Foo - To laugh or cry?

I just got a phone call from my sister (the ambulance paramedic), who said she had some seriously bad news that was not entirely unexpected.

It wasn't grandma (turning 100 in a month).
It wasn't dad (quadruple bypass survivor, early Alzheimer's).

But it was kinda funny...

She was just chatting to another paramedic who said, "hey, we did a heroin OD last night and the deceased had the same surname as you. That was kinda strange."

It's not a really common name.

My sister replied, "Was it in X building, in X street?" I knew who it was by this stage in the story.

Other paramedic goes pale. The rules are that you are not supposed to blurt this stuff out to someone related. There is a process about this.

Other paramedic apologises etc and looks pretty silly. My sister says not to worry, our cousin has been a drug addict for 25+ years and it was going to happen sooner or later.

The other paramedic then calls her supervisor and tells him the situation. Basically they have screwed the pooch and told my sister something they shouldn't have.

The supervisor then said, "Well, if that's the name of the other paramedic, you shouldn't have told me either! I'm related to her."

He's my other sister's partner.

I'm sad that my cousin is dead. He was actually quite a nice guy (if you ignore the multiple jail visits for stuff like burglary), but I'm not at all surprised.

But I'm laughing so hard at the poor paramedic who just couldn't cut a break!



I'll have to call mum and dad now. My uncle will be in a bad place. His 45yo son has just died and his 48yo daughter has just been diagnosed with nasty secondary cancer.

Sorry about your loss. Yes it is funny but I'm still saddened by your loss.
Ernest

Thanks E.

I'm not sure if this is heartless or strange, but I'm not really saddened so much by Nick's death as I am about how my Uncle will be feeling.

Sorry about your family's loss but I don't think you're heartless at all. It's that you already knew which direction his life and his activities were leading him to. His death was .....(for lack of a better word)..."expected"?

Be supportive of your uncle the best that you can be. He needs strength right now.

Bummer. I'm voting "cry".

Thanks for the good thoughts. Getting some hugs now that I'm home from work.


I've spoken to mum now and it gets worse, or better - depending how you look at it. It certainly gets funnier.

My sister Kate (paramedic) is trying to call oldest sister (Hilary) to get some phone numbers for a few of the family. My uncle's side of the family is a mess - just in case you haven't worked that out yet.

Hilary has forgotten her mobile phone at home and is now at work. Kate finally gets a hold of her via the company switch and tells her that there is some bad news.

"Nicky has died". Hilary starts screaming.

Did I mention that her partner, the other paramedic (Team Leader) mentioned above, is called Nick? I must have forgot, but he is.

"No, NO! Cousin Nick! COUSIN Nick!!!"

Tears of laughter and joy (well, sort of) ensue.

Hilary's partner has NEVER been called Nicky. Sheesh, get a grip woman!



Grandma took it pretty well. Mum went to the hostel where she is staying and spoke to the senior nurse first. The nurses have a strategy for this sort of thing, so mum followed their lead but all went well (as well as could be expected). I presume that folks will be keeping grandma busy with a little bit of extra company or supervision tonight.

Mum also told me that she wasn't sure if my uncle knew that his daughter was so ill with cancer. They don't talk much. Mum wasn't going to drop that on him, so no mention made. Uncle also didn't believe my sister when she called with the news. Apparently Cousin Nick had been up north working on some sort of fishing boat, so uncle thought it couldn't have been him back in the home town. Nick came back to town last week, all cashed up. Not sure if my aunt knows yet. There was a messy divorce 25 years ago and she's a bit of a nutter - we don't see much of her and my sister asked the police to do that notification.



Not much I can do from here (I'm in Hong Kong - family is in various parts of Australia and New Zealand).

Hope my uncle is together in a month or so when we all gather for grandma's 100th.

Sounds like lots of good memories are being born even as you and your family go through a hard time. Will say a prayer for you and your family Jonny.

Hope your cousin is now released from whatever pains and addictions were fighting him here.

I was going to say "So, your last name isn't Chan"? :)

I was going to say "So, your last name isn't Chan"? :)

I guess the Hong Kong paramedics are a bit more careful. There are an awful lot of Chans, Wongs, and Leungs in this town.

Jonny, I know the feeling about relatives. The story goes that there is only three degrees of separation in Vermont.

I guess the Hong Kong paramedics are a bit more careful. There are an awful lot of Chans, Wongs, and Leungs in this town.

Yeah, I go to a church that is mostly Cantonese-speakers. Everyone has a relative in HK. That's why I made the joke. :)

Yeah, I go to a church that is mostly Cantonese-speakers. Everyone has a relative in HK. That's why I made the joke. :)

And for some strange reason everyone in Hong Kong has a relative in Vancouver, Sydney or Melbourne. Odd town.

I'm so sorry to hear about your cousin. I just had a friend of mine overdose on heroin. He's struggled with this for over 20 years.

I hate this disease.

Couch

To laugh or cry?

Why not a little (or a lot) of both?


Jonny, I know the feeling about relatives. The story goes that there is only three degrees of separation in Vermont.

That many?

Small update.

My aunt (the mother of the deceased cousin), has banned us all from the funeral*. I think she banned everyone with our surname - a general blanket ban.

'Cause it's all our fault, you see.




*I wasn't going to fly down for it anyway...

Did I mention that my aunt is a nutter?

Raving psycho. I could tell funny stories all day.

I have an even worse story: back when I was in high school working as an EMT (before I became a paramedic), my volunteer department was called out to an auto crash. The aid unit and the fire engine rolled up to the scene of the accident where a car had collided at high speed with a building. The fire chief himself had responded to this accident in the command car. We were working on the single victim, the driver, when it became apparent that it was one of my high school classmates. Even worse, it was the fire chief's son. It turns out that he suffered from depression and committed suicide by crashing his car into a brick wall.

I have an even worse story: back when I was in high school working as an EMT (before I became a paramedic), my volunteer department was called out to an auto crash. The aid unit and the fire engine rolled up to the scene of the accident where a car had collided at high speed with a building. The fire chief himself had responded to this accident in the command car. We were working on the single victim, the driver, when it became apparent that it was one of my high school classmates. Even worse, it was the fire chief's son. It turns out that he suffered from depression and committed suicide by crashing his car into a brick wall.

That is going to be hard on everyone involved.

Isn't there a saying about the mess that people who commit suicide leave behind - broken loved ones and so on?

You'd think that he should have though it through enough to at the very least drive into a wall in the next county or whatever so that his family and friends wouldn't be the first responders.

Final update.

Funeral was early last week. No one from our family attended since my aunt banned everyone.

My cousin (the daughter, in New Zealand, with cancer) managed to convince her mother to let my uncle attend. So the funeral was the minister and both parents.

On the weekend, my sister and her man were out in a country town nearby where my aunt runs a handcrafts shop. When she was paying for lunch with her credit card, the guy at the restaurant sees the surname (not very common) and asks if my sister is the daughter of my aunt. My sister figures that my aunt will hear pretty quick that she's been in town. My sister figures it wouldn't look good if she just ran for it, so she finds my aunts store and goes in. Apparently all went well and they had a long chat (mostly civil, my sister had to steer it back if my dad, uncle or grandma were mentioned. It's all their fault you see).

We'll see how the whole family is in 4 weeks time when we gather for grandma's 100th birthday.

Or maybe you will all be banned from the party.

Or maybe you will all be banned from the party.

I'll be fine. I'm a good grandson. I call from overseas. I visit when I'm in town. I drink god-knows how many cups of tea and I let her talk my ear off.

You are indeed.

Today I found out my friend passed away last Friday from this disease. Joe was found in a back alley lifeless due to a heroin overdose. I remember the last time I talked with Joe very vividly. As he was leaving a rehab facility I gave a few words of advice and a A.A/N.A. daily reflections book. I also prayed for him and I plan on keeping him in my prayers for a very long time.

I've been told no human being can relieve or save guys like Joe and me for our disease. I've been told there is only one true power that can save us. While I know Joe gave his best and honest effort in recovery, he was one of the statistics we often talk about in the rooms. He is one of the unfortunate people who couldn't get it. He was a dear friend who's life was snuffed out by this ****ing disease.

He will be dearly missed by the people who love him. His life WILL be remembered for a very long time. Joe helped me out more than words can describe in the beginning of my recovery. I will always remain thankful and humble for the wisdom he provided when I was low and hurting. I just wish I was there when he needed someone but yet I know that I am not powerful enough to have stopped him.

Joe, I miss you dearly my friend. I hate this ****ing disease.

Rick