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03-03-10, 06:14 PM
A guy walks into a shop.
"You got one of them Marshall Hiwatt AC30 amplificatior thingies and a Gibson StratoBlaster geetar with a Fried Rose tremulo?"
"You're a drummer, aren't you?"
"Yeah. How'd you know?"
"This is a travel agency."
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So this drummer dies. And when he reaches his everlasting reward, the guy in the robe says, "You're going to spend eternity with this combo, okay? There's a bass player named 'Mingus' and a pianist named 'Monk', and any day now we expect this 'Miles' guy to show up with his trumpet. "Wow!" the guy says, "I never imagined heaven would be this good." So the guy in the robe says, "This is hell, not heaven. There's a girl singer."
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A musical director was having a lot of trouble with one drummer. He talked and talked and talked with the drummer, but his performance simply didn't improve.
Finally, before the whole orchestra, he said, "When a musician just can't handle his instrument and doesn't improve when given help, they take away the instrument, and give him two sticks, and make him a drummer."
A stage whisper was heard from the percussion section: "And if he can't handle even that, they take away one of his sticks and make him a conductor."
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Two women are walking through the woods when suddenly they hear a voice say, "Ladies! Ladies!" They look around but don't see anyone. Then they hear it again. "Ladies! Ladies! Down here!" They look down and see a small pond with a frog sitting on a lily pad.
"Is that you?" one of the ladies asks the frog.
"Yes," is the frog's reply.
The two women are in shock. "How can you talk to us?" They ask. "You're a frog."
"I got turned into a frog by a wicked witch," explains the frog. "I'm really a fantastic jazz drummer."
"Really?" say the women. "Is that true?"
"Yes," answers the frog, "and all it will take is one kiss from either of you, and I will immediately change back into a fantastic jazz drummer."
Right away, one of the women gets down on her knees, reaches across the pond to the lily pad and gently picks up the frog. She stands up and quickly puts the frog in her pocket and starts to walk away.
Her startled friend says, "Hey, wait a minute! Where are you going? He said that if you kiss him, he'll turn into a fantastic jazz drummer!"
"What are you, crazy?" says the other woman. "I can make a lot more money with a talking frog than I can with a fantastic jazz drummer."
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Did you hear about the time the bass player locked his keys in the car?
It took two hours to get the drummer out.
----------------------------
How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb?
Twenty. One to hold the bulb, and nineteen to drink until the room spins.
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"You got one of them Marshall Hiwatt AC30 amplificatior thingies and a Gibson StratoBlaster geetar with a Fried Rose tremulo?"
"You're a drummer, aren't you?"
"Yeah. How'd you know?"
"This is a travel agency."
-------------------------
So this drummer dies. And when he reaches his everlasting reward, the guy in the robe says, "You're going to spend eternity with this combo, okay? There's a bass player named 'Mingus' and a pianist named 'Monk', and any day now we expect this 'Miles' guy to show up with his trumpet. "Wow!" the guy says, "I never imagined heaven would be this good." So the guy in the robe says, "This is hell, not heaven. There's a girl singer."
---------------------
A musical director was having a lot of trouble with one drummer. He talked and talked and talked with the drummer, but his performance simply didn't improve.
Finally, before the whole orchestra, he said, "When a musician just can't handle his instrument and doesn't improve when given help, they take away the instrument, and give him two sticks, and make him a drummer."
A stage whisper was heard from the percussion section: "And if he can't handle even that, they take away one of his sticks and make him a conductor."
--------------------------
Two women are walking through the woods when suddenly they hear a voice say, "Ladies! Ladies!" They look around but don't see anyone. Then they hear it again. "Ladies! Ladies! Down here!" They look down and see a small pond with a frog sitting on a lily pad.
"Is that you?" one of the ladies asks the frog.
"Yes," is the frog's reply.
The two women are in shock. "How can you talk to us?" They ask. "You're a frog."
"I got turned into a frog by a wicked witch," explains the frog. "I'm really a fantastic jazz drummer."
"Really?" say the women. "Is that true?"
"Yes," answers the frog, "and all it will take is one kiss from either of you, and I will immediately change back into a fantastic jazz drummer."
Right away, one of the women gets down on her knees, reaches across the pond to the lily pad and gently picks up the frog. She stands up and quickly puts the frog in her pocket and starts to walk away.
Her startled friend says, "Hey, wait a minute! Where are you going? He said that if you kiss him, he'll turn into a fantastic jazz drummer!"
"What are you, crazy?" says the other woman. "I can make a lot more money with a talking frog than I can with a fantastic jazz drummer."
---------------
Did you hear about the time the bass player locked his keys in the car?
It took two hours to get the drummer out.
----------------------------
How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb?
Twenty. One to hold the bulb, and nineteen to drink until the room spins.
--------------