Commuting - Riding(commuting) in peace--SF

:cry::(:mad:

Do you get strange people talking to you as you commute? Do people stop you to question you about the bicycle or give their opinion (unsolicited) about your preferred mode of transportation?


Here's the scoop:

I ride a Cannondale Bad Boy (2010). I love her but now want a "vintage bike" because the Bad Boy causes to much attention. I literally have to spend too much time IMO chaining her down or fending off disruption from people wanting to harass me about the bike. I have been in the store, looked back only to see someone touching the seat, sitting on the seat, clicking the brakes!

Saturday, I took the bus home and a strange man approached me at the bus stop and advised me if someone stole "that bike" they would only get a $20 crack rock from the drug man. Huh? It was so strange. Then he proceeded to question the cost of the bike. He guessed $350. Finally, he described from birth to adult hood his life as a thief, exconvict and Vietnam veteran.

This is not the first time someone has approached me and "discussed" something off the wall. Sadly, they are never quite able to pick up on my nonverbal cues of "So what! Leave me alone! I don't care! I don't want to talk!"

Why does this happen to me? I just want to be left alone. I do not bother anyone. I do not make eye contact. I am polite yet cautious. For some reason, I always get the freaks, the weirdos---and I cannot stand it. I do not engage the conversation. Often, I simply stare off into space as they are talking. At the same time, I don't want to tell someone to *(&*&(&*97b ___off and things get upsetting. :(

Like it or not, people tend to wanna communicate with other people, especially if you have something that is very interesting.
I didn't know that a C-Dale Bad Boy = one $20 crack rock.

no ingles!

You have a bike. Ride away from them...

Changing your bike won't change anything but the bike. Some people just have that "talk to me" face, attitude, posture, whatever.

You can step up your non-verbal clues. Tell them you don't want to talk. Wear ear buds, even if they are plugged into nothing. Turn away and start talking to another person at the first pause. Lots of things.

Good luck.

Earbuds are good, but some folks just give off a friendly vibe.

You are allowed to say, "I'm sorry, but I'm not in the mood to talk right now. Thanks for your understanding and have a good day."

Wearing earbuds is a good one. I don't listen to my ipod when I ride because I feel I need to pay more attention to the road and the traffic, but I've definitely stuck headphones in so that I wouldn't get harassed by strange men when I'm stopped. I've done it on buses and while walking too.
I also once had a car following me on the freeway for awhile, driven by some guy trying hard to get my attention, so when he pulled up next to me, I stuck my finger in my nose like I was picking it. So you could try that next time you're staring off into space while some weirdo talks your ear off. If they're too disgusted to talk to you anymore, problem solved. if they don't notice and keep talking, I'd say at that point they probably wouldn't notice if you just rode off.

I would remove the Cannondale and Bad Boy Stickers from the bike. I also remove the names on all the components and I paint over the ones I can't remove. This seems to discourage people from asking about my Cross Check but there is nothing I can do to keep people from asking about my Alex Moulton Double Pylon. (http://www.moultonbicycles.co.uk/models/NSDoublePylon.html). As far as people bothering you, if you can't simply ride away, like at the bus stop or on the bus, you can always pretend you have a call on your mobile phone. This will discourage most of them from talking to you. You don't even need a working one for this ruse.

Maybe you are just a wierdo magnet:rolleyes:

I stuck my finger in my nose like I was picking it. :lol: That's great...:p Who needs ear buds?? When you pull it out, give it a curious look like you're contemplating eating it. :roflmao2: Welcome to the Forum!!! :D

LOL! Yes, I have been told strange people like me. Even at my job(s)---counter culture ---types are attracted to me---difficult people--people that areon the fringe-- Yes--- common sense I should ride away but when I am waiting in the cold for the bus---that I REALLY do want to ride ---Thank you for sharing--It is sad to know other people are being harassed and I appreciate your tips---especially the nose picking---LOL!

I think this has a lot less to do with your bike as it does your locale.

It may be gross, but it's worked the couple of times I've used it. Another really gross idea would be carrying a pair of nail clippers with you and pulling those out when people got too friendly. I sat next to some guy on the bus once who started clipping his nails like he was trying to be sly about it. He seemed startled and embarrassed when I asked him to stop (fortunately he did). Did he really think no one would notice?

I know what you mean, some times it can be a bit uncomfortable but for the most part I like how riding a bike opens up the community to me. I like the connection it opens up. Sometimes its weirdo's but most of the time I meet really awesome people.

I ride a number of vintage bikes... people are always asking me questions about them.

So far I remember only one situation when a city bus driver started chatting with me friendly while we stopped at a long red light, asking how far I ride, etc. I'm not counting other cyclists saying things like "nice to be out early" or "enjoying the ride?". I imagine this depends a lot on the area though. Large part of my ride is industrial Queens and Brooklyn where people rush to work and are not into casual conversations. I remember during my lone rides in upstate New York, people often chatted with me, always friendly though. I remember once a leather clad, tattooed biker (as in Harley Man) said with a big grin "nice day to be out on wheels!" That was probably the weirdest :)

Adam

Why is it so weird that people want to communicate. Isn't that the human condition.

I think it's kind of nice. Wouldn't it be worse if everyone just ignored everyone else.

It would be kind of like......Boston

But that's just it: we (in USA urban areas) are so used to people ignoring each other that when some stranger wants to chat we think it's weird :(

A.

The idea of everyone ignoring each other is frightening to me. I'm not a big talker but around here it's not uncommon for random people to ask random questions. As long as it's not harassing or menacing I always communicate back. Even if it's some random old drunk that hasn't been sober since 1962, I don't mind talking to them.

I'd rather be somewhere that people talked to one another than someplace where they ignored everyone. Oh wait, I am somewhere like that.

This is definitely true. Here in Boston no one talks to each other (people usually run around with their heads down) so it does seem strange when someone talks to you out of the blue. Usually when it happens it is someone who is from somewhere else.


But that's just it: we (in USA urban areas) are so used to people ignoring each other that when some stranger wants to chat we think it's weird :(

A.

Just wear dark sunglasses, stare back at them and don't reply.

http://www.esportbike.com/forums/images/smilies/graemlins/coolgleamA.gif






:lol:

Don't buy a recumbent then!

This is definitely true. Here in Boston no one talks to each other (people usually run around with their heads down) so it does seem strange when someone talks to you out of the blue. Usually when it happens it is someone who is from somewhere else.

Wow, BMT, I'm originally from Medford, but moved here 25 years ago. I guess nothing really changes

wrap the bike in thin black vinyl, always keep your eyes down... look MAD!! look like you just got into a fight.... dress like a crazy biker.. don't wash your cloths, SMELL! dress in black, or ragged army cloths... combat boots... wear army pants with combat boots and a black leather jacket... get a Mohawk...

I dress like a crazy Satanic Hellbilly Cannibal..

Being that I am sociable I don't have a problem with other people being sociable... the old Italian guys at the market always ask me about my extra cycle and seem to have a keen interest in it.

I suspect many of them are also inveterate tinkerers... like me.

Benefit of this was I met a fellow who said I could come over and use his shop anytime... he was a machinist and has a fully functional shop set up.

Maybe you are just a wierdo magnet:rolleyes:

Bingo... it is after all SF.

I don't have anything against friendly people starting a little conversation. I've been guilty of it myself plenty of times. All I'm saying is it's a little menacing when the people starting said conversation are creepy men who are twice my age, winking at me while asking me where I go to college. It doesn't happen all the time, but it occurs on a fairly regular basis, and it's not something I want to encourage.
But I guess this probably is not quite the OP's problem...

Shopgirl, how old are you, and what's wrong with creepy men twice your age? Great, now I feel creepy.

I like talking to other cyclists... although I usually just say 'hi' and a conversation starter like 'nice day for a ride' or something. If they only say 'hi' back, I'll take a cue and keep going, but I'm always hoping we can have a little bike-related chat before the light goes green or we go our separate ways; it makes the commute fun, and it's one of the many positive things about bike commuting. I try to resist talking to people with unusual bikes about their unusual bike, though... I figure they're probably pretty sick of talking about it (unless they bring it up themselves).

AndyMail, as a young woman who often bikes alone, I'd rarely find it creepy if a guy (of any age) talked to me when cycling. Even a wink might be okay, depending on the 'creepiness' of it (and I think it's mostly made creepy only if accompanied by other stuff... like following me home... that would count).

Really, what a great place to flirt! In the safety of the public eye, with a brief opportunity to chat, you have a common interest (it sure beats trying to talk to a girl on a bus or something... where she might assume you're only interested in her looks), and also the perfect excuse to say 'see you later' and be on your way. I'm married, but it's still a fun compliment when a guy will do a little flirting... and if I were single, well, I might just try to meet up with that fellow again at the next light.

So, hint to all the singles out there looking to meet someone who likes bikes... strike up a bit of conversation. The worst that could happen is that they ride away (probably feeling good to be noticed), but maybe you can turn that random meeting into something more.

I like talking to other cyclists... although I usually just say 'hi' and maybe 'nice day for a ride' or something. If they only say 'hi' back, I'll take a cue and keep going, but I'm always hoping we can have a little bike-related chat before the light goes green or we go our separate ways; it makes the commute fun, and it's one of the many positive things about bike commuting. I try to resist talking to people with unusual bikes about their unusual bike, though... I figure they're probably pretty sick of talking about it (unless they bring it up themselves).

I suspect some people have unusual things for the very purpose of getting to talk about them. Other times they just fit a unique need.

There was a guy in the locker room last night with a prosthetic "foot" made from carbon fiber. I'm sure many of you will think it the height of rudeness, but I asked him a few questions about it. He seemed quite happy to talk about it.

I know many of you question the use of carbon fiber on bike frames and forks but it is truly an amazing material. It's allowed this guy to run, - and fast.

Andy Mail, I mean no offense to you, and I did not intend for my comments to be considered a blanket statement about all, or even most, older men. For the record I'm in my mid twenties. However, I have had a few incidents with a few creepy older men that have led me to be more cautious. I've had two customers on two separate occasions ask me out at my current job- both were in their fifties, one was married. I had a stalker for over a year who called daily for a while, plastered my Myspace with messages until I deleted it, and sent me letters (to be fair, he was my age). I also had one customer who poured the story of his messy divorce out to me one day while I was behind the counter at the coffee shop where I used to work. After that, he'd show up every day looking for me, and he left me letters and flowers, until the owner had him arrested and banned him from coming in again (but he still lived across the street, so I still saw him).
But I spend plenty of time chatting with male customers at the shop, and most of my coworkers are guys. Most of them are respectful most of the time. It's just that the bad apple stories tend to be the ones I remember most.
Long story short, if we're chatting and you try to ask me out and won't take no for an answer, I reserve the right to pick my nose in front of you.

It is common for me to get into conversation when I'm out riding. Too often I am waiting for a green light on the street and some stranger on the crosswalk will strike up a conversation while waiting for the same green light. It does become hard to tell what is really legit or just someone who reallly taking an advantage of finding something to talk about. Beeing out seen on a bike already gave them some subject that they can use to start off a conversation. Most of the time it is about the bike being really "nice" or about having nice weather for biking. However, there are those who used the same topic and it quickly becomes something less than desire.

Going back to the OP about changing bike will help or not. There were plenty of time where I thought the talk about my bike being this and that was just an excuse for them to talk to me. This was my thinking for a while until I learn how wrong I may have been. I usually lock my bike in front of this Starbuck I go to and have a clear sight of my bike. I notice lots of people stopping to actually look at my setup, a setup which I always thought was "Plain Jane". Once I had this guy approach me and asked about my saddle bags, lights, and the flashlight on my helmet. I saw him before as one of those person who did check out my bike before and we ended up talking about where I got all my goodies for the bike. Two weeks later, I saw that same guy ride past Starbuck in his own bike. I guess sometime the bike does make a difference of getting extra attention that can lead to redundant conversation. Still, it is hard to tell what is legit or not. I don't want to give cold shoulder to all, but that is something I usually do initially just to see what their reaction will be. If they are interest in a biking conversation, I'll let them lead first and when it does, it get really interesting at times, but otherwise it is bug off treatment if I feel that my bike was just something they use to just their advantage.

I don't have anything against friendly people starting a little conversation. I've been guilty of it myself plenty of times. All I'm saying is it's a little menacing when the people starting said conversation are creepy men who are twice my age, winking at me while asking me where I go to college. It doesn't happen all the time, but it occurs on a fairly regular basis, and it's not something I want to encourage.
But I guess this probably is not quite the OP's problem...

I also find it creepy when men twice my age strike up a conversation with me. I always think: "Why is this 114 year old dude even ALIVE, much less out riding a bicycle?"

I find the interactions I have with men(cyclists) while ON the bike are mostly very pleasant and respectful. It's when I'm ON FOOT that the oblivious-man-who-won't-go-away problems really arise. It's the types that ignore your body language, and you know they won't quit until you tell them off in no uncertain terms. But if you do that they're likely to fly into a rage at you. So you just end up standing there enduring their presence.

shopgirl,
Re the seriously obnoxious and threatening type "approaches," you might be interested in these websites
http://www.stopstreetharassment.com/
http://hollabacknyc.blogspot.com/

Fellas might be interested in this
http://www.acalltomen.com/page.php?id=51

Andy Mail, I mean no offense to you, and I did not intend for my comments to be considered a blanket statement about all, or even most, older men. For the record I'm in my mid twenties. However, I have had a few incidents with a few creepy older men that have led me to be more cautious. I've had two customers on two separate occasions ask me out at my current job- both were in their fifties, one was married. I had a stalker for over a year who called daily for a while, plastered my Myspace with messages until I deleted it, and sent me letters (to be fair, he was my age). I also had one customer who poured the story of his messy divorce out to me one day while I was behind the counter at the coffee shop where I used to work. After that, he'd show up every day looking for me, and he left me letters and flowers, until the owner had him arrested and banned him from coming in again (but he still lived across the street, so I still saw him).
But I spend plenty of time chatting with male customers at the shop, and most of my coworkers are guys. Most of them are respectful most of the time. It's just that the bad apple stories tend to be the ones I remember most.
Long story short, if we're chatting and you try to ask me out and won't take no for an answer, I reserve the right to pick my nose in front of you.

No worries Shopgirl, it was all tongue in cheek!

It's the types that ignore your body language, and you know they won't quit until you tell them off in no uncertain terms. But if you do that they're likely to fly into a rage at you. So you just end up standing there enduring their presence.


Yep, that why my simple one hour ride took two hours. One hour of bicycling and one hour of conversation while unlocking my bike. In reality, some of the conversation does get pretty funny. It's the "good bye" part with non cyclist that's get scary sometime.

:cry::(:mad:

Do you get strange people talking to you as you commute? Do people stop you to question you about the bicycle or give their opinion (unsolicited) about your preferred mode of transportation?(
Yes I do. It's part of what I enjoy about bicycle commuting. Maybe you should have your coffee before you leave the house :p

LOL!@Turtle!!!

It depends on my mood. Most days I don't mind bike commuting questions or a quick convo about the weather. But touching my bike? Nononononono. I remind the touchy-feelies about our kindergarten lesson regarding keeping our hands to ourselves.

I suspect because we are commuting on bikes in the open air we are considered a part of the public space. Unlike a car that is fiercely protected as private property and the driver is tucked away inside the vehicle. We bike commuters, on the other hand, are swingin' in the breeze. I figure that's why we are stuck with getting lots of attention from the commoners.

I bet if you mount a cannon to the handlebars people would scurry away.

It may be gross, but it's worked the couple of times I've used it. Another really gross idea would be carrying a pair of nail clippers with you and pulling those out when people got too friendly. I sat next to some guy on the bus once who started clipping his nails like he was trying to be sly about it. He seemed startled and embarrassed when I asked him to stop (fortunately he did). Did he really think no one would notice?

One of my coworkers clips his nails in meetings. He's also twice your age, I'd guess.

my coworkers wouldn't stop touching my damn bike. I love being able to park it in the office, but they need to lay off. I mentioned the cost to replace the stuff they were molesting and they laid off. "this is what, 100 dollars?" sigh... not new, not ever, not unless i got one of those insane deals i see talked about on here now and then.

and yes, someone dropped it once.

ugh.

i had to re-align my FD in the office. very easy, moderately quick, and completely unnecessary.

the ride itself isn't even all that bad. hell, i get some people throwing out the odd nugget of encouragement here and there.

Why is it so weird that people want to communicate. Isn't that the human condition.

I think it's kind of nice. Wouldn't it be worse if everyone just ignored everyone else.

It would be kind of like......Boston

ouch!

Yes, I echo what others have said: I welcome the community of people who want to discuss bicycling. I sort of see myself as an ambassador or cycling. I want to encourage as many people to ride or commute to work. It is also interesting that many motorcyclists also "give me the nod." I guess both groups are not "cagers." (Haven't seen that pejorative used on this forum in a while).

Sometimes at work I will get an email as the "bike guru" as people want help with bike purchasing, etc. I often, if able, go with them to help them..........

Just wear dark sunglasses, stare back at them and don't reply.

http://www.esportbike.com/forums/images/smilies/graemlins/coolgleamA.gif






:lol:

This truly works. No kidding.

Strangers generally have a sense of distrust/unease when they can't see your eyes. Put on some dark sunglasses and you'll instantly become exponentially unapproachable compared to your normal, affable self.

Either that, or quit showering... :)