Foo - So your girlfriend cheats on you...

...what do you do next?

Get tested.

Get tested.



No, I mean strategically/emotionally. How do you react?


Do you act like you don't know? Confront her? Start a fight? Woo her?



What do yo do next. You just found out/caught her. Maybe she realizes she's caught, maybe not.

...what do you do next?

Sleep with her sister, (or mother).

Show her the door, and tell her why. Then get tested.

Be happy as you can that you found this out now, while she is still your girlfriend. And by "this" I mean that she has the capacity to cheat. You are supposed to be angry and hurt, so be that way. Remember that you still count.Confront her because you lose self-respect if you don't. End the relationship because her interest level has fallen off, and her solution was a coward's solution, and somebody has to be a grown up. Use the opportunity to embrace some pain and learn not to be walked all over by people that you care about. Then get tested.

Be as happy as you can that you found this out now, while she is still your girlfriend. And by "this" I mean that she has the capacity to cheat. You are supposed to be angry and hurt, so be that way. You still count, regardless of how you feel about yourself. You should confront her because you lose self-respect if you don't. As much as someone doesn't want to hear this, you have to end the relationship. The reason is that her interest level has fallen off, and her solution was a coward's solution which was to go behind your back instead of telling you. Use the opportunity to embrace some pain and learn not to be walked all over by people that you care about.

This

No, I mean strategically/emotionally. How do you react?


Do you act like you don't know? Confront her? Start a fight? Woo her?



What do yo do next. You just found out/caught her. Maybe she realizes she's caught, maybe not.

Hey man, you asked what I would do first. I would get tested. Just sayin.:rolleyes:

...what do you do next?


call her a ****ing *****, spit in her face, go get tested, wait about six months (no sex) go get tested again, if it comes out clear have protected sex with her sister, be sure to take pics, send them to the cheating ex, laugh diabolically.

dinner. A nice dinner in a nice restaraunt with a good crowd around you. And a very serious conversation over dinner. Based on the results of that conversation, its either repair the relationship or walk.

How long have you known she has cheated on you?

I would give it a couple days, see if she acts any different, or even confesses. Then come at her hard.

I would not try to repair it, if she has cheated on you, then she obviously doesn't really care to much about the relationship.

Get out, its not worth the hassle.

Kick her to the curb.

Mudkipz

dinner. A nice dinner in a nice restaraunt with a good crowd around you. And a very serious conversation over dinner. Based on the results of that conversation, its either repair the relationship or walk.

I like this approach.

When she leaves to go to work in the morning, change the locks. Then box all of her stuff with a nice little note explaining how I don't think we are right for each other and place outside the door.

Then get tested.

Seriously though, I'd bring it up to her and have a heart to heart discussion. If the relationship is repairable, then work for that. Otherwise, I'll pack up my stuff and go.

dinner. A nice dinner in a nice restaraunt with a good crowd around you. And a very serious conversation over dinner. Based on the results of that conversation, its either repair the relationship or walk.

you're eating her for dinner? That sure makes for some interesting conversation.

Multiple possibilites:

1. If you care about her, and think that it was a momentary lapse of judgement, call her on it. Remember, though, there should be a voice in your head that going like "I caught her once. Were there any I don't know about? Do I trust her not to do it again?". Only you can determine if you are willing/able to live with that voice in your head.
2. Kick her to the curb. Doesn't matter if she's truly sorry, she needs to know that her actions have consequences. Take some time off from the relationship. You can always rekindle the flame later (again, the voice).
3. Become a swinger.
4. Get tested.

well, at least she left you for someone else and not nothing.

nothing is apparently better than you, that's real fun.

you're eating her for dinner? That sure makes for some interesting conversation.


As long as you have some fava beans and a nice Chianti.

you're eating her for dinner? That sure makes for some interesting conversation.

I think that depends on how you mean "eating her". And, well, I do know of an iced over pond nearby where the bones can be disposed of.:innocent:

Well, depending on hot the other person was/is, and your own, uh, "interests", you could always bring up the "Caring is Sharing" proposition:innocent::D

A very long time ago I was going out a with a real beautiful girl. In fact, all my girlfriends were drop dead horny, but that's a different story. Anyway, back to this girl...

I found out that she was married. Then later I found out she was also going out with another guy (as well as me). Then even later than that I found out she was going out with yet another guy. So anyway, I made out like I didn't know, so I started going out with someone else too, they were just casual relationships. The first girl found out and was p*ssed at me. I didn't understand why she'd be mad at me while she was doing exactly the same thing herself. In any case, I didn't care, and she broke up with me.

So what should you do? I have no idea. But that's what I done. I suppose if I was you however, I'd make out like I didn't know, but I sure wouldn't spend too much money on her, probably half of what you've been spending so far. Unless you're not ok with casual relationships, then move on, dont spend any money on her.

trust and tryst are only one letter off, but so different in how they affect a relationship.

Man, I'm hoping you're asking a hypothetical question.

trust and tryst are only one letter off, but so different in how they affect a relationship.

Man, I'm hoping you're asking a hypothetical question.

yep

dinner. A nice dinner in a nice restaraunt with a good crowd around you. And a very serious conversation over dinner. Based on the results of that conversation, its either repair the relationship or walk.

choose your place of confrontation. be rational just as mv says. best wishes.

see, you guys are all screwed up by Doctor Phil and all those other tarts that want to tell you why either you or your girl cheated, when its all real simple, they cheated 'cause they wanted to try out another peice of ass, they were either tired of yours or just plain wanted someone else, when it comes down to it thats the only "reason" people cheat, they may make up outrageous stories to make you beleive otherwise, but the real reason is they wanted to have sex with someone who wasn't you and try to get away with it, only when they get caught do they sing the sad song, and sure the doctors will go along for the ride, they get paid big dollars to listen to the bull****, think they'd listed if they didn't?

Drop her like a used rubber. Living together was your first mistake.

stop the analysing. End it. Bye bye. Hurt. Get drunk. Move on.

Why is this ever an issue for people? Unless you are a fool and enjoy the pain and hurt of betrayal... you move one without looking back. Let her be someone else's problem.

omg. i'm in agreement with pam.

this must be the right advice

Well, dumb question time.

When you say "cheats", do you mean she had lunch with someone, or that she slept with someone?

Well, dumb question time.

When you say "cheats", do you mean she had lunch with someone, or that she slept with someone?

Unless the girlfriend said... "Dip honey I am going to have lunch with so and so ... is that OK? " It's cheating... one does not have to have sex (and then there's that what really is sex... you know the Bill Clinton argument) to betray a confidence or commitment.

Now if its an open or noncommitted relationship and it is understood either side may seek other partners, that's another matter.

And Coasting - we agree... sometimes! ;)

see, you guys are all screwed up by Doctor Phil

meh. you invest in a relashionhip ans so does she. both parties must agree to level of commitment. any disparity to the value of the relationship and its not to be.

The reason I ask is - let's say you see her having lunch with some guy. You get all bent out of shape about it, but it turns out to be her cousin who she hasn't seen in three years. Something like that would be worth terminating a relationship over. Serendipper has probably already done all he needs to to satisfy himself that it was actually "cheating", but just in case...


Unless the girlfriend said... "Dip honey I am going to have lunch with so and so ... is that OK? " It's cheating... one does not have to have sex (and then there's that what really is sex... you know the Bill Clinton argument) to betray a confidence or commitment.

Now if its an open or noncommitted relationship and it is understand either side may seek other partners, that's another matter.

And Coasting - we agree... sometimes! ;)

when I was 17 my wife and I committed ourselves to one another, from the begining the only thing I ever asked of her is not to cheat, if she ever does I'll do exactly as I told her I would do, I will disappear, no paper trail, and we will never, and I mean ever, see each other again. Dont get me wrong, I'll love her till the day I die no matter what, but if she cheats on me I will never like her or even look at her the same way ever again, so whats the use after that?

when I was 17 my wife and I committed ourselves to one another, from the begining the only thing I ever asked of her is not to cheat, if she ever does I'll do exactly as I told her I would do, I will disappear, no paper trail, and we will never, and I mean ever, see each other again. Dont get me wrong, I'll love her till the day I die no matter what, but if she cheats on me I will never like her or even look at her the same way ever again, so whats the use after that?

i thnk what were are saying is pretty compatible - you have simply made the outcome known where I would have deferred judgment. talking it through does not imply forgiveness and reconciliation.

neither of are in the op's position, although he asked...

Did she cheat with a man or a woman?

dinner. A nice dinner in a nice restaraunt with a good crowd around you. And a very serious conversation over dinner. Based on the results of that conversation, its either repair the relationship or walk.

This.

Best advice I can think of as well, with the codicil added that to remember that a basic trust was violated. Did she have the saame understanding you did of the relationship?
dinner. A nice dinner in a nice restaraunt with a good crowd around you. And a very serious conversation over dinner. Based on the results of that conversation, its either repair the relationship or walk.

when I was 17 my wife and I committed ourselves to one another, from the begining the only thing I ever asked of her is not to cheat, if she ever does I'll do exactly as I told her I would do, I will disappear, no paper trail, and we will never, and I mean ever, see each other again. Dont get me wrong, I'll love her till the day I die no matter what, but if she cheats on me I will never like her or even look at her the same way ever again, so whats the use after that?

After trading vows, you asked her not to cheat? Wow. When I got married, it was in the ceremony, expressed vocally.

Why is this ever an issue for people? Unless you are a fool and enjoy the pain and hurt of betrayal... you move on without looking back. Let her be someone else's problem.

Agreed. It's not like you are married or have kids together...she's a girlfriend. If you both agreed your relationship was exclusive, then she's proved she can't be trusted, either move on or accept that it isn't exclusive (for either of you, btw, the goose-gander thing) and enjoy hanging out with her when you get together.

The reason I ask is - let's say you see her having lunch with some guy. You get all bent out of shape about it, but it turns out to be her cousin who she hasn't seen in three years. Something like that would be worth terminating a relationship over. Serendipper has probably already done all he needs to to satisfy himself that it was actually "cheating", but just in case...
Curb kicking after having chow with the cousin, cool.

Did she cheat with a man or a woman?

Great question....this is key! :D :thumb:

there's no rulebook to life. welcome to manhood.

that said, here're some suggestions: you might feel better by discussing an open relationship because she may just not want to be monogomous right now. then you can date other women too. you guys might have to break up for a little while though until you can get one under your belt.

good luck chuck and know that you're not alone

Don't give them the chance to do it again. I say forgive them if they ask and walk.

After trading vows, you asked her not to cheat? Wow. When I got married, it was in the ceremony, expressed vocally.

I should have been a bit clearer, we met when I had just turned 17, we verbally commited to each other almost a year later, I turned 18 a few weeks after, we married when I was 19....I think! (boy I hope she doesn't read this post!) I'm going to be 45 in April and all is well! :) (knock on wood! :twitchy: ;) )

Definitely have a discussion with her. Get her admission of an affair on tape. You may need this as proof in court ... even if you're just bf & gf. Here in Canada, common-law is the same as being married when it comes to financial matters.

Once the discussion is over, tell her she's got to move out for a while until you can make up your mind as to what you are going to do. I'm not one who's going to say that cheating once is an automatic breakup, however trust is the most important thing in a relationship. If you decide to try to work things out, it will take years before you can trust her again. In otherwords, you will not enjoy the true bond that a trusting relationship can provide for many years. Personally I wouldn't put myself through that ... especially if I wasn't married.

Sleep with her sister, (or mother).

A tutorial was made about that (maybe NSFW): Linky (http://www.fugly.com/videos/7572/revenge_on_cheating_girlfriend_with_mom.html)

Like I said, dump her ass. Get on with anything else.

Drop her off in a bad neighborhood Bangbus style.

I should have been a bit clearer, we met when I had just turned 17, we verbally commited to each other almost a year later, I turned 18 a few weeks after, we married when I was 19....I think! (boy I hope she doesn't read this post!) I'm going to be 45 in April and all is well! :) (knock on wood! :twitchy: ;) )

That makes sense. My wife and I wed in 2002. She was 41, I was 48. No kids, no divorces and we met on the web. Working out great. I was in Seattle, she was in Chattanooga. We met in 01/27/01, we wed in 5/4/02.

Back to you, Bob.

Unless the girlfriend said... "Dip honey I am going to have lunch with so and so ... is that OK?" It's cheating... one does not have to have sex (and then there's that what really is sex... you know the Bill Clinton argument) to betray a confidence or commitment.

Incorrect. Having a friend, regardless of gender, is NOT the same has having an affair.