... lays three nails on the counter and says "Hey innkeeper, can these put me up for the night?"

:lol:

Can I use that one?

Please do. I don't rmember where i heard it, but I almost spewed diet coke through my nose. :)

Please do. I don't rmember where i heard it, but I almost spewed diet coke through my nose. :)

Umm, re your signature: "Three topics I will no longer debate: Religion, Politics and Chain Lubricant."

Perhaps you should not post jokes about any of those topics either. Two thumbs down on this one!

Umm, re your signature: "Three topics I will no longer debate: Religion, Politics and Chain Lubricant."

Perhaps you should not post jokes about any of those topics either. Two thumbs down on this one!


:cry: :cry: :cry:


While we're on the topic:


Jesus and Moses got together in Heaven one day.
Moses turns to Jesus and says "Man, you remember the old days?"
Jesus says, "Yeah, I sure do! Some of those tricks we did were so great! "What was your favorite gag Moses?".
Moses says "Oh, that's easy... When I parted the Red Sea. What about you?"
Jesus said "Out of all the things I did, I liked the walking on water trick the best."

Moses jumped up and exclaimed "Hey pal, lets go down there and see if we still got what it takes."
What a great idea, replies Jesus.

So, down to the Red Sea the went.
Jesus tells Moses to go first 'coz it was his idea. With that Moses throws up his hands and woosh the waters part, the two walk across to the other side, Moses turns around and points towards the ground and the waters return to their normal state. Moses has this sly grin on his face thinking... Damn, I still got it!

Moses say to Jesus "Ok bud... I aced my trick, now it's your turn. So, Jesus takes about a half dozen steps out upon the water and suddenly plunges straight to the bottom. As he comes to the surface he sees Moses on the shore laughing hysterically. When Jesus makes it to the shore Moses taunts Jesus... "Hahha, I still got it, you choked and sunk.

Jseus replies, "Yeah but the last time I did this I didn't have holes in my feet!"

HAR HAR HAR
:crash:

heheheheh Good one. :)

I was totaly expecting Moses to part the water out from under Jesus. :lol:

What did the Roman soldier say to Jesus as he nailed him to the cross?
Hey buddy, would you mind crossing your feet... I've only got one nail left!




What did Jesus say when they nailed him to the cross?
Hey Peter, I can see your house frome here!

Oooooooo, Jesus Christ! If there was a hell - we'd so be going there.

Jesus, Mars and Zeus tee off for a round of golf up in Heaven. Jesus is first up, he slices the drive right off the toe of the club, straight into the thick rough well away from the edge of the fairway. Suddenly a rabbit darts out of the scrub with the ball in it's mouth. An eagle swoops down and majestically picks up the rabbit, carrying it directly over the green, at which point the rabbit drops the ball, straight into the hole!

Zeus turns to Jesus and says "that's very funny Jesus, now play golf!".

If Jesus is Jewish, How come he has a Spanish name?

I think its hebrew

OK; If Jesus is Hebrew, how come he has a Mexican name?

OK; If Jesus is Hebrew, how come he has a Mexican name?

Did you ever think that it is the other way around?

Jesus, Moses, and St. Christopher go golfing. On the first hole, there's a pond in front of the green. Jesus leads off the tee. He says, "Moe and Chris, check this out: There was a hole just like this at the '99 PGA and Tiger lets fly with a 5 wood and puts it right on the green."

Jesus hits and the ball goes right in the water. He says, "I'm going to take a Mulligan. Chris, can you carry me out across the water like you used to?"

St. Christopher says, "C'mon, J.C, give me a break. You were a lot smaller back when you were a kid!"

Jesus says, "Okay, okay....Moe, can you do your thing?"

Moses says okay, and holds out his driver like a staff and parts the water. Jesus gets his ball and tees up again. Jesus says, "Okay, I know I can do this. Tiger did it and so can I." He hits, and again the ball goes in the water.

Jesus says, "C'mon guys, a little help?" Both Moses and St. Christopher say, "No way, Lord! Get it Yourself." So, Jesus goes down to the pond and walks out on the water, looking down for His ball.

By this time, the foursome behind them gets up to the teebox. One of them says, "Hey! Who does that guy think he is? Jesus Christ?"

St. Christopher says, "No, that IS Jesus Christ. He thinks He's Tiger Woods."

Jesus, Mars and Zeus tee off for a round of golf up in Heaven. Jesus is first up, he slices the drive right off the toe of the club, straight into the thick rough well away from the edge of the fairway. Suddenly a rabbit darts out of the scrub with the ball in it's mouth. An eagle swoops down and majestically picks up the rabbit, carrying it directly over the green, at which point the rabbit drops the ball, straight into the hole!

Zeus turns to Jesus and says "that's very funny Jesus, now play golf!".
Holy mulligans, Batman!!! ;)

ouch.... don’t confuse spelling with pronunciation Jesus (Hebrew) from the bible is pronounced as we all have heard in the songs.... or not...

the Spanish Jesus is pronounced “hey Zeus”

ouch.... don’t confuse spelling with pronunciation Jesus (Hebrew) from the bible is pronounced as we all have heard in the songs.... or not...

the Spanish Jesus is pronounced “hey Zeus”

Hey Zeus, how are you doing? I was begining to think no one would ever get it.

Please do. I don't rmember where i heard it, but I almost spewed diet coke through my nose. :)It was in The Crow

Here's another from years ago:

there's a popular record out these days....
"Rock around the Cross" by Pontus Pilate and his Nail Drivin' Five.