
I lost my eldest brother to small cell lung cancer, about 10 yrs ago now. He was my very best friend in whole world; the one I could always count on, when I could count on no one else.
He was 42 y/o when died; been smoking since he was 13. He left behind 2 young sons, ages 8 & 9. They were the light of his life.
There are a couple incidences that really stick out in my mind about his smoking habit, in regards to "intervention" from a loved one.
My father, who was a mean S.O.B and an ogre, came home early from work one day and surprised my brother who was sitting at home smoking a cigarette while playing hookie from school. I think my brother must have been about 13-14 at the time. My father, a man who himself smoked a couple packs of unfiltered Camel's for years, made my brother sit there and chainsmoke the entire pack of cig's until he puked his guts out. Unfortunately, it was a short-lived deterent to what would become a lifelong (bad) habit.
A few weeks after that, my brother had the stupidity and audacity to be leaning up against the old man's car, directly out in front of the house, while smoking a cigarette. My father looked out the window and saw him, and then turned to me and aksed "Nota, is that your brother out there in front of the house - smoking a cigarette?"
I knew what kind of a temper my father had, and the last thing I wanted to do was get my brother in trouble -- so I stammered...."uhhh....uhhh, I don't know dad, I'm not really sure if that's him" Both my father and I knew full well it was him; it was only 30 feet away from the window, and it was broad daylight.
In retrospect, sure, I could have ratted my brother out - but in the end, it wouldn't have done any good, for just as my father's previous attempt to get him to stop by making him chain smoke til he got sick, so would any asswhoopings he might have received from my father that day have also failed.
The strange irony to it all, my father, someone who smoked for years, would give up smoking about a year after those incidences with my brother. He hasn't smoked since. That was back in 1973. My father is now 74 y/o, and still fairly strong and healthy. I remember my father sitting at my brother's bedside at Hospice, around the clock for the last 48hrs or so, when my brother finally passed away. He lasted about 8mos from the day of his diagnosis til he died.
My point to all this being, sometimes you can try to encourage loved ones to abandon bad habits, but in the end, people make their own choices in life; you can't live their lives for them, and you can't tell them what to do. I cherish the memory of growning up with my brother, but I have no guilt about not ratting him out that day. It was his choice to be a smoker, not mine.
<3 2 Ride
09-21-09, 05:06 PM
I'm so sorry, bv. This has been a fear of mine for years with my own father. I am waiting for the day that I get that terrible phone call.
I'm sorry to hear that.This is not a time to point fingers or second guess another's poor decisions.It's a time to cherish the time remaining.Don't waste time wondering what could have been.
09-21-09, 07:09 PM
bluevelo, about the only good thing that can come of it is if you NEVER EVER pick up the filthy habit of smoking. I thank my lucky stars I was a stubborn loner type in high school and never drank, smoked, slept around or did drugs as I saw the other kids doing these things to look "cool."
09-21-09, 08:29 PM
Wow... I'm so sorry to hear that. :(
09-22-09, 09:15 AM
death is a reality for us all, the human life span is exceptionally short. I don't fear death as much as most because I truely believe there is more to life than the physical. I'm not a religous man by any means, but I believe this stage, our lives, is only one small step on a much larger journey. I didn't read this in any book, I feel it when I look another person in the eye. There's a soul in there and it will exist forever.
my deepest sympathies. Don't forget the power of the mind, your mom can think herself better and draw on a deeper strength.
Sorry to hear this. You're in my thoughts.
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