Foo - No, I don't want a relationship! geez...

Everybody I know keeps suggesting the same thing over and over. What's wrong with being alone for some time? Maybe if a didn't had kids. But I have, 2 of them... and they will be with me on every single day off that I get. I'll have lotz and lotz of love and company. I'm very busy at it is.

The last thing I need at this time is a girlfriend on the phone asking why I didn't call. Or making suggestions about how to organize my house or how to run my life. I have an opportunity to have things my way and that's exactly what I plan to do.

IMHO it will be a healthy experience to be alone. I'll be free to be myself with no complains. I haven't been "myself" during the last 22 years... always trying to please a girl, wife, girlfriend, etc. There was always somebody trying to change me and I'm tired of it. I'm not perfect. I have a lot of faults. But I'm happy the way I am and my kids love me the way I am. I'm not changing a thing.

That could very well be a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Actually I agree with Ruben... being alone is not a bad thing. It basically says as a person, you are worth spending time with. I have lots of friends and am always out doing things with them but I also relish and enjoy my alone time to be creative and/or just relax.

In addition there is nothing wrong with not being attached to someone else. There are pros and cons about both situations... for me the pro is the total independence, being able to go out and do whatever I want with whoever. I have lots of great friends that fill that companionship quota for me. Intimancy? Well its nice but the trade off is being tied to someone else and what they want.

Of course I am old and have done by share of loving someone else... now it's my time to enjoy my life not someone elses!

I did the same thing for 6 months.
My theory is that it will improve an eventual relationship if you are content and happy with being yourself.

No harm in trying it out. Dating before you are ready on the other hand...

Everybody I know keeps suggesting the same thing over and over. What's wrong with being alone for some time? Maybe if a didn't had kids. But I have, 2 of them... and they will be with me on every single day off that I get. I'll have lotz and lotz of love and company. I'm very busy at it is.

The last thing I need at this time is a girlfriend on the phone asking why I didn't call. Or making suggestions about how to organize my house or how to run my life. I have an opportunity to have things my way and that's exactly what I plan to do.

IMHO it will be a healthy experience to be alone. I'll be free to be myself with no complains. I haven't been "myself" during the last 22 years... always trying to please a girl, wife, girlfriend, etc. There was always somebody trying to change me and I'm tired of it. I'm not perfect. I have a lot of faults. But I'm happy the way I am and my kids love me the way I am. I'm not changing a thing.

One is not the loneliest number. :thumb:

I like to hit it and quit it myself too

A little time off can be a great thing, to get your crap together, figure out your own head, spend quality time with your kids..... Do what you gotta do, you'll be way better off when you decide its time to jump back in to relationships. Just did a two year break myself, and in my opinion, it was well worth it

nothing is wrong with it. I'm amazed that people would rather be in bad relationships than be alone. It doesn't mean you're pathetic, lonely or desperate. you have friends, kids...it's not like you're living in a cave like Bin Laden!

exactly...I don't quite understand ppl that jump from one relationship to another

I would rather be alone than in a bad relationship. Better alone and happy.
Now I am not alone and happy. Waiting is a good thing.

I would rather be alone than in a bad relationship. Better alone and happy.
Now I am not alone and happy. Waiting is a good thing.
I agree. I was happy when I was single, but would occasionally feel lonely. For the last 22 years I've been happy in a relationship, but occasionally find myself wishing he'd take off for the weekend so I can have the house to myself for a little while. Every choice we make has consequences, pro and con. It's better not to compromise by putting up with an unsatisfactory relationship.

Who's suggesting? People are suggesting you need a girlfriend?


I agree 110% that you DO NOT need a woman in your life for a while....you definitely need some alone time, time establish your 'new' relationship with your kids, and (perhaps most importantly) find yourself again. Being in a relationship naturally changes who you are because you become half of a unit.....it takes time to re-establish your personal identity.

Enjoy some alone time and tell whoever is telling you to get a girlfriend to shut the hell up...they're idiots.



Everybody I know keeps suggesting the same thing over and over. What's wrong with being alone for some time? Maybe if a didn't had kids. But I have, 2 of them... and they will be with me on every single day off that I get. I'll have lotz and lotz of love and company. I'm very busy at it is.

The last thing I need at this time is a girlfriend on the phone asking why I didn't call. Or making suggestions about how to organize my house or how to run my life. I have an opportunity to have things my way and that's exactly what I plan to do.

IMHO it will be a healthy experience to be alone. I'll be free to be myself with no complains. I haven't been "myself" during the last 22 years... always trying to please a girl, wife, girlfriend, etc. There was always somebody trying to change me and I'm tired of it. I'm not perfect. I have a lot of faults. But I'm happy the way I am and my kids love me the way I am. I'm not changing a thing.

I agree. I was happy when I was single, but would occasionally feel lonely. For the last 22 years I've been happy in a relationship, but occasionally find myself wishing he'd take off for the weekend so I can have the house to myself for a little while. Every choice we make has consequences, pro and con. It's better not to compromise by putting up with an unsatisfactory relationship.

rather than wish for SO to leave, why don't you take a mini-sabbatical? I usually go twice a year. Coincidentally, I'm leaving tomorrow to camp at Big Sur alone for 4 days.

my wife is an extrovert and I an introvert. it took a few trips to counseling for us to understand our differences (int vs. ext), but she's totally cool with it now. I come back from trips feeling better about marriage, kids, just about everything. it's how I refresh my head.

Talk to him, maybe he'll feel the same.

And back to OT - I find that the best relationships are the ones you *don't* look for.

I hate people who suggest stuff like that or try to find someone for you. Quite dumb and pointless I'll say.

Reuben, that is the most sense you have made in awhile...

Ruben, you must be the cat's meow.

Somebody pressuring you into a relationship already? :lol:

Have fun, Ruben. Enjoy YOUR life. :thumb:

I hate people who suggest stuff like that or try to find someone for you. Quite dumb and pointless I'll say.

It was the same when my mom died. All the family couldn't stand leaving me, my dad or brother alone for even one minute. ALL WE WANTED was a little alone time to gather our thoughts a bit...and couldn't do that with everybody HANGING on us every minute.

Have you considered taking up hermitry?

YouTube- Hermit Sketch

It was the same when my mom died. All the family couldn't stand leaving me, my dad or brother alone for even one minute. ALL WE WANTED was a little alone time to gather our thoughts a bit...and couldn't do that with everybody HANGING on us every minute.

A friend of mine's younger brother died in a car accident when he we were both in college. Several of his friends and I wandered by to check up on him and keep his mind busy off and on, and unintentionally left him alone only when sleeping and showering for about a week after he got back. He complained a little at the time that he needed some time to get his homework done (which mind you he was doing with us there, not just ignoring it). Later however, he said he was really happy there were people around all the time because when there weren't he would start getting stuck in a rut and just sit there staring at whatever page was in front of him.

Everybody I know keeps suggesting the same thing over and over. What's wrong with being alone for some time? Maybe if a didn't had kids. But I have, 2 of them... and they will be with me on every single day off that I get. I'll have lotz and lotz of love and company. I'm very busy at it is.

The last thing I need at this time is a girlfriend on the phone asking why I didn't call. Or making suggestions about how to organize my house or how to run my life. I have an opportunity to have things my way and that's exactly what I plan to do.

IMHO it will be a healthy experience to be alone. I'll be free to be myself with no complains. I haven't been "myself" during the last 22 years... always trying to please a girl, wife, girlfriend, etc. There was always somebody trying to change me and I'm tired of it. I'm not perfect. I have a lot of faults. But I'm happy the way I am and my kids love me the way I am. I'm not changing a thing.

Your children are not a replacement for an adult relationship. However, there's nothing wrong with being alone.

I'm sure each person is different. We (at least my brother and I) were asking people to leave us alone and give us some alone time...and still they wouldn't do it.


A friend of mine's younger brother died in a car accident when he we were both in college. Several of his friends and I wandered by to check up on him and keep his mind busy off and on, and unintentionally left him alone only when sleeping and showering for about a week after he got back. He complained a little at the time that he needed some time to get his homework done (which mind you he was doing with us there, not just ignoring it). Later however, he said he was really happy there were people around all the time because when there weren't he would start getting stuck in a rut and just sit there staring at whatever page was in front of him.

I don't think there is anything wrong with being alone at all. I think it is far better to be alone than to be in a relationship with the wrong person. Not everyone seems to think this way however.

I admit that it is also really nice to come home to your own space after a long day of work.

Hookers are WAY cheaper than a wife and generally more satisfying.

Plus you will occasionally get extras from having sex with a hooker. As in various STDs.

Plus you will occasionally get extras from having sex with a hooker. As in various STDs.

or potential fines and jail time....

(unless you are a sitting US senator)

Sounds like a win win to me. Free food at the jail. Rid yourself of some pesky extra cash.

Ruben- those who say things that you mentioned are usually people who have some form or codependency and feel all should with another. If what is being said around you is bothersome, either don't listen to them or tell them to go away.
Being alone is not a bad thing. Heck, I am 38, currently not in a relationship, never married, child free and fine with it. I live for me, not for another. Never for another. Go on about your business, have fun with your children and enjoy life.

Heck, I am 38, currently not in a relationship, never married, child free and fine with it. I live for me, not for another.
You username is misleading. I want my money back! :innocent:

You username is misleading. I want my money back! :innocent:
Not all Mamas have children. If I had children there is no way that I would be able to have traveled as much as I have.

Not all Mamas have children. If I had children there is no way that I would be able to have traveled as much as I have.

If you had babies, would you have let them grow up to be cowboys?

If you had babies, would you have let them grow up to be cowboys?
That is a big IF. IF I had babies, I would let them grow up to be whatever they wanted as long as they incorporated bike riding in their lives.:)

If you had babies, would you have let them grow up to be cowboys?


That is a big IF. IF I had babies, I would let them grow up to be whatever they wanted as long as they incorporated bike riding in their lives.:)

jsharr....you did see that travelmama is from Ca, right? She does not know your Texas redneck life ballads. :o

That is a big IF. IF I had babies, I would let them grow up to be whatever they wanted as long as they incorporated bike riding in their lives.:)

Would you let them pick guitars and drive them ol' trucks, or would you make them be doctors or lawyers or such?

Whatever they so desire as long as they don't get in trouble with the law.

THX for the replies!

I was a victim of that co-dependency thing for a long time. I got my first girlfriend when I was 15 and ended up marrying her. I've been jumping from one relationship to another ever since. For some reason, every time a relationship ended, some new girl appeared with promises of fixing everything. I fell for it every time...It had to do with the culture a lot.

There's an old puertorican say that goes "un clavo saca otro clavo" (a nail takes out another nail). And what is means is that when you breakup, you should get another person quickly, to help you forget the old one. It is wrong, I know. But that's what culture says and over here family and friends are trying to pull me into that once more.

One example, there was some cleaning/organizing to do on the new house. A friend of mine who happens to be a woman, offered to help so I brought her over. We did the job and I drop her off back at her house. I also had family and friends helping at the house. When I came back, everybody was asking "did you kiss her?", "did you invited her to stay over the weekend?", "that's the woman you need!" geez NO! None of that.

Intimacy? No relationship needed for that... really.

I keep telling everybody that I don't want anybody for now. But family and friends just ignore that and keep suggesting possible mates. Glad to find people who also think that staying alone is a good thing. I was starting to think I was the only one.

It has been my experience that a man needs a woman, like a fish needs a bicycle!

"I value my freedom more than I fear my loneliness" This is a basic premise for how I live my life.. of course I am 42 single, and never been married. I do what I want when I want how I want and with whomever I want. I dont see that changing any time soon.

Relax take it easy and don't worry...that's the secret to being happy. With the kids you'll stay busy, and without a doubt when you least expect it you'll find someone or they'll find you.

When you're alone and not lonely, you're in a good place.

I'd rather be alone than in a bad relationship, but I'd rather be in a good relationship than alone. A good relationship is one where I don't feel pressure to change or be changed, and I choose instead of feel obligated to do things together. It's what works for me.

There is nothing wrong with taking a relationship sabbatical. I found it takes awhile to lose the bad habits I'd pick up from a relationship and preferred several months of singlehood. It's not like dating is going out of style, after all.

rather than wish for SO to leave, why don't you take a mini-sabbatical?...
Talk to him, maybe he'll feel the same...
We've taken separate vacations from time to time. My hobbies are more around the house - sewing, gardening, that sort of thing - so that's why I want the house to myself on rare occasions, I get more done. I wouldn't want that every week, or even every month. I think every couple on earth occasionally needs a break from each other.

I LOVE being single. I'm not. But love it when I am.