Recreational & Family - How do I get my GF on a bike?

...or should I just give up?

We've been together a few years. I've recently rekindled my biking addiction from my college days, 20 years ago. She thinks I've become crazy, and refuses to ride, even on the local MUP.

Even if I do get her on a MUP, that's going to be very unsatisfying for me, but I'll suffer if it means we ride together.

Maybe I should just trade her in... Nah.

I'll just go beat my head on a brick wall for a bit.

My wife doesn't like to hunt, either; but, she does like to fish...... go figure..

Find the things you like to do together, and do them when you can.

Enjoy riding your bike, when you can.

My sweetie and I play music together, read the same books, enjoy the same movies. I hike and bike and he does not. He plays computer games and I do not. As long as biking does not consume all your spare time, you should be OK.

"MUP?" Translation, please.

did I get my lingo wrong? multi-user-path. a bike trail.

did I get my lingo wrong? multi-user-path. a bike trail.

^ ah! Thanks for the definition.
What kind of bike is she riding? How's the fit? Is she riding one of yours?
A shiny new comfortable bike that fits her to a tee should be a nice incentive. Have you gone shopping for one together?

http://lovelybike.blogspot.com/2010/05/so-my-husband-wants-me-to-get-bike.html

http://lovelybike.blogspot.com/2010/05/so-my-husband-wants-me-to-get-bike.html

Maybe I'll just date that blogger instead.

...or should I just give up?

We've been together a few years. I've recently rekindled my biking addiction from my college days, 20 years ago. She thinks I've become crazy, and refuses to ride, even on the local MUP.

Even if I do get her on a MUP, that's going to be very unsatisfying for me, but I'll suffer if it means we ride together.

Maybe I should just trade her in... Nah.

I'll just go beat my head on a brick wall for a bit.

If cycling is an addiction of yours, why did you think she would be interested? You wasted your time in thought.
Trying to get her on a bike for an unsatisfying ride is your problem so as simple as it is, ride alone.
There was a post a few weeks ago about a guy bike shopping for his sedentary girlfriend because HE wants her to ride with him. Check it out. Like with all other things, if someone wants to do them, they will. I have a friend who is overweight and recently had the band surgery because she doesn't want to do her own work. For years she complained about being fat and how much she wants to look like me. I got tired of her words and no action so I stopped talking to her about fitness. She now tells me she wants to become a runner. I keep my mouth shut because I know she won't.
I throw this information your way because you are wasting your time. Let your gal pal do her thing and you do yours. The things you two do together are for the two of you, not for one. Enjoy YOUR rides.

...or should I just give up?

We've been together a few years. I've recently rekindled my biking addiction from my college days, 20 years ago. She thinks I've become crazy, and refuses to ride, even on the local MUP.

Even if I do get her on a MUP, that's going to be very unsatisfying for me, but I'll suffer if it means we ride together.

Maybe I should just trade her in... Nah.

I'll just go beat my head on a brick wall for a bit.
I bought my wife an entry level gary fisher for christmas. I have been married for 17 years so things work a little differently.

I told her the bike is there if she ever wants to tag along. Sometimes she does, sometimes so does not. Just make sure that your bike riding is not eating up what she thinks is your together time.

Just make sure that your bike riding is not eating up what she thinks is your together time.

Yeah. Her sitting on the couch watching TV is eating up our together time.

Yeah. Her sitting on the couch watching TV is eating up our together time.

Actually, I think that is a good point (though it could have been said a little nicer). People who have specific interests or hobbies are often accused of "spending all their time on XYZ," but those who have passive interests, like "hanging out" or "relaxing" do not see that it is the same thing. The spouse who lingers over a cup of coffee and a newspaper for 2 hours on a weekend does not see that as cutting into "together time" because it is not something specific like cycling. If this could be explained to the girlfriend nicely, perhaps it would help.

I bought my girl a mid-level vintage bike. I found out a few things...

Seats are important. I spent $50 (excellent deal) on the bike... she spent $60 on a seat.

I'm ok with downtube shifters... she is not. She left it in one gear, and hated when I moved the gears (to load on rack, or what not).

She would not ride in the drops, so it's a good thing it had the safety brake levers. I guess that's why lots of new ladies bikes have cross levers also.

She was not ok with large groups, or being near other riders (even if only 3-4 of us).

She would go on the equivalent of walks around the neighborhood... but no inclination to get on any busy street or ride faster than 12-14mph. Lots of times ending at a school playground to swing a little.

So, she would do a FEW charity type rides.... but didn't like the mass starts... she did kinda get over it though. Overall, just not really comfortable on the bike (as in around people, hands off bars, etc). ~20mi was the limit... and they were at night, not hot Houston days.

I'm glad i bought her one, we had fun. She in no way rode the way or places that i like to ride. So it was something for us to do, but it was in addition to riding I already did.

We broke up 2 years ago, and the bike hasn't been touched since then. Maybe I'll get her to go for a ride around the neighborhood some evening.

Actually, I think that is a good point (though it could have been said a little nicer).

Yeah, I'm usually a bit nicer when I talk to her. :)


People who have specific interests or hobbies are often accused of "spending all their time on XYZ," but those who have passive interests, like "hanging out" or "relaxing" do not see that it is the same thing. The spouse who lingers over a cup of coffee and a newspaper for 2 hours on a weekend does not see that as cutting into "together time" because it is not something specific like cycling. If this could be explained to the girlfriend nicely, perhaps it would help.

Together time is watching whichever "CSI:Wherever" that's on at any given time. Or that "Cold Case" thing, with the blonde with no eyeballs. I have very firmly established that "Intervention" is not together time, nor is "The Bachelorette." On the other hand, the Red Sox or the Penguins aren't together time, either.

I guess my real issue is trying to establish some sort of meaningful together time that involves doing something we both enjoy. I would be starting to despair of that, but I am a stupid male. So I'll just plod on, oblivious.

Wow, a lot of snarky, negative answers to a simple request about involving a loved one in a healthy, fun activity enjoyed by billions of all ages the world over.


Even if I do get her on a MUP, that's going to be very unsatisfying for me, but I'll suffer if it means we ride together.

Understand, your request/desire isn't unusual or new by any means.

Around 120 years ago, cyclists invented a device (http://www.schwinncruisers.com/wp-content/uploads/1960-schwinn-town-country-tandem.jpg) for fellows in your situation. You can still get them (http://www.trekbikes.com/us/en/bikes/bike_path/tandem/t900/) today.

At first, before her endorphins kick in, de-emphasize the actual riding and focus on the destination. Parks & picnics or dinner at a streetside cafe are good starters. Riding to a matinee is super if you can scout a good spot to lock up. Riding to someone else's barbeque/yard party is killer, since they'll fuss over her arrival by bike.

You can temp her out from in front of the TV with some cute new clothes (http://www.copenhagencyclechic.com/).

Finally, you can keep her as your GF but develop a different riding "buddy". Yeah, see if she stays on the couch for that.

HTH,
tcs

The above comment was awesome. That was useful advice (concentrating on the destination for lunch, picnic, etc.). Genius.

Get her a Trek Pure or Electra townie. Coolest girl bikes in the world. She'll love it.

You can also secretly disconnect the cable to the TV (literally, in the back of the TV) but don't fully remove it. Just enough to make it so the picture is crap.

TV is a disease.

Finally, you can keep her as your GF but develop a different riding "buddy". Yeah, see if she stays on the couch for that.

That was pretty much my thought.

Well, that or kick her out of the car 30 miles from nowhere with a bike and head home to watch whatever you want to watch.

That was pretty much my thought.

Well, that or kick her out of the car 30 miles from nowhere with a bike and head home to watch whatever you want to watch.
HAHA that's amazing :p

You should go amazing places and take beautiful pictures and show her what she's missing. My plan is to not date a girl who isn't at least open to the idea of riding, as I want to tour the world in 3 years, and well, lets just say I wouldn't give that up for anyone. But since your obviously happy and committed, try the pictures, make her jealous of your amazing cycling adventures. Good luck :)

TV is a disease.

My wife gave up Buffy The Vampire Slayer to move in with me and my TV-Free apartment back in our cohabitation days. The TV free-dom continues, but she watches Glee on Hulu now.

As for biking, it's a delicate balance of encouragement, example, and leaving well enough alone.

Biking is pretty cool as you know and sells itself once someone gets a certain level of experience.

Make sure to listen to what she says about biking, and accept that. You don't have to give up on encouraging her to share your hobby/lifestyle, but do it sensitively.

I made sure the girl (now my wife) enjoyed riding a bike before I even dated her.

Made it much simpler.

I made sure the girl (now my wife) enjoyed riding a bike before I even dated her.

Made it much simpler.
That's my strategy :p

I'd say "give up" is the appropriate response. People enjoy different things, and you can't tell them any different. Buying her a cool bike would be like my wife buying me a bigger TV in hopes that I'd want to watch the latest House show with her. Won't happen, big TV or little TV.

As for biking, it's a delicate balance of encouragement, example, and leaving well enough alone.

Biking is pretty cool as you know and sells itself once someone gets a certain level of experience.

Make sure to listen to what she says about biking, and accept that. You don't have to give up on encouraging her to share your hobby/lifestyle, but do it sensitively.

I think this is smart advice, but don't wait too long that she gets too out of shape and too discouraged to try. By then, it may be too late to get her on the bike. Women are motivated differently than men. Men will reach a point where "enough is enough" and eventually will try to lose the weight. But women... I don't know.. They get too heavy and just give up at a certain point and it doesn't matter to them anymore.

I don't know how to do it, but it needs to be made clear to them that their health matters A LOT to you, and that biking is a way for them to maintain their general health... When it comes to fitness, women are much more lazy than men..

In my experience, my wife would much rather be conscious about diet and nutrition to maintain her health, than be physically active. When I showed her that biking could be "socially" stimulating (ie when I got her to volunteer during an organized century), that's when she became interested in biking. Maybe you need to get her involved in your cycling in more of a supportive role, like volunteering, as a way to bring her into the biking culture.

Been married 26 years. I backpack, she doesn't, I bicycle, she doesn't, I triathlon, she doesn't, I homebrew, she drinks it. The key is not whether she likes to do the things you do the key is does she like you. If she does you will be still able to do the things you enjoy. I do have to balance those things with family time but in the end it's worth it.

The advice about the destination was the best. Secretly find an older vintage bike that will fit here and clean it up. Older mixte type frames are sure to fit most anyone so your pretty safe with that style. That way you won't be into it for much. If you take her to try new bikes she is going to feel forced. Just kinda leave it around the garage as a "spare". Then invite her on short rides: get a coffee, go to the library, just check out down town ect. Start slow. It takes about 15 minutes for the complaining to start so keep the stops shorter than that. Keep in mind that the short rodes may be as much as she ever wants to do, or she may not want to do it all all. Don't force it. Also keep in mind that some people never had bikes or were interested in them as kids so they feel uncomfortable riding.

20 years together and I golf alone, bike alone, hike alone, and ride a motorcycle alone. Together we share a household, raised kids, go out to eat, shop, and occasionally watch movies or TV together. Neither one of us stops the other from doing what they want to do and neither one of us expects the other to "be like me".

Sometimes couples are so "imcompatible" that they'd best not get together in the long run. Others make it work and tolerate individual differences.

This has already become an issue for you two "just dating", so I'd advise you to strongly consider whether this girl is "the one."

You will never get her to go cycling with you unless she wants to and it sounds like she does not. I've tried those approaches in 20 years and learned that you are better off just doing your own thing. You can "invite", but not "incite".

Good luck to you and now go ride your bike! :-)

My wife loves to shop, I used that to get my wife back into riding. Picking out the perfect type of bike, for the type of riding she wanted, the color, accessories, etc. If I just went out and bought her the bike I thought she needed, to do the type of riding I wanted her to do, we wouldn't be riding together today. She loves her bike, (she picked it). Last night she was on line looking for more cycling clothes. Now she looks forward to riding more than I do sometimes. We started riding again 4 years ago and still going strong. I wouldn't trade that time for anything.
ps, I know what your thinking. Thats alot of money to spend to find out she really doesn't like to ride. But thats what got us past the first hundred miles of "my legs and butt are sore". She thought she spent all the money on this bike she had better ride it. Now she loves it.

Good advice all above.

1. Let her pick out her own bike. I picked my wifes bike out to "surprise" her. she liked it but now we are going to trade it in on one that she really loves.

2. Never marry an un-athletic woman unless you don't mind having a fat wife.

The best advice has already been given:
1. GO SOMEWHERE (by bike) is a lot different from (go somewhere) BY BIKE.
When I was getting my GF into riding, the best "tool" at my disposal was knowledge of local pocket parks, ponds, shops, etc... places that were too far away to walk, but too close to be worth driving. I showed her that there's lots of neat things worth seeing when you take the side streets/bike paths
2. Everyone rides differently (This is Scott_TN's 1)
I will never get my GF on drop bars. She took one test ride on a Lexa and hopped off in under a minute. I'm going to be riding with her, not against her, so I want something that she'll be comfortable with, so we tried bikes until she discovered what she's comfortable with. It took most of us a long time to ride the way we do (I didn't do a single trip longer than 15 miles until I had been riding for nine months and was on my second bike), so I'm aware there are some situations she's not comfortable with because she's never encountered them before (rush hour traffic, starting on hills). It also helps that her current bike is a 30-year-old Schwinn Collegiate, so her response to any bike she tries is "wow, its so light!"

Also, any female riders have any experience getting their men to ride? I know one girl who recently convinced her BF to get a Cross Check with her, now she's doing everything in her power to make her bike look different than his. Whoops.

as a woman who loves biking, i too struggle to get any girlfriends to give it a go. I'd like to spend some bike time NOT with ego centric boys! (sorry boys) but you are kinda into yourselves and love to patronise even when you don't know what you're talking about. I think this is what drives women away! I am a ski instructor in the french alps and I spend a LOT of time taking blokes off cliffs (just out of badness really!) and doing the softly softly approach with the ladies. I consider myself an expert in getting woman off their bums to do something their husbands/boyfriends want them to do and more improtantly, getting them to ENJOY it! Firstly it's hilarious, and secondly its a matter or realising that women don't want to be patronised, shown-off to, or humiliated by lack of fitness. I suggest anyone who wants their wife or girlfriend to get into biking needs to spend the money on a woman instructor (but not one who looks like a super model or who is like a man herself, that wouldn't work) who does what i do on skis... I am sure there must me someone like that out there?? Let's face it, the only reason you blokes want your ladies to join you is so you can look after them and show off?
All the guys who posted that they do their own thing have got the right idea i think!

Hmmmm.... does she do a sport? Is she in shape? does she know how to ride a bike? the tandem bike is a great idea - fun and romantic. Bike trips around town to antique stores on weekends can be fun. A bike ride to the ice-cream place is always good. Short rides without a set deadline are nice. No particular destination is also good for taking the pressure off. I would think that taking short trips on the bike, and not seeing it as a sport as much as a means of transportation might get her more interested if she is at all sporty. If she is not sporty at all, I don't think you can "make her" be that way, but if she has sports that she likes, with some encouragement, and no criticism, she might get into it. If she feels like she is going to be criticized or pushed beyond what is fun for her, she will not want to do it. I am just getting back to riding after a couple of decades off. The person who is the most inspiring for me is a friend who is a total bike nut and does a lot of high level bike sports. He does not act as if there is any need for me to aspire to such things, and every mile that I do without falling off, he cheers for me, and does it very sincerely. He also keeps my bike tuned up and I can call with "stupid questions" and he does not make me feel stupid. If he pushed me to try to shoot for something more than I could do, I would probably drop out, but as he is truly supportive of the little bit that I can do, it gives me confidence to try. It is different if it is someone you live with, I understand, this is a co-worker, so if I never get any better, or if I give up and go back to the couch permanently, it will not have an effect on his life, so it is easy for him to be easy-going about it, but I think this is a very helpful way to go about it. If/when she starts to ride regularly, you might mention how beautiful bikers legs are.... That would do it for me. ;-)

Buy her a bike. If she doesn't like that, then measure her inseam and get one anyway. She'll feel bad about the idea of not using it then will start riding. If not doesn't work, just return it.

As someone who's been happily married for 20+ years, I'd like to say that it's not always necessary to share "hobbies" or even interests. Men and women are "opposites" after all. I think the important thing is that when you're together, you enjoy each others company.

So that means when you're shopping together, having dinner, washing dishes, etc. the regular day-in, day-out types of things. There's a lot more to life than hobbies and watching TV shows.

I think problems can occur when one partner not only doesn't "get" the others interest, but actually resents it. There has to be give and take in a relationship as well as respect for each other's differences.

Fortunately my wife understands and even appreciates my enjoyment of cycling, even if it's not her cup of tea. On top of that, it's not always healthy to spend every waking moment together - I think most people need occasional solitude.

Buy her a bike. If she doesn't like that, then measure her inseam and get one anyway. She'll feel bad about the idea of not using it then will start riding. If not doesn't work, just return it.

Ya, I've got this old green bike in the garage that it's been sitting in the same spot forever. My dad bought it for my mom in the 70's (years before I was born). She's never ridden it. It just sits there, looking sad. The moral, don't force something on her if she's not shown any interest in at all.

I should probably find out if it's a good bike and sell it. So you could buy her a bike now and have your kid sell it 35 years later. ;)

That's easy. Show her photos from the paved trails. Here's one from Ft. Cooper State Park in Inverness Florida. It's also a trailhead for the Withlacoochee State Trail.214119I love riding here.

^ ah! Thanks for the definition.
What kind of bike is she riding? How's the fit? Is she riding one of yours?
A shiny new comfortable bike that fits her to a tee should be a nice incentive. Have you gone shopping for one together?
Thanks for clearing that up. I had no idea what MUP meant either.

...or should I just give up?.

Give up and enjoy riding alone. In an effort to get my wife to go bike riding with me I bought her a new Trek Madone 5.2 WSD. Every ride with her was a miserable experience (for the both of us). Now her bike hangs from the garage ceiling, unused and unridden.

I think most people need occasional solitude.

Amen to that!

Very helpful tips. They'll help me, too.

As someone who's been happily married for 20+ years, I'd like to say that it's not always necessary to share "hobbies" or even interests.

+1. My wife is as crazy about sewing as I am about biking. We go our separate ways with those two interests, and life is good.

This is why man invented the tandem. My wife and I grew up together riding bikes, she has her own bike but the only way to get her out on a bike now is when we ride our tandem. I've seen decent looking beginner tandems on craigslist for as little as $300.00. Maybe it's riding with YOU that she'd like more than just riding a bike.

I was really surprised when my wife encouraged me to buy a bike when I started talking about it. I knew she had no desire to ride (genetic bone/joint issues) so I was a little confused. It finally occurred to me that my riding means she gets uninterrupted scrapbook time. Sometimes you just have to deal with her not wanting to do the same things and adapt accordingly.

She's an adult, right? Not a child. If and when she wants to ride then support her.

My wife doesn't do ham radio. I don't try to get her to do so. I don't crochet, she does, and she doesn't try to get me to do either. We both have hobbies, and if they happen to intersect (Like web design does), great. If not, oh well.

We both need our own "alone time". It's healthy.

When I started cycling all the time, my girlfriend showed a bit of interest, so I bought her a Jamis Satellite Sport Femme. The steel frame helps with the bumps, and she loves the looks of it, which i must admit aint half bad. http://www.bikepedia.com/quickbike/BikeSpecs.aspx?Year=2010&Brand=Jamis&Model=Satellite+Sport+Femme&Type=bike . In fact I sent her a bunch of bikes and she picked that one out herself after test riding a few bikes at multiple shops.

She doesn't ride in the drops but she doesn't have to if she doesn't want to. Also, she stays out of the clips, which is fine as well. I ride at her pace in places that are relatively flat, free of traffic, and has plenty to look at. We've been doing a mostly long distance relationship, but she has been on a few rides near her apartment in NYC. You just have to take things slow and make it about her, not you.

It sounds more like you are saying that you want to spend more time with her, not just that you want to ride with her.

TV time is really nice sometimes, but it isn't the same as "Doing something!"...going somewhere new, having the fun of discovering a new place or way to get there. I can see why you want her to ride with you.

If your girlfriend isn't interested on being on a bike, I'd...talk to her about it. Tell her honestly and openly that you want to ride with her because you like spending time with her and you want to spend MORE time, doing things like biking because (insert reason here). My reason to ride with my boyfriend? Because it makes memories when we see new things. Also because I like seeing what he can do, I like hearing him cheer me on, I like having something "we" do that other people don't do.

Just show her and tell her you want her by your side when you ride, because it's not as fun without her. Communication is key, as they say...

When I met my now husband, he hadn't written a bike since childhood. He's now a year-round commuter and we're a car-free household with two little kids (although I do all his maintenance--the man can't even fix a flat!). But it took me several years to get him there. I think several things were at work. First, he really needed to learn how to function in traffic before he was comfortable on longer rides (it is at least 3-5 miles before we can get to trails or wide suburban roads). There are some great books and websites out there that teach the tricks of urban cycling that helped him a lot. Second, his original bike was terrible and no fun to ride. PLEASE do not listen to those people suggesting you get her a heavy vintage or single speed bike! There is no greater friend to the novice (and not particularly athletic) cyclist than 21 gears, on a set of flat handles. It takes about an hour to learn how to shift your bike properly and use toe clips without falling and the payoff is tremendous. (Athough you have to accept a few falls in the learning process.)

And I don't know if this is an issue with your gf, but it is completely possible to look cute while riding. I commute in a skirt and heels (any shoe will work on a bike as long as your foot doesn't flex when you push on the pedal), wear bike shorts under dresses, strategize with my hairdresser about styles that will still look good after wearing a helmet.

tcs,

brilliant suggestion about the destination. My wife doesn't really ride unless we're taking the kids to the park or something. That's fine. I get my ride in with friends and don't have to worry if she's having fun, or is too tired, etc.