the flying bean
09-23-04, 04:54 AM
Snappy Answer #1
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery
store, but couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a
stock
boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy replied, "No
madam, they're dead."
Snappy Answer #2
The police officer got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding
rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop
said. The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could."
When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way
without a ticket.
Snappy Answer #3
A lorry driver was driving along on the motorway. A sign comes up
that reads "Low Bridge Ahead." Before he knows it the bridge is right
ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up
for miles. Finally, a police car comes up.
The cop gets out of his car and walks around to the lorry driver, puts
his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?"
The lorry driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out
of diesel."
Snappy Answer #4
A crowded United Airlines flight was cancelled. A single agent was
rebooking a long line of inconvenienced travellers when, suddenly an
angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket down
on the counter and said, "I HAVE to be on this flight and it has to
be
FIRST CLASS."
The agent replied, "I'm sorry sir. I'll be happy to try to help you,
but I've got to help these folks first, and I'm sure we'll be able to
work something out."
The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers
behind him could hear, "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?"
Without hesitating, the agent smiled and grabbed her public address
microphone. "May I have your attention please," she began, her voice
heard clearly throughout the terminal. "We have a passenger here at
Gate 14 WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS.
If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to Gate 14."
With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man
glared
at the United agent, gritted his teeth and swore. "F*** you!"
Without flinching, she smiled and said, "I'm sorry, sir, but you'll
have
to get in line for that, too."
And the VERY! BEST snappy answer ....
Snappy Answer #5, THE TEACHER Snappy Answer OF THE YEAR
A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam.
"Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here
tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal
injury or
illness, or a death in your immediate family but that's it, no other
excuses whatsoever!"
A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asks, "What
would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and
utter sexual exhaustion?"
The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and
snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles
sympathetically at the student,
shakes her head, and sweetly says, "Well, I guess you'd have to write
the exam with your other hand.
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery
store, but couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a
stock
boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy replied, "No
madam, they're dead."
Snappy Answer #2
The police officer got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding
rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop
said. The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could."
When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way
without a ticket.
Snappy Answer #3
A lorry driver was driving along on the motorway. A sign comes up
that reads "Low Bridge Ahead." Before he knows it the bridge is right
ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up
for miles. Finally, a police car comes up.
The cop gets out of his car and walks around to the lorry driver, puts
his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?"
The lorry driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out
of diesel."
Snappy Answer #4
A crowded United Airlines flight was cancelled. A single agent was
rebooking a long line of inconvenienced travellers when, suddenly an
angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket down
on the counter and said, "I HAVE to be on this flight and it has to
be
FIRST CLASS."
The agent replied, "I'm sorry sir. I'll be happy to try to help you,
but I've got to help these folks first, and I'm sure we'll be able to
work something out."
The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers
behind him could hear, "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?"
Without hesitating, the agent smiled and grabbed her public address
microphone. "May I have your attention please," she began, her voice
heard clearly throughout the terminal. "We have a passenger here at
Gate 14 WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS.
If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to Gate 14."
With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man
glared
at the United agent, gritted his teeth and swore. "F*** you!"
Without flinching, she smiled and said, "I'm sorry, sir, but you'll
have
to get in line for that, too."
And the VERY! BEST snappy answer ....
Snappy Answer #5, THE TEACHER Snappy Answer OF THE YEAR
A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam.
"Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here
tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal
injury or
illness, or a death in your immediate family but that's it, no other
excuses whatsoever!"
A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asks, "What
would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and
utter sexual exhaustion?"
The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and
snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles
sympathetically at the student,
shakes her head, and sweetly says, "Well, I guess you'd have to write
the exam with your other hand.