Commuting - Your favorite phrases for throwing at drivers?

I'm not a very vocal commuter, but there are definitely times I have thought it would probably have been a good thing had I been.

So, what are your favorite phrases, curses, blessings, etc. for throwing the way of an errant driver/pedestrian?

I try not to throw things while riding. I messes with my balance.

Wave and say "THANK YOU", in every situation.

If someone did something nice, it is a compliment. If they're being a jerk, it is saccharine sarcasm.

I'll also yell "HEY HEY HEY" if I need to get someone's attention and the bell isn't working. Usually a clueless ped strolling into the bike lane without looking.

The other day I asked a driver if she would mind waiting until she got home before checking her email.

If your trip were so important, we would have given you a red light and a siren.

I almost never respond to the rare motorist encounters I have, but when pressed I have leaned on the catchy phrase "F**K OFF C**T!"

Now, that might seem extreme as a response to someone who told me to "Get on the sidewalk" but I was mostly responding to the previous 3/4 mile in which she leisurely followed me at 20 mph, ignoring the constant ease of passing on a one-way two lane road and simply laid on her horn.

After a few solid minutes of her horn blowing she earned it....even with her two kids in the car with her.

a very similar thread recently came up - http://www.bikeforums.net/showthread.php?t=581353

"I see the morons are in bloom..."

The other day I asked a driver if she would mind waiting until she got home before checking her email.

:twitchy:

One of my favorite responses to a common epithet is, "Thank you for the offer, but I'm not homosexual."

:D

I've started yelling," JESUS LOVES YOU!!!" while flashing the peace sign. No one messes with a 250lb religious nut on a bike for very long.

One of my favorite responses to a common epithet is, "Thank you for the offer, but I'm not homosexual."

:D

:roflmao2::roflmao2::roflmao2::roflmao2::roflmao2::roflmao2::roflmao2::roflmao2:

Mostly I yell stuff like "**** you / **** off," "Eat ****" "stupid *****/*******." My favourite is probably "Stupid ****ing piece of ****."

After reading the "One liner " thread I had every intention of using the Jesus Loves You line sadly on Sat the 19th the whole plan went out the window..Got my first "You need to get your ass on the the sidewalk" from a gent leaning wayyyyyy out the passenger car window...I thought he was trying to hit me..My natural reaction to to fly the bird and a good loud F*$(# You !! Car pulled over at he first side street and a quite large man stepped out..He stayed at the back of the car yelling something bout the side walk and I yelled as I went by "Go read the Florida bike laws Arsehole !!" Then he chased me on foot...My mouth now has me on edge waiting to run into him again..:twitchy:

Jesus Loves You Jesus Loves You Jesus Loves You Jesus Loves You Jesus Loves You Jesus Loves You Jesus Loves You Jesus Loves You Jesus Loves You Jesus Loves You Jesus Loves You Jesus Loves You Jesus Loves You Jesus Loves You Jesus Loves You Jesus Loves You Jesus Loves You Jesus Loves You Jesus Loves You Jesus Loves You Jesus Loves You ...Gotta remember it..

^ Holy ****. Guy sounds like a total ****ing ******. I HATE people like that. What the hell makes that knuckle-dragger thinks he has the right to lean out the window of a Cage, yell crap at people and then behave violently when people say something back at him?! ****ing stupid ****!

I don't usually respond to aggression or incoherent yelling. But occasionally a driver will try to engage me in such a way that a response from me is necessary to effeciently end the interaction:

In Ohio I used: "Have you accepted the lord Jesus Christ as your personal savior?"

Now I live in Texas, and the above phrase could easily lead to an hour long conversation, so I've said the last two times I needed a response: "But I don't smoke!"

In either case, my goal is to convince the driver that they have made the mistake of engaging a crazy person. I take the same approach with Jury duty.

I throw down one of these:
http://www.killingmyheroes.com/DEVIL%20HORNS.png

..as in sarcastically.
No idea why but it is a better alternative than my usual middle finger. Tends to confuse more than anything. :p

double dumb ass on you!

http://www.empireonline.com/images/features/golden-gate-bridge-in-movies/11.jpg

Thank you!

After reading the "One liner " thread I had every intention of using the Jesus Loves You line sadly on Sat the 19th the whole plan went out the window..Got my first "You need to get your ass on the the sidewalk" from a gent leaning wayyyyyy out the passenger car window...I thought he was trying to hit me..My natural reaction to to fly the bird and a good loud F*$(# You !! Car pulled over at he first side street and a quite large man stepped out..He stayed at the back of the car yelling something bout the side walk and I yelled as I went by "Go read the Florida bike laws Arsehole !!" Then he chased me on foot...My mouth now has me on edge waiting to run into him again..:twitchy:

Well for those kinda people, I've got a can of mace and a 36inch tactical baton within easy reach. Jesus loves you MFer, but I sure as hell don't.

Actually, you stumbled through a scene from MIB III, and that was a pitbull in a man suit leaning out the window. Two words: stun gun.

Lud, you sound like a woman after my own heart, I think I'm falling for you....xoxox....j/k, don't get out the PPO.

Jesus loves you MFer, but I sure as hell don't.

I like that one!

I'm not a very vocal commuter, but there are definitely times I have thought it would probably have been a good thing had I been.

So, what are your favorite phrases, curses, blessings, etc. for throwing the way of an errant driver/pedestrian?

An act that would get you arrested in several southern states:thumb:

Neither am I. That is the reason for hand signals or at most "Hey! What the hell are you doing!"

Flashing this usually ends the conversation...
http://www.collectors-badges.com/images/Arms/44magnum.jpg

A couple of times when the drivers have ended up face to face with me, I've said, "Learn the law and then go **** yourself." (Say it in a calm manner, without yelling and it really seems to get under their skin.) :)

Flashing this usually ends the conversation...
http://www.collectors-badges.com/images/Arms/44magnum.jpg

Yeah, when the driver shoots you in self-defence. Cars make better gun platforms than bikes.

"Thanks", "Share the road" and one of my favorites " I Like Chicken"

When I communted regularly while stationed in Wash D.C. I used to wear a hockey elbow pad on my left elbow. A quick downward motion will take off the passenger side mirror on most American cars and darn near any rice burnner. I only resorted to that if a guy put his cage in close enough proximity and was being aggressive. For those drivers who absent mindedly "wandered" over into the bike lane, I would just tap the passenger side glass with my padded elbow. Got a few priceless looks over the years with that move. Like they couldn't see the guy in a Day-Glo orange jearsey with reflective chevrons printed on the back.

These days I live in a more commuter friendly environment, but still have to occasionally start a sentence with, "Listen real close you freaking moron...."

Some nonsensical and completely off the wall to make them think your certifiably crazy. Look them straight in the eyes with your best crazy face and shout "GET YOUR HANDS OFF MY BAGELS!!!!"

Or the old stand by of a smile and a wave, unless they are stopped it’s unlikely they will hear you anyways.

I'll yell at motorists and call them an effing idiot or an effing dumbass if they cut me off or force me to hit my brakes. I almost never swear at pedestrians though, but I buzz them hard if they get in my way.

"No, YOU get on the sidewalk" !

" Back off, or I'll stick a glass rod up your ureathra, then whack your pee pee with a ball peen hammer!" Then I show them the glass rod.

Whatever I'd like to say to them, I just mutter it under my breath, because I have no hope whatsoever of influencing anyone in that situation.

*blows kisses*

true that! I usually try to avoid reacting in anyway. However I confess to flipping the finger at times. IT is usually best not to react. (safer)

I just close my eyes and they just go away.

"Hey, I'm riding here"

"MOVE!" and "GET OUT OF THE WAY!"

"Hey, Tubby." Because they usually are.

It all depends on the situation, but when I get someone who obviously needs to chill out I like to ride up next to their window and start a one way conversation. If the person wants to share their opinion to me I show them two items;
1. My cell phone
2. My police badge
Then I follow it with a question, “would you like me to call an on duty officer so we can further the conversation about your aggressive behavior, or would you like to just simmer down and realize your being a dumba$$?
This usually works

ear buds, you see em but don't hear em. Then just smile and enjoy the ride. :)

Car pulled over at he first side street and a quite large man stepped out..

at that point, hold a hand behind your back as if you are ready to pull something out of your pocket. It may make them think twice. If you want to actually have a small tube of pepper spray back there, all the better. Living in griz country, I usually have a nice large can. :thumb:

at that point, hold a hand behind your back as if you are ready to pull something out of your pocket. It may make them think twice.

Or it may make them go for the weapon in their pocket.

A good corollary to "Don't carry it if you're not prepared to use it; don't use it if you're not prepared to kill" would seem to be "Don't threaten someone with a weapon that you're not actually carrying."

Or it may make them go for the weapon in their pocket.



OK good point but I'm going to guess most people don't walk/ride around with guns. If some guy is approaching me, I probably could tell if he had a gun or not. Besides, am I not supposed to attempt to diffuse the situation and defend myself if someone comes after me? Of course I would probably try to ride away first if I could.

I almost never respond to the rare motorist encounters I have, but when pressed I have leaned on the catchy phrase "F**K OFF C**T!"

Now, that might seem extreme as a response to someone who told me to "Get on the sidewalk" but I was mostly responding to the previous 3/4 mile in which she leisurely followed me at 20 mph, ignoring the constant ease of passing on a one-way two lane road and simply laid on her horn.

After a few solid minutes of her horn blowing she earned it....even with her two kids in the car with her.

Probably my idiot cousin. Punch her in the face next time and scream BEEEEEEEEBBBBBBEBEBBB when you do it.

I got a couple J walkers near the College I pass that stepped out without looking by leaning in next to their ear and going "Boo!" as I slip past. Scares the crap out of them.

I try not to get in a cussing match with drivers and when they cant seem to pass I just let them sit back there and hope for a cop.

OK good point but I'm going to guess most people don't walk/ride around with guns.

Do you think they don't know that too? ;)

I learned some pretty horrible things in the army, it usually ends up coming out as a loud deep bellow with random curses interjected, swinging my ulock and chain also helps.

They always seem to honk their horn and buzz me going up one particular hill on my commute, I love the terrified look I see as I catch up with them at the stop sign over the top of the hill.

One of these days I'm going to scare somebody into an accident. Maybe I should be a little more careful in that respect.

I think lots of things, but with my luck I'd probably be popping-off at the Wing Commander's wife! Discretion is indeed the better part of valor... particularly when riding on base.

" Back off, or I'll stick a glass rod up your ureathra, then whack your pee pee with a ball peen hammer!" Then I show them the glass rod.

Awesome! But you'd have to say this pretty quickly...

Unless I'm a particularly ornery mood, I go with the Smile & Wave, the Neutral Stare or the Finger Gun & Smile Gotcha.

If I'm in an ornery mood and I catch up to them at the next light, I enjoy a nice loud "Boo!" right in the driver's ear (or passenger's, depending on who foolishly yelled at me). Always followed with as good-hearted a smile and stare as I can muster. Used to do the same thing with an AirZounds, but something chewed a hole in its air tube last off-season and I haven't bothered to replace or repair.

I used to respond to "Get off the road!" or "Get on the sidewalk" with "Get out of the gene pool!" but I gave that up in favor of the above.

For some reason, I haven't gotten as much verbal stupidity from car drivers lately. For which I'm grateful. :)