Commuting - AAAAAH!!! Need to blow off steam to people who may understand...

This is bicycle related but has nothing really to do with commuting and quite a bit to do with spousal annoyances. I just need to get this off my chest. :P

So two nights ago I found an insanely great deal on a really nice '06 Giant OCR road bike with lots of upgrades on Craigslist. I've been lusting for a road bike for a while. I emailed the seller and he replied the next morning (yesterday) saying it was still available.

So, I send my wife an IM about it. Tell her it is an awesome bike, great deal, looks like it will be the right size, yada yada yada. My wife, much to my surprise, starts really encouraging me to go get it. Telling me to drive an hour and a half after work to go ride it. Buy it.. It can be considered my birthday/Christmas present.. She sounded much more sure about spending the money then I was. Wow!

So I email the guy to arrange to come see it and he says that he has 2 other people who are really interested. Not wanting to miss out I take off work early. I went home to change first and my happy new bike mood went to pot. My wife was clearly ticked that I was going to go buy this bike. Wouldn't say anything of course, but was very short in her communication and was visibly annoyed. I persisted and then she unloaded about spending too much money on bicycles and not understanding why I need a road bike when I have my hybrid commuter. None of these are particularly bad arguments, but... WHY WAS SHE SO POSITIVE ABOUT THE WHOLE THING ON IM?!?!?!?!?!

So we discuss the stupid thing for an hour and a half.. I say that's fine, no big deal, I'll just let it go. Then she 180s on me and starts insisting again that I go get it.. Starts to cry over the stupid thing. Ugh. At this point I genuinely don't want it because the joy of purchasing it is totally gone and now it is just an object of guilt.. Oy'.. She keeps going and going on about it... Apologizing and saying no she really does want me to go get she's just being hormonal.. It soon becomes clear that if I now don't go get it she will be beating herself up over it for the next week.

So fine. With an hour and a half wasted I throw my bike rack in the backseat and drive to downtown Cleveland. An hour and a half later I pull up in the dude's driveway. See the very beautiful bike sitting there. Hoorah... And then the seller comes out to tell me that someone had shown up 5 MINUTES AGO and bought the bike.

GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GRRRR! AAAAH!!!! UGH...

*sigh* And as an extra bonus the timing worked out such that I got to drive back home, without the bike, in Cleveland rush hour traffic.

Ended up telling my wife that I didn't like how the bike felt and decided to pass. I was just way too pissed to tell her what actually happened.

But for a good long while on the ride home I *seriously* considered finding an LBS and buying the hottest damn road bike on the rack that I could find.



*Note: In all fairness my wife is pregnant and her hormones are all over the place. And I do love her very much. And she totally doesn't understand my bicycle love or why a mountain bike, a hybrid commuter bike, and a road bike are different beasts with different purposes so it makes it hard for her to understand why I would want this thing to begin with.

** Second Note: GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!

Don't worry, its gets better in about 18 years

Actually that bike wasn't what you were looking for. You were lucky it ended the way it did.

Next time you find a road bike on CL, just do it. It's already been discussed.

That bike will be the one.

There was a guy once who discovered the secret to understanding women. But before he was able to share it with anyone, he died laughing.

PS.:Sorry ladies, I'm not a sexists, I just think it's funny :D

Adam

Once you got the initial approval, deal with the rest later. Seriously, she said yes, then was just being all short, next time try to make nice AFTER the bike is sitting in the house. I always let the wife know "We can sell it and make every dime back if you're still annoyed in a week". So far, haven't had to sell anything I didn't want to yet. The pro to being a bargain hunter is you can ALWAYS resell it for what you paid and then some, just gotta be patient when looking.

Joe

good rant. i understand. i was gonna ask if your wife was "surfing the red tide," being pregnant makes sense. gerv is correct, it wasn't the bike meant for you, it worked out in your favor.

I went home to change first

First mistake . . . you have to close the deal before she changes her mind.:p

I fully understand, sometimes I think they do it on purpose.

This is why the wife and I have separate financial accounts, and a house account.
As long as we contribute the designated amount( that we agreed upon) to the house account each month, we can spend the remainder of our money as we see fit without all the personal fireworks.

I agree that it wasn't meant to be. It must not have been the bike for you.

I'm sure a better, faster, neater, cooler better bike will come your way.

Just buy it first and ask latter. :)

It's not always wives that do not understand.....

My husband just can not see why I need to commute and ride my bikes as much as I do. I am already dreaming of my next bike, and trying to figure out how to get him to agree to the purchase.

I'll be happy to sell the bike to you...at a bit of a markup. :innocent:
(I'm kidding)

Dude, you hit the nail on the head...your wife is pregnant. It must be your first (congrats either way) or you'd have known better. :D

Sorry, but something will eventually turn up.

-100 on the seller - he should have reserved the bike for a reasonable time once he knew you were heading over - especially if he knew how far you had to drive.

I've offered to pay a portion or the entire amount on some bikes via PayPal to guarantee a sale. In more than one case that got me the bike.


First mistake . . . you have to close the deal before she changes her mind.:p

+1 Strike fast, don't hesitate


Don't worry, its gets better in about 18 years
23 years and I'm still waiting

*Note: In all fairness my wife is pregnant and her hormones are all over the place.

** Second Note: GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!

LOL, hang in there, it'll get even better when the little whippersnapper is crying all night. This is the time you finally meet your wife. Up until now she was still your GF.

'Tis often easier to gain forgiveness than to obtain approval.

This is why the wife and I have separate financial accounts, and a house account.
As long as we contribute the designated amount( that we agreed upon) to the house account each month, we can spend the remainder of our money as we see fit without all the personal fireworks.

Not sure how to make that work in our house. She is a stay at home mom.. Trying to set this up would mean assigning a salary to being a stay at home mom which would basically translate into me getting a 2nd, 3rd, or 4th job in order to be able to cover her salary.

Dude, you hit the nail on the head...your wife is pregnant. It must be your first (congrats either way) or you'd have known better. :D


Second actually.. But I wasn't into cycling or major purchases for the first. ;)

So, a ship sinks at sea, and the lone survivor, an engineer, barely pulls himself onto what appears to be the only land in sight.
The next morning, while walking along the beach looking for food, he comes across an oxidized oil lamp. He begins to polish it, and out pops a genie, who (not surprisingly) offers up any wish the man's heart desires.

The man says "I'd like a bridge off of this island to the nearest place with an airport".
The genie responds "that is impossible! The nearest major island is more than 100 miles away and the ocean is very deep. There is no way that I could do that - you are an engineer, certainly you can understand THAT. You must htink of something else."
So, after some time, the man says "I'd like to understand the intricacies of the female mind - moods, thoughts, perceptions, emothions, and how they all interact. I want to truly understand what makes them tick."

The genie pauses, "Hmm.................... what kind of car would you like on that bridge?"

this is a forgiveness-not-permission moment. when I bought my road bike on CL, I went and got it and told her about it after the fact

This is why the wife and I have separate financial accounts, and a house account.
As long as we contribute the designated amount( that we agreed upon) to the house account each month, we can spend the remainder of our money as we see fit without all the personal fireworks. +1 works for me too.

She's pregnant. End of thread.

She's pregnant. End of thread.

Exactly.
Why on earth would it occur to you that buying a bike would be a good idea at a time like this?

Dude, some pregnant women could probably be declared "legally insane" when they get hormonal. Some migh be able to get away with murder. :D

Trust me, I know about this. (Not the murder, but the insane thing).

Not sure how to make that work in our house. She is a stay at home mom.. Trying to set this up would mean assigning a salary to being a stay at home mom which would basically translate into me getting a 2nd, 3rd, or 4th job in order to be able to cover her salary.

There's your answer. She pregnant with hormone swing while worrying about the baby's financial needs. She loves you and gave you the OK to get another bike but yet she probably have other worries in her mind. The kids need a daddy but yet the daddy is out getting a roadbike. Her mindset is thinking that roadbike translate to faster speed and more chances of injuries. I bet that spike her hormones level.

Suggestion. Like someone else already mention, better to ask for forgiveness then permission. Get it first and don't tell her the real price if you can get away with it. Yes she'll have her suspicion, but she'll most forget it if she see how happy you are with your purchase. Just beware though, all good things comes with a price, you might have to be a "Honey Do" for a short period. ;)

We keep the bills covered and for not getting questioned about bike expenditures, I don't ask how much she spends on purses and sunglasses. Everybody's got their vices.

Dude, some pregnant women could probably be declared "legally insane" when they get hormonal. Some migh be able to get away with murder. :D

Mini Mouse was pregnant and in Court before a Judge with Mickey Mouse. The Judge told Mickey he cannot divorce Mini Mouse on the ground of insanity because she is pregnant. Mickey yelled at the Judge:

"I'm not divorcing Mini Mouse because she's insane and preganant, I'm divorcing her because she's f***ing Goofy!"

:lol:

*Note: In all fairness my wife is pregnant and her hormones are all over the place.

That's all you had to type :) Either that or PMS/PMDD.

Wow! I am glad I decided never to marry or have child. You need to have a bike account that doesn't come out of family and household funds. Collect cans, mow lawns, do side work for others, etc. then put that money in a jar to buy bike goodies.

Wow! I am glad I decided never to marry or have child. .

Shouldn't you be travelNOTmama then? LOL :)

That whole "Do it, honey! Buy the bike!" thing was probably sarcasm and it was your job to realize it. It is clearly your fault :).

Reminds me of this clip (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Y9BukEBI9c&feature=related)

I have 4 bikes, the wife currently has none. I had a rant earlier in the week about how she went and bought a MalWart bike over my objection. It was everything I promised it would be and more. Fortunately, they took it back. She really wants a bike, is jealous of my bikes and has had crying fits followed by apologizing for a week. And no, she's not pregnant. It happens. You have the permission to buy one now. Keep the cash handy, the bike you want will turn up.

Thanks for the laughs on this one folks.. I decided yesterday before I got home that I was giving up on getting a road bike. Just not worth the trouble.

Been waiting ummmm 36 years or forever now......... still working things out. Just go get what I want then tell her mostly sometimes.

For all you unmarried folks out there, who may be considering tying the knot now or later. Accumulate all your toys before the "I dos" are said.

This one little tip will make life so much easier. Once your stable is complete (more or less) getting a new bike is much less complicated as one can be sold, and another bought, and it's generally no harm; no foul. Adding to the stable after the event is a whole new ballgame.

Tip number 2. Any purchases of significance during a pregnancy should have some specific tie-in to the baby. If this tip is ignored, expect some grief..... or worse. Perhaps a new bike can be worked into this rule if one is creative.

These are lessons from the school of hard knocks, and represent real world experience.

Shouldn't you be travelNOTmama then? LOL :)

Being a mama doesn't mean one has to give birth to another person. :)

spend a little of that cash on something for the baby or her. then when the next good bike shows up on CL you shouldn't have a problem

Just wait until you tell her you want to buy a cargo bike so you can put the baby in the carseat in the bike and go riding. She will think that you are a wonderful father who wants to bond with his children.

Then you tell her that they cost upwards of $2000. . .

Thanks for the laughs on this one folks.. I decided yesterday before I got home that I was giving up on getting a road bike. Just not worth the trouble.

Smart move.
For a moment I was wondering how honed were your survival skills.

If you need to satisfy your Bike Adquisition Syndrome, you can buy baby stuff to add to your bike, like baby helmets or seats to carry your kid with you on the bike, or whatever.

It won't be perfect, (like giving cigarretes to a heroin addict), but at least you can spend countless hours searching the internet for the perfect baby helmet or whatever. That oughta take your mind out of racing bikes for a while, and shouldn't make the wife mad*, because you are thinking about the baby.

*or not, remember she could be legally insane on any given moment.

Just wait until you tell her you want to buy a cargo bike so you can put the baby in the carseat in the bike and go riding. She will think that you are a wonderful father who wants to bond with his children.

Then you tell her that they cost upwards of $2000. . .

This is what I want^^^^^^^

http://www.metrofiets.com/

Either you have so much money that buying this bike is a trivial leisure choice, or you're being kind of a blowhole for dumping financial stress on your pregnant stay-at-home wife.

If you have N+1 and believe that you deserve a bike budget, then budget for it. Otherwise, you're not being a responsible member of your household.

Either you have so much money that buying this bike is a trivial leisure choice, or you're being kind of a blowhole for dumping financial stress on your pregnant stay-at-home wife.

If you have N+1 and believe that you deserve a bike budget, then budget for it. Otherwise, you're not being a responsible member of your household.

It was a $600 purchase and very much within our budget. The $600 came out of a savings account that has plenty of cushion in it right now.

Just wait until you tell her you want to buy a cargo bike so you can put the baby in the carseat in the bike and go riding. She will think that you are a wonderful father who wants to bond with his children.

Then you tell her that they cost upwards of $2000. . .

Those things are so sweet. I would take one in a heartbeat.

Not sure how to make that work in our house. She is a stay at home mom.. Trying to set this up would mean assigning a salary to being a stay at home mom which would basically translate into me getting a 2nd, 3rd, or 4th job in order to be able to cover her salary.

My wife is a stay-at-home mother right now (just had our first child, a daughter, a little over a year ago). When we got married, we consolidated everything and had one joint checking and savings account for everything.

After a couple years of that I persuaded her to agree to opening additional personal checking accounts, one for her and one for me. Each paycheck, a relatively small, equal amount is deposited into each of the personal accounts, and the bulk of the check goes to the joint account which pays our bills. We're both happy because we now have personal spending money to use for whatever we like, and since we've budgeted enough into the joint account to pay all our bills and food, nobody is ever made to feel they are spending the "family's money" on personal things.

Again, the deposits into these personal accounts don't need to be large---whatever can be spared and probably is already spent on personal things right now---and it is totally doable on a single income if you guys are basically in the habit of living within your means to begin with.

It might not initially be enough to buy a new bike right-out, but it provides enough money for upgrades in a piecemeal fashion and makes everyone happier; there are 'frivolous' things your wife probably wants also, but may feel guilty asking for because she isn't working. This can be a really positive change!

Don't worry, its gets better in about 18 years

Sounds about right: 6 years married and the next 12 divorced, constantly fighting for custody of my kids. After the courts were done with me, a new bike is about all I could afford. So yeah, it gets better.

I am married but I also love toys.

My strategy is this: At every opportunity, be it graduations, gifts, birthdays, etc, I ask for highly resell able items. I'm into to photography, bikes, and music stuff, so it's pretty easy to spend a lot of money on toys. I just revolve stuff around. I always buy things for low prices (I used to work in high end audio retail, so I have friends that help me get stuff for cheap).

If I want something new, I just sell something. If something is a consumer item, I unload it asap when the value starts to fall.

I am by no means rich. (actually a grad student and my wife barely works), but I always have new things to play with. Because I like vintage music stuff, my revolving gear pile has actually grown in value considerably since my wife and I got married.

It doesn't cause problems because it's all off the books. I never put the cash in our joint accounts so we never really talk about it.

My latest example is the Salsa Casseroll I just bought. I got it for a discount, and I will be able to sell it at some point for close tofwhat I bought it for. To buy it, I sold some older recording equipment that I didn't use, but I sold it for more than I paid for it.

Works for me...

I have two little kids and both times experienced the hormonal swings which also continue during breast feeding, but not as bad, in case your wife happens to go that route. I agree with the point about getting your stable of toys worked out before you get married.

One other tip which has worked for me, it helps to have your one non-negotiable, predictable vice. I've found this to be true in both a work environment as well as family situation. I knew hard working guys in a busy office setting but if they told their bosses that they had to leave early every Tuesday and Thursday to do X [coach soccer, play kickball, trivial pursuit, etc.] people were ok with that because they expected it. My neighbor (also with 2 small kids) is a major road biker with a few really nice (probably $2K plus) bikes while I drive a slow 3 speed and an REI bike neither of which is close to being pricy. His wife lets him get away with it because that, I believe, is his one vice and passion. If he had multiple vices/passions, I suspect he would not be able to get away with them all and his wife would be crabby.

Snorkel, dude, you are living my life. My wife is pregnant and about to pop on the second kid!

She doesn't want my buying anything cycling related one day and is like "Yea alright" the next day.

I know how you feel.

Sounds about right: 6 years married and the next 12 divorced, constantly fighting for custody of my kids. After the courts were done with me, a new bike is about all I could afford. So yeah, it gets better.
Yeah, and he's omitting the fact that at 18 years old the college tuition kicks in. You think you're broke with a baby? :P

Spouses are natural cycling governors. Now that I'm flying solo again, I find myself struggling with the spending and the pining for bikes and schwag. Your wife is probably a wonderful woman, but big decisions like that warrant face to face discussion, not IM, IMHO :)

That whole "Do it, honey! Buy the bike!" thing was probably sarcasm and it was your job to realize it. It is clearly your fault :).

Reminds me of this clip (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Y9BukEBI9c&feature=related)

IT'S ALWAYS YOUR FAULT!!!

Remember that and you'll do nicely.

Don't worry, its gets better in about 18 years

I hope so...we've got 16.5 of those left.