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02-05-10, 08:04 PM
AdamDZ your courtroom stuff reminded me about these-
We have collected all of the unintentionally funny things that doctors have written in medical files. Everything you will read, including bad spelling and grammar, has been lifted directly off of these reports:
* Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
* She is numb from her toes down.
* Exam of genitalia was completely negative except for the right foot.
* The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as stockbroker instead.
* When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.
* Examination reveals a well-developed male lying in bed with his family in no distress.
* She has no rigors or chills but her husband says she was very hot in bed last night.
* She can't get pregnant with her husband, so I will work her up.
* Whilst in Casualty she was examined, X-rated and sent home.
* The patient states there is a burning pain in his penis which goes to his feet.
* On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it had completely disappeared.
* The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1983.
* I will be happy to go into her GI system, she seems ready and anxious.
* Patient was released to outpatient department without dressing.
* The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
* The baby was delivered, the cord clamped and cut, and handed to the pediatrician, who breathed and cried immediately.
* Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
* She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until 1989 when she got a divorce.
* The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed.
* Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid. (Long fingers?)
* Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.
* A midsystolic ejaculation murmur heard over the mitral area.
* The patient lives at home with his mother, father, and pet turtle, who is presently enrolled in day care three times a week.
* I have suggested that he loosen his pants before standing, and then, when he stands with the help of his wife, they should fall to the floor.
* The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
* Discharge status: Alive but without permission.
* The patient will need disposition, and therefore we will get Dr. Blank to dispose of him.
* Healthy-appearing, decrepit 69 year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
* The patient has no past history of suicides.
* The patient expired on the floor uneventfully.
* Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.
* Patient was becoming more demented with urinary frequency.
* The patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.
We have collected all of the unintentionally funny things that doctors have written in medical files. Everything you will read, including bad spelling and grammar, has been lifted directly off of these reports:
* Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
* She is numb from her toes down.
* Exam of genitalia was completely negative except for the right foot.
* The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as stockbroker instead.
* When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.
* Examination reveals a well-developed male lying in bed with his family in no distress.
* She has no rigors or chills but her husband says she was very hot in bed last night.
* She can't get pregnant with her husband, so I will work her up.
* Whilst in Casualty she was examined, X-rated and sent home.
* The patient states there is a burning pain in his penis which goes to his feet.
* On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it had completely disappeared.
* The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1983.
* I will be happy to go into her GI system, she seems ready and anxious.
* Patient was released to outpatient department without dressing.
* The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
* The baby was delivered, the cord clamped and cut, and handed to the pediatrician, who breathed and cried immediately.
* Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
* She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until 1989 when she got a divorce.
* The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed.
* Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid. (Long fingers?)
* Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.
* A midsystolic ejaculation murmur heard over the mitral area.
* The patient lives at home with his mother, father, and pet turtle, who is presently enrolled in day care three times a week.
* I have suggested that he loosen his pants before standing, and then, when he stands with the help of his wife, they should fall to the floor.
* The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
* Discharge status: Alive but without permission.
* The patient will need disposition, and therefore we will get Dr. Blank to dispose of him.
* Healthy-appearing, decrepit 69 year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
* The patient has no past history of suicides.
* The patient expired on the floor uneventfully.
* Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.
* Patient was becoming more demented with urinary frequency.
* The patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.