Jokes & Humor - gurl talk

Bikeforums.net is a forum about nothing but bikes. Our community can help you find information about hard-to-find and localized information like bicycle tours, specialties like where in your area to have your recumbent bike serviced, or what are the best bicycle tires and seats for the activities you use your bike for.




View Full Version : gurl talk


Closed Office
03-23-10, 08:20 PM
IT IS GOOD TO BE A WOMAN
We got off the Titanic first.
We can scare male bosses with mysterious gynecological disorder excuses.
Taxis stop for us.
No fashion faux pas we make could ever rival The Speedo.
We don't have to pass gas to amuse ourselves.
If we forget to shave, no one has to know.
We can congratulate our teammate without ever touching her rear.
We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.
We have the ability to dress ourselves. We can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.
If we marry someone 20 years younger, we're aware that we look like an idiot.
There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.
We'll never regret piercing our ears.
We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes.
We can make comments about how silly men are in their presence because they aren't listening anyway.



Once upon a time, in a land far away, a beautiful, independent, self assured princess, happened upon a frog as she sat contemplating ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow near her castle.

The frog hopped into the Princess' lap and said: Elegant Lady, I was once a handsome Prince, until an evil witch cast a spell upon me.

One kiss from you, however, and I will turn back into the dapper, young Prince that I am and then, my sweet, we can marry and setup housekeeping in yon castle with my Mother, where you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children, and forever feel grateful and happy doing so.

That night, while dining on lightly saut'd frog legs seasoned in a white wine and onion cream sauce, she chuckled to herself and thought:

I don't f'ing think so.


trackhub
03-31-10, 06:13 PM
Well... That requires some kind of response. Yes, Taxi's will stop for women.. If their skirts are short enough. :innocent: With that in mind...


Why it's good to be a man:



The garage is all yours.

You don't have to shave below your neck.

Wedding plans take care of themselves.

Chocolate is just another snack.

You can be president (of where you're born).

You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.

Car mechanics tell you the truth.

You don't give a rat's ass if someone doesn't notice your new haircut.

You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too icky looking.

Same work ... more pay.

Wrinkles add character.

You don't have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments.

Wedding Dress $5000; Tux rental $100.

People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.

The occasional well-rendered belch (from either end) is practically expected.

New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.

You know stuff about tanks.

A five-day vacation requires only one small wheely-bag.

You can open all your own jars.

You can leave the motel bed unmade.

You can kill your own food.

You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

Your underwear is $6.95 for a three-pack.

If you are 34 and single, nobody notices or cares.

Good night!

DX-MAN
04-05-10, 10:26 PM
Why Bikes are Better Than Women

1. You can ride your bike any time of the month.

2. Bikes don't care if you look at other bikes.

3. If you cuss out your bike, you don't have to apologize before you ride it again.

4. Bikes don't insult you if you're a bad rider.

5. You can ride your bike as long as you want and it won't get sore.

6. You can get off your bike as soon as you want and it won't get frustrated.

7. You can talk about your last great bike ride in mixed company.


Closed Office
04-12-10, 06:59 PM
I've never felt the need to point this out before, but I'm a guy. I ran across this stuff..... Oh well, it's a story. You'd have to pull up a chair!

But I enjoyed a couple of the responses. (out of 2)

First I will probably never own a cell phone. On the land line I spend about 5 min (tops) a month. Don't think I've ended many calls in 30 seconds, but 2 minutes will usually do it. Yesss!!!

But I did read of a study that showed guys talk as much as women. It was done on university students and I can only assume a couple of the males were trying to impress a female with how smart they were. (or something equally baffling) Of course not likely to work anyway.

And the second post reminded me of an old item in the humor file.

Top 10 reasons why some men favor handguns over women

10 - you can trade in an old 44 for a new 22, no questions asked.
9 - you can keep one handgun at home, and have another for when you're on the road.
8 - if you admire a friend's handgun and tell him so, he will probably let you try it out a few times.
7 - your primary handgun doesn't mind if you keep another handgun for a back up.
6 - your handgun will stay with you even if you run out of ammo.
5 - a handgun doesn't take up a lot of closet space.
4 - handguns function normally every day of the month.
3 - a handgun doesn't ask, "do these new grips make me look fat?"
2 - a handgun doesn't mind if you go to sleep after you use it.
1 - you can buy a silencer for a handgun.

Thought it was a quality piece of werk. (no, that's the way it should be spelled)

ItsJustMe
05-03-10, 11:47 AM
Another "good to be a man" point:

$20 for a pair of hair clippers and a 1/2" guard and you're done paying for haircuts (or having to go to the barber at all) for life.

Johhny B
06-04-10, 10:33 PM
Wow these are extremely sexist. Congratulations.