Foo - Ex-Wife getting on my nerves during the final days (longish)

When the Mediation process started, we were both ordered not to talk about any divorce related issues, anywhere. We were supposed to write everything down and discuss it on the mediation sessions.

Well, that's is now over, the divorce is final and I can rant!

The Cellphone Issue

It was agreed that she could get my son a cellphone to maintain communication with him. I'm fine with that but remember we are talking about a 9yo kid with learning disabilities. We agreed the kid should be trained on how to use a cellphone and that she will limit her calls to a max of 3 per day.

Yesterday I had the kid and she came in yelling to him as soon as she entered the door...

"I called you 14 times on your cellphone! Why you didn't answer your cellphone!?"

She kept yelling like she would do with a grown up, a boyfriend or something. Gee! I had to step in, "calm down!, he just 9 and he was busy playing with me (we had a good Red Alert match going on). Then she kept looking at my boy like he was scum.... I was/am so mad about this.

The living arrangements

We are both to continue living here till the end of the lease (Nov 30 thanks God). SHe said she will move out on the 20th. I already have my own place set up for the 20th as well. But I'm seriously thinking about getting out of here a lot sooner. It's is impossible for me to provide a loving/caring environment for my children, when she is always yelling at them for whatever stupid stuff they did or didn't.

If I can get out sooner, should I?

The only thing that makes me thing about twice is the kids transportation. See, ex-wifey here chose a job where she starts at 5am and comes back at 6pm. Therfore me and my sister dealing with taking/picking the kids @ school every day. That's both my days and my ex-wife days. But that's only possible because we are still in the same house. Once we start living separate, I'm not gonna wake up @ 4am to drive to my ex's place, watch the kids sleep for 3 more hours and take them to school. And that's only the mornings, evenings are more complicated.

Only 2 solutions I see here, she either finds a way, or leave the kids with me when they have school.

Oh... and yet more fraud

To bad I didn't got a hold of this information BEFORE the last mediation session. Here's the deal, she claimed to social security administration that she was an abandoned mother of 2 kids with disabilities and she has receiving $700 a month from the SSI program.

I never "abandoned" my kids... I'm right here! Buying groceries, paying bills, changing dirty diapers! what a b1tch! I'm sure the Social Security will found out. She already got caught on other frauds with the unemployment office, welfare, food stamps, you name it. I'm a little worried about being liable myself on this new scam of hers.

The religion issue

After a full live of neglecting going to church, she is now a church geek, going there few days a week, dragging the kids into the whole thing. And OK, that might me good but IMHO going to church doesn't save you if you are not sincere. You can't claim to be a follower, and continue making federal fraud (stealing), hiding your income in court (lying).... etc etc etc

IMHO she is just putting on a show to paint herself as a victim in front of the church community and get help from the congregation. I'm angry at the church for playing along with this game without knowing the other side of the story. But that's easily fixable. I was raised on that church and church if for everyone. I'll take the kids to church myself and show my face held high. Let everybody know who Ruben is and how far he goes for his children.

The Peace

When I'm at home and she's working, there is so much peace in the air. The kids play, do their home work, then play some more. At bed time, they invade my room with all their blankies and stuffed animals. I always play some kids movie but they never finish watching it, as they fall asleep quickly. During the night, they grab me while still sleeping, to make sure Daddy is not going away. I feel so much love from both my kids, it's an amazing feeling. I'm so glad I'm gonna have them half the days every month instead of a weekend every now and then. Those kids are such a blessing in my life.

and that's all for now...thx for reading my rantish post...

Wow Ruben, I hope peace comes to your life soon! {{{HUGS******

btw - in my hometown - about 40 minutes from here, they publish a little local paper and in it they publish pics of people and what they were arrested for and their sentence. And there are usually several pics posted of people who went to jail for social security fraud... they never did that when I was living there, but my Mom still gets the paper delivered to her and I was rather surprised.

To bad I didn't got a hold of this information BEFORE the last mediation session. Here's the deal, she claimed to social security administration that she was an abandoned mother of 2 kids with disabilities and she has receiving $700 a month from the SSI program.


That is total BS. If she is receiving benefits, or an increased benefit for being "abandoned," I would definitely look into criminal charges against her. That's just BS, and it's coming out of MY paycheck.

:mad:

You know, child custody issues do not end with the final divorce decree. Get yourself back to the judge with these issues - and perhaps you could get custody that leaves the kids with you during the week, at the very least! Your ex's job choice leaves her with the obligation to provide adequate supervision when she's not there. As for your planned move - let her leave early, and then take your time setting up your new place.

First, she is no longer your wife, so let her rant let her do whatever and just ignore it. If you can leave do so, everything will be better once you no longer have daily contact. My ex moved 1000mi away and that was perfect, I almost never talk to her anymore and in fact when we do it is pretty easy going since we really no longer have stuff to be mad at each other about.

Be civil and if she is being abusive to the child then you need to document it. As apclassic9 said you can always get a hearing and change things. In fact if she is committing SS fraud and that is documented you may get custodial custody if that is what you want.

wish I had something helpful for you Rueben. All I can say is keep your chin up dude.

A lot of problems are like wheelsuckers: you just have to wait for the climb to get hard, then accelerate and drop them. Just don't wear yourself out dragging these things around on the flats.

Keep in mind, Ruben, you (like her) are also viewing this only from your point of view. Realize that, too, is skewed.


As far as the church thing goes......she's hurting right now too. She needs support and to be around people. Church is the easiest way to fulfill that need. Cut her some slack on it.

I hope you can work things out. My only advice is please don't argue in front of your children if you can help it. They have gone through a trauma with the divorce and don't need to see their parents tearing into each other.

^^^My parents argued all the time when I was a kid, still do for that matter. When I was really little they were nice enough to wait until after I went to bed, but as I got older they got louder. Odds are I was still awake reading some novel with a flashlight, and just because I wasn't in front of them doesn't mean I couldn't tell things weren't happy. At some point I got older and got dragged in, or more likely interjected myself into whatever the current argument was. As a result of this, I spent most of college going home only when I needed to, ie dorms were closed over break, felt like seeing my friends over breaks, etc. To this day my girlfriend doesn't like spending more than a couple days there because it turns in to some sort of war zone. She actually said at some point that she thought my parents had full accepted her when they started arguing in front of her instead of elsewhere in the house. Now mind you, my parents are still married, and when everything boils down, are going to stay that way out of mutual choice. However, I think if they'd been a bit better about keeping things quiet when I was younger, I might have a better view of things.

I'd certainly notify SSI about the claim. You could be a party for any fraud, if you knew about it.

You know, child custody issues do not end with the final divorce decree. Get yourself back to the judge with these issues - and perhaps you could get custody that leaves the kids with you during the week, at the very least! Your ex's job choice leaves her with the obligation to provide adequate supervision when she's not there. As for your planned move - let her leave early, and then take your time setting up your new place.

My thought exactly. How as a concerned father are you able to leave your kids with this woman? I know it's not that simple but even with a crazy ex - never abandon the welfare and care of you kids. Knowing you aren't religion this may not offer you comfort, but I will pray for your situation. And something to remember, forgive, forgive, forgive... no matter what she does, don't react with anger. Just forgive and move on.

Good luck - Pam

WTF were you thinking when you married this loser?

You should not be living together. When my ex and I split the first thing she did was move out. If she had not moved I would have left.

She's your ex, and right now a nutty one at that from what you've said. She's responsible for getting the kids between her house and school, not you.

I am also the person that transports the kiddos to and from school every day. His schedule is unpredictable and there was no way he could ensure transportation for them every day. On his week, he drops the kiddos off at bedtime at my house. They sleep here and I get them up and ready at our normal time and we all get a full night of sleep. If she makes an issue over it, tell her that she has to figure it out during her time and wash your hands of it. Hard as it may be, she needs to either take that responsibility on or admit that there is no other logical way to handle things.

WTF were you thinking when you married this loser?

Not necessary and not helpful. :notamused: Having been through this process, I know I have asked myself that question many times over. I'm certain he has done the same. It is not necessary for you to beat him up over it. What was done was done, he is now moving on.

She's your ex, and right now a nutty one at that from what you've said. She's responsible for getting the kids between her house and school, not you.

Life simply does not work that way where kids are involved. As a caring, responsible father, there is no way you can just let school fall through the cracks, especially with a 9 year old with learning issues. They have to get to school, and if Mom can't get it done . . . . well, guess who that leaves? Is it fair? Heck, no! But it is even less fair that the kids get screwed over because Mom is a manipulitive little such-and-such. And they are not in a position to defend themselves. So Dad has to be the grown-up. It sucks, but it is the reality. It comes under the heading of having to deal with things as they are rather than how we wish they were or even how they should be.

This does not mean that you are not without potential relief, Ruben. As others have mentioned, you may be able to go to court and get a modification of the child custody set-up. But be aware, it is not easy, and it is not likely to happen quickly. For example, I doubt you could get a hearing before December. As a practical matter, the short-term issues you are just going to have to tough out, I'm sorry to say. More important is to start documenting when your ex is not honoring her part of the agreement (which, I'm assuming, the court had to sign off on so ti is now an enforceable court order) and how your kids suffered from it )i.e., missed time with you, late/absent at school, etc.,). You may need for a hearing down the road. I hope not, but better to have and not need than need and not have.

Good luck, man. I know you've been through the ringer. Keep being the best father you know how to be, don't run down the kids' Mom to them or where the can hear it no matter how much she deserves it (believe me, this pays off in the long run, both for you and especially for your kids), and don't forget to take a little time for yourself, even if it's just a few minutes to lay down and scream. remember, you can't take care of those kids - and boy, do they need you - if you don't take care of yourself.

That is total BS. If she is receiving benefits, or an increased benefit for being "abandoned," I would definitely look into criminal charges against her. That's just BS, and it's coming out of MY paycheck.

:mad:

+100000000000....If you have proof, march your ass down to the local PD and report her. The only way you can hang for this is if you know and do nothing. I promise you the US Gov is the one that likes doing the stealing, not the other way around, and they **** around with **** like that....