Foo - Tired of Tantrums!!

Yet another rant from Cycleprincess!! AAGGHH I am sick and tired of tantrums!! My girl just turned three, and she is still every bit in the "terriable twos". A girlfriend of mine told me that if they are terrors at two they'll be infinately better when they turn three. Well...not so yet! I'm still hoping that'll happen soon. She has throws a little tantrum for everything. Trying to get her out of the gym today was such a hassle. She pitched a fit because she wanted to see *Jane*. Well, Jane is a really good friend of mine and my girl just loves her. Okay, she could hear her voice because she was cueing an aerobics class over the microphone, so she wanted to see her. Well I walk her upstairs so she can see her through the door, and Jane waved and said hello and that was it, I wanted to leave. NO...she screamed and threw herself on the floor. I removed her the best I could the whole tims she is kicking and screaming while I'm trying to carry a gym bag, my purse and the accoutrements of a toddler. We are leaving the gym and she is still in full scream tantrum and it is embarassing. People who have kids can understand it's an "age thing" but other people look at me like "what are you doing to that child"! I'm just so tired. I have friends who tell me all the time, I just don't see how you do it. And even strangers tell me, "well you certainly have your hands full". Duh...ya think!! I have one friend who is fond of saying, God will only give you what you can handle. Well in that case, I'm thinkin He better give me some patience for her soon, or snap her out of this! Cuz she's having three or four full scale tantrums a day and I am reaching my "I can handle this" limit. Thank God I'm not a single parent. I know I couldn't do this alone. Hubby is out of town for three days and that's about long enough! I need a vacation.

CALGON...TAKE ME AWAY!!

CALGON...TAKE ME AWAY!!
http://www.cripplefight.com/smileys/needpics.gif

http://www.cripplefight.com/smileys/needpics.gif

You would have to be a seriously lucky fella to see me in a bubble bath!!

just ignore the child. don't even say anything to the child until the child realizes that the child will not always get the child's way.

I am not suggesting this at all. My mother used to give us something to cry about if we pulled that! She would slap us to sleep sometimes, then slap us for sleeping.

well this is a first, but Merton is 100% right.
Let her have her tantrum, and walk away.
She has to learn that she is not the power in the
family.
Having survived 2 I can assure you, it will get better.

Marty

You would have to be a seriously lucky fella to see me in a bubble bath!!
Lucky. Or an address.

yeah try and slap your way out of this..ahr come on..

i think you are on to the way out. " god gots ta give me patience ". and thats it!
i know its a pain and it will rile you and break her/your heart.. but basically both of you have to get to a point where these tantrums are futile.- wait. speak softly and let her scream and roll if its her fancy. she will tire. of course you would have to move her out of the gym today, but then just sit and wait it out. calmly tell her that she is on the wrong path, and nothing will come of it.BUT when she is done acting like a baby both of you can have some fun ( playground etc.). and you are bored now . " are you ready?".. this is the easiest thing to say , and the hardest to carry out. dont let her get the upper hand. control your temper and the situation.. good luck. may the force be with you.
:D my daughter is 3.5 - it gets better.. eh and then again. shes started doing it to me: "dad i gotta tell you".. yees? "i think that we ought to..." i mean having a eye to eye where she is telling me how it is .. you gotta love it. and as long as its relatively sensible, ill roll with it..
good luck ..
/m

It is imperative that you listen to your daughter when she speaks to you and try to comply when you can and if you can’t, you must explain why not. She is a small adult and has feelings and needs. I don’t mean to insult you but most of the time when children resort to tantrums it is out of frustration that they are not being listened to or are not having things explained to then. If you think that your child can’t comprehend the complexities and the time restraints that drive an adults world you are wrong. If you explain it to them they will grow to understand little by little. You must be very consistent, and at first you must go out of your way to allow there requests much of the time.

“Ok my darling here are the new rules. There will be no more tantrums, you will ask me nicely in a sweet way and when you do, I will do my best to oblige you. I promise if you ask nicely I will listen to you, and you will promise you will not throw a fit.”

“I'm sorry dear, you can't go to the gym today because you had a tantrum the last time. You will have a time out with the sitter while I am at the gym. If the sitter reports that you didn’t have any tantrums while I was at the gym you will be able to go next time.”

“You were a good girl for Mommy today. When you are good and help Mommy It makes me happy I think we should play dress up for an hour because we finished up our errands in record time.”

punishment, logic and reward are something the child should already be gettin. waht the child needs is a good ignorin if these things are already being had.

punishment, logic and reward are something the child should already be gettin. waht the child needs is a good ignorin if these things are already being had.
that didn't work with my ex-wife.

that's waht prenuptuals are for.

Yah it’s probably just a fluke that My oldest Daughter is in the Peace Corps. My Son works at SLAC the liner accelerator at Stanford University and my Youngest Daughter is a depart manager of a large retail outlet. As children and teens I could take then hiking, canoeing and spelunking and trust that they would do exactly as asked when asked.

they're too maliable. you need to instill some ability for rebellion in your offspring.

I have tried the walk away aproach, but she has no "oh no, where is mommy going". That actually scares me, because she doesn't have the stranger danger thing going on either. A good friend of mine put it this way. She is a very headstrong and independent spirit. When she reaches her teenage years, if you (I) have raised her right, she will have the strength and courage to stand up to her peers when temptation comes (drugs, sex, whatever). I can only hope she is right. I have seen the opposite personality in one of my friends kids, her little boy is so passive and I can see him being the "follower" type personality. Not my girl...obviously a lleader.

When she is not throwing a tantrum we have a lot of fun together, and nothing beats when she falls asleep in my arms. Bottom line is she's the greatest little girl and I wouldn't change her. Tantrums and all I love her more than anything else. get frustrated, and have to vent sometimes. I tell ya though...she wants what she wants. Hmmm...I wonder who she gets that from?

The walk away and ignore it advice can work but not at the gym or out in public. Pick her up, bring her to the car, strap her in and then let her vent. You can pick her up and hold her when you get home and she has calmed down. I have three girls, 3 mo, 3 yrs and 5 yrs. However, different things work with different children.

Dan

You would have to be a seriously lucky fella to see me in a bubble bath!!

I've got both fingers crossed and I'm searching for four-leaf clovers :D .

For the three-year-old, get a book by John Rosemond on child rearing. It will restore your sanity.

For the three-year-old, get a book by John Rosemond on child rearing. It will restore your sanity.

Maybe the three year old is too young to read stuff like that! :D

Whatever did parents do before Johnny R came along?

I have tried the walk away aproach, but she has no "oh no, where is mommy going". That actually scares me, because she doesn't have the stranger danger thing going on either. A good friend of mine put it this way. She is a very headstrong and independent spirit. When she reaches her teenage years, if you (I) have raised her right, she will have the strength and courage to stand up to her peers when temptation comes (drugs, sex, whatever). I can only hope she is right. I have seen the opposite personality in one of my friends kids, her little boy is so passive and I can see him being the "follower" type personality. Not my girl...obviously a lleader.

When she is not throwing a tantrum we have a lot of fun together, and nothing beats when she falls asleep in my arms. Bottom line is she's the greatest little girl and I wouldn't change her. Tantrums and all I love her more than anything else. get frustrated, and have to vent sometimes. I tell ya though...she wants what she wants. Hmmm...I wonder who she gets that from?


That kid sounds like me when I was a kid....one day my mom snapped and decided to bring herself to my level to see how I liked it, so she faked crying and throwing a fit whenever I did.....she said after seeing my first ever "WTF faces", that I stopped it on the second time...no more tantrums.

I was also the kid that managed to disappear into a busy shopping mall....she found me an hour later walking around drinking a coke. Neither of us have any clue how I managed to buy a coke to this day. I also hide inside anyhting I could find...cabinets, the dryer, behind sofas, whatever. When i brought food with me that became really *fun*. Oh, and if she voices her mind, be careful....I was never exposed to people of other races until I was 4, and when I saw a black woman for the first time, apprently I said something that was a bit socially uncomfortable, at least to my mom. Kids tend to voice their minds a whole bunch, so be warned!

/I havent had kids, but after my mom's stories and helping my bud take care of his 3 kids when he's tkaing hte wife out...I got a good feel for the pain :o

The walk away and ignore it advice can work but not at the gym or out in public. Pick her up, bring her to the car, strap her in and then let her vent. You can pick her up and hold her when you get home and she has calmed down. I have three girls, 3 mo, 3 yrs and 5 yrs. However, different things work with different children.

Dan best advice yet. This approach makes it clear you are not going to put up with it and avoids making more of a scene. Once she has calmed down, explain why you did what you did but keep your wits about you and hope you can instill some respect.

I think a lot of parents just give in so they can calm the kid down and keep the peace,but just ignoring them (In a public place especially ) is pretty nerveracking for anyone else. My sister has a way with kids since sheworks with very difficult autistic kids and babysits her friends (normal) kids. One of them has a girl who is ten,but when she was little she was just a spoiled brat because her parents are lazy and if she had a tantrum they'd do anything to avoid it. One thing parents can't tolerate is hearing their kid say "I hate you!" Remember, they're KIDS! THey'll forget it five minutes later and they won't hate you. The best thing is not to let it seem like a tantrum is going to mean the end of the world- it'll pass. BUT DO not bribe kids in order to avoid or end tantrums- that is the sure way to raise a spoiled brat. Tantrums are normal at that age, but I know it must be terribly trying.

Just what the world needs...

Parenting, Mothering and Child Psychology adviCe (***NOTICE THE LETTER "C" NOT "S") on a Cycling forum where I'd guess the average age to be somewhere between 15-28 years old.

:crash:

The miracles never cease to amaze...

:lol:

Just what the world needs...

Parenting, Mothering and Child Psychology adviCe (***NOTICE THE LETTER "C" NOT "S") on a Cycling forum where I'd guess the average age to be somewhere between 15-28 years old.

:crash:

The miracles never cease to amaze...

:lol:


I haven't seen anyone posting anything to this thread that doesn't seem to be based on personal experience. (with the possible exception of Merton, but I can make allowances for him)

The Foo forum is a place where people who have made friends talking bike stuff in the other forums can talk about non-bike stuff - just like you would with the bike buddies you meet face to face - or do you require that the discussion is limited to bike stuff only with them too? If that's not ok with you, why read the Foo forum, and particularly this thread, at all?

I had a computer question recently and I asked it here. For a one of thing it's not worth the hassle to register with a computer related forum, and I know there's bound to be someone here with the experience to provide a reasonable answer. I assume cycleprincess was working on the same theory. There are certainly plenty of parents on these boards, some with decades of experience.

And I suspect you're wrong about the average age thing too. Check the archives for the latest 'what's your age poll'.

Now, stop hijacking threads and go read something you can either provide useful advice on or at least find entertaining.

For the record, cycleprincess, from what I can tell, you're doing a good job as a Mum. Kids that age throw tantrums whatever you do. They're just testing the limits of what they can get away with. I think you did the right thing in the 'Jane Incident' - sometimes you just have to pick them up and go and let them scream. I wouldn't be embarrased about it though. People who have had kids have been exactly where you are and understand, the rest can't possibly understand, so stuff 'em.

(just to show my credentials: I'm father to three boys, 6, 2 (almost 3) and 4 months - I've been there)

For the record, cycleprincess, from what I can tell, you're doing a good job as a Mum. Kids that age throw tantrums whatever you do. They're just testing the limits of what they can get away with. I think you did the right thing in the 'Jane Incident' - sometimes you just have to pick them up and go and let them scream. I wouldn't be embarrased about it though. People who have had kids have been exactly where you are and understand, the rest can't possibly understand, so stuff 'em.

(just to show my credentials: I'm father to three boys, 6, 2 (almost 3) and 4 months - I've been there)

Thanks so much for the support. I try really very hard to be a good mother. The last two days at the gym she has resisted leaving the kids club. Runs away and makes me or one of the other workers to retrieve her from the giant plastic maze (much like at McDonalds). P.S. those aren't made for adults...holy tight spaces batman! So, the last two days she has done that, and both times she got a time out, right on the spot. She hates that. Then later in the car she asks for a "purple slush" and I just have had to explain to her that slushes and the like are treats. And little girls who get time-outs for misbehaving, don't get treats. I don't know if she understands or not (I would like to think that some part of her does, although she is only three, she is quite smart) but eventually she'll catch on regardless. It will be interesting to see how many time outs she will have to receive for this particular behavior before she learns to come when called. Thank you again...and congratulations on the new baby!!

I haven't seen anyone posting anything to this thread that doesn't seem to be based on personal experience. (with the possible exception of Merton, but I can make allowances for him)

The Foo forum is a place where people who have made friends talking bike stuff in the other forums can talk about non-bike stuff - just like you would with the bike buddies you meet face to face - or do you require that the discussion is limited to bike stuff only with them too? If that's not ok with you, why read the Foo forum, and particularly this thread, at all?

I had a computer question recently and I asked it here. For a one of thing it's not worth the hassle to register with a computer related forum, and I know there's bound to be someone here with the experience to provide a reasonable answer. I assume cycleprincess was working on the same theory. There are certainly plenty of parents on these boards, some with decades of experience.

And I suspect you're wrong about the average age thing too. Check the archives for the latest 'what's your age poll'.

Now, stop hijacking threads and go read something you can either provide useful advice on or at least find entertaining.


At least you typed "advice" versus "advise" in your last sentence-major snaps for that. I see nothing "hijacking" in my reply by the way... otherwise I apologize deeply and profusely that my reply was devoid of the relevant, entertaining, useful, insightful and witty prose that is one of your many usual hallmarks.

I just want to be like you, Alli... alas, I need more work. :)

waht is CALGON?

waht is CALGON?

Classic!

Real quick story that drives home what most people have already said. My family was travelling once and I decided to throw a down on the floor, hands pounding the floor tantrum smack dab in the middle of the airport terminal. My parents took one look at me and didn't even bat an eyelid as they kept walking to the counter. Needless to say I stopped real quick and learnt a lesson. As a kid most any spankings or fights with my parents were more or less forgotten by the next day.

waht is CALGON?

I do believe his age is showing!! Should we tell him??

I do believe his age is showing!! Should we tell him??
Calgon is like jello or pudding, but instead of wrestling in it, you just soak.

O_o .... why would i soak in pudding? is it edible?

Calgon is like jello or pudding, but instead of wrestling in it, you just soak.

OMG I am literally laughing my ass off!!!

What's funnier is I think he thinks you are serious!!!!

then what the crap is it? it sounds like a badguy on some dorky ass 80's video game... O_o

OMG I am literally laughing my ass off!!!!
Don't laugh too hard.

Don't laugh too hard.

dont' worry...I didn't have much of a behind to begin with!! In fact since cycling, I am begining to get one. Nice and firm... :D

i googled it. it is water softener. why are you asking water softenenr to take you away?


O_o this is very strange.

Ok...here is the deal...Calgon is a brand of bubble bath. There was a comercial years and years ago where this lady says "Calgon...take me away" and she sinks into a bubble bath. http://www.takemeaway.com/ They still make it!

I guess I'm old and gross, I remember that ad too.

Speaking of babies, does anyone remember Junket? SPeaking of pudding.