Foo - Do you find it easy to forgive others?

Kinda random, but it's something I was reminded of today.

I find it a lot easier to forgive others than myself.

How about you?

Holding grudges is a huge waste of energy.

It's harder forgiving some people than others but eventually if I work at it I'll get through :)

I do find it hard to forgive sometimes but I do... like Joe said... holding grudges is a waste of time - takes so much energy. I just rather give it up and move on...

I read a quote today that was on this topic. It said: "Unforgiveness is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die."

Kinda sobering.

yes....after shooting them a time or two, its easy to forgive and forget. Its the burying part that's kind of hard.

Holding grudges is a huge waste of energy.

letting go costs even more. :D

Most of the time I don't even bother to get angry.

I find it easy to forgive, but harder to forget.

Forgiveness means that you are no longer going to demand or expect anything from the person you feel has wronged or hurt you. It is not pretending you did not get hurt, it is not reconciling the wrong or restoring lost trust and it does not mean you have to forget the pain.

Forgiveness is something you iniate and the receiving party does not even have to be aware of the forgiveness. Forgiveness only takes one person. Restoration takes two people.

And no, I no longer find it hard to offer forgiveness to another.

Not me, I'm a vengeful person and will hold a grudge for a hundred years until I right the wrong that has been done to me. Doesn't matter if it is real or percieved. Hate is a virtue that keeps you going and gives you strength. :)
Ernest

Depends on what they did and whether or not they understand the problem with it, and show remorse.

if i am not 'ready' yet, then it isn't easy. Once I am ready, yes, it's easy.

how long it takes to be ready to forgive depends....

I can't stay angry more than a day.

You're not trying hard enough. I had a problem with a recipe on Saturday and made the declaration that I was angry at bread. Yes, bread. My fiancee said if I cleaned out the mixer, she'd make it while I took the dog for a walk. I cleaned everything up, but stuck to the fact that I was angry at all bread in general, regardless of its origin; and while I wasn't opposed to her making bread I probably wouldn't eat any until the next day.
The bread she made is delicious, but it doesn't change the fact that twice I've tried recipes from a class I attended, and twice they've failed. I'm no longer angry at bread; that was misplaced anger. Now I am angry with this teacher (who happens to operate a local bakery I will no longer frequent, on the premise that his class and recipes have wasted my time.)

Forgiving those who have wronged you, sets you free.

I still haven't forgiven SURLY for getting rid of Black Cherry (red) as a color for the LHT. :lol:

I easily forgive most things. Some other things - take longer. The arrogance of the 1972 Miami Dolphins though - might never get over that.

Depends what they did. Some people earn my undying loathing ie: my biological father, who is a complete and utter swine. Some dumb cager who blows a red light and nearly hits me? I get over it pretty quickly.

Not an easy forgiver. But that's by my definition. It takes a lot for me to trust people in the first place to full extent (people are really not that good, therefore most are not worthy of trust), and when that trust is broken or betrayed, it will likely never be restored.

That's not to say when they do betray, I curse their existence, but I will never perceive them as I did before. Why would I set myself up for disappointment when the person has already proven to me they aren't competent enough to be considered a good friend?? Sure, we can hang out and have a good time, but no longer will I rely on them, nor be willing to 'take a bullet' for them.

I guess I can understand forgiveness in letting go of a grudge due to a certain incident, but forgiveness as the restoration of what was is something I don't see as deserved...

I put up with little things much better than the average person, but can hold grudges for the bigger things.

How about you?

The weak cannot forgive. forgiveness is an attribute of the strong...

I forgive out of selfishness and arrogance. Basically I perceive the other person as simply not worthy of my time or consideration, and that includes time and consideration in plotting to "get even". It's easier and more effective in the end to simply walk away. Although it's not always easy to do.

That said, I don't forget in a hurry. If someone does something to hurt or wrong me in some way, I would be a complete idiot if I gave them the chance to do it again.

Holding grudges is a huge waste of energy.

This and Hanlon's Razor ("Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by incompetence") generally give me little trouble forgiving.

Of course, forgiving is not the same as rebuilding trust.

I forgive easily. Sometimes too much, but I'd rather live that way. It's easier on my soul.

work tech support long enough and you learn, people are people. It is not worth getting mad at them no matte how mad they happen to be at you. Plus i make really poor choices when angry. So I make it a point to let go of stuff, and try my best to not get angry with other.

You're not trying hard enough. I had a problem with a recipe on Saturday and made the declaration that I was angry at bread. Yes, bread. My fiancee said if I cleaned out the mixer, she'd make it while I took the dog for a walk. I cleaned everything up, but stuck to the fact that I was angry at all bread in general, regardless of its origin; and while I wasn't opposed to her making bread I probably wouldn't eat any until the next day.
The bread she made is delicious, but it doesn't change the fact that twice I've tried recipes from a class I attended, and twice they've failed. I'm no longer angry at bread; that was misplaced anger. Now I am angry with this teacher (who happens to operate a local bakery I will no longer frequent, on the premise that his class and recipes have wasted my time.)

Ok...something I've noticed...if your SO is making bread successfully, and the instructor is making bread successfully...then it might be you? At any rate I admire your persistence as I am unable to hate bread after being presented with a fresh loaf. Unless it is pumpernickel, which I can loathe without regret.

Oh, right. Forgiveness. I don't get angry very often but when I do, I get really mad but it only lasts for a bit. Then I immediately feel terrible. Mr Coffeecake informs me that yes, I do hold grudges (I think I am a fairly easy-going live & let live person.) Although I will not fight or express anger with people I do not know well - only family, very close friends, and the SO. When I was little I would refuse to say "I'm sorry" and even now I forget sometimes that it's often the best thing to say.

I hardly ever get mad at people. Even when I do I never hold grudges - it's simply not worth the time. I rarely hold onto anger for more than a few moments.

When I am genuinely angry you know it wasn't over something trivial.

Never forgive, never forget.

Properly nursing a grudge involves letting go and forgiving so it doesn't eat you up
inside and leech your lifeforce, goals, and dreams, but keeping the grudge just barely
alive as a sort of abstract intellectual exercise so you can effectively plan insidious
revenge scenarios without disrupting the rest of your life.

People do what they do and the only one that you can really control is yourself. If they do things to others that hurt, then it's really on them.

I learn lessons from people like that all the time. I learn what NOT to do and will come up with alternate ways of handling situations.

So in essence, my observance of others and experiencing the pain of their actions upon me is in turn a joyful reminder of who I will not be. So in that, I celebrate the more compassionate person that I will become because of this.

I can then thank them for showing me ugliness and teaching me something rather than feel any kind of anger or hatred. :)

I read a quote today that was on this topic. It said: "Unforgiveness is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die."

Kinda sobering.

+bignumber

There are few wiser sayings that can be said than that. I tend to not forgive, but that doesn't affect the other person, just affects me.

Always hold grudges. Still holding one ten years later.

I'd like to forgive, but cannot. It is a waste of energy.

Heine's Law, "One should forgive one's enemies...but not before they are hanged."

In my business relationships, I do tend to hold grudges, but they'd never know it until they need something outside the normal business channels from me. Then they'll get theirs.. :)

On the personal side, I will quickly write someone off if they do something to wrong me. I do regret this though as it has a tendency to alienate me from people.

If it's something that hurt my family I will never ever forgive, I've gotten rid of many so called "friends" and "family" members that have done harm to my family that I've lost count, but our world is now better that they are out of our lives. :thumb:

If it's something that hurt my family I will never ever forgive, I've gotten rid of many so called "friends" and "family" members that have done harm to my family that I've lost count, but our world is now better that they are out of our lives. :thumb:

Forgiveness does not mean what someone did is okay. Forgiveness is not restoration.

Forgiveness does not mean what someone did is okay. Forgiveness is not restoration.

I know forgiveness does not mean what someone did is okay, and I also know forgiveness is not restoration, but I also know forgiveness is for those that are willing to forgive, I simply am not willing to forgive. Simple as that. :)

I always make sure I forgive and forget. We all have our foibles, we all mess up and we all make mistakes. We are human, after all. In my opinion, messing up is not the worst thing that can happen to a relationship, so forgive and forget. And remember there was something once that you liked or loved about that person. Surely that is a reason to forgive and forget.

People, life is so short and in my opinion the more people we have in our lives the richer our lives are. Don't waste energy on holding a grudge ... use your energy to rebuild and enhance your life. You'll be so much happier for it.

Just my opinion.

Forgiving is quite a bit easier if you have my memory.
However, there are things I can't let go of or forget. Some I have forgive. Others are unforgivable.

I'm still mad that the Colts left Baltimore.

I think forgiveness is a waste, because it says "You screwed up, but it's ok". I say "You screwed up, we'll be alright (or not), but I have learned something new about you that I won't forget".

Ok...something I've noticed...if your SO is making bread successfully, and the instructor is making bread successfully...then it might be you?

I'd be willing to believe it was me if not for 3 things:
1) SO didn't use a recipe from the instructor's book.
2) Instructor claimed that the recipes are what he uses in the bakery, yet ingredients at class were pre-measured and waiting on tables for us. No way to verify that what was presented to us is actually the amount in the instructions.
3) Using the SO's recipe, I didn't have any problems.
Calculating the flour/water ratio on the successful recipes, vs. the instructor's recipes; there's greater than a 15% difference. It's no wonder his recipes made nothing but goo.
I still despise him.

I'd be willing to believe it was me if not for 3 things:
1) SO didn't use a recipe from the instructor's book.
2) Instructor claimed that the recipes are what he uses in the bakery, yet ingredients at class were pre-measured and waiting on tables for us. No way to verify that what was presented to us is actually the amount in the instructions.
3) Using the SO's recipe, I didn't have any problems.
Calculating the flour/water ratio on the successful recipes, vs. the instructor's recipes; there's greater than a 15% difference. It's no wonder his recipes made nothing but goo.
I still despise him.

Threadjack:

It sounds like you had a bad instructor. Making bread is different every day, since the humidity is different. For a 2lb loaf, you can have up to a 1/2 cup dfference in the amount of flour needed. Also, the brand of flour will make a difference. If you use King Arthur bread flour one day, and Pilsbury the next, the loaves will need different amounts.

End Threadjack

Threadjack:

It sounds like you had a bad instructor. Making bread is different every day, since the humidity is different. For a 2lb loaf, you can have up to a 1/2 cup dfference in the amount of flour needed. Also, the brand of flour will make a difference. If you use King Arthur bread flour one day, and Pilsbury the next, the loaves will need different amounts.

End Threadjack

Not to mention that you generally would use up to 1/4 less flour when using whole wheat and you would let it rise longer as well.

I'm still mad that the Colts left Baltimore.

I think forgiveness is a waste, because it says "You screwed up, but it's ok". I say "You screwed up, we'll be alright (or not), but I have learned something new about you that I won't forget".

Sounds like what you do is forgive, but don't forget, and that's what I do also. For me, forgiveness simply means that I'm not going to waste my time or resources on trying to get revenge or make the other person pay in some way. It doesn't mean at all that I'm ever going to trust them again.