Jokes & Humor - I used to work at an orange juice factory, but I couldn’t concentrate.

I used to work at a fire hydrant factory, but you couldn’t park anywhere near the place.

My mother wanted me to be a seamstress, but I couldn't mend straight.

I used to be a fortune teller but I got fired. It's okay, I saw it coming.

I was going to be a male prostitute at one stage, but I screwed up.

I was going to be an explosives expert, but I blew it.

I used to work on a cannery, but I got canned.

Geez, you guys/girls haven't you got anything better to do? :)

. . .

I always wanted to be a plumber, but I was cr*p.

I once cleaned toilet's but lost the job because I wouldn't do crap.

I once was a garbageman but it was such a waste.

I was training to be an electrician but the work zapped the life out of me.

I trained to be an electrician, but ended up Ohm-less and didn't know Watt to do.

I trained to be an electrician, but ended up Ohm-less and didn't know Watt to do.

That was a good one Dave! :D

I wanted to prospect for gold... it didn't pan out

I tried washing windows, but couldn't take getting high on the job.

I worked at a laundry, but now I'm all washed up.

I used to be an idiot but I was too dumb to be dumb.


Hey, it says BEST and WORST jokes here. I'm not a good joker. But people laugh at me anyways.

Do they point too? :)

I tried washing windows, but it was such a pane.

I used to work at a brewery. The forman was a BARREL chested, STOUT fellow, but rubbed me against the GRAIN. He called me a LAGERhead and got HOPing mad and fired me when I charged him VAT on his weekly purchaces. I tried to file for unemployment but didn't have a CASE because of the WORT on my toe. Well, I did ALE I could do.

I did circumsicions for a while too. The pay sucked, but the tips were great!

They point.

They point.

Translate "They point." please.


I worked in a deli; backed into the meat slicer, and got a little behind in my work.

Groan... almost as bad as, " I worked as an optician until I fell in the lens grinder and made a spectacle of myself/"

"They poin.t" in reply to Post #17

I used to work in Chicago, in a record store. A lady came in the door and said she wanted some music. I asked her what kind she wanted. Be-bob she wanted, be-bobbed she got. I'll never work there any more.

I used to work in Chicago, in a record store.

I worked in a record store back in the 1950s. A lady came in looking for a Big Band number called ‘One Meat Ball.’ The conversation went something like this:
“Young man, do you have One Meat Ball on a ten inch?”
“No, but I have two meat balls on an eight inch.”
“Is that a record?’
“No, but it’s not bad for a fifteen year old.”

I wanted to be a porn star, but I couldn't see the fur-fest for the knees.

Mary had a little lamb and everyone was shocked.

I wanted to have a baby, but I didn't want to belabor the point.

Translate "They point." please.


French: Ils se dirigent.

German: Sie zeigen.

Italian: Indicano.

Spanish: Señalan.

Dutch: Zij richten.

Greek: Δείχνουν.

Japanese: 彼らは指す。

Portugese: Apontam.

Russian: Они указывают.

Chinese: 他們指向。

French: Ils se dirigent.

German: Sie zeigen.

Italian: Indicano.

Spanish: Señalan.

Dutch: Zij richten.

Greek: Δείχνουν.

Japanese: 彼らは指す。

Portugese: Apontam.

Russian: Они указывают.

Chinese: 他們指向。


Now c'mon Regular Guy; nobody likes a smart ass! :D

Translate "They point." please.


if you read post 16,17, and 21 you'll figure it out.

Now c'mon Regular Guy; nobody likes a smart ass! :D


Yeah, but everyone likes a little :D

I worked as a photographer for a spell... until I ran afoul with the law. I was charged with indecent exposure. I was framed, I tell you! Someone ran in to meter but filter up instead and they were off in a flash. You need to know the backround befote you shutter out. Thankfuly, nothing ever developed from this, save for the Detectives incident with Iris and the enlarger.

if you read post 16,17, and 21 you'll figure it out.

Yes I figured it out; I thought at first it was some new ‘street’ language I should know about. Now thanks to Regular Guy I have it in ten different languages which is way more information than I need.

Can we get back on the thread now?

Now c'mon Regular Guy; nobody likes a smart ass! :D

:roflmao:

When I was studying to be an optometrist I fell in to the grinder and made a spectacle of myself.

When I was studying to be an optometrist I fell in to the grinder and made a spectacle of myself.

Actually you’re the second one today to make a spectacle of themselves.

Personally I like to go into a Craft Store and ask the ladies, “Where can I get felt?”

Oh - didn't realize that. But, I find it interesting when talking w/ a woman on the phone at work and they ask for my extension. :o

Bill Gate's wife just left him..........She doesn't "do" windows!

Now c'mon Regular Guy; nobody likes a smart ass! :D

Actually, I LOVE smartasses!

:roflmao:

ya how much time did it take u to do all that regular guy?

ya how much time did it take u to do all that regular guy?

Eh, just a few minutes. Babelfish rocks and DSL rolls.

o babelfish.com? never been there before, ill check it out

. . . and DSL rolls.

But do they taste good?

Actually, I LOVE smartasses!

:roflmao:


I see you're a teacher; I would have thought you preferred smart classes!

I used to be a vintner, but I whined about it.

I used to be a swineherd, but it was boring.

I made money as a shepherd, but then I got fleeced.

I worked in a bakery because I kneaded the dough.

I can't believe no one had said that yet.

My favorite job was in the candle factory. I only worked on wick ends!

I had to give up my job at the Firestone plant, I was just two-tyred.
or,
My bicycle mechanic background didn't help much in my new job at the Toyota dealer. Apparently I was two-tired.

?
Hey, I'm trying here.

We've done these all before, if I'm not mistaken.

I used to be a hitman but the job was a killer.