Foo - She really has a pair (now this is another ex rant)

Her car is parked in her driveway and it has a flat. Not an emergency since she is using MY spare car. She called yesterday and asked for help to fix the flat ASAP. Apparently the city inspector said that is a violation to city code and she will be fined for $250 if the flat is not fixed in 3 days. I have no problem with helping the mother of my kids so I said OK. I went there yesterday and gave her my portable air compressor, that should do the job.

She called again this morning and said the tire went flat again overnight. OK, I told her she needs to take the tire out, get it to the shop, fix it, put it back. "Can you do it?"... oh well, yeah... I'm off and the kids are in school, what the heck. But when I got there, freaking new boyfriend sitting on the porch, smoking a cigarette without a care in the world... I drive by and came back home. I called, left voicemail "You have an able man there that can fix your flat. No need for me to do it."

She called back some minutes ago, left voicemail... "YOU have to fix it! And if I get fined, you gonna have to pay the fine!".

All I can say is... she really has a pair.

Surprisingly, I'm not upset, mad, jealous or depressed. Looks like I'm finally reaching the point where I don't give a sh1t anymore. And that's good, very very good.

All that's left now is to decide if I'm gonna fix the fricking flat or not. After all, it is in my best interest to help her get her car up and running again, so I can have my spare car back. I should probably help with the re-title too. I don't want my name on her car's title.

So, to fix or not to fix? :rolleyes:

Don't fix it. You'll just end up fixing all her problems.

Don't fix it. You'll just end up fixing all her problems.

+1.

Although get your name off that title yesterday.

Oh... and just for the record... we are not getting frisky and I have no idea what makes her believe she can make this kind of demands.

If the car is in your name, fix the flat. Sign it over to her and you both go to the DMV to make sure you are released of liability. I believe the person the car is registered to will get the fine. It is not the boyfriends responsibility to fix the car. Besides, if that car is the one you depend on to get the kids around safely, I'd fix it. The kids are first, doesn't matter who the guy is.

You got road service on your cell phone? Call and have them change it. Put the donut spare on. Let her worry about getting the real tire fixed. Badda boom, badda bing.

Get your name off the title. She needs to learn how to deal with **** on her own or at least without you. Loaning her a car is a bad idea, as well. Don't help her, Ruben, seriously, at all. Learn how to say no and use it often.

If the car is in your name, fix the flat. Sign it over to her and you both go to the DMV to make sure you are released of liability. I believe the person the car is registered to will get the fine. It is not the boyfriends responsibility to fix the car. Besides, if that car is the one you depend on to get the kids around safely, I'd fix it. The kids are first, doesn't matter who the guy is.


+1

If the car is in your name, fix the flat. Sign it over to her and you both go to the DMV to make sure you are released of liability. I believe the person the car is registered to will get the fine. It is not the boyfriends responsibility to fix the car. Besides, if that car is the one you depend on to get the kids around safely, I'd fix it. The kids are first, doesn't matter who the guy is.
Sorry Siu, I think this is bad advice. I may be a prick, though. She has to do it without Ruben. Because they have kids is no excuse for her to use Ruben. Let her figure it out and if she can't, let the courts figure it out.

Get your name off the title. She needs to learn how to deal with **** on her own or at least without you. Loaning her a car is a bad idea, as well. Don't help her, Ruben, seriously, at all. Learn how to say no and use it often.


Yeah for real. Now if it was a motorcycle that would be different, right? :innocent:

Don't forget about the motorcycle, UA. BooYah.

torch the car.

Yeah for real. Now if it was a motorcycle that would be different, right? :innocent:

Don't forget about the motorcycle, UA. BooYah.
Just a different situation.

Just messin' with you about the motorcycle, UA. ((hugs))


Sorry Siu, I think this is bad advice. I may be a prick, though. She has to do it without Ruben. Because they have kids is no excuse for her to use Ruben. Let her figure it out and if she can't, let the courts figure it out.

No, not a prick at all. You are a guy who's had experience. ;) But the car is under his name and he will get the fine. The kids are riding in that car. It's his responsibility as a parent to make sure the kids are safe, right?

torch the car.

There ya go. :thumb:

Move off planet. I hear Vega5 is nice this time of year.

Just messin' with you about the motorcycle, UA. ((hugs))



No, not a prick at all. You are a guy who's had experience. ;) But the car is under his name and he will get the fine. The kids are riding in that car. It's his responsibility as a parent to make sure the kids are safe, right?
I know Siu. ;)

Ruben is not obliged to fix every problem she has. If she can't deal with the problems, the court needs to decide the outcome.

For real. I swear though. Ruben always has some issues with that lady.

Sorry Siu, I think this is bad advice. I may be a prick, though. She has to do it without Ruben. Because they have kids is no excuse for her to use Ruben. Let her figure it out and if she can't, let the courts figure it out.

The problem is this: If you let "the safety of the kids" dictate your action, she will be continually framing every issue (and every cash shortage) as a child safety issue. Don't get drawin in.

Why dont you fix it and then bring the car back to your place, since it's your car? Or have I missed something? Did the courts say you have to lend her your spare car? If so, then fix it since the title is in your name. If the court did not ask you to lend the car, then bring it back home. But I htink I missed something here

Oh duh. What he ^^^ said. :rolleyes:

*flicks self in forehead*

Rube, you had to have been tempted to get out of the car to fix it, get the wrench out, and say to the porch smoker "Hey back-door boy, you know how to work one of these?"

No Ruben - you are an idiot and apparently "ball-less". I'm saying that in the nicest way possible. Unless you yourself will somehow have to pay the fine ('cause Why is your name still on the title????) it's time for her to learn not to be depended on you anymore.

I would politely tell her to get an automobile club membership and then call them for help. In the meantime your only obligation is to pay child support (and hopefully all of that is in writing). It's best to distance yourself the best way possible. If she is the type to use hte kids against you (ie withhold visitation) make sure everything is in writing and legal. If she has some nearthewell boyfriend hanging about maybe you should try and get custody. That situation is horrible for children, especially young girls. I don't have to tell you why - correct?

OK... I called the city to see who gets the fine and you were right, whoever is on the title (is under both right now). Went back there (with a friend as witness just in case), and changed the flat with the spare tire (real tire, not cheap small rubber thingie)... fine avoided.

Per divorce decree, she is responsible for re-titling her car and I'm responsible for mine. But it looks like she's not gonna do it so I better do it to avoid liability.

But the bigger picture I'm getting is that she believes I'm supposed to solve all her issues based solely on me being the father of the kids. And IMHO, a line has to be drawn somewhere, defining where the fatherly responsibilities end and the husband responsibilities begin. Cuz I'm hot her husband anymore.

why do you get fined for having a flat tyre?

Why dont you fix it and then bring the car back to your place, since it's your car? Or have I missed something? Did the courts say you have to lend her your spare car? If so, then fix it since the title is in your name. If the court did not ask you to lend the car, then bring it back home. But I htink I missed something here

Yes... until her car is fixed. There was a dateline of course (which is already way overdue). Her car had the starter broken, that was fixed. And then, because it was parked for so long, the battery could not hold a charge anymore. So now it needs a darn battery.

why do you get fined for having a flat tyre?

No its for an abandoned car - not moved off the street

City code. No flat tires on driveways.

i never comment on these ruben threads but now you say you are getting to the point where you don't care, i might as well.

this ex bullies you. it is simple. people who get bullied get bullied because they let themselves be bullied. they don't stand up to the bully. this is your car legally and you are responsible so you have to fix the tyre. what is unacceptable is her using it and then using you because it is your responsibility. Fix it and take it back. Tell her to go get stuffed.

City code. No flat tires on driveways.

Now I know why everything is so messed up. Even your town's ordinances are screwed up. Move.

If her car needs a battery that can be done for under $100 at the nearest parts store, they'll usually even change it for free while she stand inside. If I were you I'd tell her in writing that she has until (set a date that's soon) to get the title changed, and otherwise you'll lodge some sort of complaint. As for everything else, stop helping her. While it isn't safe for her to drive your kids around on a flat, it'll be such a pain that she will get it fixed, assuming you don't enable her by loaning her another car on a more than 24 hour basis.

Now I know why everything is so messed up. Even your town's ordinances are screwed up. Move.
Don't want it looking like Detroit do ya?

http://so-sos.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2009/01/abandoned20vehicle201.jpg

So Ruben. Where was the smoking tough guy while you were doing this?

Don't want it looking like Detroit do ya?

So Ruben. Where was the smoking tough guy while you were doing this?

Right there on the porch. He upgraded to cigarette and a beer. I ignored him to the best of my abilities.

Ruben, grow a pair of your own! Get your name off that car title asap. Don't help her any more or she will always expect you to. If the court imposed date has expired for you to lend her a car take yours back. If Bubba the BF is living with her, he can help her pay for her repairs.

If Bubba the BF is living with her, he can help her pay for her repairs.

I bet she is driving the porch dude around in his car.

Fix it and take it back, or take the title to the DMV and sign it over to her and not fix it. You're divorced from her. Now tell her to grow up and deal with it herself. She is no longer your responsibility.

Fix the flat and get your name off the title. Sometimes, you have to go the extra mile just so you don't get screwed in the end.

I wonder two things about the OP 1. Do you have any friends to share your issues with? 2. Why are/do you stay involved with your ex and her dealings? Divorce and be done with it.

First step, get your name of the title. After that is done, she's a big girl and needs to learn to solve her own problems. Change your phone number and communicate by email.

What if there's an emergency with the kids? I'd say the phone would be faster to find him?

Everybody seems to be missing the point that Ruben has to ensure his kids are safe. That either means taking his ex to court to ensure she maintains a safe vehicle and safe environment, or he performs a simple tire repair. It sounds like she's a PITA, however she still is the mother of his children. Sometimes being a man means doing things that suck to ensure the safety of your children.

What if there's an emergency with the kids? I'd say the phone would be faster to find him?

True & good point.

In that case, he needs to screen his calls, make her leave a message, listen to the message to determine if there is an emergency and if not hit the delete button. Or say to her "Don't call me unless there is an emergency with the kids."

Ummm. Backpedal, Afster.

Not I, said the Blue Wind.

Everybody seems to be missing the point that Ruben has to ensure his kids are safe. That either means taking his ex to court to ensure she maintains a safe vehicle and safe environment, or he performs a simple tire repair. It sounds like she's a PITA, however she still is the mother of his children. Sometimes being a man means doing things that suck to ensure the safety of your children.

I agree that Ruben needs to make sure his children are safe. However, he chose to end the marriage with this woman and have joint custody. That means that he has to let go when the kids are in her care. She is their mother and she needs to fix the car. If the tire is flat, she can't drive them anywhere anyway. If he feels the kids are unsafe in her care, he needs to take it to the courts.

Ummm. Backpedal, Afster.

Not I, said the Blue Wind.

OK, almost everybody :rolleyes: :p

True & good point.

In that case, he needs to screen his calls, make her leave a message, listen to the message to determine if there is an emergency and if not hit the delete button. Or say to her "Don't call me unless there is an emergency with the kids."

:thumb:

I agree that Ruben needs to make sure his children are safe. However, he chose to end the marriage with this woman and have joint custody. That means that he has to let go when the kids are in her care. She is their mother and she needs to fix the car. If the tire is flat, she can't drive them anywhere anyway. If he feels the kids are unsafe in her care, he needs to take it to the courts.

Yes he could take her to court, however that will only aggrevate the situation. Personally I would rather spend 10 minutes changing a tire than put another log on the fire in court. Plus maybe I'm a bit old fashioned, however if a couple have a child together, they should be able to work together for the best interest of the child. Perhaps a bit naive, but I don't think so.

Yes he could take her to court, however that will only aggrevate the situation. Personally I would rather spend 10 minutes changing a tire than put another log on the fire in court. Plus maybe I'm a bit old fashioned, however if a couple have a child together, they should be able to work together for the best interest of the child. Perhaps a bit naive, but I don't think so.

The best interest of the child, not respond to every whim of the ex-spouse. And if I felt for one second that my children were unsafe with their father, I would be in the court so fast your head would spin.

The best interest of the child, not respond to every whim of the ex-spouse. And if I felt for one second that my children were unsafe with their father, I would be in the court so fast your head would spin.

Sure, but we've strayed away from the issue ... a tire that needs replacing. Definitely not court-worthy stuff. While I agree with most of the advice you post here, I have a feeling we won't see eye-to-eye on this topic. No biggee. That's what makes us all individuals :)

I bet she is driving the porch dude around in his car.

or worse{wink,wink**

or worse{wink,wink**

arg... now I don't want the car back:crash: