Jokes & Humor - Schedule for the opening day of the Republican National Convention

Schedule for the opening day of the Republican National Convention:

6:00 P.M. - Opening prayer led by the Reverend Jerry Falwell
6:30 P.M. - Pledge of Allegiance
6:35 P.M. - Ceremonial Burning of the Bill of Rights and the Constitution (excluding the Second
Amendment)
6:45 P.M. - Salute to the "Coalition of the Willing"
6:46 P.M. - Seminar 1: Katherine Harris on "Are Elections Really Necessary?"
7:30 P.M. - Announcement: Lincoln Memorial Renamed for Ronald Reagan
7:35 P.M. - Trent Lott - "Resegregation in the 21st Century"
7:40 P.M. - EPA Address 1: "Mercury: It's What's for Dinner"
8:00 P.M. - Vote on which country to invade next
8:10 P.M. - Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh
8:15 P.M. - John Ashcroft Lecture: "The ***** Are After Your Children"
8:30 P.M. - Round table discussion on reproductive rights (Men Only)
8:50 P.M. - Seminar 2: "Corporations: The Government of the Future"
9:00 P.M. - Condi Rice sings "Can't Help Lovin' Dat Man"
9:05 P.M. - Phyllis Schlafly speaks on "Why Women Shouldn't Be Leaders"
9:10 P.M. - EPA Address 2: "Trees: The Real Cause of Forest Fires"
9:30 P.M. - Break for secret meetings
10:00 P.M. - Second Prayer led by Cal Thomas
10:15 P.M. - Carl Rove Lecture: "Doublespeak Made Simple"
10:30 P.M. - Rumsfeld Lecture/Demonstration: "How to Squint and Talk Macho Even When You Feel
Squishy Inside"
10:35 P.M. - Bush demonstration of trademark "deer in headlights"stare
10:40 P.M. - John Ashcroft demonstration: New Mandatory Kevlar Chastity Belt
10:45 P.M. - GOP's tribute to tokenism, featuring Colin Powell and Condi Rice
10:46 P.M. - Ann Coulter's tribute to "Joe McCarthy, American Patriot"
10:50 P.M. - Seminar 3: "Education: A Drain on Our Nation's Economy"
11:10 P.M. - Hilary Clinton Piñata
11:20 P.M. - John Ashcroft lecture: "Evolutionists: A Dangerous New Cult"
11:30 P.M. - Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh again.
11:35 P.M. - Blame Clinton.
11:40 P.M. - Newt Gingrich speaks on "The Sanctity of Marriage"
11:41 P.M. - Announcement: Ronald Reagan to be added to Mt. Rushmore
11:50 P.M. - Closing prayer led by Jesus Himself
12:00 Mid - Nomination of George W. Bush as Holy Supreme Planetary Overlord

Cute, but in all honesty, to me this seems every bit 'political' as the "Letter to Bush" post that was moved to P&R. Is it in the right place?

Nothing personal MsVicki, just concerned with fairness. :)

Cute, but in all honesty, to me this seems every bit 'political' as the "Letter to Bush" post that was moved to P&R. Is it in the right place?

Nothing personal MsVicki, just concerned with fairness. :)

This was a joke....as the "Letter to Bush" was a joke. I don't understand why it was moved. I think jokes, even political jokes, should stay in the Jokes Forum. Perhaps whoever moved it didn't read it thoroughly?

Where's the funny part? Looks like Republican bashing to me.

:lol:
but I'd change"8:50 P.M. - Seminar 2: "Corporations: The Government of the Future"
to "Government: The Corporate milk cow of the future" (It does too make sense.)

I find this one much less political and gobs more humerous than the letter to bush, as this is not using actual events to make a point. For example there are many people who have lost both their jobs and children in Iraq, but John Ashcroft did not and is not going to demonstrate a New Mandatory Kevlar Chastity Belt.

7:40 P.M. - EPA Address 1: "Mercury: It's What's for Dinner"

:eek: How true!

It depends on what the meaning of is, is.

Is there a place for a conservative republican cop on a bike forum?

Right next to me!

It would be funnier if it weren't so true!

Go, msvicki! Go, msvicki! Go, msvicki!

I'm watching the Republican National Convention on C-Span right now.

They don't seem to be following their agenda.