Foo - Mutual attraction, but I don't want to be in a relationship. Ethical question.

For the past year I have been categorically opposed to being in any form of a romantic relationship. I don't want to have to think about another person when I make decisions, or be expected to see the other person on a regular basis. I've casually dated people I have met at college parties, but haven't let it last more than a couple of weeks. Oh and it hasn't been exclusive.

Recently I met someone. She is best friends with a mutual friend of ours, who informs me she is attracted to me and almost certainly wants a relationship. I've been hanging out with her; she has slept over a few times this week. I'm loosely considering exclusivity with her, and was hoping that spending time together would help me decide. The ethical part of this situation exists because it's entirely possible I wont want to date her at all, but in the mean time I feel like I'm kind of leading her on -- getting her hopes up, if you will. I'm definitely into her, I just don't know if I want to date her.

What is the right thing to do? Do I continue to be indecisive, knowing that there is a chance I may want to embark on a relationship, all the while knowing I wont want anything more? Or do I stop everything and tell her this?

That's how relationships work; you don't know if you want to continue until you try it out. Even for engineers.

Be straight forward and as matter of fact about it as possible.

I think I may be too old-fashioned for this thread.

Drink boiling water.

****!

Oh my! I didn't know we couldn't say the acronym for South Lake Union Trolley here. Sorry 'bout that.

You are about to learn the wrath of woman.
It's an important lesson and usually falls somewhere between the wrath of bees and the wrath of bears.

Oh my! I didn't know we couldn't say the acronym for South Lake Union Trolley here. Sorry 'bout that.

Lololol she's not one of those.

You are about to learn the wrath of woman.
It's an important lesson and usually falls somewhere between the wrath of bees and the wrath of bears.

:lol::lol:
I've actually begun to understand the wrath of a woman -- it's part of why I've been avoiding serious relationships with them.

Oh, I wasn't talking about her..... ;)

Oh, I wasn't talking about her..... ;)

You're only in college once ;).

:lol::lol:
I've actually begun to understand the wrath of a woman -- it's part of why I've been avoiding serious relationships with them.

The second part of the lesson is learning there is no way to avoid it. Sooner or later you always find yourself wearing a shirt made of sharpened cats.
Buck up and endure. Straightforward and honest is the only path.

The second part of the lesson is learning there is no way to avoid it. Sooner or later you always find yourself wearing a shirt made of sharpened cats.
Buck up and endure. Straightforward and honest is the only path.

No way to avoid it? How about not leading her on?

I never thought of the cat shirt idea - thanks! :thumb:

Lololol she's not one of those.

He was not talking about I her, just so you know. EDIT, just read the thread after posting the first thing that came to mind and find that I am once again, late to the draw. glad this was not a gun fight.

For the past year I have been categorically opposed to being in any form of a romantic relationship. I don't want to have to think about another person when I make decisions, or be expected to see the other person on a regular basis. I've casually dated people I have met at college parties, but haven't let it last more than a couple of weeks. Oh and it hasn't been exclusive.

Recently I met someone. She is best friends with a mutual friend of ours, who informs me she is attracted to me and almost certainly wants a relationship. I've been hanging out with her; she has slept over a few times this week. I'm loosely considering exclusivity with her, and was hoping that spending time together would help me decide. The ethical part of this situation exists because it's entirely possible I wont want to date her at all, but in the mean time I feel like I'm kind of leading her on -- getting her hopes up, if you will. I'm definitely into her, I just don't know if I want to date her.

What is the right thing to do? Do I continue to be indecisive, knowing that there is a chance I may want to embark on a relationship, all the while knowing I wont want anything more? Or do I stop everything and tell her this?

Dude, you have no choice in the matter, when/if its time it'll just happen and you'll have absolutely no control over it.

Be straight forward and as matter of fact about it as possible.

This.

Talk to her. It's all about communication.

Truth & Honesty - tell her how you feel so she can go in with eyes wide open.

Tell her you just want to be friends... in fewer words than that. I've gotten it down to three words...

Cheating on the Landlady eh?

With that "Kramer"hairdo of yours be thankfull for whatever comes down the pike:thumb:

... wearing a shirt made of sharpened cats.

Yikes! Yowwwww!

Crikey Allen - that just conjured up all manner of scary images.

The whole cake and eating it too thing, best of luck with that...no seriously.

Tell her you just want to be friends... in fewer words than that. I've gotten it down to three words...
"let's just ****." ?? or does the contraction count as 2 words? damn!

to the OP, you have to talk to her about it.

I think I may be too old-fashioned for this thread.
Me, too!!

Already slept over a few times. But doesn't know if it's a relationship. Leading on. Spending time together.

These words...how do they go together in the same thought????

Me, too!!

Already slept over a few times. But doesn't know if it's a relationship. Leading on. Spending time together.

These words...how do they go together in the same thought????

Hahaha. I don't really now how to respond. I don't think college is the place for serious relationships; better to have a good sampling to maximize your experience by the time you're out of college. That said, we've both been texting each other a whole lot. It's been almost two weeks and we still seem to enjoy each other's company; I expect it will lead into something exclusive soon. Thanks for the replies, all :).

Way too over thinking. Just go with the flow. If you try to analize a relationship before you're even in a relationship, you'll just make some huge error along the way.

Do you 2 text each other while "neeked"?

Do you 2 text each other while "neeked"?

Doesn't everyone?

stop being 16 years old and tell her you what you said in this thread.

Way too over thinking. Just go with the flow. If you try to analize a relationship before you're even in a relationship, you'll just make some huge error along the way.

somes this is a problem, sometimes it isn't.

Hahaha. I don't really now how to respond. I don't think college is the place for serious relationships; better to have a good sampling to maximize your experience by the time you're out of college. That said, we've both been texting each other a whole lot. It's been almost two weeks and we still seem to enjoy each other's company; I expect it will lead into something exclusive soon. Thanks for the replies, all :).

I either studied too hard while in college or I didn't go to the right college.

You sound like a little punk. If you dig the girl do the right thing and give it a chance. If you want to be a selfish self-centerd ultimately lonely little ******bag you have that option too.

Best advice to you...Grow up.

You sound like a little punk. If you dig the girl do the right thing and give it a chance. If you want to be a selfish self-centerd ultimately lonely little ******bag you have that option too.

Best advice to you...Grow up.
:roflmao:

Someone is taking cow's posts a weeeee too serious...

:roflmao:

Someone is taking cow's posts a weeeee too serious...

Possibly. :beer:

PC2, when you are ready to get rid of her, put on your new suit.

PC2, when you are ready to get rid of her, put on your new suit.

lolololol I shall.

I either studied too hard while in college or I didn't go to the right college.
Me, too!

PC2, when you are ready to go out clubbing, put on your new suit.

Zhuzzed it up 4 u

PC2, when you are ready to get rid of her, put on your new suit.

.....with assless chaps.:thumb:

Dude, you have no choice in the matter, when/if its time it'll just happen and you'll have absolutely no control over it.

THIS is the truth. If she is the one, you will find that you don't want to screw around. But seriously, be honest.