Jokes & Humor - Top 31 things you'll never hear a Southern Boy say...

Southern USA that is. I'll bet a lot of these would translate to Aussie though.


31. When I retire, I'm movin' north.

30. Oh I just couldn't, she's only sixteen.

29. I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex.

28. Duct tape won't fix that.

27. Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken

26. We don't keep firearms in this house.

25.. You can't feed that to the dog.

24. No kids in the back of the pickup, it's just not safe.

23. Wrestling is fake.

22. We're vegetarians.

21. Do you think my gut is too big?

20. I'll have grapefruit and grapes instead of biscuits and gravy.

19. Honey, we don't need another dog.

18. Who gives a damn who won the Civil War?

17. Give me the small bag of pork rinds.

16. Too many deer heads detract from the decor.

15. I just couldn't find a thing at Wal-Mart today.

14. Trim the fat off that steak.

13. Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.

12. The tires on that truck are too big.

11. I've got it all on the C: DRIVE.

10. Unsweetened tea tastes better.

9. My fiancée, Bobbie Jo, is registered at Tiffany's.

8. I've got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.

7. Checkmate

6. She's too young to be wearing a bikini.

5. Hey, here's an episode of "Hee Haw" that we haven't seen.

4. I don't have a favorite college team.

3. You Guys.

2. Those shorts really ought to be a little longer, Betty Mae.

AND THE NUMBER ONE THING THAT YOU WILL NEVER HEAR A SOUTHERN BOY
SAY:

1. Nope, no more for me. I'm driving!

Heh-heh. Do they even sell Heineken in the South?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SmVAWKfJ4Go

Wow! thanks for that, danlikes. I'd never seen that video, I know the song and Cash's cover quite well but never saw that vid.

Not exactly sure what the comment on the joke means cuz I don't really think of Cash as a Southern boy any more than Elvis or John Lee Hooker for that matter. The boys in Lynard Skinner or 38 Special more, but thanks anyway...

Heh-heh. Do they even sell Heineken in the South?

Well actually they do. They sell a fair amount of Sam Adams, too.

But yer basic dumb-ass redneck pick up truck driving, coon hunting, mouth breathing Southern boy probably buys and drinks Budweiser cuz of those funny ass frog commercials.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pVcbasIb8lQ

That made me think about this animated short. I do think your Southern US redneck and portions of the Australian population share many common traits.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t3ENUqV5-bw

Johnny Cash was born in Arkansas, yet still managed to win over 1/2 the population, from U2 to bob dylan and willie.

Thats what most southern boys are, Americian. Just trying to get along.

So your joke Hurts...

Not because it is true, but because this is how southern folks are viewed.

Dude, you don't get anymore Southern than me. I was born here in Georgia, my parents were born in GA, My grandparents were born in GA (with the exception of my very Irish grandmother) and I could claim a very high office in the Sons of the Confederacy from either side of my lineage.

I think there is an AWFUL lot of sideways truth in that joke. That's why it's funny. I also noted that this kind of male also exists in other cultural constructs, notably certain Australians I have had the pleasure of knowing. I have also posted a lot of Irish jokes here too. Knowing the foibles of your kind or yourself and finding and sharing the humor in it is, to me, a lot better than making jokes about "strangers" in my mind. I just wouldn't be comfortable telling Ole and Sven jokes or jokes with Polish or Italians as the butt. Not my people.

And as to being viewed as backwards or stupid? Nothing wrong with your opponent under estimating you because you tawk lak theyet.

Heh-heh. Do they even sell Heineken in the South?

Only when they are the official sponsors of a sporting event so no other beer is available!

At least that is the way it was really far South in Australia.

Of course there is one huge difference between there and the American South. In Australia the other beers are better than Heineken.

Well actually they do. They sell a fair amount of Sam Adams, too.

But yer basic dumb-ass redneck pick up truck driving, [b]coon hunting[/], mouth breathing Southern boy probably buys and drinks Budweiser cuz of those funny ass frog commercials.



I asked the puppies. They think Southern dogs are wimps, waiting for some guy with a gun to come shoot the coons.

Yea, I had my Presa bring me a 'gift', a live coon, carrying it like a cat carries a mouse.

Joey was a sweetheart. All Presa Canario, but also pure American attention hound.

I asked the puppies. They think Southern dogs are wimps, waiting for some guy with a gun to come shoot the coons.

Yea, I had my Presa bring me a 'gift', a live coon, carrying it like a cat carries a mouse.

Joey was a sweetheart. All Presa Canario, but also pure American attention hound.

Ya lucky b@st@rd! Good on ya!

Oh, I've been hearing 'roo is some good meat ta eat. Maybe you'll ship me a K or two of a good cut, maybe?

I was born in Mass, and I live in Mass now, but I spent 17 years in the FL panhandle. The area is redneck central, no doubt. Having said that, I can't argue with any of those lines, except #7. I played a ton of chess when I lived there, and usually got my butt whooped. It was a very popular pastime.

Dude, you don't get anymore Southern than me. I was born here in Georgia, my parents were born in GA, My grandparents were born in GA (with the exception of my very Irish grandmother) and I could claim a very high office in the Sons of the Confederacy from either side of my lineage.

I'm sure many of us could equal your southern roots. I could. I have lots of kin in Georgia going back before the woah and other states as well. My great-great-great grandfather a circuit rider and chaplin to the Senate of the Nation of Texas, used to say that the slavery was the only thing he couldn't stand about the place. His wife became to be known as the Mother of Texas. Some of us are proud enough to see the energy and diversity of the place and don't go spreading stereotypes that conform to what is typically assumed about southerners.


I think there is an AWFUL lot of sideways truth in that joke. That's why it's funny. I also noted that this kind of male also exists in other cultural constructs, notably certain Australians I have had the pleasure of knowing. I have also posted a lot of Irish jokes here too. Knowing the foibles of your kind or yourself and finding and sharing the humor in it is, to me, a lot better than making jokes about "strangers" in my mind. I just wouldn't be comfortable telling Ole and Sven jokes or jokes with Polish or Italians as the butt. Not my people.And as to being viewed as backwards or stupid? Nothing wrong with your opponent under estimating you because you tawk lak theyet.

Your people? You are not treating them as your people, your exposing them as the others, carnival freaks. Yes, people like that exist in Australia, California and a great many places. But to peg it to the Southerner or the Irish, or the Poles, Norwegians or the Japanese does no one any good. It's interesting that you seem to want to peg it to an ethnic group and fail to see the universality. Ultimately you are laughing at others pain and not laughing with the pain we all must endure, and thus fail to tap the real roots of humor.

I admit that it's 2:30 am and I just woke up hours before the alarm, so I'm a bit more inclined to be a curmudgeon right now. Thank eu.

Now point 29 might have been funny if you had managed to mix up Shakespeare the writer and Shakespeare the fishing tackle.

Oh, I've been hearing 'roo is some good meat ta eat. Maybe you'll ship me a K or two of a good cut, maybe?

Was this addressed to me? I think it might be. Sorry I can't help. I don't live in Oz. Just was down there for the 2003 Rugby World Cup.

If this helps:

Native Bostonians:
- Know that good Italian food does not, repeat, does not, come from the Olive Garden.
- Have never been to something called “Red Lobster”.
- Don’t use directional signals when driving. After all, this is like giving information to the enemy.
- Know where everything is, in relation to Dunkin Donuts. Example: “You head down comm ave, and pass two Dunkin Donuts. Turn right at the second Dunkin Donuts, and you’ll come to the T stop.
- Went to a public high school where even the cafeteria knew how to make a decent clam chowder, and really good spaghetti.
- Never speak the name “Bill Buckner”, in public. Ever.
- Walk around in January with their coats unzipped or unbuttoned. No one thinks anything is strange about this.
- Refer to the state police as “The Staties”.
- Know that the toughest, most feared law enforcement officers in town are not the Boston Police, or even the Staties, but the meter maids. You do not mess with a Boston meter maid. End of discussion. Second most feared group: The parking enforcement men who install the dreaded “Denver Boot” on cars. Known by some as “The Boot Guys”.
- Refer to the Tobin bridge as “the Mystic River Bridge”. That’s what we’ve always called it.
- Refer to the Zakim bridge as “that bridge with all the cables”.
- Refer to the TD Banknorth Garden as “The Boston Garden”. That’s what we’ve always called it.
- Head into Dunkin Donuts on a January day, when it’s five degrees outside, the wind is gusting to 30, and the windchill factor is well below zero. Once inside Dunkin Donuts, they order a large coffee. (Keep the yuppie stuff at Starbucks, where it belongs) and a double chocolate donut or even two. Once these are consumed, they head back out into that arctic cold, look to the sky, laugh, and say, “Is that it? Is that all you’ve got?”
- Know what the old expression “Banned in Boston”, meant.
- Miss Don Kent’s weather forecasts.
- Know what a “frappe” is.
- Know what “Jimmies” are.
- Think that Tobasco is the hottest sauce there is.
- Actually think that Heinz Ketchup is spicy.
- Have played “hookey” from work or school on at least one occasion, to attend a game at Fenway Park.
- Know that when you go to the North End, whether it’s for a pizza, or just a good italian meal, to be consumed with some really good wine, you show respect to the residents of said North End.
- Never, ever, even consider wearing orange, or anything that resembles a Union Jack, on Saint Patrick’s Day. Doing so will result in one very ugly situation.