Advocacy & Safety - "The Great Canadian Cyclists Exam"

http://www.theglobeandmail.com/globe-drive/car-life/road-sage/the-great-canadian-cyclists-exam/article1591998/ (sorry, my FF at work is not letting me format links properly.)

(Warning: article in link will push pretty much every button you possess as an A&S denizen.)

I generally think I can have a bit of a laugh, but this attempt at "satire" is turning me into the proverbial humourless cyclist. Although I guess I shouldn't expect too much from the automobile section of a national paper.

4. When approaching a motorist in your lane the safest action to take is ...
c) What the f**k is that car doing on the road?

I'm going to go with C on this one.

Seattle, I can't count how many times I've wondered why there are so many cars are on the road I'm riding on. There is a road that goes past my house that has a lot of traffic on it, but if you go anywhere near the speed limit, it takes 5 times as long to get anywhere as the 4 lane highway next to it. So of course nobody goes the speed limit, and they still take over twice as long as the more appropriate route. There is a road on my commute with the same sort of thing, and there is a difficult left turn at the end that takes forever at rush hour. And yet there is tons of traffic on this road through an otherwise quiet residential area. A similar scenario is repeated millions of times a day throughout the U.S.

I found it hilarious. I was laughing through most of the article.

I actually found it pretty darned funny. Its basically so ridiculous that its obviously just for laughs. Not to mention the guy says that he will do one on cars next week. I give it two thumbs up.

I WOULD have laughed, except I realize that there are hundreds of thousands of drivers who would read these ridiculous things and TAKE THEM SERIOUSLY, because THEY BELIEVE ALL CYCLISTS DO THESE THINGS!

It's kinda like all the defenses about Kornholer's radio debacle -- "It's a characterization, it's satire, it's a joke, he's not really like that", ad nauseum. Then, several days later, an SUV driver actually does what Kornholer "satirizes", and runs down a cyclist in D.C., but not before cussing out said cyclist as he lay on the pavement, and then driving away.

If you're going to saitirize in print, or on the airwaves, be sure the dumbest of the dumb know it, too. Here in the US, we can run it past Boehner......

Now I want to know what a Kiehler intern is and how I can get one.

That was fun. And I've witnessed most of those on my commutes. Except witnessing some cyclist's self pleasuring moments. I look away.

http://beta.images.theglobeandmail.com/archive/00684/roadsage-cyclist_684204gm-a.jpg

Caution: Reductivist artists at work.

:lol:

9. It is January and a storm warning is in effect. Conditions are treacherous. Snow piling up. The roads are slick. You …

b) Time make winter your *****. Down a Red Bull, slap on a tuque and start biking. This will look so good on YouTube.

"Your junk sits on your rock-hard bike seat looking like a robin’s nest stuffed in a Lycra bag."

Now I need to clean my display. :notamused:

That was fun. And I've witnessed most of those on my commutes. Except witnessing some cyclist's self pleasuring moments. I look away.

Does a public transit rider count? This guy in the back of the bus had an odd expression on his face, a disgusted-looking talked to the driver and then left the bus, and after about five minutes of being parked on the side, a homeless man walked to the front of the bus and said out loud "I want you to call the police. That woman said I was masturbating, but I wasn't. She's spreading lies about me." The old man sitting next to me starting singing "Someone's going to jail" over and over again, but the bus got back on the road when the homeless dude left.

Thanks, coffeecake. I thought it was a cute piece.

I WOULD have laughed, except I realize that there are hundreds of thousands of drivers who would read these ridiculous things and TAKE THEM SERIOUSLY, because THEY BELIEVE ALL CYCLISTS DO THESE THINGS!
Cyclists do do many of these things. I definitely recognised myself in some of the answers. ;)

It sure is interesting seeing different attitudes to cyclists in different cities.

The quiz is well written, clever, and cute, but speaking as someone from Vancouver, it seems to me Toronto has a massive difference in acceptance of bicycle culture than Vancouver.

It seems far more combative.

Not that aren't conflicts here, but it doesn't seem to near the scale as it is there.

*and btw, the title says a bit about attitude too. This is a Toronto exam, written by someone in Toronto expressing Toronto attitudes, but as all other Canadians know, Toronto considers itself the center of the universe and anoints itself so.

I thought it was pretty funny too, but isn't it a requirement to use "eh?" somewhere in the article?

#3 is my favorite

I enjoyed that, TBH.

Some things stung (the helmet emphasis and the winter cycling as nuts comments) but overall I giggled. The author has a pretty vivid imagination as to cyclist ************.

Heh, that was actually very amusing. But what's a "Kiehl's Intern"?

9. It is January and a storm warning is in effect. Conditions are treacherous. Snow piling up. The roads are slick. You …

b) Time make winter your *****. Down a Red Bull, slap on a tuque and start biking. This will look so good on YouTube.

**** yeah, is this guy a Canadian or a little keyboard button pushing *****?

http://www.treehugger.com/bambrick.jpg
Where is the redbull bandoleer?

Anyway, glad people are finding it funny... here are some better articles - http://www.thestar.com/news/gta/article/814960
http://spacingtoronto.ca/2010/06/10/the-diplomacy-and-politics-of-biking-in-toronto/

You really didn't think it was funny, Coffeecake? I laughed way more than I grumbled while reading that.

Only parts that bugged me were his assumption that no one should be on the road without helmets -- or more to the point, his assumption that it was already a universally agreed-on point -- and the last couple questions that implied we should stay off the roads when it snows. Other than that, hilarious. And even if I do stop at stop signs, from now on I'm also gonna point at 'em and shriek "damn graffiti!"

i thought that the white lines around the stop sign made them optional. i found it pretty funny.

9. It is January and a storm warning is in effect. Conditions are treacherous. Snow piling up. The roads are slick. You …

b) Time make winter your *****. Down a Red Bull, slap on a tuque and start biking. This will look so good on YouTube.

http://www.vancouversun.com/technology/2491955.bin

What storm? January was nice. In February, we had to truck in snow for the Olympics

http://www.globaltvbc.com/sports/2532590.bin?size=sw940nws

I thought I had a sense of humour, but I was distracted by all the typos.

**correction: Okay, didn't know you could spell toque like that, but I still didn't think it was very funny. Not it the grumbling sense, though.

Eh, I've mellowed somewhat. I just found it somewhat ... Torontonian. :lol:

I thought it was dumb. Not terribly funny.

3. A car is 50 yards in front of you signalling that it is about to make a right turn. What should you do?

e) Take a picture of the unicorn driving it. Signals are for defensive drivers. Actions are for offensive drivers


7. You are wearing gorgeous racing gear. Shorts so tight they look as if they were handed-rubbed into you by a team of Kiehl’s interns. Your junk sits on your rock-hard bike seat looking like a robin’s nest stuffed in a Lycra bag. You look HOT. You …

a) Speed though the streets of WAINWRIGHT pretending to be racing the Tour de France then head back to your place to watch the Nurse Jackie episode you PVR-ed, eat a ripe mango and then pleasure yourself.

8. You’re bicycling up hill, your four-year-old son in a bike carriage rigged behind your vintage bike. You’re talking on your cellphone, you’re wearing flip-flops and you’re not wearing a helmet. This is okay because …

Would never happen . If I dropped my phone it would shatter and those b*st*rds at the phone company are not going to get another nickle out of me.

9. It is January and a storm warning is in effect. Conditions are treacherous. Snow piling up. The roads are slick. You …

155241

e) Try the middle of April you nancies.

10. You see a sign that reads “Collector moving very well. Express moving well.” It indicates …

b) You are on the wrong road.

re #7

Maybe that is why some of those macho men in pickup trucks get so frustrated, they see me riding a bicycle then start to think about how I like to pleasure myself with half eaten fruit. If such is the case i'm sure they'll have to inhibit their homosexual fantasy by flooring their big truck in a cacophony of reassuring heterosexuality, or something (http://www.theonion.com/articles/why-do-all-these-homosexuals-keep-sucking-my-cock,10861/)(totally rude NSFW Onion article)... you are warned!

Does a public transit rider count? This guy in the back of the bus had an odd expression on his face, a disgusted-looking talked to the driver and then left the bus, and after about five minutes of being parked on the side, a homeless man walked to the front of the bus and said out loud "I want you to call the police. That woman said I was masturbating, but I wasn't. She's spreading lies about me." The old man sitting next to me starting singing "Someone's going to jail" over and over again, but the bus got back on the road when the homeless dude left.

I live in Orlando, if I only see one person doing something profane in a giant animal suit it's been a quiet month.

Why does this question have a 'serious/correct' answer and none of the other ones do?

2. What lane of the roadway should you ride in before making a left turn?
a) The far left lane in my direction unless signs or pavement markings inform me otherwise.

Why does this question have a 'serious/correct' answer and none of the other ones do?

2. What lane of the roadway should you ride in before making a left turn?
a) The far left lane in my direction unless signs or pavement markings inform me otherwise.

That threw me off, too. Trying too hard or not trying at all? Maybe he was too busy pleasuring himself.

Why does this question have a 'serious/correct' answer and none of the other ones do?

2. What lane of the roadway should you ride in before making a left turn?
a) The far left lane in my direction unless signs or pavement markings inform me otherwise.
Well, the primary audience for his column isn't cyclists, and the joke answers aren't as funny is you don't know the real answer.

For most of his other questions, he probably figured the real answer was self-evident...whether his thoughts on it were correct ("People should stop at stop signs"), kind of off the mark ("It's irresponsible not to wear a helmet"), or simply wrong ("Cyclists should stay off the road when it snows").

On the left turn question, he figured his readers may not know the right answer, so he gave that first.