Foo - Arrrgh! Idiot brother in law has accidental OD

What do you guys do when you are forced to be the only responsible adult around your crazy in-laws?

While I am glad that the girl I married is the sanest of all of them, that still doesn't change the fact that I've married in to a family of crazies!

The aforementioned idiot brother in law (let's call him "G") has today managed to OD on what I believe is a mix of sleeping pills and anti-depression medication. Accidentally is what we think at this stage.

He phoned a friend, who luckily had HIS sheeet together and phoned for an Ambulance ASAP and then rushed over there himself. This guy didn't know how to contact the family, so started to randomly call folks in G's phone address book.

Luckily, the first person called knew to call me, so I took over and managed to speak to the friend and the hospital, confirm the story, then get a hold of my father in law who was able to drop everything and rush around. In case you are wondering, G's fine and will spend a night in for observations

G has been an absolute idiot over the last year* (amongst other things ripping $thousands$ off Grandma - can you believe that!) and his sister, my wife, doesn't talk to him. So I've got to play peace maker and do the 'adult' work around here.

I'm not sure what is worse. Having to deal with a serious situation (ie next-of-kin duties) or having to be diplomatic about when and how you tell your wife this stuff. She actually admitted to having the thought of "I wish he'd done it properly", ie managed to kill himself (although we don't think this was his intent).

Arrrrgh.
/rant



*I think he's been an idiot for much longer, but this year has been a particularly fine effort against previous averages

Depression can be debilitating....I'd consider giving the BIL a bit of a pass on this one.

Depression can be debilitating....I'd consider giving the BIL a bit of a pass on this one.

I'm not in his face about it (hence griping to the wise world of Foo) and I do understand that it is a real illness, but I don't have to like the flow on effects.

I think he's depressed because everyone is being hard on him. They are being hard on him because he is an idiot.

In this last year a number of family members stopped helping him (ie providing money, making allowances, eating excuses) and his lifestyle of the past 15 years has come to a halt. I guess I'd be depressed too if I discovered at the age of 38 that I suddenly had to get a real job, keep it and HTFU.

Maybe he'd be in a better place now if someone had slapped him around the head a few times when he was in his twenties.

I have a brother-in-law doing a dime upstate for drunk driving, and another one sleeping in his car (we assume) in Florida somewhere.

I think I have you beat in the "stupid in-laws" contest.

I've had to deal with this before. Just provide support as much as you can and try to be a friend to the BIL. If you can't do that don't help. It makes them think that people are pitying them and it makes there depression worse.

Doing dimes, sleeping in cars, eating pills, WOW, and I thought I had it bad.

I just have the usual idiot brother-in-law that thinks he knows it all.

Guess I'm lucky.

Johnny I feel really bad for you and your wife's family. Just glad that you were there to help them out during a terrible time. Hopefully he will be able to see the results of his doings and how close he came to not being around any more. And perhaps the family will be able to get him the help that he needs to deal with his inner upsets. You might now be a hero in his eyes and maybe he will look at you in a different way and heed your advice.

Good on you for being strong at the hardest time.

This is a really serious response... 3 years ago my brother in law (sister's husband) also OD'd on pills and alcohol... he died. His entire family (wife and 3 kids) was destroyed and are still recovering from that mess. It was a sad, sorted nightmare... everyone was affected. I still think about him all the time.

My point... put the ego aside and try to see if anything can be done. Tough love and all that but someone needs to get this man help. It would almost be better coming from you then sisters, mom or close relatives. Man to man...

Your wife also needs to forgive him if nothing else to support you. Tell her I said so... if he dies, she will regret her silence the rest of her life.

By the way... you stepping up... you earned the right to be called a "real man" - tell your wife I said that as well.

you're in for a life of misery. divorce her now

I'm the idiot brother in law in my family.

you're in for a life of misery. divorce her now

That wasn't very nice.

sorry but at my age I have enough hind sight to cough up the truth without being all bubbly and stuff. good luck to the OP and the sick kid and troubled family.

re: "I'm the idiot brother in law in my family"

you're in for a life of misery, do the family a favor and get yourself straightened out while you are still young enough to enjoy life

sorry but at my age I have enough hind sight to cough up the truth without being all bubbly and stuff. good luck to the OP and the sick kid and troubled family.

Not sure if he has posted enough of his personal life for anyone to make judgments regarding if he should divorce her. Unless you know him very well. And at MY age I have enough hind sight to not throw something like this at him "divorce her now", especially when he has to deal with a very frightening experience.

god grief if someone wants serious counseling is the bike forums really the place? you get what you pay for ...

re: "I'm the idiot brother in law in my family"

you're in for a life of misery, do the family a favor and get yourself straightened out while you are still young enough to enjoy life

Who said I was young?

god grief if someone wants serious counseling is the bike forums really the place? you get what you pay for ...

I think he was ranting and needed to get some frustration off of his chest. Hence the end of his post with the /rant at the end.

Oh by the way. Warmth, understanding, compassion, empathy and good advice from friends goes a long way. And yes, some of the people here are my friends, as they have proven themselves to be.

OK, sometimes when I troll I get real cynical

Depression can be debilitating....I'd consider giving the BIL a bit of a pass on this one.



..

I have a brother-in-law doing a dime upstate for drunk driving, and another one sleeping in his car (we assume) in Florida somewhere.

I think I have you beat in the "stupid in-laws" contest.

Dime = 10 years?

Holy cow, that sounds really stiff for DUI. I don't think Texas even gives you jail time for a first offense.

Originally Posted by rumrunn6
you're in for a life of misery. divorce her now


That wasn't very nice.

No, it wasn't. But I did get a good laugh out of it!

She does see the funny side of it and is amused at how well I get along with both my sisters.

I actually get along really well with my other brother in law, my wife's sister's husband. We joke that we both have to keep these mad women in line!

By the way... you stepping up... you earned the right to be called a "real man" - tell your wife I said that as well.

It is just the right thing to do, even if he is an idiot. Without going too P&R on you all, it is about being a good Christian. I don't believe in organised religion or even the concept of a God, but I was raised as a Christian and was a teacher in Catholic schools for a while and something must have rubbed off on me. I tried scrubbing, but it has just stuck!

Siu - I'm not sure if he will see me as a hero, partly because my role was minor and in the background, and partly because he has always been wary of me. I think he knows that my BS filter saw him for what he was years ago, so he only tried to get money out of me once and never again after I gave him "The Look" (TM). He also knows that I am protective of my wife (and lord knows, she needs protecting from her own anger at times!).

I've grouched at the wife to be calm and to give her dad a call and ask what she can do for him (his wife, my 'stepmother in law', is out of town on business and he's home alone). He's going to be doing this tough since he has no choice but to love his son.

Here in Texas, DWI is a misdemeanor until #3 when it goes state jail felony with the maximum sentence 10 years. I'm not sure how it is in NY, but it isn't any of my business either.

Here in Texas, DWI is a misdemeanor until #3 when it goes state jail felony with the maximum sentence 10 years. I'm not sure how it is in NY, but it isn't any of my business either.

Same rules. 3rd time, no license, blew a .13, Felony DWI, Mandatory Jail not to exceed 10 years. MADD in the court room in full force didn't help his case either.

3rd time, no license, blew a .13

Some people just aren't bright, are they?

I've heard of the Australian police getting the one car 3 times in one night (happened late last year, made the tv news because it was so bad).

Cops pull over a car and book driver for DUI, tell them to get cab home (standard practice). An hour later, same car, passenger is now driving, but is also DUI. Cops take keys, tell them to get a cab home. Two hours later, same car but first driver is back at the wheel using the spare key he had stashed - and still over the limit. Cops get car towed and take everyone for a short ride to the small cells.

In the old days, being stupid means you probably won't make it long enough to have many offspring. Thus, there was kind of a feedback loop that took care of idiots. Nowadays with modern technology, we're heading down the Idiocracy (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0387808/) path. While I have compassion for others and wish for everyone to lead happy & fulfilling lives, at some point, I would think that the survivability of the group should have priority over the individual...

In the old days, being stupid means you probably won't make it long enough to have many offspring. Thus, there was kind of a feedback loop that took care of idiots. Nowadays with modern technology, we're heading down the Idiocracy (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0387808/) path. While I have compassion for others and wish for everyone to lead happy & fulfilling lives, at some point, I would think that the survivability of the group should have priority over the individual...


That thought reminds me...didn't the Darwin Awards for 2009 get announced a few days ago?

I was going to suggest that you all chip in and send the idiot SO far away that you'd all never hear from him again.... but, heck. That "family" thing would negate that thought. Convince him to spend some time in rehab? Personally, it sounds like everyone in the family has given him way too many chances to straighten up. If he's clinically depressed, he needs meds and someone 24/7 to keep track of him & his meds.... any group homes/programs like that you can get him into?

I was going to suggest that you all chip in and send the idiot SO far away that you'd all never hear from him again.... but, heck. That "family" thing would negate that thought. Convince him to spend some time in rehab? Personally, it sounds like everyone in the family has given him way too many chances to straighten up. If he's clinically depressed, he needs meds and someone 24/7 to keep track of him & his meds.... any group homes/programs like that you can get him into?

He is being treated by a psychiatrist at the moment, but he's not letting anyone in the family know what the treatment plan is. We're worried if the Doc is over-prescribing or if BiL is not telling the Doc the truth (ie not mentioning side-effects so Doc can change dosage or type).

The guy is now home and back at work etc, but his Dad is worried. I'm worried about the Dad. He doesn't have a lot of support. His daughters don't talk to his son and his current wife is brutally honest about the son, so he's sorta on his own. Deep down I think he knows his son's flaws, but you can't just walk away when it is your own child. The Dad is also under financial strain - mortgages on new property and also helping out the son.

I'm encouraging my wife to forget her brother (she only gets angry) and instead concentrating on helping out her dad. We borrowed some cash from him (and my parents) to help us with a house deposit a couple of years back, so we're accelerating our repayments to him to give him some more cash.

well, my heart goes out to you. i have a friend who has a brother who is schizophrenic - out wandering the world, or dead - who knows? You're right, of course - help the dad, and encourage the idiot to release medical info to the family. That's about all you can do right now.

That's about all you can do right now.

Well maybe, but I could go around to his place and give him some shock therapy. Slapping him around a bit will make ME feel a hell of a lot better! :D