Foo - Divorced Parents - Kid's Graundage Logistics

Me and the Ex are trying this shared groundage tactic. If the graundage's duration is to overlap with the other parent's days, the grounding parent informs the other about the details (why, how long, etc). Let's see how it works...

Those of you who are separated, how you deal with ur kidz groundage?

I talk with my ex and tell her what happened. We then agree on a sentence and both enforce it.
If the other parent thinks the kid is doing good and it should be shortened we talk about it.

I talk with my ex and tell her what happened. We then agree on a sentence and both enforce it.
If the other parent thinks the kid is doing good and it should be shortened we talk about it.

+1 My ex and I would talk and try to agree on punishment and both enforce it to retain some continuity.

My daughter's have one grandparent (my mom) so they see her when they are with me.

65er
groundage<>grandparents ;)

I talk with my ex and tell her what happened. We then agree on a sentence and both enforce it.
If the other parent thinks the kid is doing good and it should be shortened we talk about it.

It is what me and the ex do. We are lucky though that my daughter is a really good kid. At least so far at twelve.

next year = teenager!!! with hormones kicking in.

Although it's more than a bit odd, I have my (remarried) ex & all the kids living under my roof. There is very little friction, I'm glad she's happy, we get along great. I actually prefer not being with someone, don't have to sweat being concerned with another's heart.

Our daughter has both of us, every day, parenting her. She doesn't stand a chance....LOL.

Me and the Ex are trying this shared groundage tactic. If the graundage's duration is to overlap with the other parent's days, the grounding parent informs the other about the details (why, how long, etc). Let's see how it works...

Those of you who are separated, how you deal with ur kidz groundage?

Whatever happens on her time should not be taken into consideration on your time. :thumb:

That is a terrible idea.

With my children living 2,500 miles away with their mother, there's not a hell of a lot I can do about discipline... we have very good children, but I will say we disagree strongly about just about parenting issue there is. This is why, Thank God, we are no longer married. I miss my children, but I certainly don't miss a constant state of warfare with the ex about nearly everything.

What makes it difficult is during the times they are visiting me in California, I am faced with having to "undo" some of the very bad habits the children have been immersed in while in Connecticut. Her family is very Southern and very, well, to my uptight native Iowan mind, completely disorganized and laissez faire in their approach to things... basically, nothing is ever planned or done until the last minute. The children have no structure, and that's unfortunate. Which means I spend 2-3 days settling them down before the visiting goes smoothly... so simple things - like shutting the Nintendos off for dinner or leaving them at the house so we can have real human interaction in the car - end up becoming a disciplinary issue which results in the machines being confiscated for the entire visit. There's also real issues with meals, mealtimes which also results from a lack of what I see as hard and fast rules. You should eat what's placed in front of you, not attempt to negotiate just because they don't care for what's been put in front of them. This just isn't about my own children, either, I see people in public caving all the time to their children because its easier to do that than be the adult. They're afraid that "they're being mean." In reality, you are doing your children a *huge* disservice by not introducing discipline and respect for others. In the end, you get the same high maintenance, spoiled and difficult to deal with adults that I saw a *lot* of while on vacation in Mexico.

Whenever I've brought this up, it just ends up in a shouting match, and I start to feel like I'm Alan being berated by Judith in 2 1/2 Men. LOL

I only worry - they're almost 10 and 8 now - that the lack of discipline and following simple rules is going to become a huge problem once their teens hit. Dr. Spock said on his deathbed that he was wrong, that children should not be raised in a free-range fashion - they need structure.

I wish I could work as some of you seem to be able to do in co-parenting with my ex; its a good thing I have a full head of hair or I would have none left from tearing it out long ago. Its unfortunate. :(

That is a terrible idea.

Why? because you say so? what doesn't work for you may work for others, and vice versa. BTW, you know why they're called "opinions?" 'cause the person asking for opinions listens, puts it into their mouth, chews it up a bit, gets the flavor, then it's up to the person asking for opinions to swallow it or spit it out. :thumb:

I posted an opinion relating to your opinion. No need to be a jerk.

I posted an opinion relating to your opinion. No need to be a jerk.

I can call you a lot of things but I don't know you personally, so I will not, I'll ask you to do the same.

You have issues. Welcome to the club.

You have issues. Welcome to the club.

My list of issues stretches to the Mississippi and beyond. :innocent:

There's nothing wrong with baggage, however, it can be difficult to lift at times.

:p

I don't know of anyone who is > 40, and who has been divorced at least once - and if you add children it complicates the brew moreso - that doesn't have issues of one kind or another. Its not the issues that matter so much its how you let them effect you.

I am enjoying growing older because the older I get, the less worried I am about anything. My GF worries about spending money, for example, and I said to her "I didn't see my dad's corpse with $20s clenched in his fists". You shouldn't put off enjoyment of your life because of this fear or that fear - and I think much of what drives discord in divorces and how to handle your children stems from one party or the other simply not wanting to cede control to the other person on something - even when its readily apparent to outsiders that what's being proposed is the right thing to do.

All you have to do is watch Oprah, Dr. Phil, or, for entertainment value, Jerry Springer and you get the general idea.

You have issues. Welcome to the club.

"issues" are for people trying to live in a politically correct world, I have problems, just like everyone else in the real world, when you join that club let me know so I can welcome you. :thumb:

Already there.

Welcome! :welcome

I believe it is called being alive. :p

Welcome! :welcome

I'm grounding *both* of you now. No Dancing With The Stars for an *entire* week! You hear me?

"issues" are for people trying to live in a politically correct world, I have problems, just like everyone else in the real world, when you join that club let me know so I can welcome you. :thumb:

You know, Captain Kirk just shot first and asked questions later. Which is why he'd leave Picard as a heap of smoking rubble in a one to one matchup.

:lol:

I'm grounding *both* of you now. No Dancing With The Stars for an *entire* week! You hear me?

I already work from home. Please ground me to Vancouver BC.

Back to the OP, if there's punishment, it needs to be consistent between both parents - or the kid(s) will play you off of each other - they're going to do that anyway even if they're angelic and never get in trouble LOL - and it will end up driving everyone crazier.

Today, my son asked me if I could get him a Netbook for Christmas. This is a kid that already has a DS, XBox, Playstation II, and wii... and his mother and her SO have computers. Um, no... or when I suggested that *IF* I did so (because they're not cheap - BTW, I did not buy the console boxes - I do not approve of videogames, but this is one of the compromises of divorce), he would need to share it with his little sister.

He started to hem and haw and say "Well, maybe Santa can bring her one." I said "look, why don't we just get free netbooks for *all* of the people on the planet."

He seemed to think that was a good idea.

I may buy him a telescope instead, because at least it will get him outside and into the fresh air, or into the CIA eventually because he'll use it to spy on the neighbors. :thumb:

I'm grounding *both* of you now. No Dancing With The Stars for an *entire* week! You hear me?

an entire week! :mad: thats not fair! :eek: :cry: (as he storms into his room and slams the door.)

I already work from home. Please ground me to Vancouver BC.

You're trying to negotiate with me? You just got a whole MONTH, buster. And I'm taking away Regis too. So there.

Back to the OP, if there's punishment, it needs to be consistent between both parents - or the kid(s) will play you off of each other - they're going to do that anyway even if they're angelic and never get in trouble LOL - and it will end up driving everyone crazier.

Today, my son asked me if I could get him a Netbook for Christmas. This is a kid that already has a DS, XBox, Playstation II, and wii... and his mother and her SO have computers. Um, no... or when I suggested that *IF* I did so (because they're not cheap - BTW, I did not buy the console boxes - I do not approve of videogames, but this is one of the compromises of divorce), he would need to share it with his little sister.

He started to hem and haw and say "Well, maybe Santa can bring her one." I said "look, why don't we just get free netbooks for *all* of the people on the planet."

He seemed to think that was a good idea.

I may buy him a telescope instead, because at least it will get him outside and into the fresh air, or into the CIA eventually because he'll use it to spy on the neighbors. :thumb:

or the neighbors daughter! :thumb: (but that may land him in jail! :twitchy:)

You're trying to negotiate with me? You just got a whole MONTH, buster. And I'm taking away Regis too. So there.



Awesome. My tv doesn't get Regis. :D

an entire week! :mad: thats not fair! :eek: :cry: (as he storms into his room and slams the door.)

You know, speaking of doors, I loved that bit in the remake of Freaky Friday where Jaime Lee Curtis took away Lohan's room door. I am *so* going to do that when my kids become teens and do something bad.

or the neighbors daughter! :thumb: (but that may land him in jail! :twitchy:)

Hmmm. At least that will be a sign that he's pretty normal. He's a goober (according to my GF) "just like you."

Hell, I had a refractor telescope, my room was on the 2nd floor, and I had a clear shot to the playground... no hot neighbors though, unless you like to watch elderly people remove their teeth. :twitchy:

Although I remember my Dad and one of his buddy were putting new shingles on the roof, and the teen girls in the neighborhood were at the house next door and bent over in the bushes trying to catch a stray cat - in very short cutoffs, and my Dad's bud SMACKED his thumb with the hammer... and then what made it funnier is while he's swearing, he does it *again* a 2nd time in a row.

Awesome. My tv doesn't get Regis. :D

Damn. Pop my balloon, will ya?

You know, speaking of doors, I loved that bit in the remake of Freaky Friday where Jaime Lee Curtis took away Lohan's room door. I am *so* going to do that when my kids become teens and do something bad.

When my oldest was a teen I let her have a friend (that was a boy) "hang out" in her room, they were supposed to be playing video games with the door open, :rolleyes: after a few minutes I went upstairs and found the door closed, I knocked on the door and I get no reply? I knock again and the boy says, "hold on a second." I take a step back, kick the door off the hinges, walk in the room, chiken wing the boy, drag him down the stairs across the living room where my wife was waiting with the door open, and I toss him out and he landed right on his ass on the pavement, a second later my daughter yells to him from the window,"I told you to keep the door open!" :)

When my oldest was a teen I let her have a friend (that was a boy) "hang out" in her room, they were supposed to be playing video games with the door open, :rolleyes: after a few minutes I went upstairs and found the door closed, I knocked on the door and I get no reply? I knock again and the boy says, "hold on a second." I take a step back, kick the door off the hinges, walk in the room, chiken wing the boy, drag him down the stairs across the living room where my wife was waiting with the door open, and I toss him out, he laned on his ass on the pavement, a second later my daughter yells to him from the window,"I told you to keep the door open!" :)

Awesome. I would pay real money to see that.

You know, your daughter set him up. Now that's *really* funny.

I wish my wife would have recorded half the things that went on when my kids were teens, I would have won some kind of freakin' award! :lol:

I wish my wife would have recorded half the things that went on when my kids were teens, I would have won some kind of freakin' award! :lol:

All girls, boys, or a mix?

I have one of each. I remember around the time they were born, I had some colleagues that had all boys, and one of them to said to me "I wouldn't want a girl..."

And I said... "Why? You have all boys, how about variety?"

His reply "Well, when you have a boy(s), all you have to worry about is them... when you have a girl, you have to worry about everyone else."

That's SUCH a double standard. Girls generally get better grades, don't wreck cars, get in less trouble statistically... they're certainly easier to deal with - not as much testosterone and tendency to break things for no good reason.

Although I must say little girls (boys do this too, but they give up and just start the stomping around sooner) try to use the quivering lip tactic and tears when they don't get their way...

My daughter threw a fit last Christmas when we dropped by my favorite music store and I bought some guitar strings - or something fairly inconsequential... and she saw the violins and WANTED ONE RIGHT NOW.

Never mind a violin - a decent one - runs a couple of grand. Oh no.

The tears, the tears. My daughter is really a good natured kid and generally doesn't stay upset that long, but she did the whole "You don't love me, I hate you" bit about my refusal to buy her a violin on the spot. I had such a hard time not laughing at a 7 year old - I know she was genuinely upset, and it was also lunchtime so some of the crankiness was being driven by hunger, which we took care of after I dragged her out of the music store.

She has now decided she wants to play drums. Which, is fine... I've played guitar 30+ years, and I'll be happy to get her a full (used) kit - after she stays with a practice pad, sticks, learns her rudiments and makes reasonable progress - for a year.

2 girls, thats it, its what I wanted. :) They were great kids and still are so I can't complain, my brothers daughter got pregnant at 14! :twitchy: It's like a trend! The "in thing." anyways they are great and I love 'em to death. :) and yes, they did and still do "The Face!" :lol:

That's SUCH a double standard. Girls generally get better grades, don't wreck cars, get in less trouble statistically... they're certainly easier to deal with - not as much testosterone and tendency to break things for no good reason.

Oh boy, my son was never a problem, my 16yo daughter (love her death) is a constant drama between school, boys, clothes etc. Good luck when your daughter hits her teens, I will trade testosterone with estrogen anytime. As far a discipline not a problem for me as her mother is 1000mi away and I am the custodial parent. But being a single father of a teenage daughter has its own complications.

As many might know, I have a boy (9) and a little girl (3). When I had the girl I was also worried to death, thinking what I'm I going to do when she start getting boyfriends and all that stuff. Being a guy I KNOW what boys want... I used to be a teenage boy myself.

Later I started to see the reality of it. I have a girl. She will be sexually active at some point, she will get pregnant at some point, all that stuff will happen no matter what. All I can do is try to pass over all my knowledge to help her make the right decisions when the time comes. My goal is to raise an independent woman, with all the skills and education needed to succeed on her own. Make sure that when she gets a man if because she wants to, not because she needs to.

Now, with the boy, I don't agree with most people. My boy is very emotional, just like I was at his age, maybe more. I DO have a lot to worry about with the boy. Soon after boys start getting girlfriends, they start experiencing the breakups too. And those breakups are going to hit my boy hard. He's gonna be a total mess when that happens. And it's gonna be harder to see it coming, he doesn't talk as much about his life as the girl does. He likes to keep stuff to himself. Helping the kid overcome the emotional challenges of handling girls is going to be a difficult task.

But all that is still years ahead. Back to the present, I need to work on making the new house feel like a home. Right now it doesn't. The house is almost empty. I don't even have beds for the kids. They are sleeping on mine (king) and I'm off to the couch (they kick too much). We need to go shopping.

When my oldest was a teen I let her have a friend (that was a boy) "hang out" in her room, they were supposed to be playing video games with the door open, :rolleyes: after a few minutes I went upstairs and found the door closed, I knocked on the door and I get no reply? I knock again and the boy says, "hold on a second." I take a step back, kick the door off the hinges, walk in the room, chiken wing the boy, drag him down the stairs across the living room where my wife was waiting with the door open, and I toss him out and he landed right on his ass on the pavement, a second later my daughter yells to him from the window,"I told you to keep the door open!" :)

:roflmao2: Thanks for sharing, I needed a good laugh today.