Living Car Free - How to explain to everyone my decision to go car free......(such pressure)

Recently my husband and I decided to sell our car and go car free. We live in an area that is fairly accessible by public transit. As it was already, my husband was taking the train to work and I will be starting school soon and will be taking the bus there (only 1 bus) and free public transportation is provided with tuition for the year. We figured we can get by pretty easy this year by public transit and biking (we just bought new cool bikes!!!)

So the reasons why I decided to go car free were 1) environmental (I've begun recently to feel very passionate about environmental isues) 2) Lifestyle (I feel like I need a change...growing up we never had a car and I loved walking everywhere and taking transit....wasn't until I got married I started driving) 3) Health (I gained 10lbs when I started driving...would love to loose it) 4) Money (our car was costing us about $1000 a month...I can think of many better ways the money can be spent or would love to see it sitting in the bank :))

So this decision is fairly new and a lot of our friends and family don't know yet and are just beginning to find out and they think we are absolutely crazy. We keep getting asked How are you going to get everywhere...what about groceries etc. Or people think we are broke....my husband actually just got a promotion and raise recently and makes a good income. How do all you car free people deal with the outside pressures from people? I don't wanna give in...feel really good about the decision and am really happy with it....but I hate having to explain to people. I just don't want to live in a box and live my life a certain way just because everyone says I should.

I like the weight control angle. With two-thirds of Americans overweight that is bound to get people's attention and acceptance. You can probably say it tactfully, but I don't.

Depending on your age, either your grandparents or your great grandparents went through WWII. With gas rationing, they likely didn't drive or drove only a few times a month. Tell folks you want to see if you are as resourceful and smart as your grandparents were. You might add the patriotic angle: most of our oil is imported, much of it from regimes that are not exactly friendly to America and our last three wars were all fought to secure access to oil. You're just doing your part. Also, with our national economy in a shambles, every dollar spent on imports is money that is not used to help our economy recover.

I used to get questions and I would shoot them right back at them..."How can you stand to be cooped up in a steel box?" "Jeeze a transmission repair cost HOW MUCH?"...I can buy a years worth of mass transit passes for that!, etc., etc. I live my life the way I want, you live your life the way you want.

Aaron :)

Btw...I'm 26 husband is 29....we live in Canada...I like the weight angle too...but I'm not overweight so I doubt that will fly with most of my friends or family. I figure it will pass with time....people will just get used to it. I do wish more people were understanding though and would let us choose to live the way we want to without all the pressure. Its unfortunate that people will stick up their noses as if they are better because they have a car...its weird really....maybe I just need a new set of friends lol

How do all you car free people deal with the outside pressures from people? I don't wanna give in...feel really good about the decision and am really happy with it....but I hate having to explain to people. I just don't want to live in a box and live my life a certain way just because everyone says I should.

Outside pressures are a personal choice. You either choose to feel and respond to them or you don't. I choose "Don't".

There is always curiosity. Remember that curiosity does not equal pressure. There is no need to respond to pressure, but it is polite to respond to curiosity.

Like you, I had no single reason to go car-free. Several smaller ones added together made sense. That's all I say to others. If pressed, I stick to broad strokes--environment, health and fitness, lifestyle, money saving...

If they continue, I just turn it around and ask why they made their transportation choices.

For the genuinely curious--those who seem fascinated rather than judgmental--I'll answer the "How do you..." questions, but again, keeping to broad strokes. Grocery panniers for shopping, pedal harder in the cold, and so on. For others I just quote the old Nike commercials, "I just to do it".

EDIT: Not sure how I left this one out--joy. It's just plain fun. Then I ask, "When was the last time you had fun going to the grocery store?" Shuts them up PDQ.

maybe I just need a new set of friends lol

No lol about it. Maybe you do. And you'll find them living a similar lifestyle as you do.

I still own an auto. I feel ouside pressure to keep it. The pressure that I feel is indirect, and from my desire to have an auto to take my girlfriend on dates. Other than that, I like being different and can handle pressure from people that I don't want to date.

Stick with it Nesssa.

In a statistical sense you're abnormal (outside the norm) if you don't drive a car. People will question that. I think the reasons you gave in your first post are a reasonable response. Just explaining that in a brief and positive manner will probably be a good way to handle the situation.

But no matter what you say, after a while people will grow accustomed to the fact that you're carfree and quit talking about it as much.

I usually offer up fun and money. I like to ride so much that I was only starting my car a couple times a week. It was breaking down to $50 each time just to turn the key, so, I might as well ride everywhere, or rent a car once in a while. Going car-less might mean $500-$1000 a month in the bank, which should at least be worth a second glance.

If they are interested, I might tell them how I lost 100 pounds, and got off my high blood pressure meds. That's why I started riding, but I kept it up for the fun, and turned in the car for the cash.

Don't fret about others' reactions and perceptions. The car is too much a part of their lifestyle, and you'll rarely break through. You might as well ask them to eat bugs or live in a tree.

I like the weight control angle.


I usually offer up fun and money.

Took me a while, but I found it!

http://boingboing.net/images/xeni/bikelane_dd97.jpg

But no matter what you say, after a while people will grow accustomed to the fact that you're carfree and quit talking about it as much.

In fact, depending on where you live, nesssa, people's reactions may be less than you think. A lot of Canadian cities already feature a good chunk of the population who get around on bike and transit. Larger US cities also.

It's not like you decided to move to the moon. It's just another vehicle. It's a personal choice.

And even if a few family members of close friends do make a noise about this, they'll soon grow tired of it and peace will reign.

Whenever anybody gives me ANY grief about not owning a car, it just makes me that much more determined to NOT get another one.

Whenever anybody compliments me on giving up the car (6 years ago now), it makes me that much more positive about staying on the bike.

So, the ratio of #1:#2 is...

1: MANY!

I don't know how I would deal with pressure to get a car, because no one has ever said anything about it.

I haven't had a car in about 16 months. I have had people ask me when i'm getting another one and I don't plan on it. I tell them if I did that my girlfriend and I would have to move back home because we'd lose the apartment we got about a mile from work.....and she would kill me if that happened..haha.

Shaggy

Eliminating a 1000 dollar a month vehicle expenditure is a good enough explanation for me, but you can tell your family and friends that a motor vehicle doesn't have a place in your or your husband's lifestyle and leave it at that.

Let your family and friends speculate all they like, since they still will, even if you told them everything you told us here.

....but I hate having to explain to people.

Then don't. Just tell them you like it that way and leave it at that. The "pressure" you are feeling comes from nothing but your desire for their approval. Ditch that, and what they say, or ask, or think, won't matter.

Yes, I would also try to make light of it. Try as best you can not to make others pick up the slack, such as you being too tired to ride your bike or too tired to take transit so you get rides from people. If you do get rides make sure you reciprocate in some form.


If you had never gotten a car in the first place the reaction would be less. It is a bigger deal to have a car then give it up.

You can always tell your family that you are giving up the car for the time being, and seeing how it goes. Then change the subject and ask them an unrelated question. People are generally more interested in themselves anyway.;)

I have never owned a car. I just tell people I hate working and have better things to do than go to work 5 days a week. So, I work 3 days a week instead and ride my bike around town and spend a lot of time with people I love! Triple plus!

Maybe you should have a list all printed up and ready to hand out to the curious. Here's a start:

Burn Fat, not Oil: 30 Reasons to Ride a Bicycle for Transportation

1. Cycling provides mobility while reducing traffic congestion. The vast majority of U.S. population growth from the current 300 million to 420 million by 2050 will occur in urban areas, where there is limited ability to accommodate increased motor vehicle travel and where 40 percent of trips are less than two miles and 28 percent are less than one mile.
2. Cycling can achieve a more predictable commute time and can even be faster than driving in a congested urban environment. Bicycle commuters on average avoid 50 hours of gridlock traffic each year.
3. Cycling affords mobility for the one-third of the population that does not drive due to age, disability, ineligibility, economic circumstances, or personal choice.
4. Cycling is possible in a wide variety of climates and topographies.
5. Cycling can transform your commute from the worst to the best part of your day.
6. Cycling reduces energy consumption. The bicycle is the most energy-efficient means of transportation ever invented. A cyclist can travel 3 miles on the energy from one egg. Walking would require 3 eggs to go the same distance. A fully occupied bus requires the energy equivalent of 2 dozen eggs to carry each person 3 miles. A train: 3 dozen eggs per person. A car @ 12.5 mpg: 7 dozen eggs per person. For the average 180 pound American adult piloting a 4,000 pound vehicle, 96 cents of every dollar paid at the gas pump is used to propel the vehicle, not the human riding inside.
7. Cycling reduces our dependence on foreign oil.
8. Cycling reduces the flow of money to those who want to exterminate us.
9. Cycling reduces auto-related costs such as purchase price, finance charges, licensing and registration, fuel, fluids, tires, maintenance, car washing, insurance, and parking.
10. Cycling eliminates the need for a health club membership.
11. Cycling reduces the demand for new roads.
12. Cycling produces negligible road wear, thereby decreasing road maintenance costs.
13. Cycling stimulates the demand for bike facilities, which increase property values.
14. Cycling increases one’s productivity at work.
15. Cycling is low impact exercise. The Center for Disease Control estimates that if all physically inactive Americans became active, the U.S. would save $77 billion in annual heath care costs.
16. Cycling is a cure for the obesity epidemic.
17. Cycling improves endurance and cardio-vascular health.
18. Cycling enhances strength, muscle tone, and bone mass.
19. Cycling increases agility and flexibility.
20. Cycling improves self-esteem.
21. Cycling reduces stress and is therapeutic for the mind and spirit.
22. Cycling reduces the state-sanctioned murder of innocent people (homicide by motor vehicle). Automobile crashes are the leading cause of death for children ages 3 to 14 in the U.S.
23. Cycling indoctrinates children into an active lifestyle and can help break America’s pathological addiction to the automobile. In 1969, approximately 50 percent of children in the U.S. got to school by walking or bicycling. Presently, less than 15 percent of students walk or bicycle to school.
24. Cycling reduces air pollution. Bicycle commuters on average reduce their carbon emissions by 128 pounds per year.
25. Cycling reduces water pollution. Bicycles don't drip brake fluid, anti-freeze, and transmission fluid.
26. Cycling produce negligible noise pollution.
27. Cycling reduces the demand for new roads and parking lots and paving over the earth with asphalt and concrete.
28. Cycling reduces deforestation for planting of rubber plantations, because bicycles use very little rubber.
29. Cycling decreases road kill and saves animals from a cruel and violent death.
30. Cycling allows one to better appreciate the nuances of the natural and built environment.

This is a nice list, but shouldn't the title be "Burn Fat, Not Oil"?

Recently my husband and I decided to sell our car and go car free. We live in an area that is fairly accessible by public transit. As it was already, my husband was taking the train to work and I will be starting school soon and will be taking the bus there (only 1 bus) and free public transportation is provided with tuition for the year. We figured we can get by pretty easy this year by public transit and biking (we just bought new cool bikes!!!)

So the reasons why I decided to go car free were 1) environmental (I've begun recently to feel very passionate about environmental isues) 2) Lifestyle (I feel like I need a change...growing up we never had a car and I loved walking everywhere and taking transit....wasn't until I got married I started driving) 3) Health (I gained 10lbs when I started driving...would love to loose it) 4) Money (our car was costing us about $1000 a month...I can think of many better ways the money can be spent or would love to see it sitting in the bank :))

So this decision is fairly new and a lot of our friends and family don't know yet and are just beginning to find out and they think we are absolutely crazy. We keep getting asked How are you going to get everywhere...what about groceries etc. Or people think we are broke....my husband actually just got a promotion and raise recently and makes a good income. How do all you car free people deal with the outside pressures from people? I don't wanna give in...feel really good about the decision and am really happy with it....but I hate having to explain to people. I just don't want to live in a box and live my life a certain way just because everyone says I should.

Do you really need to convince them? Just do it and don't worry about it.

For us, personally, we endured a barrage of criticism from our families. My in-laws told us we were being irresponsible parents, my mother said we were just plain stupid, etc. But we have been car-free for two years now, and most of that has faded away. I pointed out to my dad that since we went car-free we have never once had to ask for a couple hundred bucks to tide us over 'til payday. Our financial stresses literally disappeared. Most of the people who knew us before going car-free have come to agree that it was a good decision. It just takes time, don't let them make your decisions for you.

The thing that irritates me is that people assume we are very impoverished because we don't have a car. The truth is, we are NOT impoverished because we don't have one. Plus, we lead a healthy and environmentally friendly lifestyle. On top of it, we spend more time together as a family. Groceries and errands are a family event, traveling via the bus leaves my mind free to play games and talk with my children. In time, people close to you will see how good this change has been, and the rest just don't matter!

You don't owe anyone an explanation of anything you do with your money.

If you choose to give one, that's fine, but if they persist beyond a point where you're interested, you can say, "I gave you my explanation and now I don't want to discuss it any more."

If the people in your life won't show you the courtesy of allowing you to make your own decisions, then yes, you need new friends. Family you gotta work with, of course. But again, you don't owe explanations. You're doing what you think is best.

Then don't. Just tell them you like it that way and leave it at that. The "pressure" you are feeling comes from nothing but your desire for their approval. Ditch that, and what they say, or ask, or think, won't matter.


This is true. No need to talk, just walk your walk. The rest will take care of it self. Thanks YMMV IMO IME and all the usual disclaimers. :)

This is a nice list, but shouldn't the title be "Burn Fat, Not Oil"?

Despite typo, still a great list. Bit short though... I think we all could add a few more :)

If you need to give any reason, just say you don't need a car at this point in your lives. You haven't come across as an anti-car zealot or an extremist; you've just said this is your present choice. Of course, at this point in your lives could be for as long as you live, but your friends and family don't need to know that.

Really. If you need to convince the people around you, you're acting as if you're either ... unimportant ... or they're somehow right. Neither are true. Concentrate on what is right for you. They know not.

In some areas, although not all, it's much easier to go car-free than to have a car. Driving in bigger cities means parking hassles and the rush hour crawl each day, not to mention the costs of fuel maintenance, insurance, parking and other expenses. At the same time, the decision to go car-free is not necessarily the right one for everyone. There are some who will need a car for work or because they or a loved one has special transportation needs or because there are no practical transportation alternatives where they live.

In the end, the choice to drive or go car-free or car-light is an incredibly personal matter. You're making the decision you think is best for you. While you may choose to respond to the questions, the decision is yours alone.

Don't try to explain. Just look deep into their eyes, smile, sigh and walk away.

"I know there are some advantages to owning a car, but for me personally, at this stage of life, I'm just happier without one."

Another tactic you could try. "Since becoming a Maoist and a follower of Che, I've also taken up riding a bicycle for transportation."

After laying that bombshell, wait three weeks and then announce you are no longer a Maoist, but you still ride a bicycle.

They will be so relieved.

Why do you even have to explain anything? This is what you want to do, end of story. If any of your friends give you hard time then reconsider this friendship. If they don't understand you and won't honor your life choices perhaps they were never your real friends to begin with? The family may be harder to deal with, so just keep saying "because we want to!", so they'll just have to get used to it. Don't waste time trying to explain. This is something that people either get or don't get and if they don't get it you will never be able to explain it and to convince them.

Despite typo, still a great list. Bit short though... I think we all could add a few more :)

31. Cycling makes sex better.

31. Cycling makes sex better.
Duh!

Whatever the answer is going to be,make it short and sweet,your going to be repeating it alot.

Whatever the answer is going to be,make it short and sweet,your going to be repeating it alot.

That's a good point. You need some sort of sound bite type answer for most people. Maybe you could say something like "Cycling makes sex better." That would get people thinking...

Why do you even have to explain anything? This is what you want to do, end of story. If any of your friends give you hard time then reconsider this friendship. If they don't understand you and won't honor your life choices perhaps they were never your real friends to begin with? The family may be harder to deal with, so just keep saying "because we want to!", so they'll just have to get used to it. Don't waste time trying to explain. This is something that people either get or don't get and if they don't get it you will never be able to explain it and to convince them.

Yeah, basically right Adam.

Don't worry OP, you're now a freak/radical in the eyes of your friends - even if you had good reasons to quit. I suspect from your self-justifying that your group is very pro-car, prepare for some backlash because you're making them look bad.

Anyways congrats on doing something you feel is positive, that took courage.
:thumb:

I find that the narrative always goes much better if "you" first state all of the predictable skepticism and misunderstandings. Why wait for it? You know it's coming. Example: "I know you probably won't understand why I do this..." or, "Most people see this and automatically think we must be hurting for money and that's why we do it.... " (Then chuckle at the absurdity.)

If you clear the crap first in a statement it leaves you the airspace to educate on the truth and all the positives. It also puts people in an almost defensive position to not be foolish and fall into the very statements you just belittled.

Thanks for all the replies! Its now been 2 weeks and I feel great about our decision. No regrets!!! People are slowly finding out and we just explain to them as it comes...I do quite like the response "It makes sex better" lol I think I'll have to try that one out sometime :) I went to a Veg Food Fair today and picked up a book called Divorce your Car by Katie Alvord seems like it will be an interesting read.

A good response would be "It's just a car". It's not like you're giving up breathing, or beef (now those guys are crazy :) ). I think people just assume it's a necessity in life, because everyone has a car, and they've never even stopped to think if they could get along without one. I live almost 30 miles from work w/ few public transport options, so a car is a necessity for me for now, but I envy you guys that have found a way to make it work. Because man, I hate driving every day.

Well I would tend to agree and say things like, "Just don't explain it, you don't have to justify it", if you don't, people are going to assume you're in poverty or have multiple DUIs and can't drive. Sigh. Been there done that. Now I make up some excuse about the environment on the spot so I look cool, green and elite. But in reality, they are right and I don't have a car because I'm broke. Though, I still wouldn't have a car if I were rich, but that's never going to happen.

So I say make something up that would satifsy the questioner. As long as they're happy and think you're smart for doing it, they won't give you any more slack.

I didn't get these kinds of questions for years. But since I recently had a car for a couple months, then sold it, I've been getting these questions again from everybody I know, practically. So I can see the tremendous pressure on people who just became carfree for the first time. If a nail is sticking up, society wants to be the hammer that pounds it down.

So I can see the tremendous pressure on people who just became carfree for the first time.
There's pressure from both parents and peers... at the peers you have to listen to at school and work. It is interesting how much prattle there is just as you take up biking. And then shortly after that... it settles down.

I imagine this to be a big factor in preventing young people especially from taking to the streets on bike.

"eaiser, cheaper, more enjoyable. any ?'s"

Recently my husband and I decided to sell our car and go car free. We live in an area that is fairly accessible by public transit. As it was already, my husband was taking the train to work and I will be starting school soon and will be taking the bus there (only 1 bus) and free public transportation is provided with tuition for the year. We figured we can get by pretty easy this year by public transit and biking (we just bought new cool bikes!!!)

So the reasons why I decided to go car free were 1) environmental (I've begun recently to feel very passionate about environmental isues) 2) Lifestyle (I feel like I need a change...growing up we never had a car and I loved walking everywhere and taking transit....wasn't until I got married I started driving) 3) Health (I gained 10lbs when I started driving...would love to loose it) 4) Money (our car was costing us about $1000 a month...I can think of many better ways the money can be spent or would love to see it sitting in the bank :))

So this decision is fairly new and a lot of our friends and family don't know yet and are just beginning to find out and they think we are absolutely crazy. We keep getting asked How are you going to get everywhere...what about groceries etc. Or people think we are broke....my husband actually just got a promotion and raise recently and makes a good income. How do all you car free people deal with the outside pressures from people? I don't wanna give in...feel really good about the decision and am really happy with it....but I hate having to explain to people. I just don't want to live in a box and live my life a certain way just because everyone says I should.

I got the same reaction when I got rid of my car 6 years ago. My father was deeply offended by the very idea of not having a car, and several of my friends laughed at me and confidently predicted that I would be bumming rides all the time and that I would give up and get a car within months. I just kept doing what I did, didn't preach, never, ever asked for rides, and only accepted them when offered, and even then only when it would have really inconvenienced others to refuse them. Within six months, everyone pretty much stopped noticing that I didn't have a car, or at least stopped giving me a hard time about it. Once they noticed that I could still get places, and that it didn't affect them, they stopped caring about it. Persistence is your friend. (Disclosure: I bought a car a year ago, but never use it, so I'm trying to sell it again.)

There have been times in the past when I was the car dependent party in the conversation, and a car free person was explaining the situation to me.

In one case in the 1970s, it was a co worker, a mathematician who had never owned a car. He walked and rode the bus. He cited environmental concerns and ideals. It was the first time I'd ever talked with an actual person who thought that way. I wasn't instantly persuaded to his way of thinking, but the conversation did budge my beliefs a bit. Over a period of years I came to see his point. And, seeing his success in living car free sort of led to my first long period of bike commuting. It took a few years, though.

The other case was when a former co worker dropped by for a visit. She had gone back to college. She described how she had given up the car and was getting around entirely on her bike. She cited frugality, physical benefits and the feeling of personal freedom. I had let myself fall back into car dependency, but the conversation started re awakening my desire to escape it again.

Both those people probably thought at the time that they were wasting their breath talking to me about car free living. It just goes to show how sometimes you say something that turns out to be important to another person.

First off: good for you and your husband! It's always hard to make a positive change in your life, but you guys managed to do it.

I've dealt with a lot of people who say "isn't biking dangerous???" or "how do you get around when it's raining???". I just take the time to explain it to them because it's the only thing I can do. The main thing I try to convey is that it's not really statistically dangerous and the more people who bike in a given city the safer it is for all of the bikers (a well-proven statistic... I'm lazy so don't ask me to prove it though). There are more pedestrians who die of being struck by cars every year in the US than bikers (http://www.bicyclinginfo.org/facts/docs/BikeTSF_2008.pdf) but people don't get all freaked out about walking on the sidewalk.

One of the other things that comes up is: "what do you do about showing up to work all sweaty if they don't have a shower?". I usually just ride in riding clothes (well, not as much during the summer) with my outfit in my bag and when I get to work I just run in to the bathroom, put on some deodorant, wipe myself off with a rag and change in to my spare clothes.

Dealing with the rain issue: people need to just stop being such pansies about life. I guess if you're the sort of person who freaks out if a couple drops of water hit you your biking career may be short-lived. I personally love the rain and some of my best rides have been when it was pouring.

In terms of economic pressure: if you have friends that are so unintelligent that they can't understand environmental issues and good lifestyle choices I'd say you possibly need new friends (or you need to just not worry about it...). Most of those people are probably living paycheck to paycheck anyway and when you're saving $1,000 a month from not having a car you will quickly be superior in even in the only way they understand. As Warren Buffett once said: you never know who's swimming naked till the tide goes out.

Before I told the bank to come get my car, I rode my bike everywhere except the laundrymat for a month. I liked it so much I was sure I could go without a car. I bought a trailer for the laundrymat errands, and for my dog when I take her to the dog park...

And it's been three months now, and it's just a way of life. I don't even think of myself as a car free person.

Just tell people you are keeping yourself healthy as long as possible to pay for their health insurance. Seriously there should be a huge write-off or something.

I found this post to be encouraging in a number of ways. Thanks Platy.

There have been times in the past when I was the car dependent party in the conversation, and a car free person was explaining the situation to me.

In one case in the 1970s, it was a co worker, a mathematician who had never owned a car. He walked and rode the bus. He cited environmental concerns and ideals. It was the first time I'd ever talked with an actual person who thought that way. I wasn't instantly persuaded to his way of thinking, but the conversation did budge my beliefs a bit. Over a period of years I came to see his point. And, seeing his success in living car free sort of led to my first long period of bike commuting. It took a few years, though.

The other case was when a former co worker dropped by for a visit. She had gone back to college. She described how she had given up the car and was getting around entirely on her bike. She cited frugality, physical benefits and the feeling of personal freedom. I had let myself fall back into car dependency, but the conversation started re awakening my desire to escape it again.

Both those people probably thought at the time that they were wasting their breath talking to me about car free living. It just goes to show how sometimes you say something that turns out to be important to another person.