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01-04-10, 01:23 PM
I've been around these parts, off and on, for the last couple of years. I've had my successes, and eventual setbacks, but I've never really sat down and threw them on the table for others to look at like a yard sale. So I thought it might be worth busting out the magic marker and start putting some tags and numbers on them and just put them on the lawn, in a manner of speaking.
My first realization that things were wrong, wrong, wrong was when I was still smoking, drinking and eating like a pig. I was sitting at about 270 when I walked in and purchased a Haro V3 (or something, it's been a while).
I rode that thing daily, 13 miles each way to work. I slathered and crawled up hills. My wife and son (only had one at the time) would have dinner ready for me when I'd get home. Grilled chicken (literally, on a bbq) stuffed with jalapenos. I did that for 4 months, every day. Same dinner, same ride................................................................................................ ....no vegetables at all. I'd have cereal in the morning, a chicken sandwich at the cafeteria at work (military contractor ftw!) and that.
I got down to around 195.
Mind you, I never thought about body fat, gyms, other workouts, nothing. No cross training.
In the end, I was able to quit smoking because of this, so that means right around 2000.
Over the years, I've tried other things: vegetarianism, SBD, everything you can think of or I could.
I've put countless miles on bikes, and I even ran 10 marathons in the mean time. In the end I always end up sitting at a comfortable 195.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
So after the holidays, here I sit again at 215.8; and I ask myself why?
I started gaming again. At first I did a really good job of eating healthy, stayed running. By this time I was having some setbacks financially. First I lost my car. Nothing more painful than having a family of 6 and no wheels.
Hint: Don't take title loans and then have difficulty making a payment on time. I asked for 3 days, they repo'd it in 2 after telling me it wasn't an issue. Lesson learned.
So my Karate Monkey and my Cykel got a ****load of miles put on them. I was good too. I could load up all the groceries my family needed for 2 weeks in only 3 trips.
Then I replaced the car. I let myself be convinced that I could part with the Karate Monkey. Afterall, I wasn't racing much and it was just sitting in the corner crying because it never got ridden. I found it in a pawn shop the other day - the kid that bought it destroyed the wheelset and just abandoned it to them for a $20 loan. I was dumbstruck. Unfortunately, they wanted $450 for it, and I don't got that kinda cheddar atm sitting around.
It wasn't long before my Cykel ended up in pawn of my own doing. My wife was pregnant, things were tight. The recession has had a pretty staggeringly good hold on us. We took a 5% pay cut, and that didn't help.
And then I couldn't make the car payment 2 weeks after she gave birth and got out of the hospital; the car company didn't even think to tell me that they'd give me time. I was given 24 hours to surrender my used van or they'd file charges against me. Granted, it would have been a misdemeanor, but I have done a pretty good job of keeping my **** clean.
And then there was none. I felt pretty bad, but I still had games. I worked within 1 mile of my condo and it wasn't bad walking.
Then it got worse.
My wife explained to me that because I was paying so much attention to WoW, I didn't notice we spent all the money eating dine-in; afterall, getting groceries isn't a gamers biggest priority, and without wheels it wasn't like I could just go to McDonald's. Trips to the grocery store which is closest by netted nothing fancy, and I couldn't carry much on my back anyway.
That woman, she will be with me to the end of days, that's never going to be a concern; but to see her face when she asked me to take a present back, that shattered my heart. I knew something had to give.
I walked 14 miles that day. 7 there, 7 back. I had to stand in line and look stupid when I returned her gift to me. I bought some groceries and hoofed it home. That's a lot of time to go over things in your mind. No iTouch (I just returned it) and the only voice in your head is the one you ran with for hours nonstop. That's that is the real trick with long-distance running/riding. Can you stand yourself.
I realized I hated myself, what I'd become. What I'd sacrificed to play games and be petty, and common. There I was shuffling down the street like a homeless guy, in a pair of $130 Brooks running shoes. Even they had been demoted to 'general fatguy walking shoes.' You go through a range of emotions when you realize you hate who you've become. It's not an easy feat to not give up, especially when you still have miles to go before home, its cold and traffic is wizzing by you. I walked by the same places I rode by in the past. I thought about how I had to ask for a ride from a co-worker the week prior, and how awkward I felt having to rely on anybody, and it stung even worse.
I went to bed that night pretty upset. I kept it inside, wife just smoothed my hair down when I got back home after a 4 hour walk. I have a PR best marathon of 3:48, so that number really caught my attention.
Monday was a payday, I got an unexpected surprise. Inside was a bonus, nothing much but the company tried. I sat in Whataburger with my family eating our first real meal in 4 days. We sustained ourselves on what I got from Target: pasta and sauce and some other sundries I could carry without worrying about them melting or spoiling.
I sat there and it hit me, I had just enough money to free my Cykel. That cheap Sun bike that I originally bought as a wet-weather commuter. The ****ty i-Motion 3 speed that I wanted to rebuild into a single-speed simply because it might as well be when its jittery contact. The grip shift I grew to hate because, well, it's a gripshift.
I told my wife to take a cab home, after all she had to walk 3 miles out to have dinner with me that night. I strolled down and talked to the pawnbroker. It cost me $136 to get her out, she cost me $789 with taxes when I bought her. She's not even a year old, but has probably close to 1,500 miles already on her. I rebuilt her drive train 3 times since I owned her.
Fortune smiled on me really, I didn't even notice I left my cleats in the saddlebag. The tires were low, really low. I slipped my shoes on and realized that after 10+ years of riding as a daily commuter, and a minor career as a teen in the BMX-cruiser scene, I love bikes. I really do.
That first clip was electric, my calves fired and my leg muscles screamed, I had to control myself from shooting out into the street and getting killed. I sprinted back to work that night, two nights ago.
My soul is at peace again, I feel the weight of a lot of stress gone already. I gave up gaming for good this time. Gave my account away to a friend, had him go to the ends of the earth to make it so I can't get it back, and promise never to talk to me again or he'd owe me $1 million. Broke my disks and even threw away my graphics card and turned on the onboard video again on the beast. I probably will buy a netbook and sell my desktop in the end, can't do much on a netbook - least of all game.
My bills are still there, the kids still need to be fed and cared for. I'm still broke, and life isn't going to get easier. I finish college in a year, it's been a long off and on thing too. 10 years of college while I work on a degree that should have taken 4; a full time newspaperman. I still have to lose another 25 lbs. now I had gone, and I'm sure that the work is only going to be harder this time around, but the one thing that matters most, more than cars, careers, loves and food:
I got my bike back.
So I'm back in the saddle, and don't see any reason to sacrifice it again in this lifetime.
And I'm even looking at my tax money and the wife has suggested I buy another nice road bike, so who know's what 2010 holds in store for me, all I know is it'll be done in the saddle.
My first realization that things were wrong, wrong, wrong was when I was still smoking, drinking and eating like a pig. I was sitting at about 270 when I walked in and purchased a Haro V3 (or something, it's been a while).
I rode that thing daily, 13 miles each way to work. I slathered and crawled up hills. My wife and son (only had one at the time) would have dinner ready for me when I'd get home. Grilled chicken (literally, on a bbq) stuffed with jalapenos. I did that for 4 months, every day. Same dinner, same ride................................................................................................ ....no vegetables at all. I'd have cereal in the morning, a chicken sandwich at the cafeteria at work (military contractor ftw!) and that.
I got down to around 195.
Mind you, I never thought about body fat, gyms, other workouts, nothing. No cross training.
In the end, I was able to quit smoking because of this, so that means right around 2000.
Over the years, I've tried other things: vegetarianism, SBD, everything you can think of or I could.
I've put countless miles on bikes, and I even ran 10 marathons in the mean time. In the end I always end up sitting at a comfortable 195.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
So after the holidays, here I sit again at 215.8; and I ask myself why?
I started gaming again. At first I did a really good job of eating healthy, stayed running. By this time I was having some setbacks financially. First I lost my car. Nothing more painful than having a family of 6 and no wheels.
Hint: Don't take title loans and then have difficulty making a payment on time. I asked for 3 days, they repo'd it in 2 after telling me it wasn't an issue. Lesson learned.
So my Karate Monkey and my Cykel got a ****load of miles put on them. I was good too. I could load up all the groceries my family needed for 2 weeks in only 3 trips.
Then I replaced the car. I let myself be convinced that I could part with the Karate Monkey. Afterall, I wasn't racing much and it was just sitting in the corner crying because it never got ridden. I found it in a pawn shop the other day - the kid that bought it destroyed the wheelset and just abandoned it to them for a $20 loan. I was dumbstruck. Unfortunately, they wanted $450 for it, and I don't got that kinda cheddar atm sitting around.
It wasn't long before my Cykel ended up in pawn of my own doing. My wife was pregnant, things were tight. The recession has had a pretty staggeringly good hold on us. We took a 5% pay cut, and that didn't help.
And then I couldn't make the car payment 2 weeks after she gave birth and got out of the hospital; the car company didn't even think to tell me that they'd give me time. I was given 24 hours to surrender my used van or they'd file charges against me. Granted, it would have been a misdemeanor, but I have done a pretty good job of keeping my **** clean.
And then there was none. I felt pretty bad, but I still had games. I worked within 1 mile of my condo and it wasn't bad walking.
Then it got worse.
My wife explained to me that because I was paying so much attention to WoW, I didn't notice we spent all the money eating dine-in; afterall, getting groceries isn't a gamers biggest priority, and without wheels it wasn't like I could just go to McDonald's. Trips to the grocery store which is closest by netted nothing fancy, and I couldn't carry much on my back anyway.
That woman, she will be with me to the end of days, that's never going to be a concern; but to see her face when she asked me to take a present back, that shattered my heart. I knew something had to give.
I walked 14 miles that day. 7 there, 7 back. I had to stand in line and look stupid when I returned her gift to me. I bought some groceries and hoofed it home. That's a lot of time to go over things in your mind. No iTouch (I just returned it) and the only voice in your head is the one you ran with for hours nonstop. That's that is the real trick with long-distance running/riding. Can you stand yourself.
I realized I hated myself, what I'd become. What I'd sacrificed to play games and be petty, and common. There I was shuffling down the street like a homeless guy, in a pair of $130 Brooks running shoes. Even they had been demoted to 'general fatguy walking shoes.' You go through a range of emotions when you realize you hate who you've become. It's not an easy feat to not give up, especially when you still have miles to go before home, its cold and traffic is wizzing by you. I walked by the same places I rode by in the past. I thought about how I had to ask for a ride from a co-worker the week prior, and how awkward I felt having to rely on anybody, and it stung even worse.
I went to bed that night pretty upset. I kept it inside, wife just smoothed my hair down when I got back home after a 4 hour walk. I have a PR best marathon of 3:48, so that number really caught my attention.
Monday was a payday, I got an unexpected surprise. Inside was a bonus, nothing much but the company tried. I sat in Whataburger with my family eating our first real meal in 4 days. We sustained ourselves on what I got from Target: pasta and sauce and some other sundries I could carry without worrying about them melting or spoiling.
I sat there and it hit me, I had just enough money to free my Cykel. That cheap Sun bike that I originally bought as a wet-weather commuter. The ****ty i-Motion 3 speed that I wanted to rebuild into a single-speed simply because it might as well be when its jittery contact. The grip shift I grew to hate because, well, it's a gripshift.
I told my wife to take a cab home, after all she had to walk 3 miles out to have dinner with me that night. I strolled down and talked to the pawnbroker. It cost me $136 to get her out, she cost me $789 with taxes when I bought her. She's not even a year old, but has probably close to 1,500 miles already on her. I rebuilt her drive train 3 times since I owned her.
Fortune smiled on me really, I didn't even notice I left my cleats in the saddlebag. The tires were low, really low. I slipped my shoes on and realized that after 10+ years of riding as a daily commuter, and a minor career as a teen in the BMX-cruiser scene, I love bikes. I really do.
That first clip was electric, my calves fired and my leg muscles screamed, I had to control myself from shooting out into the street and getting killed. I sprinted back to work that night, two nights ago.
My soul is at peace again, I feel the weight of a lot of stress gone already. I gave up gaming for good this time. Gave my account away to a friend, had him go to the ends of the earth to make it so I can't get it back, and promise never to talk to me again or he'd owe me $1 million. Broke my disks and even threw away my graphics card and turned on the onboard video again on the beast. I probably will buy a netbook and sell my desktop in the end, can't do much on a netbook - least of all game.
My bills are still there, the kids still need to be fed and cared for. I'm still broke, and life isn't going to get easier. I finish college in a year, it's been a long off and on thing too. 10 years of college while I work on a degree that should have taken 4; a full time newspaperman. I still have to lose another 25 lbs. now I had gone, and I'm sure that the work is only going to be harder this time around, but the one thing that matters most, more than cars, careers, loves and food:
I got my bike back.
So I'm back in the saddle, and don't see any reason to sacrifice it again in this lifetime.
And I'm even looking at my tax money and the wife has suggested I buy another nice road bike, so who know's what 2010 holds in store for me, all I know is it'll be done in the saddle.