the flying bean
09-07-04, 09:14 AM
Sex In The Dark:-
There was this couple that had been married for 20 years.
Every time they made love the husband always insisted on shutting off the light.
Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was ridiculous.
She figured she would break him out of this crazy habit.
So one night, while they were in the middle of a wild, screaming, romantic
session, she turned on the lights.
She looked down... and saw her husband was holding a battery-operated
pleasure device... a vibrator!
Soft, wonderful and larger than a real one.
She went completely ballistic.
"You impotent bastard," She screamed at him, "how could you be lying to
me all of these years?
You better explain yourself!"
The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says calmly:
"I'll explain the toy . . . you explain the kids."
09-13-04, 12:16 AM
that's a good one I had a god laaugh here are two more: :lol:
There was a City cop on his horse waiting to cross the street when a little boy on his new shiny bike stopped beside him.
"Nice bike," the cop said "Did Santa bring it to you?"
"Yep," the little boy said, "he sure did!"
The cop looked the bike over and handed the boy a $20 ticket for a safety violation. The cop said, "Next year, tell Santa to put a reflector light on the back of it."
The little boy looked up at the cop and said, "Nice horse you got there sir. Did Santa bring it to you?"
"Yeah...he sure did," chuckled the cop.
The little boy looked up at the cop and said, "Next year tell Santa...the dick goes underneath the horse...not on top."
A newlywed couple had only been married for two weeks. The husband although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies. So, he said to his new wife, "Honey, I'll be right back "Where are you going, coochy cooh?" asked the wife. "I'm going to the bar, pretty face. I'm going to have a beer." The wife said, "You want a beer, my love?" She opened the door to the refrigerator and showed him 25 different kinds of beer, brands from 12 different countries: Germany, Holland, Japan, India, etc. The husband didn't know what to do, and the only thing that he could think of saying was, "Yes, lolly pop...but at the bar...you know...they have frozen glasses..." He didn't get to finish the sentence, because the wife interrupted him by saying "You want a frozen glass, puppy face?" She took a huge beer mug out of the freezer, so frozen that she was getting chills just holding it The husband, looking a bit pale, said, "Yes, tootsie roll, but at the bar they have those hors d'oeuvres that are really delicious... I won't be long, I'll be right back. I promise. OK?""You want hors d'oeuvres, poochi pooh?" She opened the oven and took out 5 different hors d'oeuvres: chicken wings, pigs in blankets, mushroom caps, pork strips, etc. "But my sweet honey... at the bar... you know... there's swearing, dirty words and all that.. "You want dirty words, cutie pie?... LISTEN UP, DICKHEAD! DRINK YOUR F*&%# BEER IN YOUR G&%DAMN FROZEN MUG AND EAT YOUR MOTHERF&*($# SNACKS, BECAUSE YOU ARE MARRIED NOW, AND YOU AREN'T GOING ANYWHERE! GOT IT, *******? ...and, they lived happily ever after. Isn't that a sweet story?