Jokes & Humor - My Mitch Hedberg style jokes.
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"Don't go to laundromat on Baymeadows Rd.. There is a deep sink for customers."
"One time a friend told me, "You get an A for effort". I told him, "Dude, effort is spelled with an E"
"I didn't wanna drink before the show, so I got me some rubbing alcohol"
all right, all right...
Mitch was an awesome talent. Lots of one-liner deadpan similar to Steven Wright. Still, another very creative mind lost to drugs.
"I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to, too"
Gotta love the "Is a hippopotamus a hippopotamus, or just a really cool Opotamus?" :lol:
Hey, that was post #666...creepy :eek:
I do have pointy ears after all. ;)
He was a true genius. His delivery was one of the best.
One of my favorites was
"My roommate would say, "I need to shave and shower. Does anyone need to use the bathroom?" It's like some weird quiz where he reveals the answer first"
rkelley23
04-15-11, 01:49 PM
" a guy asked me if i wanted a frozen banana and i said no.... but i wanted a regular banana later...so yeahh"
"the best thing about an escalator is it never breaks it only becomes stairs"
The guy said "here's a picture of me when I was younger." Dude, isn't every picture of you when you were younger?
rkelley23
04-15-11, 02:23 PM
"i saw a seagull hanging out by a lake, Dont worry dude I wont say anything"
rkelley23
04-15-11, 02:30 PM
i dont have a girlfriend but i know a woman who would be mad at me for saying that
"i saw a seagull hanging out by a lake, Dont worry dude I wont say anything"
Another one of his that's similar to that one.
"People say dolphins are intelligent, but there must be some dumb ass dolphins out there. I'm gonna find one. Probably in a lake."
Ohh and I came up with another one BTW...
It's very confusing to me when people say "I am speechless". It's like a bird flying and yelling "I can't fly".
And here is some more.
Eating well is important. I wanna watch what I eat, but first, I need to get a camera that goes inside my mouth.
Some people say, "you are what you eat", but I never dared to go through with that theory...... My boogers are as far as I go and that was long time ago.
YamiRider1316
04-20-11, 06:29 PM
I miss mitch. "I wanna be a racecar passenger. Just the guy who annoys the driver. Can we turn on the radio, can i put my feet out the window.... man you really like tide" or "smokey the bear is waaay more intense in person"
I have eyes in the back of my head,,,,whenever I turn around.
Yesterday I got me an entry level bike and it's gonna be years before I get me an exit level bike.
I wish I could get an high end bike, but I am just starting out. I'd get me the high beginning one, but they don't have it.
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