Foo - Surefire Ways to Get Fired

When the boss tells you to do something immediately, say 'I'll get right on that, right after I update my Facebook status!'

unless updating your facebook status was the thing he/she wanted you to do immediately, then you'd get a raise for being ahead of the game.

Send out a mass email of a pic of your genitals. (This may also get you dates and/or a sexual harassment case) Bonus!

Don't have an affair with the bosses wife.

I have an acquaintance who did.

Make brownies for all your cow orkers.

Make brownies for all your cow orkers.

Ouch! Good one :lol:

Make brownies for all your cow orkers.

How would that get someone fired? Heck, that's usually the leverage for seasonal temps to become permanent employees!

How would that get someone fired? Heck, that's usually the leverage for seasonal temps to become permanent employees!

These are special brownies.

These are special brownies.

AH, say no more...

Use the office copier to make copies of dollar bills and then use those to jam up all the snack machines in the lunch room.

Develop a spontaneous case of Tourettes...

Cook smelly, rotten fish in the lunchroom microwave.

Oh wait - I just wish that would get people fired.

Two words...

ass-less chaps

Two words...

ass-less chaps

:twitchy: but hilarious!

Make sure to inform everyone how you shouldn't have volunteered at the TB clinic over the weekend, then continously cough in their face while they are trying to talk to you.

Two words...

ass-less chaps

In Switzerland, wearing red undies could get you fired.

The Associated Press is reporting Swiss bankers may soon be allowed to wear red underwear and black nail polish. They may even be allowed to eat garlic.

Swiss banking giant UBS AG said Monday it is revising its 44-page dress code telling its Swiss staff how to present themselves, which generated worldwide ridicule for its micromanagement of their dressing and dining habits.

The code instructs employees on everything from their breath — no garlic or onions, please — to their underwear, which should be skin-colored.

I have no idea who they would appoint to do the underwear inspection every day to ensure employee compliance.

As someone with Irish / Scottish / Welsh/ German heritage, after a long ride in August, red undies could be skin-colored for me.

It still wouldn't be a good look, though.

Print out a copy of your resume on the office printer and change your duties to 'kissing a**, doing other people's jobs because they are too stupid to do them, surfing neferious websites, and wasting time' then leave it there.

MP - In my old job I had to write out a yearly self assessment of my accomplishments and skills and was thankful I had a supervisor that had a good sense of humour as one year I filed one that would have got some people fired... and she passed it up to the president of the agency who also had a good sense of humour.

It also got me promoted.

Found this one.

Update everyone in the office by e-mail whenever you do anything... bathroom breaks, coffee breaks, scratching the nether regions, every time you get to thinking about tapping that secretary down in accounting.

:lol:

Park your bike in the bosses parking stall.

I've had coworkers get fired in the following ways:


Leaving their roach in the ashtray of the company van after delivering a job.
Taking beer breaks and offering beers to your coworker & a customer.
Having your mother call in sick for you stating that you're out of town on a family emergency, when you're really in the county jail facing charges of child molestation.
When the Regional Manager is visiting, print a copy of the business plan for the company you and a coworker are starting up that will directly compete with what you're currently doing for the company.
When your month-end sales almost are enough for a new record, ring in fake sales and charge them to a couple of your biggest corporate clients, close out the end of month, then credit them back the sales, thus starting the new month in the hole, only to repeat the cycle for the next 3-6 months until the corporate client's AP department notices that their billing history has strange activity.

Exchange the name plates of your bosses office and the employee restroom.

In my case, demanding a pic of my boss' wife in a too-tight French Maid outfit would likely do it -- especially if I specified "leaning over to clean the tub" as the pose.

Playing "Ricochet Kills 2" on the boss' desktop would do, as well.

Instead of candy put out a bowl of condoms and a note that says 'Hot B*tches Only'

Fix breakfast for the office...after everyone's eaten, say something like "Alpo was so much cheaper then sausage patties".

I've had coworkers get fired in the following ways:


Leaving their roach in the ashtray of the company van after delivering a job.
Taking beer breaks and offering beers to your coworker & a customer.
Having your mother call in sick for you stating that you're out of town on a family emergency, when you're really in the county jail facing charges of child molestation.
When the Regional Manager is visiting, print a copy of the business plan for the company you and a coworker are starting up that will directly compete with what you're currently doing for the company.
When your month-end sales almost are enough for a new record, ring in fake sales and charge them to a couple of your biggest corporate clients, close out the end of month, then credit them back the sales, thus starting the new month in the hole, only to repeat the cycle for the next 3-6 months until the corporate client's AP department notices that their billing history has strange activity.


Some of those might even get you jail time! Yippee

Fix breakfast for the office...after everyone's eaten, say something like "Alpo was so much cheaper then sausage patties".

Nah; just make them some lovely pastries, then leave a copy of this out: http://5z8.info/trojan_dqa (NSFW. N even remotely SFW. If this is SF your W, I really don't every want to do business with you.)

Spend countless hours on BF.

If you work in an architecture office, or engineering office: change the cad template to a drawing of a beaver attacking a palm tree. The beaver is set an an annotative block that grows or shinks as the drawing scale changes.

Didn't get me fired, but did get a few laughs out of people in the office.

Accept a great job offer, then smoke a joint to celebrate the night before the mandatory prehire drug test.

This was done by someone my sister was going to hire. They were shocked that the failed drug test lost the job for them.

I have no idea who they would appoint to do the underwear inspection every day to ensure employee compliance.
They don't need to do an inspection for compliance. I used to work with a woman who wore thin white pants and bright red, blue, purple, and yellow underwear and/or bras every day and you could see them through her pants/shirts from the end of the hall. It was actually, truly, really distracting and annoying, so I can see where this Swiss bank is coming from and I can't necessarily disagree.

Where I work now, we have an issue of women wearing black skirts with bright white underwear who are new to wearing skirts so they don't think about how to sit, thus flashing their bright white underwear all day long. That is distracting, too, as you can see it out of the corner of your eye when you least expect it; you feel bad for noticing, but white on black is hard to miss regardless of the context. I wish HR could implement a black underwear rule, but I am sure that wouldn't go over well.

Anyway, what was I going to say...oh, yeah...funny timing of this thread as my boss just got half-fired/severely demoted for doing things for two months that would have gotten the rest of us completely fired in one day if we did it.

Dress up as The Grim Reaper and stand behind your co-worker without saying anything. Every once in awhile, tap them on the shoulder with your scythe and laugh maniacally.

Anyway, what was I going to say...oh, yeah...funny timing of this thread as my boss just got half-fired/severely demoted for doing things for two months that would have gotten the rest of us completely fired in one day if we did it.

That's always nice isn't it?

Buy Lifetime BF memberships for everyone.

What contributed to my eventual dismissal from a crappy sale job with a complete tool of sales manager was the following phone conversation:

Manager: What are you doing right now to drive sales? (No hello, can you talk name or other courtesy)

Me: Nothing

Manager: What the hell are you doing! Why aren't you out hitting the bricks & driving sales

Me: Because I'm on the phone with you, answering the same question you asked 30 minutes ago.

*Phone slam*

He constantly reminded all of us what an invaluable resource he was. A direct quote was "I'm a tool, use me!" Didn't understand why all of us were laughing. And he wore the most gawd-awful aftershave ever. In my 25 years of sales, hr was the only sales manager I had with no redeeming qualities.

I wonder if this will get me fired. As a software engineer to have this posted outside my cubicle:
http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/good_code.png

^No Software Development Manager in their right mind would ever fire someone for that.

On the other hand, I have a document currently hanging at my desk which describes a QA process in the terms of a drinking game. ;)

It didn't get me fired, but I sure didn't get a good review the quarter that I stood up in a Group Meeting and told the manager that his raffle tickets for a TV if we worked 3 extra hours a day worked out to the same as paying us 33 cents and hour for overtime.

Fix breakfast for the office...after everyone's eaten, say something like "Alpo was so much cheaper then sausage patties".

so that's what got into your avatar....

This. (http://www.bikeforums.net/showthread.php/708295-How-does-stuff-like-this-get-through?p=12107423&viewfull=1#post12107423)

Secretly switch the coffee at work to decaf.

Here is a screenshot of something I found in my email this morning. Distributing these around the office may do the job...

http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5201/5374284813_174c452b67_b.jpg

I am hurt that the above form uses "to" instead of "too." :( :(

I am hurt that the above form uses "to" instead of "too." :( :(

I get warm fuzzies because someone else noticed this...