Jokes & Humor - Fat People in Cars

Fat People in Cars

They block the bike lane
before they turn right
way before they turn
which is really stupid since
there's no right turn lane
and the cars going straight
can't get around them anyway
but there they are
fat people in cars
hugging the right shoulder
even though they just passed me
they forgot about me already
my bike is pretty narrow
but they are so close to the curb
that sometimes I can't get through.

Sometimes at an intersection
if I'm the first in my lane
and nobody is in the other
the light doesn't change because
fat people in cars
are behind me so far
that they don't trip the light
I motion them to come forward
or point down at the sensor
but they don't get it
they probably think I'm crazy
because well just look at me
I'm wearing tights and a helmet
my bike won't trigger the light
it's not even made of metal.

At every red light
I go right to the front
of the line because I can
and I always leave room in case
anyone wants to turn right
but sometimes a car will have
its right blinker on and stop
because they don't think
they have enough room to fit
around the corner because
fat people in cars
don't know how large
their vehicles really are
so they block the lane for
anyone else who wants to turn.

When I am trying to turn left
at some road or driveway
without a signal or stop sign
there's always someone
in the oncoming traffic lane
who slows down or even stops
to wave me generously across
their lane in front of them
it's kind of bizarre
fat people in cars
think they are doing me a favor
even though they are about to
get rear-ended or even worse
cause someone behind them to
swerve into my lane and hit me.

They pass me and cut me off
with a quick right turn
or pass me but suddenly
realize they can't make it
after they nearly
swiped my handlebars
fat people in cars
can't see me any more
so they hit the brakes
and wait for me to pass
like they should have
in the first place
except now they are liable
to get rear-ended which
might take me out as well.

You know who you are
fat people in cars.

Copyright Tom Fangrow 2004. All rights reserved.

Fat People in Cars

They block the bike lane
before they turn right
way before they turn
which is really stupid since
there's no right turn lane
and the cars going straight
can't get around them anyway
but there they are
fat people in cars
hugging the right shoulder
even though they just passed me
they forgot about me already
my bike is pretty narrow
but they are so close to the curb
that sometimes I can't get through.

Sometimes at an intersection
if I'm the first in my lane
and nobody is in the other
the light doesn't change because
fat people in cars
are behind me so far
that they don't trip the light
I motion them to come forward
or point down at the sensor
but they don't get it
they probably think I'm crazy
because well just look at me
I'm wearing tights and a helmet
my bike won't trigger the light
it's not even made of metal.

At every red light
I go right to the front
of the line because I can
and I always leave room in case
anyone wants to turn right
but sometimes a car will have
its right blinker on and stop
because they don't think
they have enough room to fit
around the corner because
fat people in cars
don't know how large
their vehicles really are
so they block the lane for
anyone else who wants to turn.

When I am trying to turn left
at some road or driveway
without a signal or stop sign
there's always someone
in the oncoming traffic lane
who slows down or even stops
to wave me generously across
their lane in front of them
it's kind of bizarre
fat people in cars
think they are doing me a favor
even though they are about to
get rear-ended or even worse
cause someone behind them to
swerve into my lane and hit me.

They pass me and cut me off
with a quick right turn
or pass me but suddenly
realize they can't make it
after they nearly
swiped my handlebars
fat people in cars
can't see me any more
so they hit the brakes
and wait for me to pass
like they should have
in the first place
except now they are liable
to get rear-ended which
might take me out as well.

You know who you are
fat people in cars.

Copyright 2004 Tom Fangrow. All rights reserved.

I feel you, I've seen these thoughtless drivers. I'm reminded of drivers who wave me through 4 way stop if they have the right of way, and going ahead of me when I have right of way. It's probably not the same drivers but I get the sense of generosity in the first case and perhaps they expect me to be generous too in the latter case? It's like whoever has the right of way should magnanimously offer to forgo that right in the name of kindness. Perhaps to makes everybody feel good about themselves? I think it would be a lot easier if we all follow the rules of right of way. Its a good way to determine who goes and every thing happens as expected, less delay from confusion. "no, you go, no you go, no..." Jeez Louise!

I don't think it's because they are fat, I'm over weight and I don't drive like that. You can call them "fat heads" I guess. I ate and drank too much, I'll admit it. Just a little more calories than you need each day will add up to extra weight with time. I'll try to lose the weight but even if I get skinny again, I will always resent the bigotry that your poem seems to reflect.

I'm certainly capable of these negative thoughts. When I eat right and lose a few pounds, I catch myself muttering under my breath "fat bastard" when I'm slighted by an obese individual, but I quickly realize I'm still fat and how lame my thinking is. For a lean, mean biking machine, it's got to be a lot tougher not to judge people prejudicially like that. Trust me, such judgements do not make you look good, and should be kept to yourself, not even muttered under the breath so no one can hear.

I like it Tom,

I didn’t get/feel the “bigotry” that gmsdc15 felt.

I read it as fat, as in fat cat, or all the people in cars in general. (Not as fat as in rotund)

That’s the beauty of prose it can be taken as through the mind of the observer.

Car carries plump one
Passing close too hurriedly
Lousy at bike-u

Thanks for the gentle rebuke. I apologize to you and anyone else who may be offended. By the way, I myself am not as lean and mean as you might imagine.
Tom

Thank You, Tom. I know you meant it in the way Worldwind read it. Apology accepted, I get and agree with the gist of your poem. Peace, fellow wheelman!

Car carries plump one
Passing close too hurriedly
Lousy at bike-u




Low-Q Haiku
No one likes tofu

What's up with those people anyway?

The fat people around here feel a need to pass on a double yellow with on coming cars a block before a red light.
And there is an obvious break in traffic coming up that would permit safe passing! WTF!

By 'fat people' I mean out of shape due to driving rather than biking, they don't nessesarily have to be jelly bellies.