Touring - I'm hurting here boys

We just had a baby, she turned three months old this week. I know I should not be thinking it, should be keeping my priorities straight, but summer is getting here and I am so completely craving getting out on the open road, even if just for an overnighter, either on my bike or hiking, either one.
I cannot wait until she is old enough for me to take her along.

Not that I'm Dear Abby, but I feel ya. The easy answer is, you need to be with your partner through what is going to be some long, sleepless nights. However, both you and your partner will need a break from time to time just to maintain some space to catch your breath. Maybe you can work out a plan were you get 2 days for an overnighter once a month or so swapping with your partner's 2 days off em-between.

your snookered for at least another year sorry to break the bad news but that's just the way the cookie crumbles .
so get out the dumb bells and start home training.

Yeah, I understand you so much. One of my friend just lost his only child. Maybe if someone punched you repeatedly in the face until you got your priorities straight that'd help? It surely would be less painful.

Humans are so dumb, especially men. Full disclosure: I am one of them, 'Jean' = 'John', in French.

People have done much crazier things than take babies on tours.

Just sayin.

What you gotta do is give your partner a girl's night our, take care of the baby, let her do what she wants, and then maybe you can have your chance for a quick overnighter. IMO you have to do this first before asking to go out for a night, you need some leverage...

Another sympathizer and there is absolutely nothing wrong with expressing how you feel.

We had a couple from Australia stay with us last year. They were towing their two young kids across Canada and one of them was about 3 yoa. You should hopefully get in an overnighter or two. That's was parents and in-laws are for.

A friend with a 6 month old child at the time, got the OK to go backpacking with me a few years ago. He couldn't wait to go but once on the trip, he couldn't wait to get home because he was missing his baby too much. I imagine at least for the next while, even if you got the OK, you might have a hard really enjoying yourself knowing what you are leaving behind.

We just had a baby, she turned three months old this week. I know I should not be thinking it, should be keeping my priorities straight, but summer is getting here and I am so completely craving getting out on the open road, even if just for an overnighter, either on my bike or hiking, either one.
I cannot wait until she is old enough for me to take her along.

Just one of many cravings you'll have to fit in to the new reality. It's big boy pants time.

My son is 20. How many things have I given up (money, time, bike rides, job opportunities) to be a parent -- hundreds? thousands? There were even several years where the demands of raising two kids, holding a job, etc. led me to drop cycling *entirely* for a few years.

What did I get in return?

Today, I gave up my bike commute in order to give him a ride to his new summer job. He's trying super-hard to be totally car free all summer, but because he and I weren't entirely sure of the timing of the bus we decided on day 1 of the job I would haul him and his car into the city; I dropped him off about 3 or 4 miles from his job and he's biking the rest of the way. He'll bike/bus back home tonight.

You can guess whether my pride in his growing independence and desire to be car-free (not to mention the way he cares for his 25-year-old vintage Panasonic touring bike) outweighs the fact that I "missed" a great day to ride my bike to work.

I have only 1 piece of real advice to new parents -- take more pictures. No matter how many you're taking, some day you'll realize it wasn't enough, because it really does go quickly.

My son was 3 months old when we took him for his first overnight backpack trip. Granted it was only overnight but that kid loves the outdoors and will go out for a couple week trips when he can. He and his wife now go several times each summer and he and his buddies still take a 3 to 5 day trip when they can. Point is we took him and his sister everwhere we wanted to go and they were never afraid to go in the backcountry. So get a trailer and take your spouse and go. Do it as a family and its highly possible she won't put up a fuss when you make plans to go by yourself a couple times each summer. As another poster said you can take the kid if she wants to do something with her friends that makes it fair for all. No excuse for not taking the little ones along, it helps them learn how to act around others besides family.

Yeah, you're going to have to shift your priorities for a while. But not that long; in a few years you'll be able to get away for a night or two by yourself, and when you do, make sure the little girl wishes she was big enough to come with you. That way, when she is big enough, she'll still want to.

My daughter was 9 when I took her on her first overnight bike tour, a bit under two years ago. I we've toured almost 1000 miles, over a dozen nights out, since then. I think she wants to do the whole continent next summer!

My point is,

Ya know. I think it all depends on the relationship. I am mom and a cyclist, and dabbling in touring. My husband and I both enjoy our time away. But I would take the advise that several previous posters have given you, and that is if you get an away trip, so does she. Talk to your wife about it and she may be craving a 'girls' night away (thinking nice resort, spa, etc) which would be a wonderful gift for her, and then you get yours too.

Our son is 2.5 but when my son was about 10 months old, I took off for my first ever bike tour. It was a 10 day trip down the Oregon Coast with a girlfriend while my husband stayed home. Just two months prior to this trip, husband went on a week long fishing trip with his brother. So it can work, you just need to talk about it and make sure everyone's need are met.

It is way better to have two nights away then months of resentment.

Yeah, I understand you so much. One of my friend just lost his only child. Maybe if someone punched you repeatedly in the face until you got your priorities straight that'd help? It surely would be less painful.

Humans are so dumb, especially men. Full disclosure: I am one of them, 'Jean' = 'John', in French.
Hey buddy, no reason to make negative comments like that. I am having the time of my life having a baby, I have my priorities straight. If I didn't I would be going off and doing selfish things instead of talking about it on a cycling forum. My original post was intended in a joking manner. As a matter of fact I have dedicated my entire life to serving other people and making personal sacrifices to do so and have never had a single regret and wouldn't change a thing.
Besides, what would the french know about being men?

I have only 1 piece of real advice to new parents -- take more pictures. No matter how many you're taking, some day you'll realize it wasn't enough, because it really does go quickly.
Yeah. It literally seems like she was born yesterday and its already been three months. I can't imagine how quickly it is going to seem that she is starting school, first date, car, high school, college, etc.
It is something though to see her get so excited and grinning when I get home from work. I already got a kid trailer, jumping the gun a bit, I think they need to be like a year old but I got a deal on it.

Besides, what would the french know about being men?

BLAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! so true, (but he is Quebecois, which is even worse! :) j/k).

I think you should be able to negotiate a trade for one night now and then. Many many people raise kids solo, so strictly speaking, it is not necessary for you to be there every night. The trick is making it a fair trade of time and effort so that your lady is getting her break too... The posters claiming that child rearing means the end of your personal interests and sacrificing your hobbies are IMHO wrong. Especially if we are talking about a few overnighters a season.

that said: I don't yet have kids for a reason....

Talk it over with your wife. Its her opinion that only matters.

I xc ski'd with my daughter when she was 12 weeks old. I wrapped her well and carried her in a chest carrier. We didn't miss any skiing that year. The following summer, we biked with her in a trailer.

No reason you can't hike with her. Even a simple overnight in a campground. Kids are very flexiable. Just start easy and work up to the big trips.

The kid doesn't care where they sleep as long as mom and dad are there. Thats why my kids slept better in a tent or tent trailer than I did. It didn't bother them. As long as they were warm they were happy as clams. If you get them used to going when they are babies (within reason) they take to it like a duck to water. Oh yeah and as another poster said, take lots of pictures.

My parents did a lot of camping, and I grew up pretty much in the woods, and to this day I still sleep better on the ground out in the woods then I do in my bed. I have a good idea that my wife won't let me take my daughter actually hiking until she is 4 or 5, if even then. Maybe a son would be different.
As for now, I will be happy when I can get her into a trailer. She does seem to be really interested when we take her out into the woods, she wants to see all the flowers, the leaves, its pretty cool.
I think being a dad is going to be the time of my life

[QUOTE=positron;10982175]BLAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! so true, (but he is Quebecois, which is even worse! :) j/k).

:cry:

:lol::lol::lol:

Hey buddy, no reason to make negative comments like that. I am having the time of my life having a baby, I have my priorities straight. If I didn't I would be going off and doing selfish things instead of talking about it on a cycling forum. My original post was intended in a joking manner. As a matter of fact I have dedicated my entire life to serving other people and making personal sacrifices to do so and have never had a single regret and wouldn't change a thing.
Besides, what would the french know about being men?

Sorry but you came up at the end of one too long list of immature jerks and you weren't even the worse by a long way.

Just count the times you wrote 'I' this or that and you'll understand what the anger about. You need to grow up. It isn't a luxury if one comment doesn't baby you up.

I shouldn't care about utter stranger so much. My wrong.

P.S. Don't try to test your last assumption, just in case you're brave enough to travel in our parts, ever. BTW, I'm Canadian. Find a geography teacher for you baby.
:D

My son is 20. How many things have I given up (money, time, bike rides, job opportunities) to be a parent -- hundreds? thousands? There were even several years where the demands of raising two kids, holding a job, etc. led me to drop cycling *entirely* for a few years.

What did I get in return?

Today, I gave up my bike commute in order to give him a ride to his new summer job. He's trying super-hard to be totally car free all summer, but because he and I weren't entirely sure of the timing of the bus we decided on day 1 of the job I would haul him and his car into the city; I dropped him off about 3 or 4 miles from his job and he's biking the rest of the way. He'll bike/bus back home tonight.

You can guess whether my pride in his growing independence and desire to be car-free (not to mention the way he cares for his 25-year-old vintage Panasonic touring bike) outweighs the fact that I "missed" a great day to ride my bike to work.

I have only 1 piece of real advice to new parents -- take more pictures. No matter how many you're taking, some day you'll realize it wasn't enough, because it really does go quickly.

I could not have said it better myself... Also try reading "Mud Sweat and Gears" there is hope for us all!

My son is 20. How many things have I given up (money, time, bike rides, job opportunities) to be a parent -- hundreds? thousands? There were even several years where the demands of raising two kids, holding a job, etc. led me to drop cycling *entirely* for a few years.

What did I get in return?

Today, I gave up my bike commute in order to give him a ride to his new summer job. He's trying super-hard to be totally car free all summer, but because he and I weren't entirely sure of the timing of the bus we decided on day 1 of the job I would haul him and his car into the city; I dropped him off about 3 or 4 miles from his job and he's biking the rest of the way. He'll bike/bus back home tonight.

You can guess whether my pride in his growing independence and desire to be car-free (not to mention the way he cares for his 25-year-old vintage Panasonic touring bike) outweighs the fact that I "missed" a great day to ride my bike to work.

I have only 1 piece of real advice to new parents -- take more pictures. No matter how many you're taking, some day you'll realize it wasn't enough, because it really does go quickly.

This one is the correct answer - it's called committment.

No reason why one can't take a weekend trip and go riding. One doesn't need to completely give up their identity to raise children. If you live entirely to serve your children, you're probably doing them a disservice.

Not sure how someone's child dying is relevant to the op taking a rare weekend trip. emotional gibberish and logic fail.

work it out with the mother. maybe she can have a friend sleep over while you are away. then reciprocate!!!!!!!!!! you each have to keep your identity and stay happy. you and she matter too.

appreciate the advice. My wife and I have a really good understanding, and I could get away if I really wanted to but I don't think I could actually ride off. I did that once on a hiking trip...drove all the way to Yosemite, hiked in like, 4 hours, started feeling guilty (she had just found out she was pregnant and I didn't get the message until I was well up into the Sierras, via text) I packed back up, hiked back, drove 3 hours home and we celebrated that night.
I like to come off like I am still that freewheeling guy I used to be but ever since I got out of the army I just cant help but be attached to home. Not a bad thing I don't think.

of course it's a good thing. without children men would continue to move on on. children in fact preserve "the family" for our species which turn preserves our whole societal structure such as schools and communities. however, you each need to maintain your individuality. her too. after the baby is born she won't be preganant any more and she won't get all the attention she is getting now. the baby will have everyone's attention including hers. there isn't enough time and I don't know enough to share but there's a whole world of stuff to learn ... :)

What the heck is going on here? You will have 20+ years to spend with your kids. Don't forget to do for you and your better half. It'll make everyone involved a little more happy. Is it wrong to spend a day or two or for that matter a week or two a year away from your family? I've been married 36 years and I know that getting some time for yourself and making sure the wife gets her time is a big part of what keeps us together.

Family 1st, bike touring 2nd. That's how I'd do it. Then again, what do I know? I'll never bring a kid into this world. Or get married. :D

\ I have a good idea that my wife won't let me take my daughter actually hiking until she is 4 or 5, if even then. Maybe a son would be different.

It sounds like your wife is not particularly "outdoorsy"... I'm guessing she's not going to be hopping on her bike and suggesting that the three of you go on an overnight or a tour anytime soon. That said, being a father shouldn't keep you from getting out and riding; you just may have to settle for day trips or single overnight camping rides until the kid is in a trailer, at which point its pretty much mom's prerogative whether or not to come along or to support such family fun.

Whether or not your wife will be supportive of you going out for a ride for a day or two is something that no one else on this forum can judge for you, but I do think its silly that so many people are criticizing your priorities. Its not as if you're the one with the breast milk. Maybe you'd do better to communicate these feelings to your wife and see what she says.

Benajah, when I was in my 20's-30's the guys I rode with regularly became married and dads around a similar time. One thing that was eerily common amongst us was kind of an early middle aged crisis. It came with parenthood and didn't happen in my 40's. I used to live in the East Bay in the 70's -80's. If a ride from Tunnel to Pinehurst doesn't fix your cravings I'd suggest therapy or a big foam hammer for your baby to whack you on the head. First year of parenthood was the hardest year of my life.

In my experience the hardest part of having small children is the feeling that you are 'on call' 24/7 _all_the_time_. Getting away for the weekend would be good for you but most likely even better for mom. So give mom a weekend off before you take your adventure and all will probably be well.

You need to give your wife at least equal time offduty.

My wife just took off for a month and I have to say it was easier to manage the kids w/ only one voice. Even though we always present them a united front, at least I was free to operate the household with my interpretation of acceptable variation around the rules. My timelines, work and play, always have more slack than hers do...