Commuting - The Stripper, The Mistress and The Wife

Wow, the things one thinks about on the commute. :rolleyes:
So I'm riding in this morning and the following analogies came to me.



The Road Race Bike: This is the Mistress of bikes. Hot, fast, looks (and is) expensive, plasticky and polished in all it's carbon fiber and titanium glory. She gets the looks everywhere you go. Other guys (and some girls) are jealous. Even if you're not riding her, you love to just sit and look at her and fantasize about her. You can ride her hard and fast and she loves it, begging for more. She only gets ridden occasionally when you can sneak in the time, but when you do it's on... oh it's SO on... for hours without stopping or just for nourishment. But when you're done, you're done. You hang her up until next time and go about your everyday life.

The Mountain Bike: This is the Stripper of bikes. And they come in all shapes and sizes. Cheap or expensive. Hard tails, soft tails, 26's, 29'ers, even the occasional 650b if that's your poison. The mountain bike wasn't meant to be ridden in public (although some of you freaks like to anyway). She gets taken out into the woods, the back country, where no one will find you and see what despicable things you two are up to. When I said you ride the Race Bike hard, you don't go overboard. You still respect her. But not the Mountain Bike. She takes a licking and keeps on ticking, and this just makes you want to push her harder. Spanking that bike all over the trails and she's loving every minute of it, screaming for more... even if she is faking it, you don't care. She's a dirty little strumpet of a bike. The dirtier she gets, the more fun she is to ride. No babying this one. And when you're done... you need a long shower to get rid of all the filth... the dirty dirty filth. Bring lots of rubber, you're going to need it.

The Commuter Bike: This is the Wife of bikes. This is the bike you bring home to Mom. If you could have only one bike, this would be it. She versatile. She can take you to work, take the kids to school, go to the grocery store and all your other errands. She's not limited to one kind of road, although you won't find her in the extremes, either. She's not that kind of bike. The Commuter comes in lots of different variations. Some are lanky and fast, some are pudgy and slow, some are athletic, some are flexible and compact. Some are gorgeous on the outside, but all are gorgeous on the inside. The Commuter is reliable and dependable, but not indestructible. The Commuter needs love, respect and the occasional pampering, but she is also strong... sometimes surprisingly so. What you give will be returned, two fold. Treat her right and she will be with you for the long haul. Forever.

That's great!

because i commute everyday on my sexy titanium road rocket, i guess by your system you could say i married my mistress. ;)

because i commute everyday on my sexy titanium road rocket, i guess by your system you could say i married my mistress. ;)

Hey, occasionally it happens! :D

Is it wrong to keep all three of them together in the garage?

Okay, so I have three wives then. No strippers or mistresses (yet).

Man, all I have is a wife... but I really want all three :)

Does this make a BMX a midget Stripper or a very tough low maintenance petite wife?

What about Tandem bikes?

I've got 3 strippers, one is green and she wears lots of rubber. I got 3 wives and one that is also a stripper. My beach cruiser tandem would be a school teacher/sales clerk and you could ride in the front or back.

what about tandem bikes?

Twins!

Does this make a BMX a midget Stripper or a very tough low maintenance petite wife?
Yes! lol



What about Tandem bikes?
Sounds like a 3 way with the wife. :D

d2create, that's hilarious. So true, and very well written. Puns all over the place. :D

Man, all I have is a wife... but I really want all three :)

All I have right now is a wife, but all I really want is a better wife - maybe one who loves to travel and go camping (touring bike to replace hybrid). I might consider a mistress, too, somewhere down the line, but I really don't have much interest in a stripper.

All I can say is, if you can't tell the difference between a woman and a bike, you may be in for some problems down the road.

i also have an old mountain bike that i have since transformed into a hybrid back-up commuter. so is that like an aging stripper that has gotten breast reduction surgery and finally decided to give up her wild youth and settle down with a good man?


and how the hell would my folding bike fit into this paradigm?

i also have an old mountain bike that i have since transformed into a hybrid back-up commuter. so is that like an aging stripper that has gotten breast reduction surgery and finally decided to give up her wild youth and settle down with a good man?
Exactly. Can't strip forever. Well, we hope, anyway. lol



and how the hell would my folding bike fit into this paradigm?
I tried to reference that in my "flexible and compact" comment.

What about Tandem bikes?

Polygamy?

because i commute everyday on my sexy titanium road rocket, i guess by your system you could say i married my mistress. ;)

Generally known as a trophy wife, right?

I got a Road Race, Mountain and Commuter bike. So that means I have a Mistress, Stripper and a wife.

Does that make me a Lesbian? :eek: ;)

Colleen C. You could have a himbo, a guy stripper and a domestic partner/ housemaid ? ( himbo= guy bimbo)

I've got 3 mistresses, an old tired stripper, and a wife I guess, which is sort of a mistress with fenders and disc brakes. They all live in the house with me and my family. To that end, my wife has a stripper in the basement too..... I'm assuming a chipendales sort of thing, unless my (actual) wife isn't telling me something.

I once took my favorite mistress to Europe for two weeks, although I wasn't married at the time, so I guess it was just my main squeeze.

I've got 3 mistresses, an old tired stripper, and a wife I guess, which is sort of a mistress with fenders and disc brakes. They all live in the house with me and my family. To that end, my wife has a stripper in the basement too..... I'm assuming a chipendales sort of thing, unless my (actual) wife isn't telling me something.


This sounds like a badly-written soap opera. My brain hurts.

Colleen C. You could have a himbo, a guy stripper and a domestic partner/ housemaid ? ( himbo= guy bimbo)

LOL. I would like to get a himbo. Let see what we got here, that himbo will be my Hybrid :D

I have 3 commuters. Oh the polygamy!

Is it wrong to keep all three of them together in the garage?

Not wrong, but I certainly wouldn't want my wife, mistress and favorite stripper all in the same place, at the same time.

At least, you should plan on never going back to the garage!

The Road Race Bike: This is the Mistress of bikes. Hot, fast, looks (and is) expensive, plasticky and polished in all it's carbon fiber and titanium glory. She gets the looks everywhere you go. Other guys (and some girls) are jealous. Even if you're not riding her, you love to just sit and look at her and fantasize about her. You can ride her hard and fast and she loves it, begging for more. She only gets ridden occasionally when you can sneak in the time, but when you do it's on... oh it's SO on... for hours without stopping or just for nourishment. But when you're done, you're done. You hang her up until next time and go about your everyday life.

She yells at me when I stop pedaling her! Gazelle hates to coast. And my god, the curves she tames at 30 mph!

Sounds like most of you would vote that your bike is a she (http://www.bikeforums.net/showthread.php?674823-Is-your-bike-a-he-or-a-she)?

By the way, that was brilliant, d2create.

vote that your bike is a she?


I have three bikes. One is definitely male (Commuter -- Kona Dew plus, with commuting mods). One is definitely female (Road bike project -- Tommaso; too pretty to be a boy). Last is an it (Beater. Mt Bike turned hybrid. Former commuter, but without a soul.)

I am, mercifully, no longer a Clyde, so I don't feel right voting. (although, my weight with clothes and equipment would put me over 200Lbs, so maybe I am a Clyde?)

CX bike: like a friend with benefits.

My commute is usually more eventful than to think about such things.

Spot on and very well written:beer:
The reason I know it's true is that my wife has been calling my road bike 'the mistress' for quite some time now.

Man, all I have is a wife... but I really want all three http://www.bikeforums.net/../images/smilies/smile.gif

Yeah, I prefer to bond with (and have sex with) my actual wife. Not a seatpost collar or bottom bracket shell.

My wife is a stripper! :lol: Worse, I ride her in public! :eek:

kona sutra 2010 - commuter
kona caldera 2008 - stripper
all i need is a mistress now :D

If my son rides one of my older bikes is she a cougar?????:eek:

"Riding a bicycle is like making love to a beautiful woman, Paul..."


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y5ZcwxtHGKc&NR=1

Nice.

The new one in my harem is some kind of odd mixture of all three with a bit of an evil twist. Capable of things most of you can't imagine, and a few things I know I'll never try: the Unicycle :twitchy:

Nice.

The new one in my harem is some kind of odd mixture of all three with a bit of an evil twist. Capable of things most of you can't imagine, and a few things I know I'll never try: the Unicycle :twitchy:

Dude. This is a family forum. :twitchy: :wtf:

Mine all nag at me.

:deadhorse:

Wow, the things one thinks about on the commute. :rolleyes:
So I'm riding in this morning and the following analogies came to me.



The Road Race Bike: This is the Mistress of bikes. Hot, fast, looks (and is) expensive, plasticky and polished in all it's carbon fiber and titanium glory. She gets the looks everywhere you go. Other guys (and some girls) are jealous. Even if you're not riding her, you love to just sit and look at her and fantasize about her. You can ride her hard and fast and she loves it, begging for more. She only gets ridden occasionally when you can sneak in the time, but when you do it's on... oh it's SO on... for hours without stopping or just for nourishment. But when you're done, you're done. You hang her up until next time and go about your everyday life.

The Mountain Bike: This is the Stripper of bikes. And they come in all shapes and sizes. Cheap or expensive. Hard tails, soft tails, 26's, 29'ers, even the occasional 650b if that's your poison. The mountain bike wasn't meant to be ridden in public (although some of you freaks like to anyway). She gets taken out into the woods, the back country, where no one will find you and see what despicable things you two are up to. When I said you ride the Race Bike hard, you don't go overboard. You still respect her. But not the Mountain Bike. She takes a licking and keeps on ticking, and this just makes you want to push her harder. Spanking that bike all over the trails and she's loving every minute of it, screaming for more... even if she is faking it, you don't care. She's a dirty little strumpet of a bike. The dirtier she gets, the more fun she is to ride. No babying this one. And when you're done... you need a long shower to get rid of all the filth... the dirty dirty filth. Bring lots of rubber, you're going to need it.

The Commuter Bike: This is the Wife of bikes. This is the bike you bring home to Mom. If you could have only one bike, this would be it. She versatile. She can take you to work, take the kids to school, go to the grocery store and all your other errands. She's not limited to one kind of road, although you won't find her in the extremes, either. She's not that kind of bike. The Commuter comes in lots of different variations. Some are lanky and fast, some are pudgy and slow, some are athletic, some are flexible and compact. Some are gorgeous on the outside, but all are gorgeous on the inside. The Commuter is reliable and dependable, but not indestructible. The Commuter needs love, respect and the occasional pampering, but she is also strong... sometimes surprisingly so. What you give will be returned, two fold. Treat her right and she will be with you for the long haul. Forever.

no MTB to compare, but the road-bike and commuter analogies are spot on. I keep trying to find reasons to ride the road bike to work instead of the commuter, even though I know the commuter is safer in the rain and traffic.

and sometimes I head out for a quickie on the road bike

:deadhorse:

Why are you beating on that poor horse's junk?

Great - now, I need to clean my monitor! My pump just exploded my inner tube!

Great - now, I need to clean my monitor! My pump just exploded my inner tube!

My God!!!

Folks, there's nothing in the forums you can respond to that you have to resort to this dribble???

The comparison's are weak, forced and cliché. Never mind the fact that they are in poor taste and disparaging toward women in general.

And please, just because a few female posters responded in kind to this thread doesn't make it alright!!!!

You know they should really have a Men's Only Forum so guys can act out their fantasies without getting everybody else wet!

This thread should be closed.

My God!!!

That's what she said.

Wow, someone woke up in the wrong side of the bed! lol

It's all in fun, "sunnyflorida". I'm sorry you didn't like it, but it was not forced at all and probably the easiest thing to write since it's pretty much true. Cliche maybe, but who cares.
And 9 times out of 10 people tend to refer to their bikes, cars, etc as female. If you want to change it, just replace "she" with "he" and enjoy.
It was written as CELEBRATION of all bikes, with no offense meant towards either human gender.
If you took it with any other meaning, that's your own fault.

Where does the fat tire beach cruiser fit in? Local s l u t?

Going by the OP's analogy, I have 2 wives and a stripper. I also had a mistress, but since she was into yoga, she all she did was wear me out trying keep up with her flexible moves. The stripper hasn't been of much use lately, except an occasional oogling on my part.

Actually I have three wives, all three can cook, but only 2 do so when I ride them hard and put myself away wet. I'll let your imagination figure out which 2. :p

CX bike: like a friend with benefits.

More like a perfect partner - plays fast, does not mind dirt, predictably takes mood swings with a smile. And I am devoted to him as well.


....disparaging toward women in general...

Big girls know the difference when it is women in cross hairs and when fun is made of tired cliches. Go for a ride. After week's worth of drizzle it's gorgeous out there today.


Where does the fat tire beach cruiser fit in? Local s l u t?

Now I need to clean MY keyboard....

http://commutebybike.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/05/olddutch.jpg

I'm filing for divorce.

http://commutebybike.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/05/olddutch.jpg

I'm filing for divorce.From her? Or so you can marry ( be with ) her?